This will probably be my last contribution to Dickbabs week just due to time constraints, but hereās my (late) day 5: injury.
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@captainehren
This will probably be my last contribution to Dickbabs week just due to time constraints, but hereās my (late) day 5: injury.

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iām so done with these two nerds i need to take a walk
Can we still be friends?
It doesnāt have to end
And if it ends, can we be friends?
Dick Grayson is the kind of person that would, when someone was blocking the door, blow out his air and squeeze past them, probably saying "queEEEZE" like he just took a swig of helium.
Iām not kidding when I say I laughed out loud just imaging Dick awkwardly side shuffling past one of his family members while sucking in his stomach saying āexsQUEEEEEEze meā and then he just carries on with his normal day to day life. Heās just THAT extra.
Bruce and Alfred are completely immune to it. Alfred just kind of steps aside and letās Dick so his thing, mildly amused, but Bruce just kind of pretends itās not happening. Carries on disassociating. Theyāve dealt with Dick for too long to give a crap about the shit Dick does on a daily basis. Bruce has five kids and all of them have their quirks.
It drives Jason completely insane. The more time that Jason spends around the manor, the more it happens, and the more pissed Jason gets. Dick finds it funny and heās pledged to never stop.
It doesnāt really happen to Cass, and Timās usually too sleep-deprived to do anything about it. But Damian HATES it. I mean, it probably happened so many times during Dickās and Damianās partnership that Damian learned to live with it, but he grew up believing that you asked someone to move or you MAKE them move. And Dick just kind of slides on by. It infuriates Damian.
Oh man, I love this. This is my new favorite headcanon. Thank you, anon.
here anon I made cam a v quick visual of this but I think I accidentally killed her as a result
Damian: Father. Please revoke your āNo profanityā rule.
Bruce: Why?
Jason: *Somewhere in the manor* WELL THAT JUST DILLS MY PICKLE.
I just love this so much omgā¦just imagine the challenge of it all for the Batboys to find the most irritating substitutes in revenge. Like it progresses to an INSANE LEVEL and Damian is just so done with then Ā
ā
Bruce: Jason you are in so much troubleā
Jason: I GUESS YOUR KNICKERS ARE IN A KNOT!
ā-
Tim: I know you stole my coffee, you egg-suckinā dawg!
Bruce: *sighs* Not you tooā¦
ā
Dick: Gosh golly, YOU KNOW SOMETIMES BRUCE REALLY GETS MY GOOSE
Damian: Grayson NO
ā
Jason: *waving gun around* Oh no demon spawn! I have a Rooty Tooty Point ān Shooty!
Damian: *crying internally* TODD, THATāS NOT EVEN A PROFANITY
ā
Jason: Iām gonna tan your hide!
Riddler: Wait what?
Jason: You donāt watch out, Iām gonna cream yoā corn!
Riddler: Wait does that mean youāre going to kick my ass??? Wat???
Jason: *roundhouse kicks him* Yes.
ā
Jason: Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!
Bruce: FUCK IT, JUST CURSE. I DONāT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE JUST STOP FUCKING TALKING LIKE THAT PLEASE GUYS. YOU ARE KILLING YOUR FATHER
Tim, an intellectual: Jay, I guess someone really dilled his pickle today
YASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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āCome on, letās go, patrol time, streets are waiting.ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Batman and Robin (2011) #38
Imagine Bruce inviting Clark over to Wayne Manor and arriving to find the Bat kids in total chaos.
i live for bruce being this like terrible force and a dark shadow and the scourge of the underworld but canāt get his kids to do fucking anything. like an hour ago a criminal was trembling before him and now damian wonāt go to bed at a proper time and counting didnāt bloodyĀ work and now heās out of tacticsĀ
stephanie still wonāt keep to the meal plan heās laid out for the batkids and unlike the others, who at least cheat in private, she takes great pride in bringing in a box of krispy kreme doughnuts and stuffing her face right in front of himĀ
cass hears bruceās orders to stop watching cutthroat kitchen on the batcomputer but just does a face and turns straight back around and plays the rest of the episodeĀ
timĀ āiāve told you to tidy your bedroom eight times now IāLL DO IT LATER GODā drakeĀ
dick and his habit of hanging from the rafters despite bruceās insistence that theyāre old and antiques and he shouldnāt do it, dick justĀ āalot of stuff in his house is old and itās still standingā whilst giving bruce a too pointed lookĀ
jason and ā¦ā¦.. well anything
bruce in a meeting with the justice league, standing over them as a dark and commanding leader and then just his phone ringing and he has to immediately try and calm down duke and damian before they fight each other again and heās trying everything and just hears a loud yelp on the other end and has to sit down w/ his head in his hands likeĀ āwhy are they always like thisāĀ
Things I associateĀ the Batfam with:
Bruce: *internal screaming* and Adoption Papers
Alfred: The Sassy Eyebrow Raiseā¢
Dick: Puns nā Secret Sadness
Jason:Ā yeET
Tim: Near Death Coffee Experience
Damian: Veggie Burgers and Massacre
Barbra: Under the Glasses Nose Pinch
Stephanie: 107% DONE
Cass: Doesnāt Deserve This Shit
Duke: *panickedĀ screaming*
Harper: Really Really Loud Sighing
Kate: Squinty Glare
for @bat-clan, who suggested a fantastic pose for these two XD

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original
iād like to extend my personal thanks to every one of these people for reminding me that thereās still a reason to post on this site
You canāt tell me that when Batman sees children and teenagers and young adults who have been murderedābecause itās Gotham, all horrendous and unspeakable things happen in Gothamādead children and teenagers and young adults with eyes that are too blue or green or brown, or hair thatās a shade of black or blond or red that he knows all too well, or skin thatās tanned, or a frame thatās too small, too skinny, too familiarā
You canāt tell me that Bruce Wayne wouldnāt go home and find his children asleep and safe and warm, or go home and call them as soon as he gets out of his suit. You canāt tell me that he wouldnāt wake them up or call them over the phone at three in the morning just to hear their voice, just to make sure that theyāre okay. You canāt tell me that he wouldnāt run a hand through their hair, squeeze their shoulder, touch their arm just to make sure that heās not dreaming, that theyāre really there.
You canāt tell me that Bruce Wayne wouldnāt see those murdered children and teenagers and young adults and panic, because what if he was too late again? what if he failed them all over again, what if he couldnāt make it to save them when that was the only promise he ever made them?
You canāt tell me that Bruce Wayne wouldnāt feel his heart shatter, his whole world crumble because what if he had broken his promise? What if he had broken his promise again?
my absolute favorite thing about richardĀ ādickā grayson, hands down, is the fact that he always insists to be called dick. in every version of him, every show every movie every game, heās likeĀ āyeah my name is dickā
like this isnt the 1940s anymore. its 2017 and everyone snickers when they figure out his name is dick but he genuinely doesnt care. this boy is in the era where dick jokes are at its peak and he still looks at everyone w/ the straightest poker face likeĀ ācall me dickā
the Batfamily in the McDonalds Drive Thru
it would be a fucking mess. Picture them, crammed into the back of some luxury minivan Bruce picked up:
Damian, cranky, in the backseat.Ā āI donāt understand why we have to consume processed fats, itās horrendously unhealthy.ā
Tim:Ā āYour face is horrendously unhealthy. Also, Bruce, can I get like, three frappes?ā
Dick:Ā āCan I have a happy meal?ā
Jason:Ā āYouāre literally 25. Why the hell do you want a kidās meal?ā
Dick:Ā āSome of us want to remember our childhoodsāoh. Oh, Jay, I didnāt meaāā
Jason:Ā āNo, no, no. Continue. You were gonna say some of us want to remember our childhoods, right? Well mine was cut short on account of me dyingāā
Tim:Ā āDamian, give it back!ā
Damian:Ā āItās a pen, what use do you have for it?ā
Tim:Ā āItās not a pen, itās a laser box cutter!ā
Stephanie:Ā āWhen did you have time to make a laser box cutter?ā
Tim:Ā āLast nightāā
Stephanie:Ā āYou told me you went to bed.ā
Tim:Ā āI did say that, didnāt I?ā
Cassandra:Ā āI would like apple slices, please.ā
Bruce: *turns to Alfred with wide eyes*Ā
Bruce: āEveryoneās getting chicken nuggets. I donāt care if they complain. Hello? Yes? 17 6-piece chicken nugget meals please. Yes, Iām serious, 17āā
family talkā¦ā¦ Ā Ā

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I remember a post about Dick swearing but do the others do that? Jason swears a lot in fanon but I don't recall him or timmy swearing in canon. Damian says "damn" in son of batman, what else?
Okie dokie here is Shellyās post about Dick swearing, and here is a Jason comparison. So Iām gonna limit myself to the younger three Robins.
Bear in mind that this isnāt even close to a complete listā itās mostly pulls from the series that Iāve recently reread (Red Robin, Batgirl (2009), both Batman and Robins, Batman Eternal) plus whatever panels I already had on file. Here we go!
Alrighty so I find that pretty much every member of the batfamily usesĀ ādamnā andĀ āhellā often. Hereās Tim withĀ
assorted hells
couple damns
And my personal favorite:Ā āI am so screwed,ā when he realized Raās was watching him.
I also noticed that Tim is more likely than the others to use fake swears like these
Freaking, darn, and nuts. All in all? Pretty lowkey. Steph on the other hand:
Lots of variations on ass
One bitch and a few damns
Two screwed, couple hells
And a single fuck. Interestingly enough, Steph might have the highest swear rate. I stopped screenshotting after a while because there were so many.
Also:
Lots and lots of craps.
And Damian varies a ton by writer. In his very earliest appearance you get
(Side note: Alfredās response to that is something likeĀ āah, memory laneā while he glares at Bruce, so Iām guessing Bruce was a mouthy kid too)
Weirdly enough I couldnāt findĀ a single Damian swear in the first section of the preboot B&R series. But as soon as it switches over to Tomasi, weāre back in business.
Lots of hells, three asses
Couple damns and two bastards.Ā
And there you have it
Also I just want to add for Tim, that he really does useĀ āfake swearsā like, a lot. A lot a lot. Especially in Red Robin.Ā
There might be more- I just did the ones I remembered off the bat. :)
Tim is too innocent for his own goodĀ
I love how chill all the bats are with their villain regulars. You know what I bet is a thing? Batkids being so done with Bruceās bullshit that they snitch to the villains, and then Bruce gets told off by literally everybody he knows.
āBatman, I am a trained psychiatrist, and Iāll have you know that you are screwing them up like seriously how dare you??ā
āRiddle me this! You know who I saw today? Nightwing! IMAGINE THAT.ā
āLooks like Iām not the only no-good,Ā two-faced, double-crossing, secret-keeping bastardĀ around here after all!ā
āYou know, maybe I do occasionally encase this entire city in ice, but AT LEAST IāM LOOKING OUT FOR MY FAMILY.ā