"Dave Mustaine / Megadeth: Dave is of average size and is very romantic, at least until he is done. Likes to cuddle, but might not be so friendly in the morning."

"Peter Steele / Type O Negative: About an 11 inch dick and very thick!! But he doesn’t like to use rubbers and says he doesn’t like groupies, yet will use them when he gets a chance. Sort of weird as well, plus he looks like a steel worker from Iowa!"

"Lars Ulrich / Metallica: Lars is about 6 inches and has a HOODED MONK, meaning he’s uncircumcised! That’s to be expected because he was born in Denmark, or some foreign country like that. He’s a quick shooter and likes multiple girls. He’s also fond of blow (what a shock) and that might result in his MONK to not wanting to come out and play. And he constantly talks. Shut the fuck up already! Also he’s losing his hair, but that’s another chart."

"Izzy Stradlin / Ex-Guns ‘N Roses: Our source reveals he is a VERY good lay! Sometimes those guys who aren’t the pretty boy of the bad are better lays than the good looking guys. The pretty boys sometimes think they don’t have to put any effort into anything. Just look at Vince Neil!"

"Slash / Ex-Guns N Roses: average in size and nothing to write home about."

"Axl Rose / Guns N Roses: Temper tantrum boy has only an average cock but above average sized balls. We heard he had one of his famous models (Seymour) take a dump in a kitty liter box!!! I don’t know about you girls, but my pussy ain’t going anywhere near a litter box."

"Paul Stanley / Kiss: About 7 to 8 inches and he’ll treat you very nice! He loves his hairy chest. One girl told me, “The only problem is when you’re having sex with him you get the impression he’s performing for 20,000 screaming fans. I have honestly never seen anyone look more retarded while having an orgasm. I thought he was having a seizure. Overall I’d give him a 9 in the sack, even though it was all I could do to keep from laughing when he came."

"Jon Bon Jovi / Bon Jovi: Back in the day Jon was a huge slut but he’s chilled out a little. Jon has an average size cock and like a lot of guys prefers to receive oral than give it. He has good rhythm though and will even wear 2 condoms if you ask him to."

You stepped out of the car with a heavy feeling resting on your head, and suddenly the diamond on your ring finger felt like the weight of a thousand elephants.

[...]

There he stood as a groomsman. It sort of looked like you were walking down the aisle to marry him instead. Just for a second, just until you were up close and it was clear that your eyes werent on him at all. 

Your smile when you handed Meg, his plus one, the bouquet was huge though and all for Meg and Noel now. Your pinkish lips stretched thin around the sheer size of it, and it was the only time throught the entire ceremony that Noel didnt feel a gross pit in his stomach. You started laughin once you'd turned away, all giggly and happy at the sight of your recently made husband. 

Noel couldnt even bear to look at the back of your head. 

[...]

In a pathetic attempt to escape his delicacy, Noel sparks up the cigarette in between his foaming lips with all the words left unsaid. 

He made sure no one saw him leave the dancing bodies behind, just to end up at the back of the wedding venue. He plays so slick so invincible its all artificial. He keeps spilling ashes all over himself, he keeps coming back to it. 

Your husbands face is before his eyes anyways, always, like a bruise on his brain. Everyone he meets knows your husband's name and when he´d lay awake at night, Noel doesnt even bother to picture his face anymore. He tries to forget.

Some things he does remember. 

How you and Noel hid in that cramped classroom, what felt like decades ago, because you were kissing him and how he hardly held the door closed when someone knocked and how you and him were so good at discreet tenderness everyone thought the school was haunted. 

How your favourite thing to do together was smile behind closed doors. How even back then you two were like ghosts.

[...]

The “fist dance” of the bride and groom suddenly arrived. 

Meg's fingers intertwined with Noel's, and all he could think was that he hates your fingers for not playing with his instead. 

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but it's been one day and his is starting to hate you for not being close enough to his hands. 

You twirl around the dance floor as Noel turns to face Meg. His smile is sincere towards her but he confirms the fact that he doesnt hate you. 

He pinches Meg's cheek with his thumb and index finger, rushing to ease the nonexistent pain with a quick kiss. Her soft laugh reaches his ears.

He hates himself.

[...]

You found him alone sitting on a low stone wall behind the venue, jacket discarded somewhere, sleeves rolled to his elbows. The cigarette between his fingers had burned itself nearly to the filter.

Your dress shifted in the cold night air.

“Congratulations” The word sounded awful coming from him. A goodbye felt impossible so you leaned down and wrapped your arms around him.

He holds his hands against your shivering papery skin for warmth. He had always loved the way the snow melts in your eyes.

You feel like summer nostalgia, something that only his mind could grasp and his hands can't touch. a feeling that's indescribable, too perfect to put into words. He watches your figure disapear into the venue and it makes him think that maybe you were just a dream. He wishes he could redo that one summer when you both were teenagers. 

He´s sorry that you had to put on a white dress for him to realise just how much he still loves you, even after all these years.

He hears your laughter echo.

'I like you best when your heads between my legs'

'wrap your fingers'round my neck try to ca-catch your breath'

'send your kisses down my chest, make the walls turn a bright red'

'i can't tell if it's a threat'

'thats when I like you best'

The summer sun streamed in through the small gap in the curtains, shining into his eyes. He would let out a tired groan burying his face in the side of your neck. He could hear your steady breathing as you slept, your warm body pressed against his.

He would breathe in your scent, hand sliding up your thigh. His fingers fiddled with the hem of the old shirt of his you had worn to bed. Jarvis would slowly lift his head from your neck watching you rest. 

“Mmm..”

He watched your eyelids twitch as you started to stir from your sleep.

His fingers slipped under the hem of your shirt gently tracing the curve of your hips, he felt as goosebumps raised across your soft skin and your thigh muscles twitch subconsciously. 

He trailed his hand back down, fingers pressing into the plush flesh of your thigh. You looked so peaceful in the morning sun. Jarvis would lean in slowly, leaving a gentle kiss on your lips before trailing more kisses down your neck. 

He felt you shift in your sleep as he slid himself lower in the bed, the sheets wrinkled under his movements. Jarvis would slowly part your thighs, eyes never leaving your face until he lowered himself between your legs.

He smirked to himself seeing the small wet patch already forming in your panties. 

“So easy.. Even in your sleep” he whispered, planting a kiss above your clothed clit.

His fingers gripped your thighs pressing into the soft flesh as he watched you move underneath him.

“So pretty for me” he whispered, pressing gentle kisses into your thighs. His fingered grazed your inner thigh before tugging your panties to the side. 

Jarvis would move slowly, trailing gentle kisses up your inner thigh, before licking a slow stripe through your already slick folds.

He let out a quiet groan against your sensitive clit, You tasted like heaven on his tongue. The sound sent vibrations up your spine, forcing a small whimper out of your sleeping body. 

He wrapped his lips around your clit, tongue flicking over the sensitive flesh as he began to suck. Your thighs tensed on either side of his head, hips shifting down the sheets closer to his mouth.

His hands wrapped around your thighs gently, slowing your body's movements. He watched your face through his lashes as he licked through your folds collecting more slick on his tongue before burying his face into you like a man starved.

Jarvis would feel your thighs start to tremble in his hands as he pushed his tongue inside your tight cunt. His nose pressed firmly against your clit.

He watched you start to writhe underneath him, his hands slid up to grip your hips still. Your hips pushed up into his mouth only spurring him on to move faster. 

He felt the way your muscles tensed around him, you were close he wouldn’t dare stop now. He saw your eyes flutter open, disoriented and hardly awake. There was a tight knot in your stomach that snapped when you made eye contact with Jarvis between your thighs. 

You would let out a quiet gasp as you came around his tongue. Your thighs trembling around his head before attempting to shut around his head. Jarvis worked you through your orgasm until you became overstimulated. 

“Fuck Jarvis no more i can’t..” you gasped out tugging his hair. He pulled away slowly and began to press gentle kisses to your thighs.