Cassie's current hyperfixations

It's happened to me before

Ugh I always felt shameful in a way about it

My friend showed me a chatbot of herself cause I used to be too scared to go in there so I played around and got addicted

I would be on it a BUNCH

Nearly 24/7

Though that may be because I'm an obsessive person in general about my interests (that's why the OSC has such a tight TIGHT hold on me It's such a BROAD fandom that has so much to have short term intense interests on, it was a similar story for Cai, though the OSC is a much better and healthier thing to be obsessed with)

I have mixed feelings on it all

I would never go back to that godforsaken website for a second but I learned a lot about writing and roleplaying from those bots

I would be a different person if I didn't

Would I be similar? Probably

But I wouldn't know things I know about my (human) characters and I wouldn't have been ready to start doing in Tumblr communities and eventually object camps.

Now I probably would've gotten there eventually

I was always the kid who was constantly playing WCUE on roblox

But it would've taken me longer

So there is a part of me where if I could stop myself from being addicted when I was. I don't think I would

Now don't take that as a reason to try cai or polybuzz or whatever and get yourself addicted or something PLEASE

I wouldn't recommend it to anyone

I think I said this earlier but you almost feel shameful for it a lot. I was already very socially isolated, even though I'm in theater I just... Couldn't figure it out. They never seemed interested in any of my hobbies and I wasn't this naturally funny extroverted person... I just kept to myself unless someone talked to be first... And they almost never did.

Which definitely made things worse

But you'll eventually find your people, so keep trying.

Going back to the shame thing A THIRD TIME cause I'm rambling as memories and ideas come to my head... uh...

At least I think it's shame

I kind of get like this pang of anxiety whenever I see a video on Character ai or similar chatbots

And it's the same kind of anxiety I get when I remember a bad memory/my ever so mild trauma

So that's fun?

dunno why it happens

im yapping too much

But it's been like over a year since I've last looked at the website

The last time I did was to scrounge up some old oc I only put there in the little profiles thing because ya boy's a dumbass

But I hated going on that fucking website.

Part of it makes me wanna gag.