Cas

Josh is wearing a dark shirt with the top two buttons undone, showing off chest hair Eddie hadn't expected. It wouldn't really be a noteworthy outfit if Eddie wasn't wearing the exact same thing. So he takes advantage of Josh being distracted by his phone and unbuttons his shirt all the way to reveal the tank top underneath.

"Hey," he says, sliding onto a barstool next to him.

"Hello," Josh says, smiling at him before tapping something on his phone and putting it in his pocket. "So, we're both from El Paso and this somehow never came up during our not at all painful time as colleagues."

"Well, we had so much else to talk about," Eddie points out, trying to sound light and not at all like he doesn't want Josh to ask him about firefighting.

Unfortunately, it comes up in about five minutes.

"So they did not hire me," Eddie says, and Josh looks genuinely surprised. "Yeah. Apparently having an open invitation back to the 118 just torpedoed my chances, but I'm first on the list at about seven stations if they get any openings."

Josh looks taken aback at that. "That's absolutely ridiculous, you're an experienced firefighter with a medic background, was he on fucking drugs? What idiot wouldn't hire someone like that? You were trained in one of the best departments in the country. Fuck that and fuck him, good riddance."

Then he holds his glass up to Eddie, and Eddie clinks his beer with a smile. "Thanks. It's actually kinda reassuring to hear that from someone who isn't my best friend."

"I am nothing if not a source of perspective," he says with an air of serenity that makes Eddie laugh. "So what're you doing in the meantime?"

Eddie sighs. "Don't laugh."

"About you being El Paso's hot new go-go boy, why would I?" he jokes with a pointed look at Eddie's chest. "I won't laugh. You don't want to know what my resume looks like."

"I'm an Uber driver," he admits.

"Do Lyft, too, you'll make extra money when people are app hopping," Josh says, and Eddie blinks. "Oh, sorry, am I supposed to be cackling about you having to engage in gig work because some fire captain has an inferiority complex?"

"I mean...yeah," Eddie says, and Josh shrugs. "Huh."

"I sold vacuums for three months in college. Not well. I was the worst service writer in the history of the automotive industry, I worked three jobs when I moved to Los Angeles, none of which I'm particularly proud of, was a waiter when I wasn't a stenographer, and then I became the highly skilled dispatcher you know and love." Josh slides his empty glass away. "And I got lucky. Sometimes people have to start over. Look at Maddie or Buck or Hen. And you're young, you have time to hit a rough patch for a bit. You'll be alright, soldier."

Eddie leans over and grabs a happy hour menu. "You want to split some overpriced, under-sized wings?"

Josh grins and nudges his arm. "I thought you'd never ask."

--

Thankfully, they find more to talk about than work. Josh actually went to high school with Eddie's cousin Lexi and thought she was just as much of a self-involved brat as Eddie does. He gets to see the way Josh gets increasingly delighted over how much of her social media persona is made up and that her husband is actually a conspiracy theorist weirdo who convinced her they needed a prepper room.

"Also, her kids suck, man," Eddie groans. "Well, Jaylee isn't bad. She's definitely going to go to college and never talk to her mom again."

"Good for her, more people should do that." Josh sips his drink through a straw without lifting it from the bar and looks over at Eddie. "'Jaylee'?"

Eddie shrugs helplessly, and they both burst into giggles. He's definitely more buzzed than he'd meant to be.

"I should switch to water," he says, turning his head to look at Josh, his cheek squished against his shoulder. "You still talk to your parents?"

"My mom." He chews on the end of his straw for a long moment. "I bet you have a great relationship with your parents."

"I have a...complicated relationship," Eddie admits. "I love them, and they try. But there's...stuff."

"Usually is." Josh sips until there's no more to sip and then pushes the drink away. "You ever get the feeling all our parents needed therapy and just had kids instead?"

Eddie freezes and thinks about it for a moment. "Well, now I do. Hey, at least your parents didn't try a do-over with your own kid."

Josh winces. "Yeah. I mean, I don't have kids. Probably. I donated sperm in college, but I checked the box saying I did not want to know what came of that."

"Hm. More lucrative than selling vacuums?" Eddie teases.

"So much, and so much more fun," Josh says, laughing. "Also plasma until I got my first boyfriend. But I get it. My mom's better with my nephews than she was with me. Granted, neither of them is trying to convince her to let them stay up late and watch Top Hat. I think she might actually be trying with them."

"Sucks," Eddie says before drinking his last mouthful of beer. "That's a good movie."

"One of the best," Josh agrees, looking over at him with a smile. "You like old musicals?"

"Some of 'em. I used to dance." He props his temple on his fist and looks over at Josh. "Ballroom. Started out in tap, then I almost broke my neck trying to do this roller skate tap number in the street outside our house. So my mom thought ballroom or ballet would be safer. I picked ballroom, made me think of Fred Astaire."

"You any good?" It feels like a challenge instead of a question.

"Now? I'm alright. But I used to be good. In another life, I could be one of those Dancing With the Stars pros," Eddie jokes.

"Mm, having affairs with C-list starlets and semi-retired models," Josh sighs, and Eddie laughs. "Glamorous."

"What about you?" Eddie asks. "In another life, what's Josh doing?"

"I wanted to be a writer and do a whole Eat, Pray, Love thing, find some gorgeous guy to fall in love with, write about all of it and make a mint." He shrugs. "I got as far as Los Angeles, got roped into doing a Scientology personality test once, and am still depressingly single."

"You could do it," Eddie insists. "Go take a few weeks off, go somewhere people go to have adventures, find some guy who's gonna sweep you off your feet, and do some yoga. It'll be great."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that," Josh says dryly.

Eddie gets a water, Josh switches to Diet Coke.

--

"We can talk a walk, see how you're feeling when we make it back," Josh suggests when Eddie's still not comfortable driving after they settle the tab. Well, after Josh does. He'd snuck his card in when Eddie was in the bathroom.

"Not a bad idea," Eddie agrees, and they set off on foot. "When do you go back home?"

"Three more days. You still think of it as home?"

Eddie considers it for a long moment. "I think so. I don't know. I've got this house here, my kid. It's just an adjustment, I guess."

"You ever want to move back?"

"Maybe," he admits, even though he wants nothing more.

"You don't have to pretend to be okay with what's happening in your life, like, all the time," Josh says. "Especially when you're around your friends."

Eddie wants to ask if they are friends, but it's been feeling like it for a few hours. "All the time. I just can't. I need to be there for my kid, I can't fuck up his life more than I already have. He's been through too much, and I haven't always helped. Or it's been me putting him through it. He moved here first, and I followed him."

Josh nods and tips his head back to look at something in the sky, and Eddie spots a plane. "My dad just sort of left one day. He sent a letter after two weeks, and I've seen him twice since then. He tried apologizing that last time, and I asked him why he had to leave me and not just Mom. No answer. So I left, and he just sat there and let me go. And I wanted him to follow me and tell me anything, but he could've even do that. I'm not giving you a pass on whatever it is you did, but at least you moved halfway across the country to try."

Eddie smiles at the sidewalk and then at Josh. "Thanks."

"Anytime," he says, shrugging, then he stops in his tracks. "Oh, I could fuck up an apple fritter right now."

He follows Josh's gaze and sees a sign for a 24-hour donut shop, and he wants a maple glazed old-fashioned so bad he can taste it. "Oh, fuck yeah."

--

They're walking with their donuts, and Eddie's got a few stashed in a bag for him and Chris, though there's an extra maple bacon bar that he will not be sharing. It'll go in the back of a cabinet for after bedtime, and Josh teases the everloving shit out of him for being a parent who hides junk food from their kid.

"Hey, sometimes you need to have a pint of Chunky Monkey hiding behind the frozen peas or he'll eat the whole thing in two days. Teenage boys are fucking bottomless pits, I didn't use to have to do this shit when he was tiny and cute," Eddie says defensively before taking a massive bite from his donut. "Oh, my god."

"Need a moment?" Josh asks as Eddie lets out a probably obscene noise. "Careful with that, anyone hears you around this next corner and they'll think it's an invitation."

Eddie raises his eyebrows and sticks his thumb in his mouth to get some glaze off. "What?"

"One of the only gay bars in this lovely little town," Josh points out, nodding toward the corner of the building they're walking past.

"Oh," Eddie says, shrugging. "Whatever. I'm with you. You'll protect me."

"In what way can I protect you?" Josh asks incredulously.

"Not like that, I mean as like a...reverse beard." Eddie switches the bag of donuts to his other hand and grabs Josh's hand. "See? Just on a walk with my man, enjoying a nice night and eating some donuts."

Josh snorts softly but does look around for a moment. "If you're willing to risk being seen doing this, then by all means. And if you want to drag it out, I can finally get Sue off my back, she's been trying to set me up with her sister's friend's kid for the last three months. Ooh, she might even let me take more time off so I can come visit my El Paso boyfriend!"

"Aw, you'd use your PTO for me, baby?" Eddie coos, dropping his hand to wrap an arm around his shoulders. "That's so sweet."

"Uh, no, I'm going to New York," Josh scoffs, but he puts an arm around Eddie's waist. "Fritter?"

Eddie leans over and eats the offered piece of fried dough and makes another obscene noise. "Fuck, that's good."

"'How'd you get slapped with public indecency, Josh?' 'Funny you should ask, they thought I was jerking this guy off on the sidewalk because he wouldn't stop moaning about donuts,'" Josh says, and Eddie almost inhales the fritter laughing.

They make it back down the block and around the corner. Eddie spots his Prius and nods to it. "My sick new ride."

"Look at you with the actual practical vehicle," Josh says appreciatively. "I'm guessing you had an obscenely big truck before?"

"It wasn't obscene," Eddie protests.

Josh stops next to a small Nissan. "My rental."

"I like it," Eddie says, even though he's barely glanced at the car.

Something really weird is happening and has been happening for the last few hours. And when Josh's eyes dip to Eddie's lips, he starts to figure out what it might be.

He wonders if this is what Buck felt like before Tommy kissed him. Except Josh isn't moving in.

"I should head back," Josh says, unlocking the car.

"Yeah," Eddie agrees, swallowing his disappointment.

Josh does hug him, and Eddie hugs him back a little longer than is probably appropriate.

"Good night, Eddie Diaz," Josh says, smiling and walking around to the driver's side door.

"Good night, Dispatcher Josh," he says, backing up a couple steps before he walks back to his car.

--

Eddie's sitting in the middle of unpacked boxes again. He doesn't know what he feels right now, but he knows it's not anything he wants to think about too closely for a little while.

There's a knock at the door, and Eddie slowly gets up to answer. He wonders if his neighbors noticed he came back, he wouldn't say no to some of those weird little fried dough things the lady on the corner makes.

It's Josh.

"Hi," Josh says, like he hadn't been expecting him to answer. "Sorry, I'm bringing back Buck's cupcake tins."

"He moved," Eddie says, opening the door wider so Josh can see the boxes. "And so did I."

Josh looks from the boxes to Eddie. "Didn't you just buy a house in El Paso?"

"Yeah, I'm renting it out," Eddie says, stepping aside. "Come on in."

--

Josh is really efficient at unpacking, even though Eddie had refused his help about three times.

"It's a stupid question, but: how are you?" Josh asks, wiping down plates and stacking them in the cabinet.

"Not good," Eddie replies, trying to figure out if he left a piece of his coffee maker behind in El Paso or if it's just in a different box. "Like, probably worse than I realized. Way worse. Calling my therapist this week worse. Did you see the black funnel thing that goes in the coffee maker?"

"No, but there's, like, four boxes of miscellaneous shit over there," he says, waving toward the kitchen table. "Would you like to talk about it or do you want to repress your feelings until you pop something?"

Eddie tears into one of the boxes and paws through it. "No, I think I've been doing that enough. I'm pretty sure I almost punched my best friend in the face. Over fucking nothing. And now I'm about to punch a wall if I can't find this fucking--"

Two firm hands grab his shoulders, and Eddie freezes. He gets turned around, and Josh hugs him.

And Eddie starts crying so uncontrollably that he feels like he might be sick.

He doesn't know how long it is until he stops, but Josh is pressing a paper towel to his nose when Eddie staggers back. Eddie takes it and blows his nose.

"Thanks," Eddie says thickly, and Josh hugs him again.

When Josh pulls back, Eddie doesn't let him go immediately. They're chest-to-chest, and Eddie's looking at Josh's concerned face and remembers their not-date in El Paso.

He kisses him, even though his eyes are itchy and his head hurts and his sinuses are gross, and Josh kisses back for just a moment.

"Bad idea," Josh says gently once he breaks the kiss.

"But not a new idea," Eddie admits, bringing a hand up to Josh's cheek and kissing him again, gentle and quick. Then he turns back to his boxes of stuff and keeps looking for the funnel thing.

When Josh finds it already in a cabinet several minutes later, Eddie pushes it back into the top of the machine and closes the lid.

"Kitchen's basically done," he says. "You can, uh, stop helping me put my life back together if you want."

"I'm not taking the out because I want to, but I am actually pretty late for a board game night thing my friend keeps trying to make into a regular thing," Josh admits. "But you have my number, and you can use it if you want to."

Eddie bites back a smile. "Okay."

Josh looks at him for a long moment before closing the distance between them and kissing him. "Bye."

"Bye," Eddie says softly.

--

Frank looks at him for a good long time. "Eddie, I need you to repeat that question back so that you understand what it is you're asking."

"What does it mean when you're into a guy but you're not supposed to be into guys?" Eddie asks again, then blinks. "Oh."

"We're going to play a quick game of 'Is the root cause societal, parental, or religious?'" Frank says, clicking his pen. "It's not a fun game, just to warn you."

--

Eddie picks Josh up from the airport. "So you missed the space debris."

"I did miss the space debris," Josh agrees. "Anything else?"

"Not as interesting as the space debris. How's El Paso?"

"The exact same," Josh says, unzipping his backpack. There's a crinkling sound, and Josh holds up a paper bag. "Apple fritter or maple bacon monstrosity?"

Eddie does a double-take and pulls into the Hyatt parking lot. He unclicks his seatbelt, leans across, and kisses Josh.

"I don't think my El Paso boyfriend will appreciate us doing that," Josh murmurs as the kiss breaks.

"Fuck that guy, what's he got that I don't?" Eddie teases just before Josh all but pulls him out of his seat to kiss him again. "Wanna make out in the back of my Prius?"

Josh laughs and then goes deadly serious. "Absolutely."

Eddie does a better parking job, gets out, gets in the back just as Josh slides in the other side, and leans across the space to kiss him.

"This is so juvenile," Josh says against his mouth.

"You wanna stop?"

"Nope," he says, grabbing Eddie's ass.

Eddie grins, breathless and a little giddy. "I like you so much, man."

"I like you, too, dude," Josh teases.

"You suck."