I just want to take an aside to mention the wonderful little moments that often get overlooked because we get lost in our heads, our personal bullshit, and we forget that people, real people with lives and experiences as rich and thorough as our own, surround us and, if we take a tiny moment to notice, we can share experiences. We can rediscover the interconnectedness that exists whether we chose to acknowledge it or not.
By simple conversation at a coffee shop, I made a new friend. How? I mentioned he was the only male other than my brother that I had met with the name Rory. We joked about how Americans use it as a girls' name. Then we talked Folk and Blues musicians, Doctor Who and of course, coffee. That was one five minute conversation. Since then, I have seen him frequently at the shop. That had been his first day and he had seemed stressed and awkward. And then we talked.
Now we talk geekery. Firefly, comic books, films. We compared notes on Man of Steel last I went in, and have very agreeable opinions. He makes me laugh, I get him talking, and it just seemed so minute before. Then, on Friday I went in, the first time since my Nana's passing. He immediately lit up but also noticed that I was different. This man who I see for maybe 10 min a week for less than six months noticed that my smile was not my usual smile. So we talked. I told him my Nana had passed away.
I am not one who lies. Not really even one who "politely lies" so when he asked if it was natural causes, I said no. Then, instead of prying for details, he told me about how his wife had lost her father to murder while he lived in a foreign country. He immediately understood all the awkwardness and pain of being so distant from family and not being able to have even that small closure of the funeral, for what that's worth. The confusion, uncertainty, the anger and the sorrow.
I felt more connection and emotional relief in hearing his story than I did from two sessions with my therapist to discuss all the same things. And why did I get to experience that commiseration? Because one particular day, instead of just thinking to myself - I know that name - I chose to share that tiny snippet of my life with him. I didn't just hand him a fiver for my latte and offer a curt thanks. I actually talked to and connected with another human being for two seconds.
Might seem trivial...just smiling and saying hello to someone who is obviously having a tough day...yet think about how many people you encounter and never speak to, or offer something so simple, free, and self healing as a smile. You can spare that smile, and who knows, maybe someday that person you smiled at will offer you some tiny token that will help heal a far greater wound than you thought you would ever know.
Next time I get coffee...I hope we can talk World War Z and he'll tell me another joke, and for ten minutes that week, we'll feel free from the daily grind of retail exchange.
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