Cassiopeia's Curiosities

Another day, another audition. 

Another day, another callback. 

Another day, another long ass shift at work.

Rinse. Repeat. 

Why the hell am I writing this blog? Because I think character persons in this industry are often not accounted for, nor are their experiences and feelings shared, so I wanted to share mine.

Beware of brutal honesty, sarcasm, far too many ellipses, emotions, and swear words straight ahead… But hopefully some insight and opportunities for dialogue to be created as well! 

It’s been a little over 5 months since I’ve moved to the city and I’m exhausted. HAPPY, but utterly exhausted. I’ve been hitting the pavement practically every day, and submitting myself for countless auditions through Backstage, Playbill, Actors Access, etc. I work a part-time job that I absolutely adore, and now have gotten three other jobs in addition to my other job in order to pay bills because I am genuinely in love with my Astoria apartment, and don’t want to have to deal with moving elsewhere (the struggle to move is REAL Y’ALL). 

I’ve had everything from getting down to final callbacks for a lead in a national tour, to getting called in as the only non-equity performer for a show headed to Broadway… so why recently do I feel less-than? I’m in the city I love, getting in front of people who matter in this business who I grew up worshipping and are telling me I’m fabulous (which I never thought would happen, least of all, New York!)…  

I’ll tell you why: Because there’s this ginormous expectation to book something immediately following college. We’re constantly measuring our successes to jobs we book, and our peers and teachers and colleagues almost expect that. 

My favorite question: “What’re you up to nowadays? Have you booked anything?”

“Uh….Not yet. But I’m auditioning. And getting callbacks.” 

But no one will ever see that you were in final callbacks for a role, or that you auditioned for a Broadway show and did really well, or that casting people are telling you should be in your dream shows on Broadway RIGHT NOW. That stuff doesn’t go on your resume. What goes on your resume are productions, people you’ve worked with, and ridiculous special skills no one will probably pay attention to even though you desperately tried to be charming and clever in order to catch their attention. 

Something else that doesn’t go on your resume are your struggles: 

Your financial situation. 

How many hours of sleep you didn’t get preparing for a possible opportunity. 

How long you waited in line and didn’t get seen.

The awkward moment where they type you based on your headshot and you’re asked to go home even though your commute is an hour and a half and you hadn’t even been there for five minutes. 

None of that is on there. 

And BOY do people forget how difficult it is to be a woman in this business. Men are given (notice I didn’t say handed, because I’m a feminist, dammit) opportunities far more easier than women, and it’s even harder to book jobs as CHARACTER WOMEN, despite if you’re the best person in the room. I’m too fat and young to be a leading lady, but too thin and tall to be a character woman. I didn’t choose to look this way. How is that my fault?! The answer is this: it’s not. It’s not my fault I look like this. And I’ve changed my lifestyle to a much healthier one, and am taking caring of myself in every way I can… AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE COMPARING ME TO MUCH LARGER AND OLDER ACTRESSES WHEN I AM A SIZE 8/10 AND 22 GODDAMN YEARS OLD (steps off pedestal that was ten feet high). Can I play 60′s and up? Yup. Is that who I am? Call me in forty years and it will be… Just because I was probably the only person in college who could accurately portray those people does not mean that those older characters define me. 

I find it utterly carking that certain people can just show up, never have to endure a 5am cattle call, never have to take classes in order to get seen (or improve their abilities), and quite frankly, never have to WORK and suddenly they’re booking gigs while some of us are standing in the cold with blood in our boots… all because of who represents them, or what they look like. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “that’s just what ugly, untalented people say,” and yeah, it is. Call me ugly, fat, untalented, whatever the hell. I don’t necessarily disagree with you, but at the end of the day, I can guarantee you that I am the hardest working person there, who loves this more than air, (which is why I’ve put up with countless bullshit in high school and college) and I don’t plan on giving up any time soon. Blah blah blah YES, it is the business, and no, I will never be considered beautiful in the performance industry, but guess what? Neither was Meryl Streep until they saw her act. So I’ll take that ANY and EVERY day. 

And this whole “deserve” and “blessed” BS is driving me cuckoo bananas. You don’t DESERVE a performing opportunity, and nor are you BLESSED to perform. Hearing people say they are blessed to do a show, or someone deserves a role just seems phony… #mytwocents 

But, amongst all of this negative energy I just threw out in the social media stratosphere, (which is a helluva way to get started on this here blog! Haha!) I also pledge to write three things that have been positive in my life as a character woman, because it’s so easy for us as performers to lock in on the bad, and not realize just how great we have it… we’re getting paid to play pretend after all; and honestly, us character folks, when given the chance, have the opportunity to create some magic on some pretty outstanding characters. 

1. I recently did a showcase with an outside company and we get to have our comment sheets from the agents after we’re done, and across the board, everyone said they read my type as “Sassy, bold, brassy best friend/girl-next-door and my age range was mid-late twenties.” I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO SEE THAT SOMEONE SAW ME AS SOMEONE IN MY TWENTIES. Sometimes when you play people far older than you for so long, you forget what your actual age is… #cuetheTSwiftsong

And BOY did it feel good to have people praising my singing voice and not just my acting… I still hate singing in front of people because of insecurities from college, so I’m constantly trying to get over that hump, so this was a huge success for me and my conscience. SO HOORAY FOR FIRST POSITIVE CHARACTER WOMAN BULLET POINT! 

2. I’m going in for roles I genuinely LOVE, and they are smart, funny, brassy, bold women who aren’t just scrap roles… ex: Rosie in Mamma Mia, Dyanne in Million Dollar Quartet, Miss Hannigan in Annie, etc. 

3. Being a character person, there’s this odd assumption that you’re not a well- versed dancer, because there’s this stigma that character people are only good at one discipline, so when you do well in a mover/dancer call, people notice in the best kinda way. AYOOOOOOOO. #dancerfirstribbontwirlersecond.

I leave you with a quote seeing as this is the end of my first blog post: 

“What’s great about being a character actor is you know that you can survive forever. It’s not about the gloss of your eyebrows” - Martin Short

I suppose this is the beginning. Follow or not, I’ll still be here typing away. 

Over and Out,

You're trying to make it in a different market than I am but I can identify with a lot of these feels.

Young character women ftw ☆