when day is through

“Yeah, I’m out front,” Theo said, looking around the small parking lot that had been mostly deserted. “Just swing by the front door. By the way, what kind of car are you in? Do you think my bike can fit in the back seat?”

He busied himself with unchaining his bike from the bike rack, and once that was done, he had nothing else to do, so he ended up digging out a cigarette and lighting it. “Also, my headspace is like… fine, I guess. I mean it’s no worse than usual, anyway. What’s going on with you?”

Before he could get an answer to the question, he saw the car pulling into the parking lot. He figured it couldn’t be anyone but her.

Carmen leaned her head as if it would give her a better view than just looking straight ahead. “Okay, yes, I think I see you! Unless I’ve mixed up which door is which. Which I’m capable of. Uh, anyway, yeah, the bike will definitely fit if we fold the seats down.” It wasn’t a massive car, but she made a point of getting a vehicle that could haul more than it had any right to. Hatchbacks were pretty great.

***

How so? I don’t see it coming out wrong. 

Well I do! I always feel like you’re going to judge me or something which is unfair, and then I can’t speak right.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt that that time I did that with my old tweets because most of the tweets of the teenage and young adult Maya were embarrasing, so good for you. It takes a lot of confidence.

Oh, I delete the ones that are terrible straightaway. I didn’t mention that part. But maybe it says something that I don’t know if anybody else actually likes my posts... Are you sure there weren’t things that you said that made you smile because only you know yourself that well?

***

Do you believe that things are not okay?

Well... Yeah? Everything I say to you somehow comes out wrong.

Mine tend to be ones I make late at night then cringe over later, so I admire your confidence.

It’s less confidence and more spending a ton of time working on composing them so that you know they’re quality. Should we childproof your phone at night?

Theo had just finished up at the clinic when he saw he had a voicemail. He wasn’t the type to talk on the phone and would usually just send texts, but after hearing the voicemail, he called immediately.

He knew that tone of voice. He’d heard it in his own voice before.

It rang several times but eventually he heard her voice. “Hey,” he said, sounding and feeling a little breathless. He’d never been on the other side of this call before (though he wasn’t usually brave enough to call anyone– aside from one or two times where he’d called Emmy, of course). “Hey, it’s me. Uh. Theo. I just got out of work, if you wanna come pick me up.”

Carmen’s breath lifted when she heard the response. There was something about actually hearing another person’s voice that meant that she did not have to be alone. “Thanks. Hi! Thank you for picking up. You’re- uh- in a good headspace?” Sometimes she fed off of negative energy poorly, and inflicting doubly bad vibes on Theo sounded unkind and way more than she wanted to feel guilt about right now.

“See? I told you we got this,“ Maya said while taking the last thing out of the oven. After her best friend calmed down and they set on making some of the easiest yet delicious recipes, everything went smoothly. She always thought cooking required people to be concentrated and organized if they wanted things to turn out well or at least edible, and by the way things looked, they did a great job.

Once she finally set the last pan in the kitchen counter, she stood next to Carmen and placed a hand on her own hip, letting out a laugh at what she said. “You know, that wouldn’t be a bad idea if I had time for it. I doubt I’ll write a book with advice and all of that because it seems too much work, but wouldn’t it be fun to do it?” Pressing her back against the wall, she turned her head to her friend to look at her. “You’re welcome, we should do this more often,” she said, offering her a smile. “Wouldn’t it be fun?”

It was amazing what one could accomplish with the personification of a good conscience nearby. Carmen even smiled a few times during the process of cooking, but she was sure that she could not have done this on her own. Carmen nodded, and wiped at her forehead, trying to figure out if that was sweat, steam, or just paranoia about there being sweat or steam going on. “I’m sure you’d be so good at it, but I suppose a book is way too much to commit to on a whim, isn’t it?” Nope, that was definitely sweat. 

It wasn’t a good day, but Carmen had never actually broken down at work before. There was something about putting on a brave face that worked during her professional life, but seemed impossible once she was out in the “real” world. That didn’t make it any easier to get through the day, so she was left sitting in her car, rattled about something that should have been mildly stupid and inconsequential to another teacher. All she had managed to accomplish for the afternoon was driving around town.Driving helped a little, but she still felt anxious and out of sorts.

***

I imagine that we will always be at odds, given our various positions. Both in the town and in certain people’s lives. However, that presence isn’t going to change, so we should probably do our best to just…adjust. 

So... do you want me to talk to you or not? I’m not clear. Should we pretend everything is okay?

Decorating the apartment was a tradition Emmy had really only bothered with once she and Carmen moved in together. When she was on her own, she would - at most - maybe get one of those three foot trees for $5 at Walmart and call it a day. She wasn’t exactly a big holiday spirit kinda gal, but Carmen was enthusiastic, and it was hard to deny Carmen whatever she wanted. Emmy had a soft spot for her unlike any other - while, yes, Chace was her best friend, Carmen was kind of like her soulmate. There was no doubt in her mind that the two could live together with their significant others until they were 90, with Felix hissing at Carmen at every turn if she looked at him weird. 

“I told you, lights aren’t supposed to last from year to year,” she replied with an easy grin from her spot on the floor - the tree was real, which made it more difficult - she had suggested they buy a pre-lit tree, but apparently that wasn’t festive enough. And now Carmen looked like the abominable snowman on crack - Emmy was trying very hard not to laugh, though she knew if Carmen fell it was inevitable. 

“My advice is we pay one of the guys to come and light this fucker for us,” she shrugged, though she had finally gotten the tree to stay in it’s stand. It was just like adding insult to injury. The tree was murdered and then stabbed to stand straight in a small apartment. “Or, unraveling you and spreading it out so we can see exactly where the light is that fucks up the whole strand. Or just pretending that it’s supposed to be like that. Honestly, I’m okay with any option.” 

It meant so much to Carmen that Emmy seemed to enjoy their holiday decorating traditions, and seemed to glean some sort of fun out of it. There was something about found family and the urge to stay indoors due to the weather that made the whole world seem cozier at the tail end of the year. Today was no exception. “Tossing those out always feels so wasteful! Maybe I should have become an electrician because apparently that pays way better than what I do now, and we wouldn’t have this problem,” Carmen said, struggling upon the sad discovery that she was now wrapped in both tinsel and indoor string lights. Also Felix appeared to be judging her from a distance, even though he didn’t pay rent or participate in any of the decorating rituals. How rude.

closed starter for @priceemmy

While Carmen wouldn’t say that Christmas was her favorite time of year, she was a big fan of the aesthetic. The opportunity to put up strange glowing lights and eat cookies shaped like snow persons never failed to cheer her up. Not that she had actually made the snowman cookies (this was good news), but baking was not nearly as fulfilling as simply having the cookies. Was it a little early in the year to start decorating? According to Hallmark, probably not. 

This seemed as a good a day as any to deck the halls with Emmy of their apartment. Between the cozy socks and yes, the puffy vest, she was in good spirits. Carmen still didn’t exactly understand tinsel as a popular product (and made a mental note to research this), but she was currently wrapped in several colors of the stuff while trying to figure out why the lights in one area weren’t working at all.

Maya looked at her, her arms folded across her chest, concerned about what was going on in Carmen’s head. She could even see how chaotic things were in her mind about her newest project. The blonde couldn’t say she hadn’t been in her shoes before: she could see the fifteen years old version of a Maya Wolford, confused and disorganized about something trivial, not knowing what to do next or which was the best option. Thankfully, her mom taught her things she would repeat in her mind as a mantra in order to not have a meltdown, and she saw Carmen needed that in that moment.

Maya took a deep breath and a step forward towards her friend. “Okay, let’s pause here.” Placing her hands on Carmen’s shoulders, she looked at her in the eyes, trying to look as reassuring as she could. “Let’s take a moment here to calm down and breathe. You’re doing okay, things may look like a mess right now but you can do this. Just… breathe.” She started to take deep breaths to show her what to do. “I’m here to help you, Carm. We can pull this off in one way or another so your students can enjoy of a special lesson with food so they can go home after such a fun lesson. Let’s take a moment to organize things first and then we’ll start cooking once we’re set on a few recipes, okay?” 

Carmen focused on her breathing, but then she got very annoyed with her breathing. How was she supposed to stay calm when she sounded so annoying and strained, and probably horribly bothersome to Maya. “I don’t want to waste your time or anything, but I- I’ll try.” If she as literally being asked to breathe, then maybe it was okay to sound this awful. It really was easier to put on a brave face in front of a crowd of children than her friends. It felt simultaneously a relief and miserable to break down a little. 

Clearing her throat, Carmen set to what she was asked to do. Following directions was not so hard, right? After some careful consideration and probably more waffling than was needed, she and Maya settled on a few not-completely-crazy recipes that still had a bite of challenge to them. It honestly went pretty smoothly from there, and Carmen would almost say that it was a fun experience. Parts of it were definitely enjoyable.

“I’m not sure if there’s a doctor-dentist rivalry, mainly because I’m so disgustingly non-confrontational. In any case, I’m pretty sure a dentist could destroy me in a fight, and they probably would just out of contempt for how I treat my teeth. I do brush and floss though, at least twice a day, so I’m hoping it kind of evens itself out.”

He released her hand good-naturedly after her offer. “Sounds like a deal. At this point, I’m willing to pretty much try anything. I’ve got a reputation to keep, after all. If my patients catch me on a smoke break, they might mutiny… especially the ones who smoke!”

It felt good to laugh, to have a normal conversation. He thought Carmen and he might be cut from the same cloth in a way. It was relieving to know he wasn’t the only one struggling in the world. On top of it all, his mother would probably be proud of him for getting a new friend. Even though the thought of her being proud of him for that when he was in his thirties was kind of embarrassing… he might not tell her about it…

“Catch me around town anytime, Carmen. You probably know where to find me.”

“I don’t know enough about tooth health to say whether or not you’re doing this right,” Carmen said with an awkward laugh. Yes, sure, she was self-conscious about laughing at such a weird comment. However, it was easier when she imagined that Theo was just as uncomfortable as she was. Probably at all times. Was it nice that she was glad someone else was as much of a mess as she was... Yes, but not overjoyed about it. It was easy to grin at the idea of patients catching a doctor in hypocrisy. There was probably a stupid pun about hypocrites and hippocratic oaths that she couldn’t tell right.

***

…I honestly do not have a suggestion. 

Radio silence, it is. Shutting up now.

Reading the ingredients list of that recipe and looking for the right ingredient as if she was checking boxes mentally, she smiled, impressed about the efficiency and the accuracy. “It’s official: I’m dragging you with me whenever I need to get very specific ingredients.” Maya turned her head to Carmen and looking at her. Both of them were really similar in that sense. They liked to make a simple chore like getting groceries a sort of fun game, something that most people would think it’s a boring task. Even if Maya seemed to be the most put together of the duo, she knew she would enjoy her company of her while buying ingredients for any of the meals, and Carmen would surely make sure she wouldn’t skip any ingredient.

“It’s a good idea,“ Maya said to answer her question. It was probably the best thing to do since half of the ingredients sounded like something not a lot of people in town would eat on a regular basis, let alone kids. “I mean, what if they’re allergic to any of these ingredients? What if they don’t like spicy food? We can choose a few of these recipes for them and make this pongal dish recipe for ourselves.” She would also include the pack and Emmy on this, since she was pretty sure they’d like to eat Indian once in a while. “And it’ll be a lot less stressful for you. Cooking something like this requires patience and being calm, and since this would be our first time making it… Yeah, it’s not something I’d make for the kids.”  

Carmen nodded, and ducked her head down, concerned that now she was going to have to do even more cooking that would probably only be saved because she had expert help. “Okay. So. spicy rice is out, then. I’ve got a list of all of the common allergies, but nobody’s told me that they have a corn problem yet. They’ve already eaten the candy, so... Maybe you can at least tell me how to make corn instead of five million things of rice? The rice dishes were all more complicated, but there’s like four recipes to choose from that seem to be just corn-based. If you were busy, my first back-up plan was literally just to figure out how to make corn and tell everyone that represents... something. The big thing I was worried about was setting husks on fire.” Carmen held up a bag of corn with husks, and also some popcorn. While popcorn was not exactly a harvest recipe, it had been her back-up plan to a back-up plan just in case. Trying to pop a bunch of kernels in a pot sounded... potentially possible.

***

I can’t say that I know why you’re trying to argue it either.

You don’t want me to be too contrarian with you, right? How do you want me to talk to you?