tayla

i’ve never been in love before, with anyone. but i have been in love with the way someone treated me. with the way he made me feel. i felt desired. wanted. euphoric. we got closer over two years, physically. but it wasn’t sex, we never confessed anything or dated. he’d sit closer, hold my hand, touch my face, move my hair. touch me. hold me. but we never hugged. never hello, never goodbye. that was our thing. we were intimate in every other way. every subtle, honest way. he was intentional. i wasn’t in love with him. it wasn’t like that. i didn’t love him. but i loved how i felt with him. he made it known that he knew me, that i was interesting. that i was someone. when he got a girlfriend, i wasn't sad. it felt like exhaling every bit of air i had. like accepting defeat. i wasn't heartbroken.