Flowers in my hair, sunshine in my veins.

We ambiguously dated for two months in the summer, ended it by ghosting each other right as the semester started. I wasn’t happy with what we had and I thought it’d let me have all the power. It didn’t.

I didn’t hear from him for months, and it hurt because I needed closure and had asked him a few times if we could have that conversation, to no reply. The night before Halloween it was stormy and a flash flood alert went off on my phone, waking me up at 2am. Exactly “3 minutes ago,” he’d Facebook messaged me a long apology that made me cry. I felt like he really meant it. I couldn’t go back to sleep so we ended up talking all night, very friendly, it was really nice. I thought we’d come out of it as friends, but I haven’t heard from him since.

A week later, I told the mutual friend who had “matchmade” us about the apology, to which my friend replied “oh I made that happen, he was afraid of showing up at the same Halloween party as you, and told me he didn’t know how to face you, so I made sure he apologized.”

Me:

I was running the cashier and drinks at the restaurant i work at and this mid/older 50′s looking guy walks up and orders a tecate 

since tecate is a mexican beer, I offered him a lime 

if you aren’t familiar with mexican beers or being mexican in general, limes go in that shit, they go in everything, fight me on this

and he says to me in a laughing way 

“No thanks, limes are for girls”

Citrus is for women

I wrote this a couple years ago (wow this blog is getting old!) and I want to post an update about what life is like about 2 or 3 years after college. I think, in general, it gets better. Here is what, for me, has developed since.

Listen to them

Ask them, “Do you want to say hi to your auntie/grandma/cousin/dad/whatevs” (Hint: they will be honest and this can result in a simple hello or a hug or a silly “No!” depending how comfortable they feel)

If they don’t want to hug you realize it’s not that they don’t love you it’s that they don’t know you/don’t feel like hugging.

Just like every other person who doesn’t want a hug

In the event that you need to move a child EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY and WHAT YOU ARE DOING don’t just move them like PROPS they are CHILDREN and NOT props

For instance, “I’m going to move your chair over so we have room at the table for everyone!”

Or  “Sorry there was a person running by I didn’t want you to get smushed so I had to pick you up!”

Remind them that they are people not objects using your actions

Asking children to do something they don’t want to do but NEED to do often doesn’t work, instead give them a choice, “Do you want to eat bok choy or yams?”

NOT “Do you want to eat your vegetables?”

“Do you want to brush your teeth in the bathroom or the kitchen”

This exercises their ever-growing free will and is especially useful during TERRIFIC TWOS okay TERRIFIC not TERRIBLE they’re TERRIFIC

Children will copy you, MODEL FOR THEM

Being over enthusiastic IS beneficial for them understanding emotional and social competence

“I hung this picture uneven, that makes me sad, hmmm! Oh goodie, I found my mistake! Now I can fix it, I’ll feel much happier when I’ve fixed it!”

You think it sounds ridic yeah well hearing you do that children around you just learned to not get so discouraged by their mistakes and that it’s okay to try to fix them

ADULTS CAN APOLOGIZE TO CHILDREN

You make a mistake that hurt a child, APOLOGIZE and show them how to do it properly and genuinely

Realize children are fully competent and are capable of making meanings from YOUR implications about race, culture, gender, ability, sexuality, EVERYTHING

Many three year olds know what the N-word is, what gay means, can identify which children are visably disabled, and YOUR REACTIONS of their answers of questions about their culture

Children like to talk about themselves so do not ever dismiss what they say about themselves as illegitimate just because it sounds silly or unlikely sometimes it’s true

Stop talking about how you hate children, just leave them alone if you don’t understand them you don’t have to be complete jerks to PEOPLE you’ve never met

“Yes, it does look like fun to climb on top of your cozy coupe, but what do you think might happen if you climb on something with wheels?”

“And if it rolls away with you on top, where do you think you might go?” 

“What do you think it would feel like to fall off and hit your head?” 

It might sound patronizing but children’s prefrontal cortices develop last, and this portion of the brain allows us to think critically, plan, and exercise self control. You can’t expect them to understand the consequences of their actions right off the bat, but using questions helps them to move through, step by step, potential outcomes of their behaviors. 

Oh, and praising good behaviors instead of just applying labels:

In addition to “you’re a great climber!” try “Great job figuring out how to climb to the top of that wall! You saw that your arm couldn’t reach the next handhold so you used your legs to push yourself up instead!”

or in addition to “you’re a talented singer” try “I’m proud of how hard you’ve worked to learn that song. You stuck with it and kept trying until you memorized it and could do it exactly how you wanted.”

Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time 

It’s almost Galentines day! The time of year where you can truly appreciate your poetic noble land-mermaids and beautiful tropical fish!