AVENGING ANGEL.

as you may have already noticed, this is a book-based portrayal of isabelle lightwood.  for a multitude of reasons, i do not agree with or approve of many of the decisions made regarding isabelle’s character on the television adaptation of the mortal instruments.  however, although isabelle’s character is “assumed white” in the book series, i completely and wholeheartedly support the casting director’s decision to hire emeraude toubia for the role. i think she, as an actress, does a phenomenal job of capturing izzy’s fire-y, yet often soft-hearted nature.  perhaps more importantly, emeraude provides much-needed representation for individuals of color.  i have decided to continue this representation here, on isabelle’s blog.

unfortunately,  though the casting director did an amazing job with isabelle’s casting,  the casting of her family left a lot to be desired.  her parents do not match her ethnicity, and neither do either of her siblings.  because of this, i have decided to personally recast her entire biological family to better match emeraude’s ethnicity for the purposes of this blog.  shoutout to my babe @venuscommissions for making sure the perfect people were cast for these roles. ♥   please note that i have spent time researching her ethnicity and will do my best to accurately portray her heritage here.  if i make a mistake,  please feel free to correct me,  but in a loving manner!  i am learning and want to do this the justice it deserves.

to be honest, home hasn’t been a specific place for izzy in quite sometime.  as a little girl,  she loved everything about the new york institute.  it was the place where she trained with her big brothers and learned how to wield her whip with stunning finesse.  she couldn’t imagine any place better than the institute,  with its countless rooms and strange visitors and all the things a little adventurous girl might want.

until maryse lightwood shattered isabelle’s perception of everything she held dear.

we have to remember that izzy once idolized her father.  after all,  anyone sensible would know you could always count on her dad.  that’s an actual, living, breathing quote from a younger isabelle lightwood, who truly thought the world of her father.

learning about her father’s infidelity nearly crushed her.  in one conversation, her warm and happy home became something twisted and broken.  she started to see the cracks in the foundation of everything she believed;  the truth in just how little faith she could put in the people around her.  in one, fell swoop, her home went from being a place to…  nothing really at all.

a little later on, isabelle grew to understand home could be a person   —-   in the least romantic way possible.  for her, home has always been alec lightwood and his ragged sweaters and his unending love.  it’s jace herondale and his golden blonde hair and his infallible belief in her.  it’s little max lightwood and his tiny toy soldier and his glasses slipping off his nose.  it’s her family,  the people she’s closest to in this world,  who she trusts,  without fault,  to never turn their back on her.  

it’s all the trust she’s never been able to put into a place or a building or her own heart.

though even she can’t deny its beauty,  izzy didn’t grow up here.  she doesn’t consider it home.  rather,  to her,  alicante is the place where she always,  always loses someone important to her.   sure,  as a shadowhunter,  she has been trained to anticipate loss.   she greets each morning with the thorough understanding she could lose someone she loves that day,  and for a long time,  she thought that understanding was enough.   that she was prepared for mortality to smack her right across the face.

she wasn’t.  

even before robert died,  her feelings on idris were conflicting:   “he died in idris, you know. i like being here sometimes. i feel closer to him here. other times i wish this place would evaporate. that no one could ever come here again.”   her words to simon are a small,  quick glimpse into the feelings she’s been bottling up for months.  and,  at that particular point in tales from the shadowhunter academy,  idris did call to her sometimes.   in those moments,  she could feel max there,  marveling at their beloved city of glass.

but then robert died,  and those few moments of hope were eclipsed by darkness.  idris became nothing more than the place where her baby brother was ripped from her grasp and her father lost any chance he had at redemption.   where little livvy blackthorn collapsed crying out her brother’s name,  and where izzy herself was forced to sit,  bedside,  willing magnus to wake up.  

eventually, it reaches the point where she can’t stand in the gard without imagining the floors coated in her father’s blood;  can’t walk the streets without reliving the moment she abandoned max into the waiting hands of a murderer.  it haunts her,  overwhelms her,  leaving her with an anxiety that’s unfamiliar to someone so seemingly strong and self-possessed.

even though isabelle verbally states she trusts those four people, we rarely see grand displays of vulnerability around them.  think about when max dies,  and she locks herself away in her bedroom for days at a time.  she’s known for throwing shoes at both jace and alec when they try to push themselves into her room,  even though they’re the two people who probably understand her the best.  frankly,  even the people she TRUSTS,  she keeps at just enough of a distance to protect herself.  

but why?  it would be easy to blame this rock solid wall on maryse’s decision to confide in izzy when she was just a little girl.  this absolutely shattered izzy’s perception of a trusting world,  but i’d wager to bet it runs even deeper than that.  

listen, i think it’s important to remember that isabelle didn’t grow up around females.  she was raised with three brothers,  and she’s pretty well accustomed to having zero competition for their attention.  even when alec wanted to leave his baby sister behind for super secret missions,  jace insisted on bringing her along because she was necessary.  important.  skilled.  she’s literally always been an integral part of their lives.

enter clary, a tiny little mundie who had zero concept of the shadowhunter world.  it would be stupid to say izzy was nice to her in the beginning, because she really wasn’t.  why would she be?  clary was a threat to everything izzy loved and held dear.  clary had captured every ounce of jace’s attention,  which izzy had literally never seen.  clary’d almost immediately figured out alec was gay,  when izzy had spent her entire life trying to protect alec’s sexuality until he was ready to come out.  she’d suddenly put all of them in terrible danger,  with jace throwing himself headfirst at whatever might threaten clary’s wellbeing  (and, therefore, putting her other big brother in physical danger,  because wherever jace went, alec went too).

not to mention the fact izzy just simply didn’t know how to interact with girls her own age.  sure, she’d spent some time with aline,  but even those moments were few and far between.  the lightwoods were isolated,  cast out from the shadowhunter world because of her mom and dad’s actions.  izzy didn’t know how to form friendships,  or even attempt to bridge the massive gap that existed between herself and clary.

even worse,  clary seemed totally and completely unaffected when she briefly thought jace was her brother.  true,  we all know how badly it impacted clary inside,  but izzy didn’t know that.  all she saw was clary happily dating simon and pretending jace had never meant anything to her.  without hearing a word from jace,  izzy knew, instinctively, how much that hurt him.  she’d seen the way he looked at clary before, after all.  she knew what he felt.  she knew this would nearly be his undoing,  and she was furious with clary for it.  

“… and i guess you couldn’t have helped that you just went right on ahead and dated simon afterward like you didn’t even care. i thought once jace knew you were his sister, he’d give up and get over it, but he didn’t, and he couldn’t. i don’t know what valentine did to him when he was a child. i don’t know if that’s why he is the way he is, or if it’s just the way he’s made, but he won’t get over you, clary. he can’t. i started to hate seeing you. i hated for jace to see you. it’s like an injury you get from demon poison—you have to leave it alone and let it heal. every time you rip the bandages off, you just open the wound up again. every time he sees you, it’s like tearing off the bandages.” “i know,” clary whispered. “how do you think it is for me?” “i don’t know. i can’t tell what you’re feeling. you’re not my sister. i don’t hate you, clary. i even like you. if it were possible, there isn’t anyone I’d rather jace be with. but i hope you can understand when i say that if by some miracle we all get through this, i hope my family moves itself somewhere so far away that we never see you again.”

remember when i said izzy doesn’t hate clary?  she doesn’t. with time, she finds out that clary and jace aren’t siblings.  what does she do?  she finds jace in the middle of a battlefield and tells him the truth.  she literally risks her own life to ensure jace knows he isn’t wrong for loving clary.  how! can! anyone! say! she! hates! clary!

look,  becoming friends with clary is something that takes work on izzy’s part, i’m not going to lie.  she has every reason to be jealous of her,  from the fact clary is petite (izzy has always wished herself to be smaller)  to the fact jace would risk his life for her without question.  there’s also the fact she’s simon’s very best friend, and izzy spends the span of multiple books fearing that he loves clary in a way he’ll never love her.  AND ALSO the fact clary can love so easily,  so wholeheartedly,  while izzy herself is hardwired to hold back.  to izzy, clary is the very antithesis of everything she is, and that’s incredibly difficult for her to accept.

but she does.  with time,  izzy comes to view clary as a friend.  as the sister she never had,  both because she’s jace’s partner and simon’s parabatai.  there are very few people in this world that izzy honestly trusts and befriends, but clary is on that short list.  

“nothing’s ruined,” isabelle said in a more normal voice. “and no one needs to be killed. clary, i’m getting married! to simon! i”m happy!” she beamed. “i used to think there was something about giving your heart to someone. that they might break it. but I know better now. and it’s thanks to simon, but also thanks to you.” “what do you mean, thanks to me?” isabelle shrugged a little shyly. “it’s just that you love so much. so hard. you give so much. and it’s always made you stronger.” clary realized she was tearing up. “you know, you marrying simon means we’re going to be sisters, basically, right? isn’t the person married to your parabatai like your sister?” isabelle threw her arms around her. for a moment, they clung to each other in the shadowy hallway. clary couldn’t help but remember the first friendly overtures she and isabelle had really made toward each other, so long ago now, here in the hallways of the institute. i wasn’t just worried about alec, i was worried about you, too.

for the longest time,   izzy wondered whether her brother would ever find happiness.   true happiness, the kind that can only come when you accept who you really are.   for her,  it was incredibly easy to accept alec for precisely who he was.  from her first hint at his sexuality to the night he announced his relationship with magnus,  she accepted him,  believed in him,  and loved him.   fiercely,  protectively,  loyally.

watching alec deal with his truth was painful for izzy.   the sort of painful that left her scared,   panicked every time someone came close to sniffing it out before he was ready.   on more than one occasion,  she did everything she could to throw people off:   covering with their parents,  diverting jace’s attention,  demanding that clary keep the realization to herself.   anything to keep him safe,  to make him feel more secure,  to protect alec from anyone who might threaten his place in the shadowhunter world.

jace,   she sometimes feared,  was a threat.   she grew to love jace for his tenacity and dedication to training  ( and, y’know, the fact he always wanted her to tag along on their super secret missions ),   but he scared her, too.   alec looked at jace the same way he looked at izzy’s posters of those mundie singers;    the only difference was,  jace was real.  he was real and tangible and living under their same roof.   she saw the intensity with which alec looked at him,  the way he’d throw himself head-first into danger if it meant keeping jace alive.   it terrified her,  the thought that alec might feel something for him   —-   terrified her even more, because she knew jace didn’t.   in jace’s eyes, they were brothers.  in alec’s,  they were something different altogether.

enter magnus bane:   the glittery,  ostentatious warlock.  maybe not the ideal partner for a shadowhunter,   but someone who was fastidiously sure of himself   ( and his sexuality ).   from that first night at the loft,  izzy saw a kinship there.   magnus was someone who would understand,   who wouldn’t judge alec or be a danger to his standing within the clave.   ( and,  hey,  he was cute,   and if she got to pilfer through his extensive collection of glitter and rouge,  she wouldn’t be upset about that, either.  )    she tried dropping hints   —-   “i thought you might hit it off.”  isabelle’s eye makeup glittered as bright as tears as she glanced over at her brother. “get to be friends.” —–  but alec was stubborn & resolute.   so, she settled for letting him do things on his own time,  though she was quick to drop little hints and comments along the way.