MR. BRIGHTSIDE.

if lily were to take a day to sit back and ruminate, she would come to the realization that the majority of her friends were more friendly acquaintances than anything else. the people she’d collaborated with ?? they were certainly on friendly terms, but they didn’t go out of their way to see each other. the people who were looking to her for advice ?? they were certainly on good terms, but she didn’t see them much unless there was something dire. it was refreshing – someone stopping by for no specific reason. of course, she wasn’t aware of why it seemed refreshing, but that was the reason. “ after all of this time !! what – would you prefer st. barth’s ?? ” she continued, mirroring his faux disgust. breaking character ( she really should’ve won an oscar ), she replied, “ i mean, to be fair, what would be the fun in knowing ?? ”

something interesting she’d learned once ( that wasn’t worthy of sharing, but why not remember ?? ): mcdonald’s was objectively better in quality. for some reason, she’d always assumed it would’ve been the opposite – perhaps because burger king carried less chains, so a better eye could be kept on them ?? “ goddamnit, cash. what else am i supposed to do with this ?? ” she held the phone up, waving it once, then brought it back down to safety and turned it off herself. “ so, what’s been the feedback on it ?? ” the briefest of pauses. “ your album, not your nudes. ” she’d listened. she’d formed her opinion. but, she wanted to hear the general consensus before sharing her own.

       he grinned as she waved his phone around, throwing his hands up in defeat. what else was his phone for if not his nudes? it was an excellent question. “ i don’t know, i’m pretty high up in candy crush, you could always give it a go. ” he offered, as he begun to dissect the contents of the bags all over her countertop. cash was typically a very clean eater, regardless of his touring schedule. his weight rarely yo-yo’ed between a strict gym routine and meal preps but album drops were a whole other ballpark. he needed more than just the work out endorphins. in fact, he needed high strength chemical bad boys that came from a shit ton of chemicals he knew he’d regret next week. “ i should’ve got tacobell. ” he muttered to himself.

“ i know it’s terrible but i honestly cannot stop reading the tanacon tag that’s on twitter. it’s like a fuckin’ car crash: terrible but i can’t look away. “ his eyes are glued to the screen of his phone, scrolling through countless tweets complaining about the disaster. “ people are calling it the fyre festival of youtube conventions. and get this, people paid seventy dollars for a vip pass, that included this vip bag right? want to know what was in it? “ he asked, responding before the other could answer. “ some stickers and a rubber. a fuckin’ rubber! “ he laughed.

here with me/speechless

he wrung his hands over and over, keeping his aggitated hands moving to aid his distaction as he waited on her. cash wasn’t nervous. he’d passed that stage about an hour ago and was now riding the line of being so stressed that he no longer felt stressed at all, because his brain was a hazy mess doing just enough to keep his vital functions going. it had been a long time since he was face to face with brighde. three years give or take. his insides felt like he’d tried to ingest glass at the thought. it wasn’t supposed to be so long, he thought miserably. it had only been intended for an adjustment period. just long enough that cash could ease the boy into this life, long enough to figure out how to out who he was to the public with the least impact possible. long enough that he could ensure that the boy knew what he was getting into and cash could position himself between the public and the boy. he wasn’t sure they were any closer to achieving that even now. three years and cash still had no explanations for her or any one else that had been put on the backburner while he’d attempted to get his house in order.

it had taken him longer than he cared to admit to send the meetup location; trying to think of somewhere that was out of the public eye and also had no significance for them. he’d settled on a strip of beach he typically surfed at. it wasn’t abandoned but compared to LA’s busy coffee shops and bars, it seemed the best option he had on short notice. he noted her frame coming down the sand and cash abruptly stood. he didn’t need to debate if this was a mistake, he knew it was. she was going to be pissed beyond belief, hurt beyond measure and he still had no answers to satisfy her. all he could really say was he’d given in to a impulse he shouldn’t have. sighing, he dusted the sand from his hands onto his jeans and gave a half wave to ensure she knew it was him. before he knew what he was doing, his arms had crossed defensively, waiting for her verbal lashing. “ thanks for coming. ” he offered softly, unsure what to say next. this wasn’t an amicable ex scenario, nor was it hostile. it just hurt.

CASH SOMMER’S DRAMATIC STREAK IS ALIVE AND WELL;

INCOMING   SNAP:   @cashsommer​

BRIGHID:   will   you   respond   to   this ?   my   gut   answer   is   no. BRIGHID:   to   level   with   you ,   idk   why   i’m   messaging   you   at   all. BRIGHID:   after   everything ,   after   all   these   years   and   what   i   went   through. BRIGHID:   alone ,   might   i   add ,   but   lord   knows   you’re   aware   of   that. BRIGHID:   thought   abt   some   things.   really   reminisced   the   good   times. BRIGHID:   i   can’t   wrap   my   head   around   the   fact   that   i   can’t   despise   you   tho BRIGHID:   think   we   can   agree   that ,   more   than   anything ,   you’d   deserve   that.

lily’s favorite strategy when she put out a new album was to completely turn off all notifications. sure, most social media was already shut off ( and whatever usually wasn’t definitely was by now – how dare ‘insider’ accounts provide false information !! who knew ?! ), but text and calls often followed suit. not exactly the strategy a mogul would wisely use. not exactly the strategy anyone looking to promote something to greatness would wisely use ( oh, the texts and calls from her manager that she would miss !! ), but… it usually worked out fine in the end. 

that being said, with nothing quite ready to release ( much to the aggravation of fans, but who the hell would name something after a fruit in the first place ?? ), her front had been relatively quiet. she more than welcomed a visit from cash, even if there was absolutely no point in it. oh, she more than welcomed the messy ‘knock’ – how boring it had been. further opening the door for him, to say the bags of junk weren’t of interest would be a bold-faced lie. “ y’know, i was gonna surprise you with it when i found the perfect mcmansion, but better now than never… i’ve been looking for places in the hamptons !! ”

     it was times like these, that cash couldn’t be more grateful to have been reunited with lily after all the shit that had gone down. he had closer friends he could turn to, sure. but lily radiated a different sort of energy. he didn’t want to sound like he was about to start reading horoscopes and talking about moon phases next, but she did. or maybe he just enjoyed having a friendship that was still sincere despite her not knowing all the gory details that the others knew. “ the hamptons ? babe, you don’t know me at all. ” he retorted in faux disgust as he crossed the threshold to the house. “ i don’t know what’s in half these bags, i basically just told my assistant to fuck me up– but the paper bag is burger king. ”

     the album had dropped after sitting with it on the backburner for so long, which meant many things for cash and the band, but mostly? it meant his phone was driving him to the brink of insanity. so he’d done quite possibly the only intelligent thing he could’ve with the ever ringing presence in his pocket and texted lily to keep his mind from eating him alive while he waited for everyone to weigh in and decide the worth of his life, or at least that’s what it felt like. his car really did him no favours when it came to staying relatively lowkey, the old muscle classic; a relic of tough guy days that didn’t totally make him want to cringe.

as he got out, he had bags of junk in one hand and his post workout protein shake in the other. they said life was all about balance right? what was wrong with poisoning your body if you exorcised the demons regularly enough. rather than set anything down, he used his boot to knock on the base of the door. he swung the bag with perhaps a little too much carelessness as it teetered and begun to tear, bringing his waiting game to an end. “ you know, ” he mused as she opened the door. “ for a wedded couple, we live quite far apart.”

          “         so, you see not only is my apartment looking bland, but so am i !  i definitely need to fix this problem today. ” kamia was in the middle of a rant all about how she was feeling an energy shift; with the summer solstice, six planets in retrograde and it being cancer season, she was well aware that she needed to spruce things up a bit. “ i was thinking maybe some new succulents and a puppy ?  maybe one or two new tattoos ? possibly a new piercing ?  maybe i should just run away for a weekend ?  i don’t know, what do you think ?  ” she questioned, looking at the other who had been having to listen to her rambles.

DEAD UNTIL DARK RELEASED NEW ALBUM: REVERENCE

part of him wanted nothing more than to agree. after all, it would be nice to have everyone here with him in la, even if for just a week. and yet, he knew— that was the wrong answer. 

“disneyland?“ he wrinkled his nose, “look, if they want to meet mickey mouse, they can go to disney world. i love them, but i’m 19 now. i don’t want to have to fly out my mom when things get hard.“

he looked down, “not that things are hard here. it’s just- different.”

he thought about it for a second, his brows furrowed together in thought. after a moment, he  scuffed the toe of his sneaker against the floor, “mom has always been like that, you know.“

“even when i just started taking lessons, she’d clap even when i got all the notes wrong. as long as i tried my best.“

“look, i know this is just like a piano recital or- like- an impromptu garage band gig or even a football game. i’m not worried about messing up and having people not like me. it’s just-“ he wrestled with his own thoughts, before finally managing, “it’s just that- you were never there for those things.”

“and suddenly, trying my best doesn’t feel good enough.“

“ jay, it’s not some sort of peace offering or needing a mommy-blanket to fix it. wouldn’t it be nice to share some part of your life here? ” cash didn’t want to share honestly. the worst of his impulses wanted her to know what it was like when your son was away from you and you couldn’t control that. but those thoughts, while dark- were only fleeting. he wouldn’t act on them. maybe, back then. he was young and hotheaded, but now he just wanted peace. “ if you don’t want to and you don’t want to tell me why, that’s your call. but i want you to know that you don’t have to worry about bad blood or, ” he paused, trying to phrase what was going through his head. “ or that you need to keep your world back home and your life here totally apart. ”

cash’s face fell at the boy's words as he nodded. he’d lost count of the times over the years he’d played out the mundane suburban life he could’ve had. football games and barbeques. graduations and nervous prom talks. he longed for the memories that he didn’t have but he couldn’t say he would give the life he made for it. he also knew that if he’d had only those moments, he’d never have traded them for this life either. but he’d had both. and he’d wanted both but it didn’t work like that, so cash had chosen the only thing he truly knew, the only thing he’d ever been any good at, which was his band.

“ you’re an adult, so i’m going to speak to you like one, okay? ” he said, nerves shredding his insides. it wasn’t the first time a moment like this had come up with jay, maybe never so directly, but the subtext was always there. the times before, cash tended to roll over and try to submit to avoid the possibility of confrontation, not knowing if the kid would simply pack it in and go home should cash press the wrong nerve.

“ i don’t know exactly what you’ve been told, jay. but nothing about any of the choices that were made were black and white. your mom, did what she thought was best and so did i.” he glanced down at the floor before breaking apart his agitated hands. he didn’t want to sound like he was trying to weasel out of anything, cash knew what he’d done. “ when your mom got pregnant, dead until dark was just barely getting on it’s feet. i never thought it would become what it did. i was going to pull out, stupidly, asked your mom to marry me but she wanted me to keep going and i did- and i came back to see you guys whenever i could. we dated for a while, broke up on decent enough terms. i still saw you quite a bit back then. which worked for a while. but then it was less and less. i’d show up, and you were the cutest thing i’d ever seen in my entire life. you’d just light up. i couldn’t believe how cool you were, you know? like, you really were the funniest kid and just so... unbelievably great. i took you backstage to an elton john gig once, with these ridiculous headphones that your mom insisted on and you were just so interested in everything, like a real person- not just a baby. it was crazy. but... i wasn’t there for all the hard shit, she was. and i can’t imagine what it felt like to do so much work and have me swoop in every couple of months like super dad. you were four, maybe nearly five when it all blew up. and my little band, wasn’t so little anymore. she wanted me to really be there. and i know this doesn’t mean shit, jay. but i wanted to be- so fucking bad. but i couldn’t just walk away from the band, it wasn’t just my career i was sacking, it was the others too. i’ve been friends with these people since i was fifteen years old. and music- it’s the only thing i’ve ever been good at. i couldn’t leave it all behind, and i couldn’t fight for custody. i didn’t want to take you from your mom, and even if i did? i’d take you from your home and your family to drag you around the world on tours, lose any normalcy? of course not. we tried to come to some agreement but it never happened- i hate- i hate it so much, kid, that it didn’t because i wanted those moments with you. and i’m so sorry that you-we never got them. and i wish that i could’ve chosen the band and you, or that i’d walked away when i meant to and we just- stayed there, or that i could’ve convinced your mom to let me move you both out here. there’s so much that i wish i could do- or take back and change. but i can’t. and you can feel pissed off and hate me or whatever you gotta do- but i need to tell you that none of what happened was ever because we didn’t love you. i know that i’m not really your dad to you, but you’ve always been my son, your best is so much more than enough. it doesn’t fix or change shit all, but i don’t know what else i can say anymore, jay. ”

DEAD UNTIL DARK TAKES HOME AMA AWARD ! !