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Summary: Time is a strange notion for someone who's aging so slowly. Clark is scared that he'll lose you through the form of time. He's spiraling... Silently
Wc: 1.5k
Time makes you bolder, that has always been true for Clark Kent, time served him well over the years. Being Superman wasn't an easy task, sometimes he fails and sometimes he's damn good at it but one thing Clark Kent thanked time a thousand time over... was meeting you.
"You age so slowly," you say in one breath, he's beneath you, hand on your back as he caresses it. "What makes you think so?" He chuckles, gazing over you as if it's the first time all over again.
You prop your chin on his chest, "Kara told me Kryptonian age slower than the average Joe," You mutter, and Clark's heart stutters because never in his life had he thought about that. He was well aware he ages slowly but he never gave it much thought, not until now.
He looks at your face with furrowed brows, he frowns, his hand touching your face despite shaking slightly. He runs his finger across your nose, under your eyes, and then over your lips.
He loves you, God, he does. But he hates the notion of you getting old faster than he is, he wants to do everything with you, and that includes getting old with you. He's been afraid of changing because— God, he built his life around you.
"Clark?" He snaps out of his reverie, "Marry me, please" he says so so softly. You smile, and if only he could etch that to eternity, he would. Pressing a kiss on his chest, gazing lovingly at him, and chuckling.
"We're already married, honey" you whisper, he takes your hand, admiring the ring, the same ring he has on his finger. He kisses it, then he looks at you, really looks at you.
"My life, my love... You must hold yourself back from aging, I know it sounds weird, but please... Grow old along with me, let's not race please," He murmurs, lips still on your ring finger. He's scared, scared you'll leave first.
...
For the next couple of months, he keeps looking at mirrors, whether that be at work or flying between Metropolis buildings, desperate to look for a single gray hair. Jimmy would always smack a newspaper on his head for looking too much at the small mirror on his desk.
"Why are you always checking yourself out, farm boy?" Jimmy says as he made himself comfortable on Clark's desk, "Trouble in paradise, I 'sppose?" He adds.
Clark shakes his head, he stays quiet for a second, then he looks at Jimmy, his gaze lingering on the slight wrinkle under his eyes, the slight dip of his smile line, and the barely tangible gray hair on his hair.
"You're getting old." Clark sighs, Jimmy chokes on his bread, "What the fuck, dude, you can't just say that" he scoffs, getting off on Clark's desk.
"Wait!" Clark blurts out, standing up so fast making Jimmy turn around, mid-chew on his bread, with a raised brow, very much still annoyed.
"Do you think... I'm getting old as well?" Clark asks nervously.
Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes
Jimmy squints his eyes, slowly chewing his cold bread. "Holy shit, Kent. As much as I hate to admit it, but you haven't changed at all, it's a bit freaky... I mean, is this all coming from the interviews from Superman? " Jimmy rants and Clark's shoulders sags in disappointment.
. . .
You were asleep, he could hear your soft breathing from across the city, he wants to go home so badly, but he has to finish this report or else Perry would kill him. He could always bring his work at home— no, bad idea, he'll just end up joining you in bed, kissing you endlessly... And stare at you as you sleep, forever wondering if he can handle this much change in his life.
Screw it, he can finish it another day, there's no guarantee if time can be kind enough to spare him more time with his wife. He hurriedly shoves the paper in his briefcase, not caring if they're crumpled inside, he looks at a picture of you and him together on his desk before bolting off.
When he arives, the lights were already off except for the warm glow in the kitchen. He takes long strides and as he reaches the table, there's reheated food with a little smiley sticky note sticking out under the plate, and he almost tears up, he glances at the bedroom door which is slightly ajar.
"I told her to close the door completely when she's alone," he sighs, eating his dinner first before entering their shared room. He hangs his bag behind the bedroom door, looking over his shoulder to you, you are curled up on your side of the bed with your hands draped over his pillow as the glow of the lamp cast softly on your back.
"Oh, darling," he mutters before walking over to you. He kneels down, kissing your exposed shoulder as he breathes in your scent. You feel like home, you are home.
You shift, now facing him still asleep, you're a heavy sleeper— which is a bit concerning. "God, you're beautiful." He whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and just as he did, his breath hitch.
A single strand of gray hair, not like Jimmy's, but unmistakably yours. He rests his head on the edge of the bed with a quiet groan.
"Clark?" You're awake, blinking slowly, seeing an unclear vision of your husband kneeling on the floor in front of you. You prop yourself on your elbow, hand immediately resting oh his cheek. He melts on your hand as he kisses the inside of your palm.
"Go back to sleep, baby." He whispers, you shake your head. "Not until you tell me what's wrong." Clark looks up at you, brows furrowed, and heart still hammering.
"It's ridiculous. I— I'm scared," he admits, his voice is starting to shake. You smile slightly, reassuring him, "Clark, it's okay to be scared, you know that." You softly say.
"I know, but the thing is... I'm afraid I'll lose you," you were about to say something but he cuts you off. "I'm afraid of losing you through time, I'm not saying I'm not scared of losing you through a disaster— I, I just don't know..."
You stay quiet for a while. Stunned. "Oh, Clark honey, is this about the things I said? I didn't mean to make you overthink it this hard."
Clark shakes his head slowly, "It's not your fault—" you kiss him on the lips, it was quick, just to cut him off.
"You're scared I'm growing old way too fast?" You ask, and he nods. You sigh, shuffling slightly as you move away from him, you pat the space on the bed signalling him to join you.
"But it's my outside clothes..." He mutters.
"Clark, I don't care. Come here." You say sternly. He obliges, the bed dips slightly at his weight, he scoops you into his arms, his head resting between the crook of your neck.
"Clark, humans... Humans grow older, we can't blame time for that, but what I do know is..." you grab his face, gently turning it towards you. "What I do know is, it's better to grow older with the people who you call home, it doesn't matter if it's slow or fast, what matters is how you spend it with the people you love." You whisper, his gaze stays on you, still conflicted.
"But your hair is changing color so fast," he says, his hand finding the gray hair from your hair. "Oh this? Baby, that's from stress," you laugh, and he smiles. He always smiles when you laugh givin the situation.
"We should get this check," he whispers, his finger twisting the strand of gray hair. He could feel your shoulder shake from laughing, "It's not that bad, Clark" you say mid laugh.
"How am I suppose to save the world without seeing you everyday?" He says fondly, "I don't think I'll ever survive without you,"
"You did it before we met, Clark" you were not laughing anymore, "I didn't know how to breathe properly back then, not until I saw you" he says almost immediately.
"You know what? I'm scared as well Clark." You utter, and he sits up slightly, "At what? Baby, you know I'll always be there for you."
"I'm scared of losing you as well." You reply, "I'm scared that in every battle you go in, I'm afraid you'll never come out. "
"You know that won't happen—" you cut him off, "But what if it does? What then?" Clark stays quiet.
Clark holds you tighter, your head was on his chest as he kisses the top of your head. "We're both scared," he murmurs in your hair.
You hum, "But promise me please, don't leave me first?" There's a quiet quiver in his voice, and you hug him tighter.
"Let's grow old together then, even if we're scared, we'll do it scared." You say finally.
And at that moment, Clark could finally breathe. He loves you, you love him, there's enough love for the both of you to let time differ the meaning of it.
Summary: Time is a strange notion for someone who's aging so slowly. Clark is scared that he'll lose you through the form of time. He's spiraling... Silently
Wc: 1.5k
Time makes you bolder, that has always been true for Clark Kent, time served him well over the years. Being Superman wasn't an easy task, sometimes he fails and sometimes he's damn good at it but one thing Clark Kent thanked time a thousand time over... was meeting you.
"You age so slowly," you say in one breath, he's beneath you, hand on your back as he caresses it. "What makes you think so?" He chuckles, gazing over you as if it's the first time all over again.
You prop your chin on his chest, "Kara told me Kryptonian age slower than the average Joe," You mutter, and Clark's heart stutters because never in his life had he thought about that. He was well aware he ages slowly but he never gave it much thought, not until now.
He looks at your face with furrowed brows, he frowns, his hand touching your face despite shaking slightly. He runs his finger across your nose, under your eyes, and then over your lips.
He loves you, God, he does. But he hates the notion of you getting old faster than he is, he wants to do everything with you, and that includes getting old with you. He's been afraid of changing because— God, he built his life around you.
"Clark?" He snaps out of his reverie, "Marry me, please" he says so so softly. You smile, and if only he could etch that to eternity, he would. Pressing a kiss on his chest, gazing lovingly at him, and chuckling.
"We're already married, honey" you whisper, he takes your hand, admiring the ring, the same ring he has on his finger. He kisses it, then he looks at you, really looks at you.
"My life, my love... You must hold yourself back from aging, I know it sounds weird, but please... Grow old along with me, let's not race please," He murmurs, lips still on your ring finger. He's scared, scared you'll leave first.
...
For the next couple of months, he keeps looking at mirrors, whether that be at work or flying between Metropolis buildings, desperate to look for a single gray hair. Jimmy would always smack a newspaper on his head for looking too much at the small mirror on his desk.
"Why are you always checking yourself out, farm boy?" Jimmy says as he made himself comfortable on Clark's desk, "Trouble in paradise, I 'sppose?" He adds.
Clark shakes his head, he stays quiet for a second, then he looks at Jimmy, his gaze lingering on the slight wrinkle under his eyes, the slight dip of his smile line, and the barely tangible gray hair on his hair.
"You're getting old." Clark sighs, Jimmy chokes on his bread, "What the fuck, dude, you can't just say that" he scoffs, getting off on Clark's desk.
"Wait!" Clark blurts out, standing up so fast making Jimmy turn around, mid-chew on his bread, with a raised brow, very much still annoyed.
"Do you think... I'm getting old as well?" Clark asks nervously.
Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes
Jimmy squints his eyes, slowly chewing his cold bread. "Holy shit, Kent. As much as I hate to admit it, but you haven't changed at all, it's a bit freaky... I mean, is this all coming from the interviews from Superman? " Jimmy rants and Clark's shoulders sags in disappointment.
. . .
You were asleep, he could hear your soft breathing from across the city, he wants to go home so badly, but he has to finish this report or else Perry would kill him. He could always bring his work at home— no, bad idea, he'll just end up joining you in bed, kissing you endlessly... And stare at you as you sleep, forever wondering if he can handle this much change in his life.
Screw it, he can finish it another day, there's no guarantee if time can be kind enough to spare him more time with his wife. He hurriedly shoves the paper in his briefcase, not caring if they're crumpled inside, he looks at a picture of you and him together on his desk before bolting off.
When he arives, the lights were already off except for the warm glow in the kitchen. He takes long strides and as he reaches the table, there's reheated food with a little smiley sticky note sticking out under the plate, and he almost tears up, he glances at the bedroom door which is slightly ajar.
"I told her to close the door completely when she's alone," he sighs, eating his dinner first before entering their shared room. He hangs his bag behind the bedroom door, looking over his shoulder to you, you are curled up on your side of the bed with your hands draped over his pillow as the glow of the lamp cast softly on your back.
"Oh, darling," he mutters before walking over to you. He kneels down, kissing your exposed shoulder as he breathes in your scent. You feel like home, you are home.
You shift, now facing him still asleep, you're a heavy sleeper— which is a bit concerning. "God, you're beautiful." He whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and just as he did, his breath hitch.
A single strand of gray hair, not like Jimmy's, but unmistakably yours. He rests his head on the edge of the bed with a quiet groan.
"Clark?" You're awake, blinking slowly, seeing an unclear vision of your husband kneeling on the floor in front of you. You prop yourself on your elbow, hand immediately resting oh his cheek. He melts on your hand as he kisses the inside of your palm.
"Go back to sleep, baby." He whispers, you shake your head. "Not until you tell me what's wrong." Clark looks up at you, brows furrowed, and heart still hammering.
"It's ridiculous. I— I'm scared," he admits, his voice is starting to shake. You smile slightly, reassuring him, "Clark, it's okay to be scared, you know that." You softly say.
"I know, but the thing is... I'm afraid I'll lose you," you were about to say something but he cuts you off. "I'm afraid of losing you through time, I'm not saying I'm not scared of losing you through a disaster— I, I just don't know..."
You stay quiet for a while. Stunned. "Oh, Clark honey, is this about the things I said? I didn't mean to make you overthink it this hard."
Clark shakes his head slowly, "It's not your fault—" you kiss him on the lips, it was quick, just to cut him off.
"You're scared I'm growing old way too fast?" You ask, and he nods. You sigh, shuffling slightly as you move away from him, you pat the space on the bed signalling him to join you.
"But it's my outside clothes..." He mutters.
"Clark, I don't care. Come here." You say sternly. He obliges, the bed dips slightly at his weight, he scoops you into his arms, his head resting between the crook of your neck.
"Clark, humans... Humans grow older, we can't blame time for that, but what I do know is..." you grab his face, gently turning it towards you. "What I do know is, it's better to grow older with the people who you call home, it doesn't matter if it's slow or fast, what matters is how you spend it with the people you love." You whisper, his gaze stays on you, still conflicted.
"But your hair is changing color so fast," he says, his hand finding the gray hair from your hair. "Oh this? Baby, that's from stress," you laugh, and he smiles. He always smiles when you laugh givin the situation.
"We should get this check," he whispers, his finger twisting the strand of gray hair. He could feel your shoulder shake from laughing, "It's not that bad, Clark" you say mid laugh.
"How am I suppose to save the world without seeing you everyday?" He says fondly, "I don't think I'll ever survive without you,"
"You did it before we met, Clark" you were not laughing anymore, "I didn't know how to breathe properly back then, not until I saw you" he says almost immediately.
"You know what? I'm scared as well Clark." You utter, and he sits up slightly, "At what? Baby, you know I'll always be there for you."
"I'm scared of losing you as well." You reply, "I'm scared that in every battle you go in, I'm afraid you'll never come out. "
"You know that won't happen—" you cut him off, "But what if it does? What then?" Clark stays quiet.
Clark holds you tighter, your head was on his chest as he kisses the top of your head. "We're both scared," he murmurs in your hair.
You hum, "But promise me please, don't leave me first?" There's a quiet quiver in his voice, and you hug him tighter.
"Let's grow old together then, even if we're scared, we'll do it scared." You say finally.
And at that moment, Clark could finally breathe. He loves you, you love him, there's enough love for the both of you to let time differ the meaning of it.
Summary: You're just trying to do chores but he's a big ol' sap.
"Okay, honey, put that down please," Clark calls out from the kitchen. You huff, reluctantly putting down the basket of laundry.
You step into view, crossing the threshold to the kitchen. "Clark..." You sigh, your hand on your hip while the other on the counter. He smiles, dimple showing, and you couldn't for the life of you, stay mad at him.
"You know the rules, no carrying heavy things" he says, kissing your forehead then your swollen belly. You smile, slipping your fingers through his curls as soft music plays in the background, engulfing the warmth of the kitchen.
"It's not that heavy," you whisper, and he hums straightening his back as he looks at you. "Baby, I know for a fact that you're not just carrying the basket. You're gonna do laundry."
You groan, and he pulls you in, hand on your waist as he buries his head in the crook of your neck. Inhaling your scent, smiling, and kissing the spot on your neck.
"You're so beautiful... Beautiful people shouldn't do laundry," he mutters, kissing his way up to your jaw. He rest his forehead against yours, lowering his gaze on your swollen belly, as he softly caresses it.
He closes his eyes and let out a soft sigh. "Her heart is beating,"
"...Her?"
He chuckles, not saying anything, because he knows. He moves, rocking you gently in his arms, as You're Always a Woman to me begins to hum in the speaker.
He sings along making you chuckle, "You're distracting me on not doing the laundry." He grins, cupping your cheeks, "Is it working?"
"Maybe," you smile, putting your hand on top of his, wedding ring clinking together as it hits the soft ray of the sun.
And then he kisses you, soft and slow. He breathes through his nose, tilting his head as he deepens the kiss. God, let him remain a fool for still yearning for his wife even if she's within grasp. Safe from the terror of the world, and he swears on his life that he will stand on that hill.
_____
Went to see superman in the cinema, now I'm obsessed. I haven't been writing for a whole so this just short
Summary: You're just trying to do chores but he's a big ol' sap.
"Okay, honey, put that down please," Clark calls out from the kitchen. You huff, reluctantly putting down the basket of laundry.
You step into view, crossing the threshold to the kitchen. "Clark..." You sigh, your hand on your hip while the other on the counter. He smiles, dimple showing, and you couldn't for the life of you, stay mad at him.
"You know the rules, no carrying heavy things" he says, kissing your forehead then your swollen belly. You smile, slipping your fingers through his curls as soft music plays in the background, engulfing the warmth of the kitchen.
"It's not that heavy," you whisper, and he hums straightening his back as he looks at you. "Baby, I know for a fact that you're not just carrying the basket. You're gonna do laundry."
You groan, and he pulls you in, hand on your waist as he buries his head in the crook of your neck. Inhaling your scent, smiling, and kissing the spot on your neck.
"You're so beautiful... Beautiful people shouldn't do laundry," he mutters, kissing his way up to your jaw. He rest his forehead against yours, lowering his gaze on your swollen belly, as he softly caresses it.
He closes his eyes and let out a soft sigh. "Her heart is beating,"
"...Her?"
He chuckles, not saying anything, because he knows. He moves, rocking you gently in his arms, as You're Always a Woman to me begins to hum in the speaker.
He sings along making you chuckle, "You're distracting me on not doing the laundry." He grins, cupping your cheeks, "Is it working?"
"Maybe," you smile, putting your hand on top of his, wedding ring clinking together as it hits the soft ray of the sun.
And then he kisses you, soft and slow. He breathes through his nose, tilting his head as he deepens the kiss. God, let him remain a fool for still yearning for his wife even if she's within grasp. Safe from the terror of the world, and he swears on his life that he will stand on that hill.
_____
Went to see superman in the cinema, now I'm obsessed. I haven't been writing for a whole so this just short
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Summary: you reminisce about the time when you met Spencer Reid at college and had a night of adventure that you'll never forget, but after that, you never spoke, until Penelope Garcia found your unsent letters and decided to play the savior of your undying love.
Genre: mutual pining, angst if you squint, but mostly fluff
A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this, actually, guess the rom-com that inspired me to write this. I'll give you a hint, the first movie has "sunrise" in the title and the second movie includes unsent letters with addresses hehe.
---
Summer rain has always been your favorite accompanied by the sound of the patter of the raindrops. You looked outside your window with a faraway look, your glasses now above your hair as you took a break from reading the unsent letters.
Unsent letters you wrote when you were in college, being in love with someone for so long who you're not sure still remembers you can be draining, you've loved him since the first time he acknowledged your presence during class and when he took you out of campus when it was just the two of you.
Love comes in forms and somehow Spencer's was when he first spewed those few words to you when you were talking to your friends but they weren't paying attention so you stopped and just sat there embarrassed.
"Wasn't Centralia a town that is still burning to this day?" He had asked and your eyes held the universe at his question. You got his name, Spencer Reid and that name hasn't left your mind ever since then.
Love comes in forms and yours are letters.
After that night, you never spoke again, he got his Ph.Ds and life got in the way. You're pretty sure he doesn't remember you, and you're sure he's got his way with life now, maybe he settled down and you're still pining for a man who you're not sure still remembers you.
You remembered how the night went with him, you actually talked until sunrise. At first, you walked around campus and then explored the city together. He told you about his mom, his goals, everything he hasn't said to anyone, and you told him about everything, your secrets that you haven't said to your best friend yet.
You sighed as you shook yourself out of your reverie, you looked down at your letter and traced the dust off from your neatly written letter.
the letter was a year old, you used to write letters every day when you first met him but when you graduated you never stopped but it became less frequent as time passed. Now you write one letter every year and put it inside a box but this time you decide to stop, finally stop chasing your fantasies and let life slap you in the face.
You laughed at your ridiculousness then you heard the door creek and your gaze landed on your best friend. "Hi Pen" you smiled at her.
Penelope's gaze landed on the box in your hand "What's that?" She asked.
You rolled your eyes and stood up from your couch engulfing her in a tight hug "Stop being nosy and when did you arrive?"
She groaned at the contact "50 minutes ago" you laughed and let go of her.
"were you stuck in a conversation with Mom?" She nodded and let her gaze drift off to the box again.
"Seriously, is that your box from college? You never let me touch it and can you please let me see it, I'm older than you, in case you forgot" she insisted as she made the gesture of getting it out of your grasp.
You smacked her in her arms and hissed "No, and you'll never touch this, I don't care how old you are" You glared at her but it held no threat.
"Fine, dinner is ready your Mom asked me to get you" she grumbled and you let out a huff of amusement.
Penelope was never nosy when it came to you but it's been years since you've ever been with someone and she had a hunch that the box had something to do with it.
"Go on ahead I'm going to change in the bathroom," Penelope said straight up lying in front of your face. You didn't question it as it seems believable, perks of working with profilers.
You only hummed and you made a mistake by putting the box inside your closet without locking it. As soon as you left Penelope got out of the bathroom and searched for your box which wasn't hard to find.
She made sure you were completely out of sight before opening it, she didn't know what she expected but surely it wasn't this. Her jaw went slack as she read through your letters from when you were in college until last year, some were long and some were short, with dates in the corner of each letter.
Spencer Reid, her Mighty professor, Her boy genius.
You stopped, why did you stop? She thought while she read through the recent content. She had to do something about it, she had to help you.
Penelope breathed in, fixed her hair in the mirror, and got out of the room, pretending as if she hadn't shoved a box inside her bag and invaded her best friend's privacy, she's doing it for you so it can't be that bad right?
You were laughing at something your dad said but stopped when you saw how unsettled Penelope was "Pen what's wrong?" You asked, your voice laced with concern.
Now she felt guilty, she felt like throwing up but this was for you. "Nothing, I- I just uh, need to go I feel like I forgot something at home" she stammered as she made her way to the door.
"What? Let me drive you home" You stood up from your seat, your mom and dad looking between you two with suspicion in their eyes.
"No!" Penelope abruptly exclaimed, her hand flailing around for you to stop, making you and your parents flinch at the volume of her voice.
She cleared her throat and pushed her bag away from sight which didn't go unnoticed by you "I can drive myself and besides I got something to drop off at a friend's house" she chuckled awkwardly.
You hesitantly sat back down and nodded "Okay... Call me when you get home" You smiled at her and she nodded. She didn't change her clothes but you thought none of it, maybe that was the thing that she forgot.
---
Spencer was lounging on his couch when he heard the loudest knock he had ever heard in his entire life. His brows knitted together as he peeped at the peephole of his door before opening it.
"Garcia?" He mumbled while looking at the frantic girl in front of him, if he didn't know any better she would've murdered someone but that was just a silly thought.
Penelope pushed Spencer inside urgently and pushed a box against his chest, he had to balance himself at the force.
"What's this?" He asked, confusion evident on his face. Penelope sighed and she sat down on the couch with her hand on her face.
"Do you remember a girl in college?" She muttered, her voice barely visible but he heard her.
"You need to be more specific than that, Penelope" Spencer said and pursed his lips as he put the box on the table and sat down beside her.
Penelope frowned as she looked at Spencer "A girl who you spoke to once and never heard from ever again" she said, her body fully facing him.
She noticed his expression doesn't change and she groaned "For a person who has an eidetic memory, you're shit at remembering" she grumbled.
Spencer looked offended "What?! You're the one talking about a girl without context, do you know how many people I spoke to at college? 80% of those people-" Penelope clicked her tongue and signaled for him to stop.
She took the box from the table and pushed it back to his chest which made him glare at her, she ignored him.
"Open it" she demanded. Spencer studied her tense figure and the way she was trying to hug herself to make herself feel better.
"I feel like you stole something that isn't yours-" he said but found himself being cut off by Penelope's hissed.
"Stop profiling me and open the damn box" she whined as she stood up from the couch and paced around his apartment.
Spencer shook his head as he finally opened the box. He looked at Penelope in confusion and when he saw it was a bunch of old letters.
"Whose this for?" He questioned.
"For you, obviously! I wouldn't have brought it to you if it weren't addressed to you" she exclaimed.
"But there isn't any address on these" he shuffled through the letters, they were still in the envelopes.
"Just read it!"
"Garcia, you do know you just invaded someone's privacy right?"
"I know, just read it. Please?"
Spencer sighed and nodded his head. He started on the first letter that was technically open and he let his gaze back to Garcia who was now sweating in guilt.
When he opened it, he felt his heart beginning to thump. Garcia watched him carefully as she noticed his expression gradually changed.
Dear, Spencer Reid
Do you remember when you first talked to me? I remember thinking that you're the kind of man I'm willing to put my life at risk for. I'm sure you endured me rambling about the burning town (that is still burning to this day apparently and it's been 7 years since we last spoke)
But what I'm trying to say is, I'm still in love with you, pathetic I know. But I just can't seem to let you go, you're like impossible not to remember and each day I try to forget about you and move past my ability to love so deeply but I can't.
Do you remember when you talked to me about your mom? I was so proud of you for coming up that far for your mom, and when we sneaked in on a bar and actually stole a bottle of wine? I couldn't stop laughing that time. God, I keep recalling that memory.
I shared all of my thoughts with you, spilled all my secrets to you, and at some point we held hands and I was so shocked because you told me you had a thing with germs. Honestly, it made me feel special.
I'm scared that if I see you again you'll think I'm weird and obsessive, which I'm not! I can stomach a rejection and I'll completely leave you alone if you ask me to. I'm just really bad at letting people go you know?
But I won't drag this on for long, you're not gonna see this anyway, and one last thing, I hope you have the best life the universe has to offer. I'll talk to them face to face if they are mean to you.
This will be my last letter, I'm letting you go now. I've been so in love with you that I feel like I'll be stuck in a loophole where life is trying to berate me every time for not saying anything to you, for not congratulating you when you graduated because I was feeling too shy to approach you that day. I wish I had, then maybe we could've talked more and had the time of our lives and maybe a repeat of what we did when we first met.
I'm just hoping life is a little bit gentler with you this time.
Yours truly
The girl who you talked to until sunrise
When he finished reading the letter he was silent for a good 3 minutes, and then he started shuffling through the letters and read them all like a madman. Penelope had to stop herself from stopping him.
God did he remember you, fucking hell he remembers you. You've been on his mind for 8 years. He even found himself in tears, he didn't expect someone to love him this much. Yearn for him like he yearns for you.
Spencer wasn't the type of guy who got over things easily and he had come to accept it as a part of him, the pair of you spoke once yet he can't deny the spark he felt while talking to you. If it were anybody else he would've found a way to get out of the conversation but your voice was addicting and so was your ramble about the old town.
He even went as far as to pretend not to know about the things that happened within that town just so he could hear your voice a little while longer. Your conversation shifted as time passed and Spencer found himself talking about anything really, he even made jokes that you found funny and he couldn't ignore the flutter in his stomach when he saw you smile.
When he saw you under the first light of the day, he felt himself fall in love, even if the time was fleeting his love wasn't, it never was.
Every time he was on death's door, you were always the subject of his memories. He keeps recalling the night when he felt like the universe was in his favor only for it to laugh at his face when he didn't see you again.
"I can help you, she's at the bar right now, she texted me," Penelope said, snapping him back down on earth.
He wiped a stray tear and sniffled "No, it's too late, she stopped writing like a year ago" he muttered and Penelope noticed the pain in his voice.
"Don't be ridiculous, I know her, she could be writing a letter right now as we speak" Penelope laughed.
"At a bar?"
"It was a joke, Spencer. Now let's go get your girl, Prince Charming!" She grinned as she dug through her bag for her keys.
"I don't know... I feel like I'm just digging my own grave, Garcia. I can't bear to hear her say that she doesn't feel the same way anymore" He whispered, his voice small as he avoided Penelope's disapproving look.
"That girl watches rom-coms, Spence. Do you think she'll brush off her feelings that easily? Try watching Serendipity and come back to me and try again but right now we need to hurry" She grabbed his arms and dragged him out of his apartment.
She stopped when they got into her car "Promise me you won't tell her I gave you the letter" she said sternly.
"But how am I supposed to explain why I'm there?" He asked confused.
"You're a genius, figure it out," she said as she buckled her seatbelt.
---
You were sitting in a booth with your friends. After having dinner with your parents, your friends invited you to a bar where you felt inclined to come, but you didn't know how to decline.
The air was suffocating so you excused yourself and got out of the bar. You sigh as your gaze shifts to the sky, Spencer would've pointed you to the constellation that was present right now.
"The one you're looking at right now is Aquila" You whipped your head to the familiar voice and you heard yourself gasp.
Spencer smiled when your eyes met "The brightest star in the constellation is Altair" he said as he began walking towards you.
"There is a story of an old Chinese legend about two stars, Altair and Vega, In the story two people met and fell in love but were separated by the stars" he was now in front of you, his hands in his pajama pocket, he turned red as he realized what he was wearing.
"What are you doing here?" You said, at a loss for words. He looked different but not in a bad way. He looked good. Hot even.
Spencer chuckled awkwardly, he always knew you were beautiful but God, you are gorgeous now.
You averted your gaze when you noticed a figure in the distance then your blood ran cold when you saw Penelope, Spencer noticed.
"Don't be mad at her, she helped me find you" he defended urgently as he grabbed your arms. You knitted your brows together.
"How d- did you two meet?" You stammered.
"We worked together" he rubbed his nape, a nervous tick that you notice.
Spencer was so sure he knew what to say to you but now that you're actually in front of him, he was left speechless.
"I never told her about you- did you read the letters?!" You exclaimed, your hand flying to your mouth in shock.
Spencer looked guilty as he averted his gaze to the ground "Yes..." He trailed off.
"God, you must think I'm crazy" you grumbled as you kept fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt.
"Hey, I don't think you're crazy" he whispered as he cupped your face with his hand "I actually find it endearing that you still think of me to this day, and just so you know you haven't left my mind either" he softly said, his face was so close you could feel his breath hitting your cheeks.
He tucks a stray hair out of your face, his eyes holding adoration as he meets your eyes again "Really?" You whispered.
His eyes darted to your lips and he felt himself subconsciously lick his lips "Yeah" he muttered.
He brushed his lips against yours as if testing the waters and when you fluttered your eyes shut, he kissed you as if he was going to devour you.
He breathed in as he kissed you, a certain longing lingered in the air. He pulled away to take a breath but then you surged forward and connected your lips against him for the second time, his hand on your waist as he pushed you closer against him, your hand snaking its way to the hair on his nape as you tugged him closer making him groaned in the kiss.
He tugged on your bottom lip asking for permission which you granted and he slid his tongue in, you tasted so sweet he found himself starting to get addicted. You were a panting mess when both of you separated, his forehead resting against yours, your eyes still closed as you took deep breaths.
Spencer rubbed his nose against yours affectionately and you giggled "You know you'll be stuck with me for a long time right?" You muttered.
"Make it forever" he grins, he connects his lips back to you but this time it is softer than the first, you kiss him back as you both fall in a rhythm.
When you pulled back he chased your lips and that made you chuckle "I'm still mad at her for stealing my letters" you muttered.
"Don't be, please. She's the reason I get to see you again" he said as he pulled you in a hug, your head resting against his chest as he pressed a kiss on the crown of your head.
"And I can't believe you were about to give up on me" Spencer joked lightly and you poked him on his hip making him jolt in surprise.
"Hey! Not fair, what was I supposed to do?" You whined and he laughed.
"to make it seem fair" he looks down on you as you meet his gaze, still in his warm embrace "I wrote about you in my journal, all my journals are full of you" he smiled.
You gasp "what? Let me read it please? you've read my letters" you pleaded.
He hummed "Nope, come on Penelope's waiting in the car" he said as he leads you to Penelope's car with his hand on your back.
"That's totally unfair, but I will snoop around"
"No, you won't"
"You snooped on my letters without my permission, so it's right that I should too," you said smugly.
"Shouldn't you be doing that to Penelope?"
"Oh yeah, let's do it"
-----
Please interact and reblog my post if you like it, it makes me happy hehe :D
MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME IS SERENDIPITY!!! I LOVED THIS SO MUCH! I swear at the start I was like "this reminds me a lot of serendipity" and I was so happy when it was mentioned 🫶 thank you so much for writing this<3333 I love it so much💙
Warning: fluff at first then just angst, death, grief, major character death (do tell me if I miss something)
Summary: Spencer loves you like it was breathing but what would he do when that source of oxygen is gone?
a/n: first time writing Spencer, I'm a sucker for the angst I hope you like it!
---
Look how she lights up the sky...
Spencer heard it from a mile away which brought a small smile to his lips, he heard footsteps which isn't surprising that he knew it was yours because of the skip of your steps and that melody you kept humming.
He heard you open the door still humming the song as you took off your shoes. "Hey, Angel," he says lovingly as he greets you by the door.
You smile and kiss him on the cheek "Hello Dr. Handsome" he chuckled at the endearment and engulfed you in a tight hug.
You have been dating for 3 months and Spencer knew he was going too fast by telling you to share an apartment with him but that lingering doubt quickly disappeared as fast as it came when you suggested it yourself.
Spencer knew you were it for him. He knows your favorite movies to your favorite songs he knows almost everything about you actually.
You hummed the song and dragged Spencer to the living room "What got you in such a good mood?" Spencer chuckled.
"Having you all by myself today" you grinned, resting both of your hands on his shoulder. Spencer couldn't stop smiling, he was looking at you fondly, his hand on your waist as if it was meant to be there.
"Let's dance" you whispered, nuzzling your head to his chest "Explain how we are gonna dance with no music-"
"So far above me yet I...know his heart belongs to only me" You smile as you sing the song, you love changing the lyrics, Spencer specifically loves it when you change Evangeline to his name he remembered hearing it for the first time and he couldn't stop thinking about it for months.
"Je t'adore, Je t'aime Spencer" You chuckled at how off-key it was but it didn't matter when you saw that sweet smile of his. You started guiding him to move, your head resting near his heart and his finger stroking circles on your waist as he held you closer. Loving you was something he wished he had done a long time ago, he wished that he was there your whole life.
It became a routine, you dancing with him.
After a bad case, you'd sing for him, and if he was feeling down you'd urge him to stand and dance with him and that always made him forget why he was sad in the first place. He would never get tired of that song or your voice. Whenever you fight it always ends up with both of you in each other's arms and in tangled bed sheets in the morning.
3 months turned into a year and a year turned into 4 years and now you're engaged, his love never withered and neither did yours.
his team always asked him how he got so lucky he didn't know the answer to that and he just thanked whatever God that brought you to him.
But the gods were cruel. They give and they take.
He visited your grave every day with fresh flowers in his hands but they always ended up disheveled from how tight he was holding them. Everything changed after you left, he changed and he no longer rambled about his fun facts to the team, in fact, they hadn't heard him laugh or smile in a while.
He'd get snappy with them whenever they asked a simple question, his state wasn't any better too, he looked as if he needed to seek professional help.
"Spence?" JJ knocked on his apartment door but received no answer, she was about to try again but the door swung open. Spencer stood there annoyed and a frown displayed on his lips.
"What?" He asked, he didn't mean to sound so harsh but he was just having a hard time, he had a nightmare again, usually, it was you who would coax him until he calmed down but you were gone and it was a painful reminder every time he wakes up from a bad dream, he would much rather prefer to be stuck in that dream than face the truth.
"can I come in?" JJ's voice is gentle that was something he came to despise, everyone has been walking on eggshells whenever he's around and he hates it because it just makes him remember that you were gone.
Spencer let her in reluctantly, JJ's gaze darted everywhere in his apartment, it was a mess. She looked at Spencer with worry, a question hanging from the tip of her tongue.
As if sensing it, Spencer sighed and massaged his temple "No, I'm not using Dilaudid" he said harshly.
"That was not what I was gonna say-"
"Why are you here?" For the first time since she came in, he looked her in the eye. She freezes, she did not think this through.
"Spence, I know it has been hard for you, just let me help you- let us help you," she said with a hint of urgency in her voice.
Spencer clicked his tongue "I don't need help, get out" he calmly said but the way he said it begged to differ.
"I said get out!" He snapped making JJ flinch, she had never seen Spencer act like this but instead of backing out, she fought back.
"I know this is hard for you Spencer but didn't you stop and think that the whole team not only felt guilty because they couldn't save her but they lost her too? She was like family to them." She was crying now. Spencer was about to retort that they didn't know her like he did but she stopped him.
"I know she was your fiancé, Reid, but she was my sister, and losing her meant losing half of me so don't act like you're the only one grieving because we all are, let us help you and we can fix this, it might take a long- long time but let us do it together" she pleaded and fresh tears started to flow from Spencer's eyes.
It was quiet for a while nothing but broken sobs from both of them.
"I- I can't remember her voice" Spencer's voice trembled, his hands shaking making JJ engulf him in a hug. He held her tightly, his tears staining her clothes "I can't remember her voice" he repeated again like a broken record.
"shh, it's okay" JJ coed.
"I couldn't save her, I promised her I would protect her, s-she trusted me to protect her" he stutters, his breathing becoming labored "I don't know what to do, I love her too much to let her go"
"I know" JJ's voice broke. She remembered the night vividly, the night she lost you, she remembered how nothing could calm Spencer down, and she remembered how he cradled your blooded form from the comfort of your own bed, his sobbed mix with his overwhelming fast breathing, it tore her to shreds.
When you were at the hospital, she remembered the whole team was there, she remembered how Spencer couldn't sit still and how he had been crying for hours but when the doctor dropped the dreaded news, she could feel Spencer's heart drop, how his eyes became void of any emotions in just a second.
He dropped to the floor with his hand gripping his shirt near his heart where your head always rests when you're slow dancing, just remembering that made him let out a gut-wrenching cry, his shoulder shaking as he kept repeating the word 'no' over and over again.
When he felt like he couldn't breathe Morgan coaxed him to breathe with him but nothing could work. Losing someone special is like losing your purpose to function and having you gone was something he didn't realize he'd had to face.
--
"I have- uhm, I have a video of her," JJ said, pulling out a disc from her bag. Spencer had now calmed down, and seeing the disc from JJ's hand brought him an unfamiliar surge of emotions.
"She loved recording herself talking and singing, and she mentioned you here more than I can count" she chuckled holding back herself from crying.
She handed Spencer the disc with a tight-lipped smile "I'm gonna give you some privacy" she said taping his shoulder as she made her way out of his apartment.
Spencer didn't say anything nor did he move from his spot on the couch. The disc on his hand felt heavy as he stared at it.
He's scared, he's scared that maybe if he plays this video he won't ever move on and fall into a cycle where he can't stop watching the video for fear of forgetting your face and your voice.
He didn't even realize he had played the disc until he saw you and heard your voice in the video and when he heard it, it brought a new batch of tears pouring out from his eyes.
"Oh hi! Shit, how does this thing work?" You mumbled as you adjusted the camera. "JJ? Is this thing broken or am I just tweaking?" You called out, Spencer saw the camera shift to JJ her face contoured with annoyance.
"you're holding it wrong-" The video ended and for a few seconds it came back again but this time he was met with your beaming smile. Spencer choked on his tears, his heart clenching seeing your infectious smile.
"I met a guy" you giggled making Spencer smile despite the tears flowing down his cheeks "I'm gonna marry him someday, I just know it. He's my sister's colleague, he's smart and extremely handsome, and he likes reading as well, can you believe that?" You exhaled a disbelief sigh.
Hearing that brought a wave of nausea in his system, you never got to marry him.
The video then showed JJ looking at the camera with Emily on her side as JJ tells Emily to be quiet, and then the camera shifts to you and Spencer.
He remembers this, this was 2 years ago on New Year's Day, the both of you were at Rossi's mansion but decided to come out to have the time for both of yourselves.
You were singing but it was muffled because the camera was too far away "Move closer!" He heard Emily whisper "I can't, they'll see us" JJ rebutted but Emily grabbed the camera and the sound of her running with the camera violently shaking from her grasp made him chuckle.
He heard you clearly now, he had never been so thankful for Emily. You were humming and in between the humming, you told him that you love him and Spencer had to pause the video because he was having a hard time breathing again. He didn't finish the video and he fell asleep crying.
Spencer thinks he can't ever forget you, even if he settles down with someone else (which he doubts) he knows he can't ever forget you because loving you was different, different in a way where you'll yearn for it your entire life.
And when he played the tape again, the fleeting moment in which he genuinely smiles is then replaced by him crying again whenever you mention how much you really loved him.
Nothing feels light in grieving and when time passes it gets heavier it may be subtle but it's there. His future with you was forever gone in the wind, merely a whisper in his dreams and his heart ached for your warmth to be back again.
Summary: Spencer's life was perfect until one dreaded visit from the doctor. Your life was measured in only seconds, you have cancer.
Warning: inaccuracies in the medical parts, cursing, no happy ending
WC: 2.8k
Angst
A/N: listen to so many songs for this, mainly Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey and Soon You'll Get Better by Taytay.
____
Spencer basks in the feeling of you in his arms even though he is trying to hold back his tears knowing he only has a few moments left with you here on Earth. Worrying about losing you is different when he knows he is going to lose you.
Your hands were intertwined as he kissed your knuckles, God, Cancer's a bitch. Spencer held you tightly as he heaved a sigh, his eyes were glossed and he felt bile rise in his throat.
He stifled his sobs knowing that you needed your sleep. Whatever thing he had done in the past, it couldn't have been that bad to make him deserve this kind of treatment from God. Was it because he didn't believe him?
He finds himself praying every night, desperate people find faith so now he prays to God hoping and begging to make you live longer. Longer until your hair turns grey.
"Soon you'll get better" he whispered as if it were a prayer "You need to" his voice cracked as his tears continued to flow, you slept peacefully unaware of his dilemma.
You've been together for so long, 5 years dating then later on married for 3 years. His life was perfect for so long but one visit from the doctor destroyed his world.
Spencer said you should get it checked, you thought he was being dramatic but he insisted anyway.
The morning after the news, he wished it was a dream when you sat him down on the bed, worried in his voice when you grabbed his hand and grief he felt when you spoke.
"I- I have cancer," you said, swallowing hard when his grip on your hand loosened.
"What?" He whispered, heart in his throat every second you give him silence "You can't be serious, Angel" he said in disbelief, standing up from the bed to look at you properly, and when he read your behavior his heart dropped.
You shook your head as you held back your tears, you needed to be strong for him. Raking his fingers through his hair, his breathing becoming more shallow as he looked for any indication that this was all just some sick joke, you liked pranking him, it's a horrible prank but he would forgive you.
"I have Osteosarcoma..." Spencer felt his breath hitched at your words. He had a question at the tip of his tongue but he didn't feel like questioning it afraid of the answer.
If it's stage 1 or 2 it might be curable he held on to that hope, clung to it like it was his lifeline. Sensing his question through his eyes, you answered.
"It's stage 3 Spence" you muttered, your voice thick with emotions. He staggered backward, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.
"The doctor must've mistaken your scan for somebody else's o- or there must be an error, yeah that must be it" he stammered, his mind going faster than his mouth knowing that Doctors make mistakes like that but he knows the statistics of doctors making mistakes when giving the results are slim to none.
And when you didn't reply, he cried. His hand flew to his mouth a sob forcing its way out. You immediately stood up and engulfed him in a hug as you cried, you felt his shoulder shake against you, his sobs becoming more broken the longer he hugged you.
You barely see Spencer cry, but when he does cry the sound of his cries goes straight to your heart, this time he sounded so broken and alone and you made sure to make him feel less alone by whispering 'I'll be okay'
Spencer felt stupid for crying, he should be the one comforting you not the opposite but he couldn't help it, the thought of you leaving him destroyed him, he would trade anything else if it meant saving your life.
Spencer felt his world crashing that night, he cried so much he felt like he might pass out.
---
Baking was always your favorite it makes you feel at peace but now you need assistance as you cook which doesn't only make you sad, it makes you more burdensome to Spencer. You smiled at Spencer as he leaned himself on the counter.
He had a frown on his lips as he looked at you "Are you sure you want to stop your chemotherapy?" He asked and you sighed as you washed your hands getting the sticky dough off your hands.
"Come here, darling," you say softly. He pushed himself off the counter and made his way towards you, immediately engulfing you in a hug.
He held you delicately afraid that if he touched you tightly you'll vanish. "If money's the issue- it's not even an issue, love" he muttered as he trailed kisses to your shoulder and your neck.
You chuckled "It's futile, Spence. You of all people should know that, I did chemo for 5 months and it didn't work" you whispered as you nuzzled yourself into his chest. You thought the chemo did you justice only to know that it got worse. Chemo didn't work.
Spencer knew, of course, but he'd like to think that little hope could somehow save your life even if the percentage laughed at his face.
"I know... But it makes you stay here longer" he ran his fingers through your skin, from your hands to your arms. He noticed your skin change every time, it became more pale and his heart couldn't handle it.
Every day he can't stop himself from thinking that it might be your last and it's killing him. He doesn't know what he would do if you were to be gone from his life. The family you created was something he treasured so dearly in his heart and he got used to loving you so much that it became his oxygen at some point.
You smiled sadly "Okay... I'll start again" you finally said. He pulled away from the hug to look at you properly.
"you mean it?" He asked, and you laughed at his shocked expression "Yes, Spence I mean it, cross my heart hope-" he clasped his hand to your mouth making you laugh even more.
"Don't you dare finish that" he said and he had a small smile on his lips. You licked his palm and successfully made him pull away from you.
"Oh, stop acting like it disgusts you, you kiss me plenty of times" you grumbled when you saw his disgusted face.
"That's not what I'm worried about, I didn't wash my hands and you just licked it!" He exclaimed. Your heart swells in adoration at his statement.
You laughed and Spencer committed that to memory, carved it in his mind. Seeing you laugh and not hunch yourself in pain is refreshing to Spencer, he can't bear seeing you in pain.
----
You were tucked beside Spencer on the couch your head on his chest, dried tears on your cheeks as you heaved in a sigh. Every movement you make feels like torture.
Spencer didn't know what to do he felt helpless, but having him by your side throughout all of this had brought you comfort more than ever.
You dragged your hands across his chest rubbing gently the movement brought small pain to your joints but you didn't mind. He grabbed your hand, stopping your movement as he rubbed circles on your skin.
"You okay?" He asked, gentle as ever.
You hummed "I'm fine" you mumbled.
Lie. He knows you're in so much pain right now and he wished, God, he begged to make it all go away. Make it go away as easily as the wind takes the leaves.
"I love you" you whispered, his heart flipped out of fear. His lips parted then closed and you felt him hold you closer.
"Please don't make it sound like it's gonna be the last time you'll say it" his breath shuddered as he said it, lips trembling and voice cracking. He had felt his heart break a thousand times when you said you loved him.
You saying 'I love you' doesn't feel the same anymore, it feels different. He wants it to feel warm, not cold, and not think it will be the last.
You frowned "I'm sorry, I don't mean it to sound like that, Honey" Spencer wanted to cry but he already shed so many tears through his sleepless nights as he felt you press against him at night and think that he wouldn't be able to hold you this close for a long time.
"Don't apologize" he mumbled and kissed your forehead, his kiss lingering a bit longer.
Your hair was shorter, you insisted that he cut it and he remembered you laughing when he cut it too short. If your hair wasn't falling off every time you pulled it, you would've been so mad but at that moment you didn't care.
When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you cried and Spencer didn't hesitate to hold you in his arms and kiss every inch of your face.
"You look beautiful, you are beautiful, my gorgeous and brave wife" he whispered.
You cried and buried your face in the crook of his neck "You don't have to say that" you cried.
"It's true and I'm not letting you go until you believe it" he insisted and you've been stuck with him for a few hours before you believed him.
You watched the stars after that and he pointed to every constellation he sees and you listened, committing his voice into your mind.
----
Spencer listens to the monitor of your heart as he watches your chest rise and fall. His hand rests atop yours, his brows knitting together in concern.
The Doctor said he needed to be prepared. He's not. He can't breathe when you flutter your eyes open.
"Spencer?" You uttered slightly panicked, your throat dry as you looked around the room.
Spencer sniffled before clearing his throat "I'm here, Angel" he said softly as he met your gaze.
He sees you visibly relax and that brings comfort to his already broken heart.
"Hi," you sighed.
"Hey," he whispered. At that moment he didn't think you were in pain or under the dim light of the hospital. He remembers it like it was the first time meeting you all over again.
He sees your skin warm and vibrant again, your hair falling effortlessly over your shoulder, and your laugh sounds more alive. He thinks you'll sound and look like that if he lets you go.
His throat tightened and he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bopping as he looked down on your intertwined hands. You're the light of his life, but staying means your flame will eat itself up.
"Come here, please" you pleaded as you patted the space next to you, and Spencer had a hard time declining.
He climbed on the hospital bed, making sure to be as careful as ever, when he was comfortable he engulfed you in his arms.
It was silent for a while then he heard your weak voice "I don't want to leave" but he felt you were leaving already.
"I don't want you to leave either" and he broke down like the first time he found out your life was only to keep for a fraction of a second.
You wiped away his tears, fingertips shaking slightly "I love you until the day that I die, whether it'll be today, tomorrow, or the next day but I'll love you beyond death itself" you choked out.
Spencer cupped your face, he's accepting it even if it's painful, he had to.
"I love you, more than anything else in this world" he sobbed, locking his lips with yours. When you parted he rested against you, nose touching, he savored that feeling.
Loving you was easy, letting you go on the other hand is a different story. He thinks he won't be able to, not for a long time, not forever at all.
"I want you to know that you are so so loved, Spence. I have spent the majority of my life dreaming of loving someone and that so happens to be you and I wouldn't have had it any other way" you muttered, your breathing becoming more labored as you spoke.
Spencer pursed his lips as he closed his eyes tightly. He can't explain the pain he feels right now, can't explain how much it fucking hurts. You heard his sobs and you felt your heart crack.
"I can't do this without you" he stammered.
"Yes you can, you did it before" you mumbled, and he shook his head.
"That was before I got to meet you, my life didn't start until I met you" he whispered, sniffling, his eyes bloodshot from crying.
"That's not true" you insisted.
"It is" came his immediate reply.
A comfortable silence followed then you spoke again.
"Can you read to me please?" You mumbled.
He smiled and nodded "Sure, sweetheart" and so he read until you fell asleep. He didn't sleep, he lay awake on your deathbed wishing every moment was longer.
You flatline at 2:38 a.m he didn't call out for the doctor, he knows they can't save you so he held you closer and he cried to the point where he felt like throwing up.
Your body was cold, lifeless, and limp. He couldn't handle it so after an hour he finally called the doctor. Watched on the sidelines as the nurses checked your pulse and watched their eyes change in realization.
The doctor shook her head as she covered your whole body with the white sheet. Spencer looked away as he made his way to the bathroom.
He threw up, and the bitter taste lingered when he got out. His gaze grew lifeless as the hour passed. Derek picked him up from the hospital and the only thing Derek could describe him was 'he was a walking corpse'
....
The first night after your death, he wished he would dream of you but he didn't.
The next morning he woke up in an empty bed, and everywhere he walked around the house he could see any reminder of you.
Picture frames, flowers, vases, letters, mugs, and the list goes on.
When he makes breakfast he always prepares two plates and when he realizes that he is alone he spirals for an hour long or longer.
And when he goes to sleep he hugs your picture, wishing for the slightest amount of warmth from your things as he can but receives coldness in the form of an empty bed.
But when he finally dreams of you, he doesn't want to wake up.
You were sat on top of a hill, flowers surrounding you, your back facing him but he felt like you knew he was there so he sat down next to you.
Your hair wasn't short anymore, you weren't pale and most of all you didn't look like you were in pain. Your eyes were shut but you had a smile on your face.
"You need to eat more, Spence" you muttered with a smile as you meet his gaze. His eyes welled with tears when he heard your voice.
He tackled you in a hug and you yelped laughing as he looked down at you. You grin adoringly at him as you cupped his face with both of your hands.
"I can only see you once, my love," you said and he felt his heart drop, he wanted to see you every day.
"Are you in pain?" He asked as his knuckles graze your cheeks.
You shake your head "No" and he smiles "Good" he whispers as he lets a tear fall from his eyes. He was so happy to hear that.
"I love you so much," he said as he trailed kisses from your forehead, nose, cheeks, and to your lips. You giggled "I love you too," you said but this time your I love you didn't feel cold and it didn't feel like a goodbye.
"I want to be with you," he said through tears, you wiped them away gently your fingertips no longer shaking and that made him so happy.
"Soon but not now" you replied.
"Can I at least stay with you until I wake up?" He asked pleadingly.
You chuckled and nodded making him smile. His head was now resting on your lap as you played with his curls.
"Can you read to me, please?" He requested.
"Of course, my love" you whispered and he basked in your sweet voice, he wished he could record it so he could listen to it when he misses you which is every second of the day.
He didn't know how long he stayed with you but when he woke up you were gone and for the first few hours he just sat there and looked for your warmth again.
Spencer felt a part of him was taken away from him ever since you left.
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Summary: Spencer's life was perfect until one dreaded visit from the doctor. Your life was measured in only seconds, you have cancer.
Warning: inaccuracies in the medical parts, cursing, no happy ending
WC: 2.8k
Angst
A/N: listen to so many songs for this, mainly Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey and Soon You'll Get Better by Taytay.
____
Spencer basks in the feeling of you in his arms even though he is trying to hold back his tears knowing he only has a few moments left with you here on Earth. Worrying about losing you is different when he knows he is going to lose you.
Your hands were intertwined as he kissed your knuckles, God, Cancer's a bitch. Spencer held you tightly as he heaved a sigh, his eyes were glossed and he felt bile rise in his throat.
He stifled his sobs knowing that you needed your sleep. Whatever thing he had done in the past, it couldn't have been that bad to make him deserve this kind of treatment from God. Was it because he didn't believe him?
He finds himself praying every night, desperate people find faith so now he prays to God hoping and begging to make you live longer. Longer until your hair turns grey.
"Soon you'll get better" he whispered as if it were a prayer "You need to" his voice cracked as his tears continued to flow, you slept peacefully unaware of his dilemma.
You've been together for so long, 5 years dating then later on married for 3 years. His life was perfect for so long but one visit from the doctor destroyed his world.
Spencer said you should get it checked, you thought he was being dramatic but he insisted anyway.
The morning after the news, he wished it was a dream when you sat him down on the bed, worried in his voice when you grabbed his hand and grief he felt when you spoke.
"I- I have cancer," you said, swallowing hard when his grip on your hand loosened.
"What?" He whispered, heart in his throat every second you give him silence "You can't be serious, Angel" he said in disbelief, standing up from the bed to look at you properly, and when he read your behavior his heart dropped.
You shook your head as you held back your tears, you needed to be strong for him. Raking his fingers through his hair, his breathing becoming more shallow as he looked for any indication that this was all just some sick joke, you liked pranking him, it's a horrible prank but he would forgive you.
"I have Osteosarcoma..." Spencer felt his breath hitched at your words. He had a question at the tip of his tongue but he didn't feel like questioning it afraid of the answer.
If it's stage 1 or 2 it might be curable he held on to that hope, clung to it like it was his lifeline. Sensing his question through his eyes, you answered.
"It's stage 3 Spence" you muttered, your voice thick with emotions. He staggered backward, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.
"The doctor must've mistaken your scan for somebody else's o- or there must be an error, yeah that must be it" he stammered, his mind going faster than his mouth knowing that Doctors make mistakes like that but he knows the statistics of doctors making mistakes when giving the results are slim to none.
And when you didn't reply, he cried. His hand flew to his mouth a sob forcing its way out. You immediately stood up and engulfed him in a hug as you cried, you felt his shoulder shake against you, his sobs becoming more broken the longer he hugged you.
You barely see Spencer cry, but when he does cry the sound of his cries goes straight to your heart, this time he sounded so broken and alone and you made sure to make him feel less alone by whispering 'I'll be okay'
Spencer felt stupid for crying, he should be the one comforting you not the opposite but he couldn't help it, the thought of you leaving him destroyed him, he would trade anything else if it meant saving your life.
Spencer felt his world crashing that night, he cried so much he felt like he might pass out.
---
Baking was always your favorite it makes you feel at peace but now you need assistance as you cook which doesn't only make you sad, it makes you more burdensome to Spencer. You smiled at Spencer as he leaned himself on the counter.
He had a frown on his lips as he looked at you "Are you sure you want to stop your chemotherapy?" He asked and you sighed as you washed your hands getting the sticky dough off your hands.
"Come here, darling," you say softly. He pushed himself off the counter and made his way towards you, immediately engulfing you in a hug.
He held you delicately afraid that if he touched you tightly you'll vanish. "If money's the issue- it's not even an issue, love" he muttered as he trailed kisses to your shoulder and your neck.
You chuckled "It's futile, Spence. You of all people should know that, I did chemo for 5 months and it didn't work" you whispered as you nuzzled yourself into his chest. You thought the chemo did you justice only to know that it got worse. Chemo didn't work.
Spencer knew, of course, but he'd like to think that little hope could somehow save your life even if the percentage laughed at his face.
"I know... But it makes you stay here longer" he ran his fingers through your skin, from your hands to your arms. He noticed your skin change every time, it became more pale and his heart couldn't handle it.
Every day he can't stop himself from thinking that it might be your last and it's killing him. He doesn't know what he would do if you were to be gone from his life. The family you created was something he treasured so dearly in his heart and he got used to loving you so much that it became his oxygen at some point.
You smiled sadly "Okay... I'll start again" you finally said. He pulled away from the hug to look at you properly.
"you mean it?" He asked, and you laughed at his shocked expression "Yes, Spence I mean it, cross my heart hope-" he clasped his hand to your mouth making you laugh even more.
"Don't you dare finish that" he said and he had a small smile on his lips. You licked his palm and successfully made him pull away from you.
"Oh, stop acting like it disgusts you, you kiss me plenty of times" you grumbled when you saw his disgusted face.
"That's not what I'm worried about, I didn't wash my hands and you just licked it!" He exclaimed. Your heart swells in adoration at his statement.
You laughed and Spencer committed that to memory, carved it in his mind. Seeing you laugh and not hunch yourself in pain is refreshing to Spencer, he can't bear seeing you in pain.
----
You were tucked beside Spencer on the couch your head on his chest, dried tears on your cheeks as you heaved in a sigh. Every movement you make feels like torture.
Spencer didn't know what to do he felt helpless, but having him by your side throughout all of this had brought you comfort more than ever.
You dragged your hands across his chest rubbing gently the movement brought small pain to your joints but you didn't mind. He grabbed your hand, stopping your movement as he rubbed circles on your skin.
"You okay?" He asked, gentle as ever.
You hummed "I'm fine" you mumbled.
Lie. He knows you're in so much pain right now and he wished, God, he begged to make it all go away. Make it go away as easily as the wind takes the leaves.
"I love you" you whispered, his heart flipped out of fear. His lips parted then closed and you felt him hold you closer.
"Please don't make it sound like it's gonna be the last time you'll say it" his breath shuddered as he said it, lips trembling and voice cracking. He had felt his heart break a thousand times when you said you loved him.
You saying 'I love you' doesn't feel the same anymore, it feels different. He wants it to feel warm, not cold, and not think it will be the last.
You frowned "I'm sorry, I don't mean it to sound like that, Honey" Spencer wanted to cry but he already shed so many tears through his sleepless nights as he felt you press against him at night and think that he wouldn't be able to hold you this close for a long time.
"Don't apologize" he mumbled and kissed your forehead, his kiss lingering a bit longer.
Your hair was shorter, you insisted that he cut it and he remembered you laughing when he cut it too short. If your hair wasn't falling off every time you pulled it, you would've been so mad but at that moment you didn't care.
When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you cried and Spencer didn't hesitate to hold you in his arms and kiss every inch of your face.
"You look beautiful, you are beautiful, my gorgeous and brave wife" he whispered.
You cried and buried your face in the crook of his neck "You don't have to say that" you cried.
"It's true and I'm not letting you go until you believe it" he insisted and you've been stuck with him for a few hours before you believed him.
You watched the stars after that and he pointed to every constellation he sees and you listened, committing his voice into your mind.
----
Spencer listens to the monitor of your heart as he watches your chest rise and fall. His hand rests atop yours, his brows knitting together in concern.
The Doctor said he needed to be prepared. He's not. He can't breathe when you flutter your eyes open.
"Spencer?" You uttered slightly panicked, your throat dry as you looked around the room.
Spencer sniffled before clearing his throat "I'm here, Angel" he said softly as he met your gaze.
He sees you visibly relax and that brings comfort to his already broken heart.
"Hi," you sighed.
"Hey," he whispered. At that moment he didn't think you were in pain or under the dim light of the hospital. He remembers it like it was the first time meeting you all over again.
He sees your skin warm and vibrant again, your hair falling effortlessly over your shoulder, and your laugh sounds more alive. He thinks you'll sound and look like that if he lets you go.
His throat tightened and he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bopping as he looked down on your intertwined hands. You're the light of his life, but staying means your flame will eat itself up.
"Come here, please" you pleaded as you patted the space next to you, and Spencer had a hard time declining.
He climbed on the hospital bed, making sure to be as careful as ever, when he was comfortable he engulfed you in his arms.
It was silent for a while then he heard your weak voice "I don't want to leave" but he felt you were leaving already.
"I don't want you to leave either" and he broke down like the first time he found out your life was only to keep for a fraction of a second.
You wiped away his tears, fingertips shaking slightly "I love you until the day that I die, whether it'll be today, tomorrow, or the next day but I'll love you beyond death itself" you choked out.
Spencer cupped your face, he's accepting it even if it's painful, he had to.
"I love you, more than anything else in this world" he sobbed, locking his lips with yours. When you parted he rested against you, nose touching, he savored that feeling.
Loving you was easy, letting you go on the other hand is a different story. He thinks he won't be able to, not for a long time, not forever at all.
"I want you to know that you are so so loved, Spence. I have spent the majority of my life dreaming of loving someone and that so happens to be you and I wouldn't have had it any other way" you muttered, your breathing becoming more labored as you spoke.
Spencer pursed his lips as he closed his eyes tightly. He can't explain the pain he feels right now, can't explain how much it fucking hurts. You heard his sobs and you felt your heart crack.
"I can't do this without you" he stammered.
"Yes you can, you did it before" you mumbled, and he shook his head.
"That was before I got to meet you, my life didn't start until I met you" he whispered, sniffling, his eyes bloodshot from crying.
"That's not true" you insisted.
"It is" came his immediate reply.
A comfortable silence followed then you spoke again.
"Can you read to me please?" You mumbled.
He smiled and nodded "Sure, sweetheart" and so he read until you fell asleep. He didn't sleep, he lay awake on your deathbed wishing every moment was longer.
You flatline at 2:38 a.m he didn't call out for the doctor, he knows they can't save you so he held you closer and he cried to the point where he felt like throwing up.
Your body was cold, lifeless, and limp. He couldn't handle it so after an hour he finally called the doctor. Watched on the sidelines as the nurses checked your pulse and watched their eyes change in realization.
The doctor shook her head as she covered your whole body with the white sheet. Spencer looked away as he made his way to the bathroom.
He threw up, and the bitter taste lingered when he got out. His gaze grew lifeless as the hour passed. Derek picked him up from the hospital and the only thing Derek could describe him was 'he was a walking corpse'
....
The first night after your death, he wished he would dream of you but he didn't.
The next morning he woke up in an empty bed, and everywhere he walked around the house he could see any reminder of you.
Picture frames, flowers, vases, letters, mugs, and the list goes on.
When he makes breakfast he always prepares two plates and when he realizes that he is alone he spirals for an hour long or longer.
And when he goes to sleep he hugs your picture, wishing for the slightest amount of warmth from your things as he can but receives coldness in the form of an empty bed.
But when he finally dreams of you, he doesn't want to wake up.
You were sat on top of a hill, flowers surrounding you, your back facing him but he felt like you knew he was there so he sat down next to you.
Your hair wasn't short anymore, you weren't pale and most of all you didn't look like you were in pain. Your eyes were shut but you had a smile on your face.
"You need to eat more, Spence" you muttered with a smile as you meet his gaze. His eyes welled with tears when he heard your voice.
He tackled you in a hug and you yelped laughing as he looked down at you. You grin adoringly at him as you cupped his face with both of your hands.
"I can only see you once, my love," you said and he felt his heart drop, he wanted to see you every day.
"Are you in pain?" He asked as his knuckles graze your cheeks.
You shake your head "No" and he smiles "Good" he whispers as he lets a tear fall from his eyes. He was so happy to hear that.
"I love you so much," he said as he trailed kisses from your forehead, nose, cheeks, and to your lips. You giggled "I love you too," you said but this time your I love you didn't feel cold and it didn't feel like a goodbye.
"I want to be with you," he said through tears, you wiped them away gently your fingertips no longer shaking and that made him so happy.
"Soon but not now" you replied.
"Can I at least stay with you until I wake up?" He asked pleadingly.
You chuckled and nodded making him smile. His head was now resting on your lap as you played with his curls.
"Can you read to me, please?" He requested.
"Of course, my love" you whispered and he basked in your sweet voice, he wished he could record it so he could listen to it when he misses you which is every second of the day.
He didn't know how long he stayed with you but when he woke up you were gone and for the first few hours he just sat there and looked for your warmth again.
Spencer felt a part of him was taken away from him ever since you left.
please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun
SWEET AND RIGHT AND MERCIFUL | Spencer Reid x Sunshine!Reader
request: my DARLING @avis-writeshq says: OMGGGG EM CONGRATS ON 3K !!! soooo deserved and i’m so so happy for you!!! please may i request tea for sunshine!reader 🥹🩷 maybe the moment when she realises just how much she likes him (perhaps she was in heavy denial beforehand)? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOUUUUU 🩷🩷🩷
description: The Sunshine rookie Spencer had heard so much about is the first one to make him laugh since he got out of prison.
length: 4.1k
warnings: Lucky Strikes episode, talks of humans eating humans, cm gore, blood, violence etc. UnSub gets creepy with reader. sex jokes, spitting water.
author's note: dedicated to @avis-writeshq because she is my GIRL when it comes to Spencer Reid x Sunshine brain rot, and also because she requested a Drabble for them but I couldn't stop writing and here we are with a full ficlet.
It had been three weeks, three painfully long weeks since Spencer Reid had returned to the BAU, nearly ten years since she’d seen him lecturing at Pennsylvania. He looked different, but then Emily had said quite literally on her second day that their endgame was getting him out of prison for a crime he didn’t commit, and it seemed only natural that being a fed in a foreign jail would knock someone around.
She’d been too nervous to speak to him on their first day working together, had stuck to Luke’s side like glue because he was closest in age to her and he didn’t seem to mind the way she could speak a hundred miles per hour. They had only really had any contact when she was chatting with Garcia in the kitchenette at lunch, when she was talking to the tech whizz about the crochet set she’d bought even though she couldn’t seem to wrap her head around the way everything bobbed and weaved and bobbed again, and how the woman on youtube seemed to make the tiny bumblebee seem so achievable while hers looked like a yellow turd.
He’d come up behind the two of them, his footsteps deadly silent despite the fact he had sneakers on, and she wouldn’t have even known he was there had Penelope not lit up with glee at seeing Reid poking around their office again.
“Coffee, honey?” Penelope asked, looking over the girl’s shoulder, and it was only when he murmured a ‘mhm’ that the rookie noticed he’d crept up behind her, leaning over to grab his mug from the cupboard, and she hopped to the side immediately.
“S-sorry, just shove me out the way next time, my mom says I have zero spacial awareness.” She said with a nervous laugh, and he didn’t seem to care as he granted her a small glance, pushing the button on the coffee machine and clunking his mug beneath the tap.
“Have you met our newbie, Spence?” Penelope asked, friendly as ever even though the women caught the way his jaw seemed to feather with clenched muscle, like he was holding himself back from snapping, and his eyes were tired as he looked over at Garcia, barely flicking his gaze to the new face despite her prompt, “This is Y/N, she’s joined us from cold cases,”
“Hi,” The woman chirped with a quick wave, despite the fact he was stood only a foot away from her, “It’s nice to meet you after everyone’s spoken so highly about you, Penny said you like invented the term genius,”
Spencer pursed his lips, trying not to make a backhanded comment about how dumb that sounded because of course he didn’t invent it, of course it was coined in the mid seventeenth century from the latin gignere to mean ‘exceptional natural ability’, and the last time he checked he wasn’t even born then. But he stopped himself, because she was just being nice, and it wasn’t her fault that he hadn’t been sleeping or that he couldn’t eat dinner without waiting to hear a buzzer go off to let him know when it was meal time, and it certainly wasn’t her fault that she was just a few decibels too loud with her cheerful tone and smile that he could hear in every syllable.
So he just gave her an awkward smile, and an acknowledging nod, the whir of effort from the coffee machine slowing down as his drink finished pouring, and he grabbed his mug, not even caring that the ceramic scolded his fingertips because he’d felt so much worse before and gotten through it.
“I’ll catch up with you later,” He said coldly, not returning the sentiment, and he’d turned before he could see the way her smile dropped, her brows creasing in worry as she watched him head back towards his desk.
“Did I say something wrong?” She asked with a small voice, and Penelope wrapped an arm around her shoulder giving her a kind squeeze and a sad smile.
“It’s not you, sweetie, he’s just-” Garcia swallowed, her own pout growing over her red painted lips, “He’s not like the Reid we used to know, he’s struggling,”
And so she nodded, chewing at the inside of her cheek with a frown. It felt silly to have her feelings hurt, except she’d been thinking about the day two agents from the BAU came to give her sociology class a talk on geographical and societal factors compelling crime, how she’d headed straight to her tutor that evening to swap her major to criminology. Because she’d hung on every word Agent Hotch and Agent Reid had said, which definitely had nothing to do with the fact the younger of the two was so dreamy in his glasses and tweed jacket.
She’d been excited to meet him again after nearly ten years, maybe even thank him for changing the trajectory of her entire life. He was still handsome, and despite the fact she’d grown up since then, had only thought about him as that hot guy who gave a lecture in her class that one time, she still had felt that silly fluttering feeling in her chest the second she saw him talking with Emily in her office the morning he got back.
And he’d look at her like she was a girl scout selling cookies; a passing face, a summer temp, no one worth getting to know.
She pretended like she wasn’t the slightest bit disappointed, he’d been to prison for god sake. The guy had bigger problems than a little nobody girl from another department.
Things weren’t much better the day they got the case.
“You might want to cover your eyes for this bit, my little sugar plum,” Penelope said, looking at the rookie with soft eyes, and Emily smiled at her gently, knowing the girl had a bit of an innocent streak, not completely unlike Penny when she’d started the job.
“Why? I’m sure it’s nothing-” She cut herself off when Penelope clicked onto the next page, and the image of a woman who could only be described as utterly butchered flicked onto the screen in full size, “Oh,”
“Oh, indeed, rookie,” Rossi said with a wince, looking at the mulch of blood and muscle where her legs had been removed, and her fingers severed clean off as if with a carving knife.
Luke looked up at the girl, where she’d gone a little peaky, and he patted her back gently, sliding his bottle of water over to her without a word.
“All the telltale signs are here,” JJ said on a sighed breath, images of the rest of the crime scene flicking up on the screen.
“Pentagram, legs and fingers gone,” Rossi agreed, Luke and Matt looking between the team with a questioning glance, as she downed a sip of the water.
“There’s even one neat aspect right here,” Emily said, the tip of her finger pointing to one of the pictures of the floor outside the bathroom stall where the body was found, “Her earrings and jewellery are laid out equidistant on the floor,”
“Sure as hell looks like him,” Rossi said, and she cleared her throat, looking to the older man on her left.
“Like who?” She asked, her eyes snapping to Spencer who opened his mouth to speak, which seemed to be the only time he ever did bother making conversation; when there was a body on their hands.
“Floyd Feylnn Ferrell,” He said, as if the original case had only been wrapped up last week, but then with his memory she wasn’t exactly surprised, “A psychotic cannibal who’d been killing under the radar for years,”
“He killed ten prostitutes and then moved up to low risk victims,” Prentiss added, the rookie’s eyes wide. It wasn’t anything she’d never heard of, but it never made it easier knowing something even worse was coming after the murders.
“He kept slipping through the cracks and avoiding justice so people referred to him as ‘Lucky’” JJ said, her eyes darting over the crime scene photos that seemed to take her back ten years to when they’d seen almost an identical set of photos, like Hotch was about to call ‘Wheels up in twenty’ any minute now.
Rossi sighed, looking at the younger girl who watched him wide eyed, “Have you eaten today, rookie?”
She shook her head dumbly, “Why?”
“Because the worst of it was he owned a barbeque joint,” Her face dropped even more, if that was even possible, “And he fed one of the victims to the search party,”
Her hand flew to her mouth, blinking at the seasoned agent in terror, because that was something she hadn’t ever thought would enter someone’s mind until she heard it. As simple as it sounded, for someone who had seen cases going back twenty, thirty years, some particularly heinous in nature, there were new lengths she didn’t realise a human could ever go to, let alone would.
Penelope stopped, shutting her laptop lid and glancing at JJ in a plea for help, as the thought of what had happened after the Flynn case rushed to the front of her mind, when the guy she’d thought wanted to take her out on a date shot her.
“I have a computer…” The blonde trailed off, heading for the door to the office room with a dazed look in her eyes, and the rookie watched her leave, her neck and palms clammy as she thought about what Rossi had just said.
“I think I have a computer too-” She rushed, and she bolted from her seat before she could think of anything else, dashing after the technical analyst because she feared she was going to throw up if she didn’t get a breath of fresh air.
Spencer watched her hair swish as she scurried out the room, and he wondered how long she would last if she couldn’t stomach just a few photos. He had struggled with the gore at first, sure, but he’d never ran. Maybe he was being cruel, but he couldn’t say that a girl like her exactly fit the part of an FBI agent, she seemed… pure, like driven snow, and if anything he’d hate for the bloodied parts of their job to stain a girl so squeaky clean.
Emily nudged his shoulder, nodding towards her retreating figure when he looked up at her questioningly, “You keep an eye on her in this case. She’s still learning,”
And Spencer grit his teeth, because he hated the idea of babysitting when he had a dozen of his own problems, but he nodded indignantly.
He just hoped she didn’t make things too hard for him.
–
The door swung open behind Lori Flynn, the UnSub’s sister, the midday Florida heat boring down on her back, Spencer bristling at her right as Luke pocketed his badge.
And then there he was. The guy from the photo, his thick, wiry glasses exact matches to the ones he’d been wearing the day he got caught, though she supposed a mental facility didn’t exactly have funds for replacements.
“It’s no problem, Lori, I’ll speak with them,” His voice was a strong southern twang, and almost chillingly calm. His sister looked over her shoulder at him, the woman fretful as she glanced between the four agents, ten years of troubles on her shoulders. She sighed, running a hand over her neck nervously and headed back inside to be with her son, leaving them alone with their suspect on the doorstep, “You’ll have to wait, I’m on my way to church. It’s right around the corner so I’m within the thousand permitted yards from the monitoring station,”
He quickly glanced at where Matt and Luke stood behind her, the former with his arms crossed over his chest as he eyed up the thin, twiggly guy who looked like the type to live in his mother’s basement until he died, not the type to cannibalise and murder.
His eyes darted over to where Reid towered over him, familiarity flicking in his face as he looked at the agent, and he smiled slowly, like something out of a horror, the uncanny valley of a face so normal when she knew he was so sick somewhat terrifying to her. He fed one of the victims to the search party. She heard it rattling around her skull as she saw the whites of his teeth, and she imagined him ripping into her then and there, her hands shaking.
“Hey, I remember you. Where’s your friend, Agent Morgan?” Floyd said, and she felt Spencer tense up beside her, which she guessed meant it was a sore subject as she jumped into the conversation, her lips moving before she could think better of it. She’d always had a habit of talking too much when she was nervous, or to fill gaps, or when she could tell someone was uncomfortable, she’d always been told it was one of her more irksome traits.
“You wouldn’t mind if we took a look around, would you? Just while you’re gone?” She asked politely yet, for once, she regretted ever opening her mouth the second he turned his attention on her.
She felt something cold and dreadful run down her spine as he looked straight at her, his sepia eyes trailing down over her neck, running over her body and down to her hands that fidgeted at her sides.
They waited on baited breath, her stomach flipping with sickness as that manic smile drew even wider, trained solely on her, a thought privy only to himself somewhat amusing to him. She felt herself lean away without even meaning to, incidentally feeling Spencer’s arm bump into hers as she did, and the three men seemed to tense up as they watched Flynn smell the air, savouring every second of it, his eyes blown wide with something unreadable. Lustful yet starved, like he was on a four day fast standing next to an open roast.
“You’re awful pretty for an agent,” Floyd said, that drawling accent of his turning her stomach, and his eyes trailed down over her calves, and she cursed herself for wearing a midi skirt. But she hated jeans on her thighs, hated the way Florida air clung humidly to her skin when she didn’t let it breathe, but she thought she might just hate the way his mouth filled with saliva more, “Do you like running, agent?”
“Sometimes,” She whispered, shrinking in on herself even more as he took a step out of the home.
And Spencer felt his chest drop at the sound of it. She sounded petrified. But then, he would be too if someone his size looked at him like he was a five-course banquet. And he regretted ever thinking of her as babysitting, as defective, because she was clearly trying her best, and this was where it had gotten her. Right on the UnSub’s menu.
“I bet you do a lot of running, chasing after bad guys, huh?” Floyd pushed, leering towards her with another smell of her perfume, and she could have sworn his smile only widened into something cheshire cat-esque. She nodded with a worried gulp, her breath picking up when his hand began moving up to where a rogue stray hair fell out of her bun, running over her collar bone, her heart beating so wild and heavy beneath it.
And it was enough for Spencer to act, because within the blink of an eye, he’d side stepped in front of the rookie who seemed frozen in her spot, and Floyd’s arm was shoved away where it hit Spencer’s bicep. Flynn was forced to stop looking over her clammy skin with heavy swallows like he was imagining just how she would cut and marinate, and instead was confronted with a frown that could send any man scarpering, Spencer’s lips pressed into something furious, his shoulders seeming only more broad than they usually did when he purposely blocked Flynn’s view from her.
“You’d better get going, Floyd,” Spencer said, his voice a deadly sort of calm, and his arm stuck out behind him to keep her where she was as he spoke, “You’re going to be late for church,”
And Flynn listened, despite his smarmy smile as he dared a look at her when he passed by, despite the fact his eyes trailed back down to her jugular like he was ready to sever it there and then to string her up and cure.
Spencer’s hand fished around his pocket, glaring at the back of Floyd’s head as he strolled down the street, tossing the keys to Alvez, “Take her back to the car, don’t let her out of your sight,”
And the two of them listened while he and Matt swept the house, because anyone would be insane not to when Spencer looked so angry he could have put a hole through Flynn’s head without blinking an eye.
–
“Eating people, who eats people, what on earth is that all about,” She muttered, the four of them in the SUV heading back to the station. She sat at the front with Spencer where he drove because Luke and Matt were gentlemen and had offered her the extra leg room, and Spencer had zero qualms because he was under strict instruction to keep an eye on her.
She did that alot, he realised. Muttered when she was thinking about something. Where he went deadly silent when troubled, too focused on sorting through the mental files that seemed to be so resistant to organise these days, she was his entire opposite, always talking or humming a tune under her breath or playing an invisible set of piano notes on her knee, something to always keep the space filled.
He’d hated it the first few days, the sound like a blaring alarm coming from over by her desk, cutting through his limited attention span, grating on his nerves and making him have to bite his tongue to stop himself from yelling at her to shut the fuck up. But then, it wasn’t exactly personal to her, even the sound of the coffee machine had been enough to pull at his hair in frustration. At twelve years old, it spluttered and whirred and kicked back at every drink it made, every second of it winding Spencer’s patience up like a jack in the box.
But he found himself listening in on her mumbles, glancing over at how her frown screwed up her doe eyes, her lip pulling between her teeth whenever there was a tiny pause in between her words, before she started again. He’d quickly realised it was the easiest cheat in the book to know when something was bothering her, that she was so much of an open book, not at all cold and guarded like him or so many other profilers he knew, that he wouldn’t need to bother deducing her like she was his next UnSub to know what was wrong. She would just tell him as it was, wear everything vulnerable on her face.
“Something the matter?” He pressed, Luke also keeping a close watch on her from the back seat as she shook her head to herself, and her head snapped over to the driver’s side, her expression entirely caught even though she’d not exactly been subtle about her turmoil.
“M-me? “ She pointed to herself, and Spencer nodded, trying not to smile because sometimes she could be clueless, not the dumb kind but something sweet, naive, and he found himself somewhat jealous that she didn’t need to be the smartest person in the room to be worth something, she could just be herself, “Yeah, I guess I just,” She huffed, running her hands over her skirt, “I don’t get why anyone would want to eat someone else, it just-” She shivered, not in a theatrical or fake way but like a ghost had walked over her grave just thinking about Floyd smelling at her.
“Some cultures used to cannibalise other members of their society as funerary practices as early as twenty-four thousand years ago,” Spencer said, and she stopped fidgeting to listen to him, “There’s evidence that the Magdelanians in North Europe used to turn their dead’s skulls into cups they would then drink out of,”
“That I can understand, those guys were probably starving and it’s not like they can just chow down on a damn sabertooth as an easy lunch or something,” She said, and he bit his lip from stopping her to explain that the two of them were about four thousand years apart from one another, “But like, when there’s a burger king or taco bell on every corner, why are you eating women. Who eats women for breakfast lunch and dinner, like raise your hands which one of you would ever eat a woman,”
Luke sniggered, and Matt smirked at the innuendo of it, the double meaning of her words flying entirely over her head.
“I dunno, Alvez, do you like eating women?” Simmons asked, a smug grin in his words as the boys cackled childishly, and Spencer rolled his eyes with amusement.
“Pretty partial to it actually,” Luke chimed in, and she whirled in her seat to look behind her of scepticism, “How about you, Reid?”
“You guys are so weird,” She murmured, and Spencer took a quick glance off the road to see her looking entirely baffled, her feathers ruffled at the fact she was left out of the joke.
“They’re talking about oral sex,” He explained, because he remembered when that had been him for the longest time, and how it had made him feel like the butt of every punchline to not understand why everyone would smile at him knowingly, yet he found himself doing the exact same to her, his lips twitching at their corners.
Spencer watched her scoff, looking back at the two grown children in the back, “I take it back, you guys aren’t weird, your gross. Why can’t you be mature like Spencer?” She huffed, sitting back in her seat and fixing her skirt, “See if you were grownups like Agent Reid and I, you’d know the term isn’t eating a woman, it’s called focalratio,”
Matt pulled a face of confusion, flicking his eyes to her, “Isn’t that to do with a camera lens?”
“Do you mean fellatio?” Spencer asked, trying his hardest not to smirk because he didn’t want to make her feel stupid, except she just waved a hand at him.
“That’s what I said. I see why they call you Doctor Read and not Doctor Listen,” She giggled at her own words, watching the trees go by her passenger window, almost entirely oblivious to the way Spencer’s face cracked into a grin, something easy and charmed in his chest.
And for a moment, he saw exactly what Penelope had been talking about when she wouldn’t stop talking about how likeable she was and how it was harder to hate her than it was to love her.
Luke took a sip of his water, the bottle nearing the end as the Florida sun warmed it up, and he figured he might as well finish it before it became stagnant and undrinkable.
“Actually the term fellatio describes only male genitalia, the female equivalent would be cunnilingus-” Spencer explained, and he knew she was listening because he felt her eyes on the side of his face as he spoke, except he was cut off by the sound of her screaming so loud he nearly slammed on the breaks then and there.
“LUKE!” She yelled, and when Spencer looked, she had water dripping down the back of her hair, soaking her shirt to her skin, her black bra straps suddenly clear as day as they pressed against her dove white top. Alvez looked mortified, and he found himself apologising between coughs, water dribbling down his chin where he’d been so shocked to hear that word coming from Spencer’s mouth that he’d completely forgone swallowing and simply spat the whole thing out right through the gap between the headrest and the seat.
And Spencer laughed; it was quiet and foreign and nothing on the roaring cacophony coming from Matt in the back, as her and Luke descended into a squabble, her proclaiming him as a disgusting alpaca man as she tried to dry herself off with his jacket. But she caught it, the small chuckle coming from her left, and she looked at him, the sodden shirt almost forgotten when she saw him laugh.
She thought then that she wanted to make him laugh like that a million more times. And she knew she had it bad for Spencer Reid all over again.
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Summary: you reminisce about the time when you met Spencer Reid at college and had a one night of adventure before graduation that you'll never forget but after that, you never spoke, until Penelope Garcia found your unsent letters and decided to play the savior of your undying love.
Genre: mutual pining, angst if you squint, but mostly fluff
A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this, actually, guess the rom-com that inspired me to write this. I'll give you a hint, the first movie has "sunrise" in the title and the second movie includes unsent letters with addresses hehe.
---
Summer rain has always been your favorite accompanied by the sound of the patter of the raindrops. You looked outside your window with a faraway look, your glasses now above your hair as you took a break from reading the unsent letters.
Unsent letters you wrote when you were in college, being in love with someone for so long who you're not sure still remembers you can be draining, you've loved him since the first time he acknowledged your presence during class and when he took you out of campus when it was just the two of you.
Love comes in forms and somehow Spencer's was when he first spewed those few words to you when you were talking to your friends but they weren't paying attention so you stopped and just sat there embarrassed.
"Wasn't Centralia a town that is still burning to this day?" He had asked and your eyes held the universe at his question. You got his name, Spencer Reid and that name hasn't left your mind ever since then.
Love comes in forms and yours are letters.
After that night, you never spoke again, he got his Ph.Ds and life got in the way. You're pretty sure he doesn't remember you, and you're sure he's got his way with life now, maybe he settled down and you're still pining for a man who you're not sure still remembers you.
You remembered how the night went with him, you actually talked until sunrise. At first, you walked around campus and then explored the city together. He told you about his mom, his goals, everything he hasn't said to anyone, and you told him about everything, your secrets that you haven't said to your best friend yet.
You sighed as you shook yourself out of your reverie, you looked down at your letter and traced the dust off from your neatly written letter.
the letter was a year old, you used to write letters every day when you first met him but when you graduated you never stopped but it became less frequent as time passed. Now you write one letter every year and put it inside a box but this time you decide to stop, finally stop chasing your fantasies and let life slap you in the face.
You laughed at your ridiculousness then you heard the door creek and your gaze landed on your best friend. "Hi Pen" you smiled at her.
Penelope's gaze landed on the box in your hand "What's that?" She asked.
You rolled your eyes and stood up from your couch engulfing her in a tight hug "Stop being nosy and when did you arrive?"
She groaned at the contact "50 minutes ago" you laughed and let go of her.
"were you stuck in a conversation with Mom?" She nodded and let her gaze drift off to the box again.
"Seriously, is that your box from college? You never let me touch it and can you please let me see it, I'm older than you, in case you forgot" she insisted as she made the gesture of getting it out of your grasp.
You smacked her in her arms and hissed "No, and you'll never touch this, I don't care how old you are" You glared at her but it held no threat.
"Fine, dinner is ready your Mom asked me to get you" she grumbled and you let out a huff of amusement.
Penelope was never nosy when it came to you but it's been years since you've ever been with someone and she had a hunch that the box had something to do with it.
"Go on ahead I'm going to change in the bathroom," Penelope said straight up lying in front of your face. You didn't question it as it seems believable, perks of working with profilers.
You only hummed and you made a mistake by putting the box inside your closet without locking it. As soon as you left Penelope got out of the bathroom and searched for your box which wasn't hard to find.
She made sure you were completely out of sight before opening it, she didn't know what she expected but surely it wasn't this. Her jaw went slack as she read through your letters from when you were in college until last year, some were long and some were short, with dates in the corner of each letter.
Spencer Reid, her Mighty professor, Her boy genius.
You stopped, why did you stop? She thought while she read through the recent content. She had to do something about it, she had to help you.
Penelope breathed in, fixed her hair in the mirror, and got out of the room, pretending as if she hadn't shoved a box inside her bag and invaded her best friend's privacy, she's doing it for you so it can't be that bad right?
You were laughing at something your dad said but stopped when you saw how unsettled Penelope was "Pen what's wrong?" You asked, your voice laced with concern.
Now she felt guilty, she felt like throwing up but this was for you. "Nothing, I- I just uh, need to go I feel like I forgot something at home" she stammered as she made her way to the door.
"What? Let me drive you home" You stood up from your seat, your mom and dad looking between you two with suspicion in their eyes.
"No!" Penelope abruptly exclaimed, her hand flailing around for you to stop, making you and your parents flinch at the volume of her voice.
She cleared her throat and pushed her bag away from sight which didn't go unnoticed by you "I can drive myself and besides I got something to drop off at a friend's house" she chuckled awkwardly.
You hesitantly sat back down and nodded "Okay... Call me when you get home" You smiled at her and she nodded. She didn't change her clothes but you thought none of it, maybe that was the thing that she forgot.
---
Spencer was lounging on his couch when he heard the loudest knock he had ever heard in his entire life. His brows knitted together as he peeped at the peephole of his door before opening it.
"Garcia?" He mumbled while looking at the frantic girl in front of him, if he didn't know any better she would've murdered someone but that was just a silly thought.
Penelope pushed Spencer inside urgently and pushed a box against his chest, he had to balance himself at the force.
"What's this?" He asked, confusion evident on his face. Penelope sighed and she sat down on the couch with her hand on her face.
"Do you remember a girl in college?" She muttered, her voice barely visible but he heard her.
"You need to be more specific than that, Penelope" Spencer said and pursed his lips as he put the box on the table and sat down beside her.
Penelope frowned as she looked at Spencer "A girl who you spoke to once and never heard from ever again" she said, her body fully facing him.
She noticed his expression doesn't change and she groaned "For a person who has an eidetic memory, you're shit at remembering" she grumbled.
Spencer looked offended "What?! You're the one talking about a girl without context, do you know how many people I spoke to at college? 80% of those people-" Penelope clicked her tongue and signaled for him to stop.
She took the box from the table and pushed it back to his chest which made him glare at her, she ignored him.
"Open it" she demanded. Spencer studied her tense figure and the way she was trying to hug herself to make herself feel better.
"I feel like you stole something that isn't yours-" he said but found himself being cut off by Penelope's hissed.
"Stop profiling me and open the damn box" she whined as she stood up from the couch and paced around his apartment.
Spencer shook his head as he finally opened the box. He looked at Penelope in confusion and when he saw it was a bunch of old letters.
"Whose this for?" He questioned.
"For you, obviously! I wouldn't have brought it to you if it weren't addressed to you" she exclaimed.
"But there isn't any address on these" he shuffled through the letters, they were still in the envelopes.
"Just read it!"
"Garcia, you do know you just invaded someone's privacy right?"
"I know, just read it. Please?"
Spencer sighed and nodded his head. He started on the first letter that was technically open and he let his gaze back to Garcia who was now sweating in guilt.
When he opened it, he felt his heart beginning to thump. Garcia watched him carefully as she noticed his expression gradually changed.
Dear, Spencer Reid
Do you know when you first talked to me? I remember thinking that you're the kind of man I'm willing to put my life at risk for. I'm sure you endured me rambling about the burning town (that is still burning to this day apparently and it's been 7 years since we last spoke)
But what I'm trying to say is, I'm still in love with you, pathetic I know. But I just can't seem to let you go, you're like impossible not to remember and each day I try to forget about you and move past my ability to love so deeply but I can't.
Do you remember when you talked to me about your mom? I was so proud of you for coming up that far for your mom, and when we sneaked in on a bar and actually stole a bottle of wine? I couldn't stop laughing that time. God, I keep recalling that memory.
I shared all of my thoughts with you, spilled all my secrets to you, and at some point we held hands and I was so shocked because you told me you had a thing with germs. Honestly, it made me feel special.
I'm scared that if I see you again you'll think I'm weird and obsessive, which I'm not! I can stomach a rejection and I'll completely leave you alone if you ask me to. I'm just really bad at letting people go you know?
But I won't drag this on for long, you're not gonna see this anyway, and one last thing, I hope you have the best life the universe has to offer. I'll talk to them face to face if they are mean to you.
This will be my last letter, I'm letting you go now. I've been so in love with you that I feel like I'll be stuck in a loophole where life is trying to berate me every time for not saying anything to you, for not congratulating you when you graduated because I was feeling too shy to approach you that day. I wish I had, then maybe we could've talked more and had the time of our lives and maybe a repeat of what we did when we first met.
I'm just hoping life is a little bit gentler with you this time.
Yours truly
The girl who you talked to until sunrise
When he finished reading the letter he was silent for a good 3 minutes, and then he started shuffling through the letters and read them all like a madman. Penelope had to stop herself from stopping him.
God did he remember you, fucking hell he remembers you. You've been on his mind for 7 years. He even found himself in tears, he didn't expect someone to love him this much. Yearn for him like he yearns for you.
Spencer wasn't the type of guy who got over things easily and he had come to accept it as a part of him, the pair of you spoke once yet he can't deny the spark he felt while talking to you. If it were anybody else he would've found a way to get out of the conversation but your voice was addicting and so was your ramble about the old town.
He even went as far as to pretend not to know about the things that happened within that town just so he could hear your voice a little while longer. Your conversation shifted as time passed and Spencer found himself talking about anything really, he even made jokes that you found funny and he couldn't ignore the flutter in his stomach when he saw you smile.
When he saw you under the first light of the day, he felt himself fall in love, even if the time was fleeting his love wasn't, it never was.
Every time he was on death's door, you were always the subject of his memories. He keeps recalling the night when he felt like the universe was in his favor only for it to laugh at his face when he didn't see you again.
"I can help you, she's at the bar right now, she texted me," Penelope said, snapping him back down on earth.
He wiped a stray tear and sniffled "No, it's too late, she stopped writing like a year ago" he muttered and Penelope noticed the pain in his voice.
"Don't be ridiculous, I know her, she could be writing a letter right now as we speak" Penelope laughed.
"At a bar?"
"It was a joke, Spencer. Now let's go get your girl, Prince Charming!" She grinned as she dug through her bag for her keys.
"I don't know... I feel like I'm just digging my own grave, Garcia. I can't bear to hear her say that she doesn't feel the same way anymore" He whispered, his voice small as he avoided Penelope's disapproving look.
"That girl watches rom-coms, Spence. Do you think she'll brush off her feelings that easily? Try watching Serendipity and come back to me and try again but right now we need to hurry" She grabbed his arms and dragged him out of his apartment.
She stopped when they got into her car "Promise me you won't tell her I gave you the letter" she said sternly.
"But how am I supposed to explain why I'm there?" He asked confused.
"You're a genius, figure it out," she said as she buckled her seatbelt.
---
You were sitting in a booth with your friends. After having dinner with your parents, your friends invited you to a bar where you felt inclined to come, but you didn't know how to decline.
The air was suffocating so you excused yourself and got out of the bar. You sigh as your gaze shifts to the sky, Spencer would've pointed you to the constellation that was present right now.
"The one you're looking at right now is Aquila" You whipped your head to the familiar voice and you heard yourself gasp.
Spencer smiled when your eyes met "The brightest star in the constellation is Altair" he said as he began walking towards you.
"There is a story of an old Chinese legend about two stars, Altair and Vega, In the story two people met and fell in love but were separated by the stars" he was now in front of you, his hands in his pajama pocket, he turned red as he realized what he was wearing.
"What are you doing here?" You said, at a loss for words. He looked different but not in a bad way. He looked good. Hot even.
Spencer chuckled awkwardly, he always knew you were beautiful but God, you are gorgeous now.
You averted your gaze when you noticed a figure in the distance then your blood ran cold when you saw Penelope, Spencer noticed.
"Don't be mad at her, she helped me find you" he defended urgently as he grabbed your arms. You knitted your brows together.
"How d- did you two meet?" You stammered.
"We worked together" he rubbed his nape, a nervous tick that you notice.
Spencer was so sure he knew what to say to you but now that you're actually in front of him, he was left speechless.
"I never told her about you- did you read the letters?!" You exclaimed, your hand flying to your mouth in shock.
Spencer looked guilty as he averted his gaze to the ground "Yes..." He trailed off.
"God, you must think I'm crazy" you grumbled as you kept fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt.
"Hey, I don't think you're crazy" he whispered as he cupped your face with his hand "I actually find it endearing that you still think of me to this day, and just so you know you haven't left my mind either" he softly said, his face was so close you could feel his breath hitting your cheeks.
He tucks a stray hair out of your face, his eyes holding adoration as he meets your eyes again "Really?" You whispered.
His eyes darted to your lips and he felt himself subconsciously lick his lips "Yeah" he muttered.
He brushed his lips against yours as if testing the waters and when you fluttered your eyes shut, he kissed you as if he was going to devour you.
He breathed in as he kissed you, a certain longing lingered in the air. He pulled away to take a breath but then you surged forward and connected your lips against him for the second time, his hand on your waist as he pushed you closer against him, your hand snaking its way to the hair on his nape as you tugged him closer making him groaned in the kiss.
He tugged on your bottom lip asking for permission which you granted and he slid his tongue in, you tasted so sweet he found himself starting to get addicted. You were a panting mess when both of you separated, his forehead resting against yours, your eyes still closed as you took deep breaths.
Spencer rubbed his nose against yours affectionately and you giggled "You know you'll be stuck with me for a long time right?" You muttered.
"Make it forever" he grins, he connects his lips back to you but this time it is softer than the first, you kiss him back as you both fall in a rhythm.
When you pulled back he chased your lips and that made you chuckle "I'm still mad at her for stealing my letters" you muttered.
"Don't be, please. She's the reason I get to see you again" he said as he pulled you in a hug, your head resting against his chest as he pressed a kiss on the crown of your head.
"And I can't believe you were about to give up on me" Spencer joked lightly and you poked him on his hip making him jolt in surprise.
"Hey! Not fair, what was I supposed to do?" You whined and he laughed.
"to make it seem fair" he looks down on you as you meet his gaze, still in his warm embrace "I wrote about you in my journal, all my journals are full of you" he smiled.
You gasp "what? Let me read it please? you've read my letters" you pleaded.
He hummed "Nope, come on Penelope's waiting in the car" he said as he leads you to Penelope's car with his hand on your back.
"That's totally unfair, but I will snoop around"
"No, you won't"
"You snooped on my letters without my permission, so it's right that I should too," you said smugly.
"Shouldn't you be doing that to Penelope?"
"Oh yeah, let's do it"
-----
Please interact and reblog my post if you like it, it makes me happy hehe :D
Summary: you reminisce about the time when you met Spencer Reid at college and had a night of adventure that you'll never forget, but after that, you never spoke, until Penelope Garcia found your unsent letters and decided to play the savior of your undying love.
Genre: mutual pining, angst if you squint, but mostly fluff
A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this, actually, guess the rom-com that inspired me to write this. I'll give you a hint, the first movie has "sunrise" in the title and the second movie includes unsent letters with addresses hehe.
---
Summer rain has always been your favorite accompanied by the sound of the patter of the raindrops. You looked outside your window with a faraway look, your glasses now above your hair as you took a break from reading the unsent letters.
Unsent letters you wrote when you were in college, being in love with someone for so long who you're not sure still remembers you can be draining, you've loved him since the first time he acknowledged your presence during class and when he took you out of campus when it was just the two of you.
Love comes in forms and somehow Spencer's was when he first spewed those few words to you when you were talking to your friends but they weren't paying attention so you stopped and just sat there embarrassed.
"Wasn't Centralia a town that is still burning to this day?" He had asked and your eyes held the universe at his question. You got his name, Spencer Reid and that name hasn't left your mind ever since then.
Love comes in forms and yours are letters.
After that night, you never spoke again, he got his Ph.Ds and life got in the way. You're pretty sure he doesn't remember you, and you're sure he's got his way with life now, maybe he settled down and you're still pining for a man who you're not sure still remembers you.
You remembered how the night went with him, you actually talked until sunrise. At first, you walked around campus and then explored the city together. He told you about his mom, his goals, everything he hasn't said to anyone, and you told him about everything, your secrets that you haven't said to your best friend yet.
You sighed as you shook yourself out of your reverie, you looked down at your letter and traced the dust off from your neatly written letter.
the letter was a year old, you used to write letters every day when you first met him but when you graduated you never stopped but it became less frequent as time passed. Now you write one letter every year and put it inside a box but this time you decide to stop, finally stop chasing your fantasies and let life slap you in the face.
You laughed at your ridiculousness then you heard the door creek and your gaze landed on your best friend. "Hi Pen" you smiled at her.
Penelope's gaze landed on the box in your hand "What's that?" She asked.
You rolled your eyes and stood up from your couch engulfing her in a tight hug "Stop being nosy and when did you arrive?"
She groaned at the contact "50 minutes ago" you laughed and let go of her.
"were you stuck in a conversation with Mom?" She nodded and let her gaze drift off to the box again.
"Seriously, is that your box from college? You never let me touch it and can you please let me see it, I'm older than you, in case you forgot" she insisted as she made the gesture of getting it out of your grasp.
You smacked her in her arms and hissed "No, and you'll never touch this, I don't care how old you are" You glared at her but it held no threat.
"Fine, dinner is ready your Mom asked me to get you" she grumbled and you let out a huff of amusement.
Penelope was never nosy when it came to you but it's been years since you've ever been with someone and she had a hunch that the box had something to do with it.
"Go on ahead I'm going to change in the bathroom," Penelope said straight up lying in front of your face. You didn't question it as it seems believable, perks of working with profilers.
You only hummed and you made a mistake by putting the box inside your closet without locking it. As soon as you left Penelope got out of the bathroom and searched for your box which wasn't hard to find.
She made sure you were completely out of sight before opening it, she didn't know what she expected but surely it wasn't this. Her jaw went slack as she read through your letters from when you were in college until last year, some were long and some were short, with dates in the corner of each letter.
Spencer Reid, her Mighty professor, Her boy genius.
You stopped, why did you stop? She thought while she read through the recent content. She had to do something about it, she had to help you.
Penelope breathed in, fixed her hair in the mirror, and got out of the room, pretending as if she hadn't shoved a box inside her bag and invaded her best friend's privacy, she's doing it for you so it can't be that bad right?
You were laughing at something your dad said but stopped when you saw how unsettled Penelope was "Pen what's wrong?" You asked, your voice laced with concern.
Now she felt guilty, she felt like throwing up but this was for you. "Nothing, I- I just uh, need to go I feel like I forgot something at home" she stammered as she made her way to the door.
"What? Let me drive you home" You stood up from your seat, your mom and dad looking between you two with suspicion in their eyes.
"No!" Penelope abruptly exclaimed, her hand flailing around for you to stop, making you and your parents flinch at the volume of her voice.
She cleared her throat and pushed her bag away from sight which didn't go unnoticed by you "I can drive myself and besides I got something to drop off at a friend's house" she chuckled awkwardly.
You hesitantly sat back down and nodded "Okay... Call me when you get home" You smiled at her and she nodded. She didn't change her clothes but you thought none of it, maybe that was the thing that she forgot.
---
Spencer was lounging on his couch when he heard the loudest knock he had ever heard in his entire life. His brows knitted together as he peeped at the peephole of his door before opening it.
"Garcia?" He mumbled while looking at the frantic girl in front of him, if he didn't know any better she would've murdered someone but that was just a silly thought.
Penelope pushed Spencer inside urgently and pushed a box against his chest, he had to balance himself at the force.
"What's this?" He asked, confusion evident on his face. Penelope sighed and she sat down on the couch with her hand on her face.
"Do you remember a girl in college?" She muttered, her voice barely visible but he heard her.
"You need to be more specific than that, Penelope" Spencer said and pursed his lips as he put the box on the table and sat down beside her.
Penelope frowned as she looked at Spencer "A girl who you spoke to once and never heard from ever again" she said, her body fully facing him.
She noticed his expression doesn't change and she groaned "For a person who has an eidetic memory, you're shit at remembering" she grumbled.
Spencer looked offended "What?! You're the one talking about a girl without context, do you know how many people I spoke to at college? 80% of those people-" Penelope clicked her tongue and signaled for him to stop.
She took the box from the table and pushed it back to his chest which made him glare at her, she ignored him.
"Open it" she demanded. Spencer studied her tense figure and the way she was trying to hug herself to make herself feel better.
"I feel like you stole something that isn't yours-" he said but found himself being cut off by Penelope's hissed.
"Stop profiling me and open the damn box" she whined as she stood up from the couch and paced around his apartment.
Spencer shook his head as he finally opened the box. He looked at Penelope in confusion and when he saw it was a bunch of old letters.
"Whose this for?" He questioned.
"For you, obviously! I wouldn't have brought it to you if it weren't addressed to you" she exclaimed.
"But there isn't any address on these" he shuffled through the letters, they were still in the envelopes.
"Just read it!"
"Garcia, you do know you just invaded someone's privacy right?"
"I know, just read it. Please?"
Spencer sighed and nodded his head. He started on the first letter that was technically open and he let his gaze back to Garcia who was now sweating in guilt.
When he opened it, he felt his heart beginning to thump. Garcia watched him carefully as she noticed his expression gradually changed.
Dear, Spencer Reid
Do you remember when you first talked to me? I remember thinking that you're the kind of man I'm willing to put my life at risk for. I'm sure you endured me rambling about the burning town (that is still burning to this day apparently and it's been 7 years since we last spoke)
But what I'm trying to say is, I'm still in love with you, pathetic I know. But I just can't seem to let you go, you're like impossible not to remember and each day I try to forget about you and move past my ability to love so deeply but I can't.
Do you remember when you talked to me about your mom? I was so proud of you for coming up that far for your mom, and when we sneaked in on a bar and actually stole a bottle of wine? I couldn't stop laughing that time. God, I keep recalling that memory.
I shared all of my thoughts with you, spilled all my secrets to you, and at some point we held hands and I was so shocked because you told me you had a thing with germs. Honestly, it made me feel special.
I'm scared that if I see you again you'll think I'm weird and obsessive, which I'm not! I can stomach a rejection and I'll completely leave you alone if you ask me to. I'm just really bad at letting people go you know?
But I won't drag this on for long, you're not gonna see this anyway, and one last thing, I hope you have the best life the universe has to offer. I'll talk to them face to face if they are mean to you.
This will be my last letter, I'm letting you go now. I've been so in love with you that I feel like I'll be stuck in a loophole where life is trying to berate me every time for not saying anything to you, for not congratulating you when you graduated because I was feeling too shy to approach you that day. I wish I had, then maybe we could've talked more and had the time of our lives and maybe a repeat of what we did when we first met.
I'm just hoping life is a little bit gentler with you this time.
Yours truly
The girl who you talked to until sunrise
When he finished reading the letter he was silent for a good 3 minutes, and then he started shuffling through the letters and read them all like a madman. Penelope had to stop herself from stopping him.
God did he remember you, fucking hell he remembers you. You've been on his mind for 8 years. He even found himself in tears, he didn't expect someone to love him this much. Yearn for him like he yearns for you.
Spencer wasn't the type of guy who got over things easily and he had come to accept it as a part of him, the pair of you spoke once yet he can't deny the spark he felt while talking to you. If it were anybody else he would've found a way to get out of the conversation but your voice was addicting and so was your ramble about the old town.
He even went as far as to pretend not to know about the things that happened within that town just so he could hear your voice a little while longer. Your conversation shifted as time passed and Spencer found himself talking about anything really, he even made jokes that you found funny and he couldn't ignore the flutter in his stomach when he saw you smile.
When he saw you under the first light of the day, he felt himself fall in love, even if the time was fleeting his love wasn't, it never was.
Every time he was on death's door, you were always the subject of his memories. He keeps recalling the night when he felt like the universe was in his favor only for it to laugh at his face when he didn't see you again.
"I can help you, she's at the bar right now, she texted me," Penelope said, snapping him back down on earth.
He wiped a stray tear and sniffled "No, it's too late, she stopped writing like a year ago" he muttered and Penelope noticed the pain in his voice.
"Don't be ridiculous, I know her, she could be writing a letter right now as we speak" Penelope laughed.
"At a bar?"
"It was a joke, Spencer. Now let's go get your girl, Prince Charming!" She grinned as she dug through her bag for her keys.
"I don't know... I feel like I'm just digging my own grave, Garcia. I can't bear to hear her say that she doesn't feel the same way anymore" He whispered, his voice small as he avoided Penelope's disapproving look.
"That girl watches rom-coms, Spence. Do you think she'll brush off her feelings that easily? Try watching Serendipity and come back to me and try again but right now we need to hurry" She grabbed his arms and dragged him out of his apartment.
She stopped when they got into her car "Promise me you won't tell her I gave you the letter" she said sternly.
"But how am I supposed to explain why I'm there?" He asked confused.
"You're a genius, figure it out," she said as she buckled her seatbelt.
---
You were sitting in a booth with your friends. After having dinner with your parents, your friends invited you to a bar where you felt inclined to come, but you didn't know how to decline.
The air was suffocating so you excused yourself and got out of the bar. You sigh as your gaze shifts to the sky, Spencer would've pointed you to the constellation that was present right now.
"The one you're looking at right now is Aquila" You whipped your head to the familiar voice and you heard yourself gasp.
Spencer smiled when your eyes met "The brightest star in the constellation is Altair" he said as he began walking towards you.
"There is a story of an old Chinese legend about two stars, Altair and Vega, In the story two people met and fell in love but were separated by the stars" he was now in front of you, his hands in his pajama pocket, he turned red as he realized what he was wearing.
"What are you doing here?" You said, at a loss for words. He looked different but not in a bad way. He looked good. Hot even.
Spencer chuckled awkwardly, he always knew you were beautiful but God, you are gorgeous now.
You averted your gaze when you noticed a figure in the distance then your blood ran cold when you saw Penelope, Spencer noticed.
"Don't be mad at her, she helped me find you" he defended urgently as he grabbed your arms. You knitted your brows together.
"How d- did you two meet?" You stammered.
"We worked together" he rubbed his nape, a nervous tick that you notice.
Spencer was so sure he knew what to say to you but now that you're actually in front of him, he was left speechless.
"I never told her about you- did you read the letters?!" You exclaimed, your hand flying to your mouth in shock.
Spencer looked guilty as he averted his gaze to the ground "Yes..." He trailed off.
"God, you must think I'm crazy" you grumbled as you kept fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt.
"Hey, I don't think you're crazy" he whispered as he cupped your face with his hand "I actually find it endearing that you still think of me to this day, and just so you know you haven't left my mind either" he softly said, his face was so close you could feel his breath hitting your cheeks.
He tucks a stray hair out of your face, his eyes holding adoration as he meets your eyes again "Really?" You whispered.
His eyes darted to your lips and he felt himself subconsciously lick his lips "Yeah" he muttered.
He brushed his lips against yours as if testing the waters and when you fluttered your eyes shut, he kissed you as if he was going to devour you.
He breathed in as he kissed you, a certain longing lingered in the air. He pulled away to take a breath but then you surged forward and connected your lips against him for the second time, his hand on your waist as he pushed you closer against him, your hand snaking its way to the hair on his nape as you tugged him closer making him groaned in the kiss.
He tugged on your bottom lip asking for permission which you granted and he slid his tongue in, you tasted so sweet he found himself starting to get addicted. You were a panting mess when both of you separated, his forehead resting against yours, your eyes still closed as you took deep breaths.
Spencer rubbed his nose against yours affectionately and you giggled "You know you'll be stuck with me for a long time right?" You muttered.
"Make it forever" he grins, he connects his lips back to you but this time it is softer than the first, you kiss him back as you both fall in a rhythm.
When you pulled back he chased your lips and that made you chuckle "I'm still mad at her for stealing my letters" you muttered.
"Don't be, please. She's the reason I get to see you again" he said as he pulled you in a hug, your head resting against his chest as he pressed a kiss on the crown of your head.
"And I can't believe you were about to give up on me" Spencer joked lightly and you poked him on his hip making him jolt in surprise.
"Hey! Not fair, what was I supposed to do?" You whined and he laughed.
"to make it seem fair" he looks down on you as you meet his gaze, still in his warm embrace "I wrote about you in my journal, all my journals are full of you" he smiled.
You gasp "what? Let me read it please? you've read my letters" you pleaded.
He hummed "Nope, come on Penelope's waiting in the car" he said as he leads you to Penelope's car with his hand on your back.
"That's totally unfair, but I will snoop around"
"No, you won't"
"You snooped on my letters without my permission, so it's right that I should too," you said smugly.
"Shouldn't you be doing that to Penelope?"
"Oh yeah, let's do it"
-----
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