SCIENCE

How on earth was this guy their top scientist? This man, who seemed physically and mentally drained by his own inner conflicts. You see where David sees this sickness as a burden, Shion sees it as power. One would call them evil, but they would argue that they were just wired differently than the rest of society. Shion couldn’t denounce David’s talents, but what made them completely disgusted was that he was still holding himself back. Trivial things like caring for other human beings that continuously held you back, well Shion saw that as a weakness. 

“Your sickness has left you tired, David.” Shion hums within their throat, swinging their legs off the desk they’d perched themselves upon. Lavender eyes regarded him out of pity and doubt, with fingers that drummed themselves against their leg. “Then again, are you sure you’re truly content here? Now, you wouldn’t want to betray us, would you?” Tongue casually licking its way across their bottom lip, Shion slid their way off the desk, feet back firmly on the ground. Flexing fingers, knuckles cracked within each of their palms.

“I could help you, you know. Out of the kindness of my own heart.” What kindness? Where exactly was their heart? An eroded mess of bitterness and anger that etched its way within their chest instead. “These leftover bonds that you have dwelling in your subconscious. Memories of people you’ve already betrayed.” Lavender eyes flickered their way across an exhausted face, black strands falling into their venomous gaze.

“I can lend a hand and allow you to forget all of them. One, by one. Wouldn’t you love that? You’re already imagining things by believing that they still care about you. They’re red anchors, already tossed into the sea - and taking you down with them. You best learn how to claw your way to the surface, or you’re going to sleep down in the depths with them.” A chuckle escapes their lips, ah yes, the balancing act a human went through in their fragile mind was always something that brought them such pleasure.

He hates this. He hates feeling like this. Why is he even clinging? Why doesn’t he just do it? If he is as what he says he is, he should just get rid of it. It would be easier for him right? Right?

But he doesn’t want to let those things go. He doesn’t want Toshi to hate him. He doesn’t want Melissa to hate him. He doesn’t want any of them to hate him because that would be a fate far worse than death.

In fact, everything around him is probably far worse than death. His existence is worse than death itself. This strong feeling of being pulled into the darkness.

“You know I wouldn’t do such things.” His breath is caught in his throat. He wouldn’t, of course for he has far too much at stake to betray. He is stuck in this never ending pool of pain, and he has accepted it.

He knows Melissa and Toshi care about him, but would they continue? He’s just a monster. He’s just doing the devil’s work here.

He doesn’t seen a way out. He doesn’t want to feel empty. He’d feel more empty without the memories before he became a monster.

“I’m already down in the depths, Shion.” He said to them, eyes, shaking in fear. Shion’s very presence makes him uncomfortable, it always did. They always felt like death, the very fabric of hell, “There’s no need to erase them.” Maybe Shion was right, maybe they would drag them down with them, but he couldn’t be so sure about that.

credit 

Ok.

Maybe I’m holding a slight grudge against David for [spoilers].

prompt  :  random kisses, accepting !#7  :  a hug + kiss combo !

❛ sorry, dave !  i would’ve just jumped to the airport myself, but i think i’d have ended up very wet & very tired, ❜  toshinori musters up a feeble smile, bangs whipping wildly around his face. he sits back in one of the few seats that could comfortably hold him, a seat dave had specifically made sure fit his specs, & says no more. pillows his chin onto his colossal arms, gaze fixed on the arid landscape whizzing by the car. cagey, silent. uncharacteristically so.

it was wrong. this was all wrong. he was supposed to be lounging, or sprawling, even perilously standing in his seat to face down the rush of the wind, & holding onto the front windshield of the car like he was a ship’s captain… but now there’s a stark difference in his usual behavior; his hands are stowed in his lap & his golden head is down & he  —  doesn’t want to leave.

it’s not the idea of leaving america, as much as he adores the country; time didn’t make a home, necessarily, but the young hero’s relationship with the states was full of love & learning & difficulties & hero work, & it wasn’t that easy to leave behind. there was no denying that america loved him, too, but that’s not it. it’s not even the idea of having to be cooped up in a tin can for 10+ hours on the way back home.

it’s the idea of leaving at all. the idea, specifically, of leaving dave.

toshinori’s raw thoughts jangle around, contrasting terribly with the car’s silky-smooth handling. he couldn’t bring himself to ask david to come with him before, & he can’t now, either. the market was bursting with tech opportunities in japan, but he had far better opportunities in the states. the thing that made it ten times more painful was the timing of it all: namely, the terrifying realization, simultaneous yet isolated, that the two of them liked each other. a lot. a lot, & too much to hide it from each other or themselves, & by then the ticket was already bought…

but still, even now toshinori wants do something deeply stupid. he wants to reach across the center console & hold dave’s hand. he wants to tell him, in the cruelest moment possible, that he wants to kiss him & be with him… all in the maybe twenty minutes they had left to themselves until they arrived at the airport. 

why did people only realize something right when they were about to lose it ? 

he doesn’t make a move until he’s inside, facing the plane out of the window. while the crew boards, toshinori bites the bullet & hugs dave goodbye, telling himself he isn’t breathing in his familiar smell, or memorizing the feel of his white coat under his fingers. they stand together for far too long, toshinori’s arms coming to wrap around dave’s middle, breathing together. he doesn’t want to let go, but the third announcement to board is as much an order to fall apart as anything. he finds himself parting only halfway, though, grip on his companion’s waist loose but still there. tethered, as they had been for the past couple of years that seemed more like an entire lifetime. 

instead of walking away like he should, that too big heart of his takes over; he deviates from his clumsy stereotypical farewells in english like he’d planned, mouth moving before his brain can catch up,  ❛ say you’ll come to see me, ❜  he pleads instead, blisteringly earnest & heart pounding so hard it’s fit to burst, but his eyes never waver. they search dave’s face in answer, & when he finds a kind of shock that makes his chest ache, toshinori smoothes his thumb over the scientist’s chin & —

simply leans in & kisses him, light & crisp. it’s soft, inexperienced & incredibly unsure, & when they part it takes everything in him not to simply chase his mouth again. his grip on the smaller man’s waist tightens again, & he brings a shaky hand to tuck a tress of chestnut behind his ear. revels in the texture, the feeling of their breath mingling. tries not to think about how far off the next time that they’ll do this is… if there even is a next time. 

there has to be. he has to make sure of it.

❛ please tell me i’ll see you again. i can’t leave, ❜  toshinori murmurs, while looking down at him with the softest smile. leans in again, but this time to press their foreheads together, blues locked on blues,  ❛ without knowing i’ll see you again. is that okay ? ❜

is this okay ?