this is all i can say.

maybe i just love hands but i feel there’s such symbolism in bernardo always clasping his hands together (and the few instances he doesn’t). it feels, only at times, like a desperate clinging. a way to keep his longing to himself. to contain his love. for his hands–his desire–to not reach out to another in a way that breaks his vows. still, he has his rare moments. like when he skyped lenny. his hands laid on both sides of the keyboard, stationary, almost nearly moving in a soothing/rubbing motion like he wants to reach out. lenny even has his moments of placing a hand on bernardo and bernardo does not reciprocate. he stays still. the only time their hands touch are when lenny is in mortal peril. the! agony! in that! in the new pope, when bernardo resists the temptation to act on his desire with another priest, and he stoops alone (seemingly alone, but lenny is there and i mean come on) on his bed, even then his hands are laid on top of each other. flat and dead.

excuse me!!! not to get too “tumblr fanatic deep dives into analyzing gifs” on you but what can this mean! other than! longing! lenny lays a hand on his shoulder and one of his hands literally pulses open then shuts with such visceral intent from the touch. he wants! to! reach! back! but he won’t! he can’t!