Cassie’s Dumpster Fire

Now mind you my introduction to 40k was on the straight man side of the fandom so this aspect of the books was never mentioned or it was written off by the mainstream male fandom as “fanfiction from some weird fans”

So Imagine my shock when I found out that Curze really did call Corax “little raven” in the book. My jaw hit the floor. And all this time I thought that was a fanfic petname thing. I even thought “the pet name is a little much, that’s a little cheesy isn’t it” - WELL.

Or Horus and Sanguinius being actually a couple. I thought it was a “they’re just casual buddies in the book and ppl ship them, the usual” - NU UH. It’s shit like “ouuu don’t make me come over there and pluck your feathers you naughty naughty boy” “arrw you wouldn’t you silly goose 😏” - THEY ACTUALLY ARE ABOUT TO FUCK RIGHT HERE ON MY BOOK PAGE.

And the general extreme homoeroticism of the books - WHEW. Nobody prepared me

I thought these would be nerd books full of nerd jargon - imagine my shock when I pick up the Konrad book and THIS READS LIKE A FIC. This is borderline EROTICA in some places. The way Konrad is described, the language that’s used - honey I KNOW an author being down bad for their mc when I see one and that’s one.

Men are shocked that we think Konrad is hot and the book reads like “He caressed his perfect marble body with his black nails, shivering sensuously, his tears streaming down to reveal the godlike perfectly sculpted features underneath, he was a cruel angel” - these are actual paraphrased book quotes. I didn’t make any of these up. The only thing missing from there is “and Tourniquet from Evanescence was playing”.

The fight between Corax and Konrad is straight off ao3. Curze is literally flirting with him the whole time. Reading everything he says about him thru the lore, he’s literally in love with Corax yandere style, idk how else to put it. It’s basic media literacy atp 😭. He’s sitting in his cave obsessively stabbing his corax doll with a heart shaped pin muttering “I love you I hate you I love you i hate you”

The scenes between Sevatar and Konrad are borderline indistinguishable from fics about them minus actually getting down to fucking. Those men are hopelessly devoted to each other.

Curze is in love with everyone he knows,it’s crazy. The fact that he had clear feelings for Sanguinius I don’t even need to say it (and was so upset that they weren’t reciprocated). Bro is about as horny and a yearner as Fulgrim but at least Fulgrim had the excuse of just being sassy and slaaneshi

All the books are fics without the fucking and kissing. Basically.

I literally don’t know how straight bros can read all these books and still think “nah there nothing sexual or erotic about warhammer”.

“Yeah all these primarchs and astartes are 100% sexless and feel nothing for anyone, trust me bro, the Emperor blocked the sex, the gay and the horny out of everyone”

How did I miss this?

This was all i could think about since the reveal of Peter's new design, Giant Mecha Battles!

And the Revised Triumvirate's reaction,

Lion and Dante bet on who will win, Guilliman looks the most concerned but truthfully he's too overworked to involve himself, letting the problem resolve itself for once is a dream come true.

Bonus, colors:

My first post, i figured i might as well start posting my paints for my warhammer minis! Hopefully yall enjoy them as much as i did making them. Love you guys and stay beautiful <3