What I've been fighting for

The last time I dreamed of California it was to a jacks mannequins song And your face was the background. Now it's 11pm on a Friday night and I'm pool side Over five years later. You've ditched me for what feels like payback For that fall I said I wouldn't come there And fall in love like you wanted. You were betrayed. Bound to prove you could love besides me How did that work out Because, It saved me. My life is so different from then. I'm stronger, I think. From the girl who would wait around For your call When I should have been doing Anything else. It's been 10 years since I fell in love with you, And I feel like that doesn't matter anymore. That doesn't even feel like my life. That doesn't even feel like love anymore. That was obsession. That was lonely. That was insecure. That was filling the void. I've felt love, The way it's easy to breathe. I've felt safe, The way it's home outside of home. I've felt peace, The way it's calm, unlike the world outside. That's how I feel in my everyday. That day you walked away, I thought about death, For real, for the first time. It was like The end if the beginning, That I didn't quite understand, yet. So thank you, For not actually coming down because traffic was too bad. Because a part of me, Always wants to know you as a memory.. As a fake part of life, Never as something that could be apart of me