Hate Never Wins

I have come to the conclusion that people here see and interpret things EXACTLY the way they choose to. As I have said before, they have ALREADY decided who Sam is and they aren’t letting go of that decision. Logic won’t change them. Sam’s own posts and behavior won’t change them. He could take out billboards all around the world announcing his relationship and someone here would call it a PR stunt or a circus. The mental gymnastics of how they twist things to fit their own narrative is actually both comical and sad. I think they cannot bear to admit they may actually be really wrong. I have also decided that somehow, some way they are getting something out of this. The constant stirring of crap gives them some kind of personal reward. Maybe it’s the idea that they can shape other people’s perception or feed other people’s narrative. If it didn’t, they wouldn’t continue to do it. Perhaps it’s the anonymity of SM that fuels it. No one here really has to know who you are, so you can be as nice or as vindictive as you choose. I even truly believe there are some blogs whose creators don’t believe anything they are posting, but they actually get a cheap thrill from manipulating those who are so desperate to be right. I think some even withhold posts for days to stir up interest and get more views. In the end, when the truth of who Sam is is finally obvious, I predict they will either disappear completely or claim they never really believed that narrative.

The audacity of claiming you somehow know this man based on what you see on SM is so ridiculous. Maybe in the early years when he was naive and unaware of how fandoms behave he shared more personal stuff. But since he, and MANY people he genuinely cares about, have been treated so horribly here I don’t think we see the real Sam at all anymore.

I’m also amused, and honestly confused, by those who spin long diatribes about how they interpret his every move, every post, his motivation, his choices, fears, etc, as if they actually know him personally. These pseudo psychiatrists (a real one would never post that garbage) act as if they know exactly what he’s doing and why. I personally think Sam has learned some really hard, painful lessons about how fans can turn against you and hurt those you care about. That’s why I believe we haven’t seen the real Sam in ages. We see a crafted image that’s safe, but not personal. And even with this image I have seen him occasionally post some personal stuff ( I think to test the waters) only to see the SAME EXACT behavior happen here again.

I believe he’s much simpler than all of that analysis. I remember how many young men I have taught/directed who told me just how simple/straightforward/easy guys really are. Women are the ones who consistently look for angles, manipulation, motives, games, a “ circus “ 🤣😂 if you will. I suppose the boring, mundane truth is just not juicy enough to keep us showing up multiple times a day to lap it all up. I think Sam is pretty ordinary- which is ironically why I actually like him. He doesn’t seem to care about all the over the top expensive Hollywood stuff. His house is gorgeous, but it’s not a mansion worth multi-millions. How many times have we seen the man in the same clothes? I think he’s a guy who didn’t grow up with money or social position. I think he has always been a workhorse. He talks of being a “jobbing actor” looking for work and doing odd jobs to pay the bills. I see a guy who has worked hard to create something for himself. We don’t have to like it or approve of it. It’s his life.

I don’t know his inner feelings any better than anyone here, but I would guess that growing up without a father really shapes you. I am not going to be a pseudo therapist and analyze Sam, but I am sure that childhood has shaped a lot of his choices.

I have also come to realize something else that I believe about this corner of the fandom. I think Sam is probably a really polite, nice guy. I believe the people who have worked with him when they say he’s genuinely kind. In fact, it’s that kindness and goodness that I think has made Sam an easy target for the haters. It’s always been interesting to me to see how the nicest, kindest people are often the ones attacked, made fun of, taunted, laughed at, etc. Sam was sweet and endearing when we first saw him. His Jamie was easy to love. His kind eyes and shy demeanor were so sweet. He seemed so innocent and such a gentleman to defer to Caitriona when talking about the show. He was such a cute flirt. We just couldn’t help but adore him.

But then his confidence grew, and he got hurt enough ( and so did his closest loved ones) by this fandom that he built a wall, a shield to protect himself. Now we see the crafted Sam, the image, the character, if you will, that he has chosen to play. He gives us what we want (people pleaser) with photos and constant posts, but we never see more than glimpses of that sweet, endearing, shy, beautiful soul we all loved. That’s why I think so many are angry. He is not the fantasy they believed he was ( or at least he’s not sharing that with us anymore) and they are pissed and hurt.

I love all this BS about how he can’t possibly love Steph because we never see them touch much. He doesn’t gaze at her the way he does at Caitriona (another character he has perfected, btw) so it can’t be real. Makes me LOL. Honestly with THIS fandom would you really let people see your most loving, intimate moments so that bloggers can dissect them and analyze every camera angle? I keep hearing the justification from bloggers that if he would just clearly announce his relationship there wouldn’t be so much gossip. I call bullshit. Every single woman I have ever seen even near the man has been trashed by this fandom. There’s two women I can think of right now who I believe are friends/colleagues of Sam who were treated this way. Two women we wouldn’t even have noticed or known their names if not for this site. There’s been no real proof of anything except shared interests and time spent together and BOOM it’s a sexual relationship. We don’t KNOW that. Apparently Sam cannot have female friends with shared interests unless he’s having sex with them. There are others, but those two stand out. There’s NEVER been a woman the man is close to ( in whatever way) who hasn’t been attacked. NOT ONE! Do we really believe the man is going to show us his most intimate moments knowing this fandom?

And the analysis of Steph. Seriously??? A woman no one here knows. All this holier than thou analysis of her relationships. First, her divorce. Funny how here on Tumblr it was only Steph who was at fault in that breakup. Apparently her first husband was perfect in every way. I am not even going to address the unfounded rumors I have seen about the divorce. See, this fandom loves juicy gossip and in the absence of real evidence, it just makes things up. None of us knows why they broke up. Divorces happen. People aren’t well suited. Sometimes one or both need to grow up more. Who knows? Definitely not us. And I am not touching the grief shaming. There’s so, so much we don’t know. We can only infer based on what we are able to see. Grief is a process-a lifelong process. We don’t have to like her choices, but that doesn’t make her a bad person. But you see, making her a bad, manipulative, weak, desperate for attention woman fits perfectly with a CHOSEN narrative that one refuses to let go of. I don’t know her. She could be a huge mistake for Sam or the best thing that’s ever happened to him. But that’s for them to work out. He is a grown man and I am not his mother, sister, best friend, etc. I don’t get to tell him who to have a relationship with.

Look, if Sam is happy I am happy for him. If they break up, I hope they both can heal and find real happiness. If they end up together, I wish them nothing but happiness and love. I don’t get any personal glee out of calling her names or writing poems or theses about a relationship I know very little about.

The thing that disgusts me the most about all this is the horrible treatment of women by the women in this fandom. It’s childish and shameful. I would hate to know that these women were talking about my daughter the way they talk about Steph.

Maybe focus on some of the parts of the story we missed. Obviously it would have to be J&C in their mid-40's and later in age because of Sam and Caitriona's ages.

Just think about the parts of the story we didn't get. And imagine them having the ability to tell the story THEIR way.