cat and rabbit say

i'm actually sorry.

it's hard for me to get there because even though i know i did a bad thing i hate thinking about you with hurt feelings. 

you alone in the apartment.

you feeling betrayed.

i HATE thinking about it and so i try to cover it up because i can't stand it.

and you're right, that i'm being too dramatic. things don't have to be one way or the other. 

there are a lot of problems in our relationship.

but there are a lot of good things too.

and you deserve more time and space than i give you a lot of the time. i know that, even if i don't mention anything. because it makes me feel guilty.

i just want your help. i want your partnership to be equal. i want you to be able to see all my badness and help me with it.

but i'm not as good at being vulnerable as you are. i'm not as brave as you are. 

i need you.

and i'm sorry i hurt you when you needed me. i was selfish. i made a big mistake. even though i did, i still have the same heart for you. i want what is good for you even though sometimes i'm what's bad for you. and i want you to be safe even though sometimes i'm not safe for you.

i want you to trust me even though i don't deserve to be trusted. 

and also i love you and i will always love you. and i'm bad at saying it when i'm mad and i'm bad at being mad and i'm so mean. 

i'm just hoping that betraying you doesn't mean the end of things and that you'll see that i'm the same person even though you just found out about something you didn't see before because it was always there but so far i've managed to keep you safer from myself than i did today.

and all the things.

and all kites come down to earth sometimes, when it's raining. when the weather is cold.

and they're still just as kites as they were before, wherever they are, and just because they're kites they have faith in the next day and in the sunshine.

stop

thinking

about