(un)learning

Another good reason to support the NDP and their plan for universal dental care

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i’m so addicted to her podcast. so addicted that I have even started listening to another podcast about motherhood and reading a couples therapist’s blog

Sep 26, 2019 | The real measure of racism in Canada is not how many times Justin Trudeau has appeared in blackface or brownface, but how long it has taken media and political institutions to even admit the existence of a problem.

There is no need to comb through Trudeau’s past to find evidence of racism; it’s all over his recent political record:

• voting for Stephen Harper’s Zero Tolerance for Barbaric Cultural Practices Act and draconian national security law, Bill C-51, both based on racist stereotypes about Muslims and Arabs;

• enacting National Security Act Bill C-59, enshrining expanded powers of surveillance and data collection for security agencies without adequate oversight;

• shoving projects like the Trans Mountain pipeline through unceded Indigenous lands without consent;

• sending in armed forces against Indigenous land protectors in unceded territories like the Unist’ot’en camp;

• repeatedly challenging Canadian Human Rights Commission decisions ordering the government to compensate for decades of discriminatory funding against Indigenous kids;

• refusing to suspend the Safe Third Country Agreement with the United States, which turns away mostly black and brown asylum seekers on the myth the U.S. is “safe”;

• eviscerating refugees’ international legal right to seek asylum with amendments to the Immigration and Refugee Protection Act that will deny many claimants a fair hearing;

• increasing deportation targets by 25 to 35 per cent, coinciding with the arrival of Haitian, Nigerian and other black asylum seekers at the border;

• continuing the cruel practice of indefinite immigration detention (even the U.S. imposes a time limit);

• entering into information-sharing and border-search agreements with the U.S., enabling the harassment of black, brown and Muslim travellers.

… When 44 per cent of Canadians admitted to Angus Reid they “could not” vote for a prime minister who wears a turban, this was spun into congratulatory headlines announcing a “majority of Canadians would consider voting for a Sikh prime minister” — celebrating the racist glass for being only half full.

And when polls showed only 6.1 per cent of Canadians considered Jagmeet Singh the “most ethical party leader” — far behind Andrew Scheer and Trudeau, even in the wake of revelations about Scheer’s racist Yellow Vest fraternization and Trudeau’s SNC-Lavalin corruption — no one bothered to ask why a brown man with a turban and no scandals was perceived as so much less “ethical” than two white men with major scandals.

And yes, race DOES matter especially here, when racism, colonialism, imperialism and environmental racism are inextricable from climate change. When indigenous and black communities are the first and hardest hit, yet black and brown people are vilified for doing activist work.

It’s gestures often overlooked, silent acts of respect without calling attention to them. Subtleties mixed with the obvious.

The good, bad, and the ugly.

playful banter, ribbing, insults/backhanded compliments

recognising ticks/tells and how to respond (e.g. specific throat clear before they speak)

tolerating inconsequential bad habits (e.g. puts dishes beside dishwasher, not in it)

listening to the same stories multiple times as if they were new

developing similar quirks (e.g. particular laugh)

inside jokes

mock fighting, mini competitions

blatant honesty, humble apologies, knowing when to drop an argument

saying nothing/talking for hours

tending to illness or injuries

pokes, pet/pats, head/shoulder bumps, bites, tickles, cuddling, long gazes, stroking hair

grooming, restraighten clothing, touch up hair, brush off crumbs

singing and dancing together

understanding your partner’s hurt rather than just apologising

trust and respect

knowing how to cheer the other up, how to piss them off, humour them

reassurance (e.g. I’m here to talk, you’re doing a great job, your insecurities don’t define you)

associating sights, smells, touches, songs, phrasing, etc with them (e.g. “I saw a pigeon today and thought ‘is this my partner?’”

hating dumb things they do, but finding them hard to live without and secretly loving them

compromising, sacrificing, reciprocation

Love is unspoken, tolerant, and a spectrum of emotions.

It’s accepting that you’ll fuckin’ hate their entire being at times, exclaim with vitriol, “god, you’re so fucking annoying” while you smile and know that it’s trivial in the grand scheme.

It’s real. It’s healthy. It’s fun. That’s what I try to encapsulate in my sappy romantic fiction because realistic fluff is so much more gratifying.