Fan fox art stuff!

Returning to where I started long ago, I wish to update on my life. My fucking God if it weren't for the love of my best friend, I don't know if I'd still be here. I have no one else, I've lost most of my online presence that I was proud of, and I'm dealing with the most insane feeling mental disorder that I've ever experienced. I rarely have a moment of silence wading through the stream of thoughts that keep coming, and I legitimately think I need psychological help. I can't finish anything. I've developed a reliance on cannabis to feel positive and silence things and give me dopamine, but I fear this may have made predisposed illnesses worse. I've learned that my family is not who I thought they were, and I am more alone there than I realized. I've learned that I was sexually groomed as a child by others to be the way I am and that the way I am may be something to be ashamed of. I can not look forward. Everyone is gone, and I have crippling fear that what is left will go too. I am too afraid to get diagnosed due to the current state of affairs in the United States. I have no idea what I was made for. I need to work on finding tomorrow. I wanted to be something. Do I still? I don't want to lose today. My love, if you read this, you are my light, and I'll stay here for you and do my best to make sure you never feel this way.