asst prof in fandom obsessions (actually in psychology sort of but you wouldn't know that from relative time spent on each) here you will find things related to bertha russell, zelda spellman, regina mills, helen magnus, river song, irina derevko, leverage, carrie coon, gillian anderson, miranda otto, sarah paulson, meryl streep, emma thompson, awesome women in general, west wing, scandal, bsg sometimes I attempt graphic making or fic writing; occasionally I rant or reblog about media representation pic above, credit Emmet Gowin, photograph
Do you have any headcanons about George and Bertha when they first met? ☺️
Oooh, I don't actually have strong ones where I'm like, "I definitely feel x happened" or whatever. I guess I have various ways I could imagine they got together.
I suppose it hasn't explicitly been said in the show but I think Bertha's family was poorer than George's but I think neither of them came from any particular wealth. I feel like Bertha was very much in "time to find a husband" mode, whereas I mostly think George was not much of a ladies man and was much more focused on schemes to take over the world via railroads. (Sometimes in my head I play around with him being more of a womanizer? But it just doesn't fit with how he is now for me. He literally seems to not even notice other women. So maybe he was and then converted? But I could also see him just being very single-minded/all business and then Bertha sort of throwing that axis on tilt.)
I think Bertha felt an affinity for George that was kind of overwhelming because she had been very structured and rational in her thinking, but I also think she's quite good at covering for accidental emotionality. Whatever her trauma was in childhood, that was definitely an outcome. We see it when she coolly dismisses Aurora in the first episode even though the hurt of it has her sobbing later, when Mrs. Astor appears unexpectedly and she holds her ground even though a second ago she was clearly anxious, when she doesn't flinch learning about Turner or Turner's insinuation about George even though clearly she lets her guard down with him later, and we see it when she's literally about to be in tears when George leaves and then swallows it all down to hug Gladys. So I think she might have had lots of feelings for George but just pushed them all down so as to not ruin her strategy, whatever it was. And in some sense this is why George thinks he loves her more than she loves him.
But I also think that George thought having a wife would be a burden in some sense. Like, oh she'll nag me to do x or drag me to y and she won't like that I work all the time. And then he met Bertha and that all just exploded. She didn't do that, but also he hadn't really considered he'd *want* to do things for her rather than be nagged? And I think he's much less encumbered by "should I/shouldn't I" thoughts than Bertha. He's a guy who has generally done what he wanted and gotten good results. And now what he wants is Bertha and romance with Bertha so he does that now.
I realize I'm largely re-writing my arranged marriage AU for them, anon, minus the arranged marriage bit, so perhaps read that for a general vibe? The psychology I imagine for them is the same, I just think in canon it'd be more like "saw you across a crowded ballroom" moment.
Oh, and then I think they had Larry (1860), and then when trying for a 2nd George went off to be a war profiteer/soldier during the Civil War and the immediately upon the war ending came home and knocked Bertha up again, and that's why there's that 6 year gap in age between them.
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Alright, strap in, folks. Compiled hints and spoilers for Gilded Age Season 4 under the cut.
Generally speaking, I'd bet money we start in late winter/early spring 1885. (Season 3 ended in September(ish) of 1884.) All three prior seasons have started at that time of year, and Sonja is on record saying that the season will take place in 1885 and a bit of 1886, so I'm guessing there's no 1884 in Season 4 at all.
Two bits that don't obvious fit elsewhere below. The Statue of Liberty ticker tape parade has been widely leaked. According to this flyer it happens in show-land in Oct 1885, so I'd guess it's near the end of the season? And there's some orientalism afoot. Doubtful that they'll engage with it much beyond aesthetics, but there are opium dens and the rampant abuse of Chinese immigrants during railroad construction to engage with should they choose to.
Now for the characters:
Bertha
We get one shot of Bertha entering 61st St and preparing to greet someone with seeming warmth. This looks like a traveling cloak to me, though lots of speculation that it reads like maternity wear. I'd say that it's her returning from England where she's been for Gladys's birth, but then who is she greeting so warmly?
Then we get a series of clips with this dress
Agnes says, "Please tell me who did you buy to get them over to your side?" and Bertha says "Life's meaning isn't where we came from, it's where we're going." Definitely in the same scene but not necessarily in that order, though if I had to guess I'd say it would be and it relates to Agnes's new VP position preserving the city's history.
Christine says she gets to go "head-to-head" with Bertha which implies this could be an actual plotline.
Possible casting notices related to that plot:
Mrs. Knapp Curtis, the trailblazing editor of the popular periodical The Ladies’ Home Journal -> maybe part of one of their campaigns to build/preserve whatever it is they're fighting about
Lee Klein, an artist who sells his first painting at an unforgettable Society event, and an apprentice to the famed artist William Merritt Chase -> "unforgettable society event" feels quite Bertha
Nurse Virginia Saville, a kind nurse who works at the Neighborhood Settlement House in the Lower East Side -> more doubtful, but perhaps related to whatever area will be torn down/preserved?
Same dress as before, but Bertha's looking back over her shoulder now with some real foreboding. George returning to 61st St? Who knows.
In terms of plot beats I'd bet: ep 1, in England with Gladys; ep 2-4, in NYC estranged from George, striving and fighting with Agnes; then some version of reconciliation/need a united front against enemies to round things out.
George
We've got two clips of George from the leaked upfronts BTS. In neither does he appear to be doing particularly well. "Things have changed, keep up!" could be being said to just about anyone. Worth noting that he's saying it from his home office, so he does pop up there at least at some point. Perhaps he's back at home, or maybe he just works from there sometimes. He also is drinking, and seems a little unkempt and tired also in bts stills, so odds are up on an addiction storyline.
Possible casting notices related to this:
Grover Cleveland, the 22nd President of the United States, who comes to New York to curry favor with the elite class.
Daniel Manning, a seasoned politician and Secretary of the Treasury under President Grover Cleveland.
(Casting calls for presidential entourage, featured dinner guests and presidential dinner guests)
John D. Rockefeller, the famed businessman and oil tycoon. A thin, self-made man of humble origins, now one of the richest and most powerful in the world. A devout Baptist and philanthropist, he does not always see eye to eye with his fellow robber barons
Dr. Reginald Harris, William Kirkland’s mentor, who visits New York to fundraise for the Freedman’s Hospital in Washington, DC, and makes a surprising connection
Ok, so (at least) two sets of plot lines hinted at here. Cleveland is in town and appears to come well before the ticker tape parade that's leaked to try to "curry favor". There's going to be some kind of dinner while he's in town and some political plot lines. It's worth noting that Cleveland famously screwed over men like George by, you know, actually applying a regulatory framework to the railroad industry which was a bit of a financial wild west at the time. No idea if they'll get into this, but could be fodder for Morgan's quote that "things aren't getting any better for George" in addition to the addiction possibility.
Second plot relates to Rockefeller. I've speculated that post-shooting George will want to make his life "meaningful" and rich people often do that by giving money/naming things after themselves/getting legacy. Rockefeller certainly did, so maybe he helps George see there's a better way to robber baron?
Biggest speculatory swing is that the "surprising connection" for Dr. Harris is George. If they really do an addiction storyline, maybe he helps George recover? If they don't, maybe the doctor's fundraising solution is George? Not a crazy leap given that he's Kirkland's mentor. Could easily be a "I know a handy robber baron who owes me one, want me to send him a note" kind of moment. (If George does get sober with help of a Kirkland-adjacent Black man, I will take my royalties in the form of bts Carrie Coon content pls, HBO? Jk...but also, please?)
Larry and Marian (and Jack)
First we get a pair of scenes with Marian in this blue dress. She and Larry are out dancing and then she looks shocked. No engagement ring on and she's not in a tiara so they're definitely not married/engaged yet.
But we do have Bridget seemingly overseeing them put out an awful lot of white flowers. Could be for Oscar's wedding celebration? Though I kind of think Oscar/Enid will tie the knot off-screen and already be married by the time the season starts. If so, maybe this is to celebrate a re-engagement?
Jack and Larry are still hanging out (possibly working together?) though Larry also has a new job as the producer of Pirates of Penzance. He also, at some point, runs through the ticker tape parade for the Statue of Liberty looking concerned.
Possibly cast related:
Nurse Virginia Saville, a kind nurse who works at the Neighborhood Settlement House in the Lower East Side -> lots of speculation that Marian will want to get into nursing post-saving George, so perhaps this is related to that
Porter, a young gentleman of Society with an Ivy League education and money to invest in exciting new ventures -> plausible that Jack's looking for investors (with or without Larry) and bumps into him
Fiona Summers: cousin to the prominent Astors, Fiona is a free-spirited young woman from a good family who is not afraid to explore the limits of convention -> feels like she's most likely to crop up with Larry and Marian?
Peggy and Kirkland
I don't have screenshots, but from the synopsis and leaks so far it seems they are not married yet at the start of the season. I'm guessing they justify the longer engagement because Mrs. Kirkland is continuing to be a pill about everything. There were casting calls for Black elite "event guests" in Troy which strongly seems like it would be for Peggy's wedding. (Troy is Black Newport, which will never not be funny in a very dark way to me.) So I'd guess, a couple of eps of lead-up wedding drama, then a fairytale wedding and then...? No obvious hints so far.
Gladys and Hector
Both are notably absent from any of the footage out so far. I'm guessing this is because the footage of them is all more heavily spoiler-y so they're avoiding including it.
This casting call seems very likely to be for Gladys's baby. (Newport is where they film Devon as well.) If so, perhaps the main scenes they've shot of either of them so far involve Gladys very pregnant (which would spoil how big of a time jump we have) or Gladys with a baby (ditto).
As for plot lines, no hints. If I had to guess, they'd turn up in the states again at some point (maybe towards the end of the season) but who knows. I assume we will never get closure on how George found out Gladys was pregnant (and happy) and why that failed to remove the stick up his ass, but perhaps miracles do happen.
Oscar (and Enid) + Agnes and Ada
Oscar has some fun new facial hair. Agnes is fighting with Bertha. Agnes and Ada are still fighting for dominance at home. Nothing major to report.
There are also a few shots of Bridget in out-of-work clothes, so presumably more of her going out and about (with Jack?) in our future.
As always, watch this space (or twitter) for more of me losing my mind. <3
Updates! I'll try to keep updating here as more things leak and then will do a new post should that become unwieldy.
(cut for spoilers)
It's looking like Season 4 will have (at least) two weddings. I had previously speculated that Oscar and Turner's would happen off-screen but that seems to have been wrong. Check out Oscar below with a bride.
There was some speculation this could be him walking Marian down the aisle. But someone on tiktok posted the following (seeming from the same day? Though Oscar now has a flower? But I think that's the same cravat) and that's definitely Marian + household staff in attendance. Also worth noting that Carrie and Morgan and Ben were all at events in the city Sunday/Monday, and it's a solid 3 hours to go back and forth. None of them would attend Oscar/Turner but all would attend a Larry/Marian wedding, so I think we'll see Oscar's wedding on screen.
And, earlier speculation about casting for Black elite event guests seems to have been accurate, because here's Peggy looking awfully bridal. Whether this is her actual wedding dress or a wedding event of some kind seems unclear. (The hat feels not particularly wedding-day to me? But I am not an expert in such things.) But regardless, looks like a summery wedding in Newport is in her future.
Incoming Gilded Age Season 4 Theory: I've gone down a rabbit hole of (real) Gilded Age history since I started watching the show in 2022. One thing I noticed in the teaser clip released this week for season 4 is that Bertha is wearing a white dress with a gold sash. New York suffragists were known for wearing white, gold and purple as their emblematic colors. I can't help but wonder if Bertha and Agnes find themselves in opposing groups both fighting for the same end goal of suffrage (which was a real thing, unbelievably, early on in the U.S. in the struggle for women's right to vote).
I absolutely think season 3 was littered with hints that we'll be getting a suffrage plotline in season 4, and the theme of independence fits in so perfectly with Bertha being thrown off the deep end by her husband. I can see her wanting to rise above it all and raise her own status independently of him by diving into the fight for women's right to vote.
Definitely suspect there will be some suffrage vibes and love OP's insight on the costumes. Kasia is always up on the themes so the costumes we see probably are better hints of plot than anything else.
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Alright, strap in, folks. Compiled hints and spoilers for Gilded Age Season 4 under the cut.
Generally speaking, I'd bet money we start in late winter/early spring 1885. (Season 3 ended in September(ish) of 1884.) All three prior seasons have started at that time of year, and Sonja is on record saying that the season will take place in 1885 and a bit of 1886, so I'm guessing there's no 1884 in Season 4 at all.
Two bits that don't obvious fit elsewhere below. The Statue of Liberty ticker tape parade has been widely leaked. According to this flyer it happens in show-land in Oct 1885, so I'd guess it's near the end of the season? And there's some orientalism afoot. Doubtful that they'll engage with it much beyond aesthetics, but there are opium dens and the rampant abuse of Chinese immigrants during railroad construction to engage with should they choose to.
Now for the characters:
Bertha
We get one shot of Bertha entering 61st St and preparing to greet someone with seeming warmth. This looks like a traveling cloak to me, though lots of speculation that it reads like maternity wear. I'd say that it's her returning from England where she's been for Gladys's birth, but then who is she greeting so warmly?
Then we get a series of clips with this dress
Agnes says, "Please tell me who did you buy to get them over to your side?" and Bertha says "Life's meaning isn't where we came from, it's where we're going." Definitely in the same scene but not necessarily in that order, though if I had to guess I'd say it would be and it relates to Agnes's new VP position preserving the city's history.
Christine says she gets to go "head-to-head" with Bertha which implies this could be an actual plotline.
Possible casting notices related to that plot:
Mrs. Knapp Curtis, the trailblazing editor of the popular periodical The Ladies’ Home Journal -> maybe part of one of their campaigns to build/preserve whatever it is they're fighting about
Lee Klein, an artist who sells his first painting at an unforgettable Society event, and an apprentice to the famed artist William Merritt Chase -> "unforgettable society event" feels quite Bertha
Nurse Virginia Saville, a kind nurse who works at the Neighborhood Settlement House in the Lower East Side -> more doubtful, but perhaps related to whatever area will be torn down/preserved?
Same dress as before, but Bertha's looking back over her shoulder now with some real foreboding. George returning to 61st St? Who knows.
In terms of plot beats I'd bet: ep 1, in England with Gladys; ep 2-4, in NYC estranged from George, striving and fighting with Agnes; then some version of reconciliation/need a united front against enemies to round things out.
George
We've got two clips of George from the leaked upfronts BTS. In neither does he appear to be doing particularly well. "Things have changed, keep up!" could be being said to just about anyone. Worth noting that he's saying it from his home office, so he does pop up there at least at some point. Perhaps he's back at home, or maybe he just works from there sometimes. He also is drinking, and seems a little unkempt and tired also in bts stills, so odds are up on an addiction storyline.
Possible casting notices related to this:
Grover Cleveland, the 22nd President of the United States, who comes to New York to curry favor with the elite class.
Daniel Manning, a seasoned politician and Secretary of the Treasury under President Grover Cleveland.
(Casting calls for presidential entourage, featured dinner guests and presidential dinner guests)
John D. Rockefeller, the famed businessman and oil tycoon. A thin, self-made man of humble origins, now one of the richest and most powerful in the world. A devout Baptist and philanthropist, he does not always see eye to eye with his fellow robber barons
Dr. Reginald Harris, William Kirkland’s mentor, who visits New York to fundraise for the Freedman’s Hospital in Washington, DC, and makes a surprising connection
Ok, so (at least) two sets of plot lines hinted at here. Cleveland is in town and appears to come well before the ticker tape parade that's leaked to try to "curry favor". There's going to be some kind of dinner while he's in town and some political plot lines. It's worth noting that Cleveland famously screwed over men like George by, you know, actually applying a regulatory framework to the railroad industry which was a bit of a financial wild west at the time. No idea if they'll get into this, but could be fodder for Morgan's quote that "things aren't getting any better for George" in addition to the addiction possibility.
Second plot relates to Rockefeller. I've speculated that post-shooting George will want to make his life "meaningful" and rich people often do that by giving money/naming things after themselves/getting legacy. Rockefeller certainly did, so maybe he helps George see there's a better way to robber baron?
Biggest speculatory swing is that the "surprising connection" for Dr. Harris is George. If they really do an addiction storyline, maybe he helps George recover? If they don't, maybe the doctor's fundraising solution is George? Not a crazy leap given that he's Kirkland's mentor. Could easily be a "I know a handy robber baron who owes me one, want me to send him a note" kind of moment. (If George does get sober with help of a Kirkland-adjacent Black man, I will take my royalties in the form of bts Carrie Coon content pls, HBO? Jk...but also, please?)
Larry and Marian (and Jack)
First we get a pair of scenes with Marian in this blue dress. She and Larry are out dancing and then she looks shocked. No engagement ring on and she's not in a tiara so they're definitely not married/engaged yet.
But we do have Bridget seemingly overseeing them put out an awful lot of white flowers. Could be for Oscar's wedding celebration? Though I kind of think Oscar/Enid will tie the knot off-screen and already be married by the time the season starts. If so, maybe this is to celebrate a re-engagement?
Jack and Larry are still hanging out (possibly working together?) though Larry also has a new job as the producer of Pirates of Penzance. He also, at some point, runs through the ticker tape parade for the Statue of Liberty looking concerned.
Possibly cast related:
Nurse Virginia Saville, a kind nurse who works at the Neighborhood Settlement House in the Lower East Side -> lots of speculation that Marian will want to get into nursing post-saving George, so perhaps this is related to that
Porter, a young gentleman of Society with an Ivy League education and money to invest in exciting new ventures -> plausible that Jack's looking for investors (with or without Larry) and bumps into him
Fiona Summers: cousin to the prominent Astors, Fiona is a free-spirited young woman from a good family who is not afraid to explore the limits of convention -> feels like she's most likely to crop up with Larry and Marian?
Peggy and Kirkland
I don't have screenshots, but from the synopsis and leaks so far it seems they are not married yet at the start of the season. I'm guessing they justify the longer engagement because Mrs. Kirkland is continuing to be a pill about everything. There were casting calls for Black elite "event guests" in Troy which strongly seems like it would be for Peggy's wedding. (Troy is Black Newport, which will never not be funny in a very dark way to me.) So I'd guess, a couple of eps of lead-up wedding drama, then a fairytale wedding and then...? No obvious hints so far.
Gladys and Hector
Both are notably absent from any of the footage out so far. I'm guessing this is because the footage of them is all more heavily spoiler-y so they're avoiding including it.
This casting call seems very likely to be for Gladys's baby. (Newport is where they film Devon as well.) If so, perhaps the main scenes they've shot of either of them so far involve Gladys very pregnant (which would spoil how big of a time jump we have) or Gladys with a baby (ditto).
As for plot lines, no hints. If I had to guess, they'd turn up in the states again at some point (maybe towards the end of the season) but who knows. I assume we will never get closure on how George found out Gladys was pregnant (and happy) and why that failed to remove the stick up his ass, but perhaps miracles do happen.
Oscar (and Enid) + Agnes and Ada
Oscar has some fun new facial hair. Agnes is fighting with Bertha. Agnes and Ada are still fighting for dominance at home. Nothing major to report.
There are also a few shots of Bridget in out-of-work clothes, so presumably more of her going out and about (with Jack?) in our future.
As always, watch this space (or twitter) for more of me losing my mind. <3
It's twenty-eight years since George Russell flung a few belongings in a duffel bag, grabbed all the money he could lay his hands on, and fled for the wide open spaces of the west.
In which the prodigal son returns home to New York and immediately sets about coveting his brother's wife.
4 ⧽. is there an au or trope that you haven't written before, but would want to try?
This is cheating because I started writing it and just never finished it or posted it, but I would like to do an academia AU. Otherwise, I kind of do write whatever comes to mind, so I don't know that there's anything I'd like to do that I haven't jumped on yet.
14 ⧽. is there anything outside of your normal content that you want to write?
Occasionally I contemplate writing original fiction. But thus far nothing has moved me. And really I should just do my actual job. Like I write fanfic because it won't leave me alone, and then I finish fanfic because of a sense of pride, so if no original stories bug me that same way, I can't imagine I'd ever write one.
20 ⧽. answer any one of the other questions that you want to!
If Count the Ways had been out when I started writing my current post-season 3 fic, I totally would have given it a chapter title. It's so them in the most terrifically, horrifically oww way possible. So I suppose that's my answer to 17. Not that it would be song fic per se, but just that it would be song-related.
10 ⧽. what genre is generally the easiest or most enjoyable for you to write? which is the hardest? <3
I mean, this perhaps should be embarrassing to report, but generally speaking the easiest is porn. I mean, that's kind of where I start with a pairing and then eventually I need to give more creative surroundings to the porn I want to write and thus plot emerges.
I don't really have genres for my writing other than those, I think, which perhaps reveals that by "hardest" I should say lots because I just never write them. I guess I write things that have elements of like fluff or hurt/comfort or whatnot, but I never think of that as explicitly the genre of the fic. Not sure what that says about me and/or my writing.
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1 ⧽. if you could sit down and finish any one of your wips without anything stopping you (time, tiredness, etc), which fic would you choose? tell us about it if you want!
Ooh, hm. I mean I would like to finish the CAOS fic that needs one more chapter just because I have it as a point of pride that I have never had unfinished WIPs and that is the only blemish on my record. But realistically I think I would want it to be one of the two long george/bertha plotty fics I have percolating that I haven't reallly started. One is another post-S3 fic with the idea of them being "separated" but slowly working their way back together for business/social reasons and then falling in love. So, sort of enemies-to-lovers-esque but when the enemies are already married. The second is an Americans-esque AU where George used to work for the CIA and Bertha was his asset in the USSR who he smuggled out against rules when he fell madly in love with her and then they both said they "quit" their jobs and raised a family and the all hell breaks loose when Gladys gets kidnapped one day.
2 ⧽. if you could sit down and finish any completely new fic without anything stopping you (time, tiredness, etc), what would you write? tell us about it if you want!
Ooh, my bad, I guess both of those later ones count in this category, really. So I think they're my answer here. Also the modern billionaires one. That one has a few thousand words scattered about already. CIA fic had like part of a chapter, and the other has nothing but plotbunnies. We shall see.
3 ⧽. what's something you like about your writing?
How dare you make me answer this, honestly. I don't know, man, I think sometimes I get the voice for someone really right? And that feels good. And I think some sex scenes I've written are pretty hot. Not always, but sometimes it hits right.
6 ⧽. if you were to write a part two/sequel to a fic, what fic would you want to write it for?
I mean there's always room for more mobland, but I think if it was going to be anything other than that it would probably be something for pastry fic. Like an epilogue or something.
9 ⧽. tell us about a wip/idea that you're excited about!
I feel no excitement for anything really at the moment. It's a (chemically induced) problem. I do want to write the modern billionaires fic though, and also maybe write the HMoney academia AU that I started and never finished because I think bits of that were quite good.
1 ⧽. if you could sit down and finish any one of your wips without anything stopping you (time, tiredness, etc), which fic would you choose? tell us about it if you want!
2 ⧽. if you could sit down and finish any completely new fic without anything stopping you (time, tiredness, etc), what would you write? tell us about it if you want!
3 ⧽. what's something you like about your writing?
4 ⧽. is there an au or trope that you haven't written before, but would want to try?
5 ⧽. is there a certain kind of fic that feels the most satisfying to finish? any reason why?
6 ⧽. if you were to write a part two/sequel to a fic, what fic would you want to write it for?
7 ⧽. is there a fic you wish you received feedback on, but didn't get any/much? this ask game is asking someone else to then give feedback on said fic, pretty pretty please!!!
8 ⧽. what part of [insert fic] is your favorite?
9 ⧽. tell us about a wip/idea that you're excited about!
10 ⧽. what genre is generally the easiest or most enjoyable for you to write? which is the hardest?
11 ⧽. if you were to rewrite [insert fic] with [insert different character/ship] how do you think it might change?
12 ⧽. what's a song or two you associate with [insert fic]?
13 ⧽. do you have any writing projects/goals/plans you're working on/want to work on?
14 ⧽. is there anything outside of your normal content that you want to write?
15 ⧽. if you wrote a fic called [insert title] with [insert character/ship] what do you think it might be about?
16 ⧽. if you wrote a fic called [insert title] what character/ship would you want to write it for?
17 ⧽. are there any songs you want to write a songfic for?
18 ⧽. how do you want your writing to feel to your readers?
19 ⧽. give a hint/teaser about something you're writing without any context or explanation! tease us haha
20 ⧽. answer any one of the other questions that you want to!
What do you think I should do if I really want to write for fandom but am worried it’ll be bad/ don’t know how to start?
Awww, great question! If that's the case, then I think you should write fanfiction. I know that sounds silly, but there's no real on-ramp. I started writing fanfiction because I was obsessed with Adelle DeWitt and wanted to think more Adelle DeWitt thoughts and then eventually some of those thoughts had words attached more clearly and so I wrote those down and then posted them on livejournal. (I am old.)
I think what I first wrote was pretty bad, but lots of fanfiction is pretty bad and this does not diminish the joy of either the writer (I was still stoked) or the readers (some of whom still commented that they liked it) and that's all it's for, so it's still a win. This is to say, as a first goal if you want to write, I'd worry less about it being bad. Worrying that it will be bad (often) stops one doing the things that can improve the bad thing, and so is not the most helpful.
Instead, practice by writing. Then reread what you wrote later. Does it make you feel the way you want it to make you feel? Does it make you envision what you want to bring to life? Does it sound the way it sounded in your brain? Basically does it scratch the right itch? If not, tinker.
Reach out to (fandom) friends and have them read it. Ask the same things. I regularly share what I write with a few people and whine that it doesn't feel right or I'm worried it's not in character, and sometimes they nicely tell me to shut up it's fine, but sometimes they also make very sage suggestions and things improve. I think lots
Also, read lots. I am bad at doing this with fiction, but my real job does involve me reading and writing lots (of boring things) and I think even that helps, but I think reading writing that you want to write like lets you sort of osmosis it into your brain.
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