the only things I can serve are dead eyes and rot

That bit at the end where JB is internally begging Jude to forgive him.

"Forgive me, Jude. Forgive me

Forgive me

Forgive me

Forgive me"

In the episode that I watched, one of the characters (Rue) was having their storyline, but every now and then the scene would pause and change and suddenly it would be a different version of Rue explaining her thought process. It's similar to a mockumentary but not quite because the version of the character doing the explaining is technically a separate self-aware version of the show character.

So, say we were to do an A Little Life adaption, I think this would be a perfect thing to add because the book is so internal-monologue heavy.

You could have the Jude in the story and then internal monologue Jude in a separate setting (in the episode I watched, self-aware Rue was in a projection room) and it could alternate between the two. And then, of course, we could also do the same for Willem, JB, and Malcolm. Though this would be like a little surprise because the main person we'd be seeing is Jude.

That movie Willem did called 'Life After Death' could be a hint as to the bits of Jude's personality that he deems unacceptable / unlovable (and maybe in some extreme cases monsterous) and so keeps buried under most of the time.

The character which is used as a parallel Jude ( E ) is described as someone who (after her death) is liberated from her job in law with whiny clients, her sweet but mopey boyfriend, and overbearing parents.

But what I find more interesting is how E is described to act once she feels safe to be her unfiltered self. She 'stops behaving' - she dances, eats the food which is said to be 'plentiful', and makes 'catty comments' she otherwise wouldn’t have been able to make on earth.

And so it makes me want to understand more about how Jude truly wanted to act but had to refrain from doing so. Like yeah we see Jude make some catty comments here and there and indulge in some things, but I think this parallel to Life After Death is hinting that that Jude never truly felt comfortable indulging as much as he actually wanted to.

(Side note: I found it interesting how instead of using the word 'underworld', the word 'hell' is used. 'Hell' is more of a Christian thing, whereas 'Underworld' would be more of an accurate word to use when adapting a Greek myth. Maybe this was on purpose? Because Jude grew up Catholic. Say Jude went to Hell and was able to give into all his indulgances. He'd be giving into everything he grew up hearing was 'wrong').

There are three moments I can think of off the top of my head where Jude is unable to use his unfiltered humour:

1. When he refrains from asking Andy if he gets a prize if he reaches a certain number on The Tally because he knows it will only make Andy angry.

2. When he tries to make a joke about his death (like a 'yeah if I'm alive by then' joke) but Willem gets really upset at it.

3. When he's literally about to get his legs chopped off and his just about to make a joke but then Willem starts sobbing.

(Putting a pin that)

Jude describes how much he loves Harold's innocence. I imagine the innocence in his friends is something he valued a lot, but then I also think that there were probably moments where he probably wished for someone to understand the more obscure side of him (e.g his unfiltered humour).

I think what possibly makes it harder for Jude is the fact that he has such extreme sides to him which technically exist at the same time. You have Harold, who says he's a gentle person. But then you have Lucien describing him to be aggressive as if it's simply a known trait of his. And to Lucien, it is. It's just that we've mostly been seeing the parts of Jude's life where he's with Harold and Willem and that part off him is switched off / hidden.

That's not to say that Jude's gentleness, love, and kindness is an act - I think it's safe to say it's definitely real. It's more that the darker bits of Jude (his aggression, his relishing in letting out his aggression on people in court, his more morbid views and humour, etc) are things he likely feels the need to tone down / filter for the people he loves.

But the thing is, these things inevitably spill out, whether that be at work (a more controlled, socially acceptable environment), or as a reaction to grief (I'm thinking specifically about the anger he gets out after Willem's death. Technicallyyyy that was all legal but it was still a very messy situation)

For Willem it was a golden yellow.

For Malcolm it was blue.

And for Jude, it was a grey/silver

I think about how if Jude hadn't gotten the dreaminess and whimsy taken out of him (through his childhood and law school), his colour instead probably would have been something like green.