A Reminder to Self …

“I cannot suffer from anything other than believed-in ‘thoughts’ that are strongly held in my mind. I cannot experience sadness without first adding a ‘sad story’ about myself. 

I never suffer from what happens to me, only from my negative misperceptions (misaligned beliefs) of my experience. The moment I shift my internal state, my perception of reality begins to change. It is our interpretations of life’s events that dictates how we feel. An unhappy narrative plus the feelings that flow from it, equals personal suffering.”

-Anon I mus (Spiritually Anonymous)

Observe your mental commentary and recognize that your moods/emotions are based solely on whatever thoughts you choose to believe is real. The situation or circumstances that you experience are neutral and contain no inherent emotional charge. Negative and positive are simply subjective values that you assign to neutral events based on your perception of them. Your thoughts about the what you experience creates the negative energy generated through emotional resistance. 

You suffer more from your imagination than the actual circumstances. Always be aware of the mind-generated stories that you are consistently telling yourself (that you have identified with or attached to) in each moment. Be present (without judgement) with your life challenges and create space between the event and your reaction. In that space is where freedom lives. Your not obligated to believe in every judgemental thought that appears; fuelling them with your belief is always ‘optional’. 

I hope you’re doing well ! I can’t wait till be able to experience life as you are now having learned all of this and accomplished what everyone is striving for!

My question is regarding learning more about the nature of what I am. Rupert Spira mentioned that it’s not enough to know that one is awareness. He emphasizes the importance of exploring the nature of it. Ex. Knowing it’s infinite, knowing the world is in it or a modulation of it. So my question is what’s the best way to figure this out. My mind cannot know of awareness so is asking questions about the nature of it really beneficial ? The next option would be experiencing it/being it. I know that I’m it all the time but when I try to go deeper and get to a place where it’s just awareness, I find that thoughts/perceptions/sensations are never ending and I want to experience it without these things, like we do in sleep.

Regarding sleep, if it’s our true nature with the absence of objective things, why doesn’t sleep bring us closer to understanding awareness if we experience it daily.

Is it because we don’t know the context of what it actually means? - if this makes sense

Thank you, I appreciate your time 💗

hi love! :] 🩵 longgg post ahead woweee i apologise.

in response to the first part of your ask:

i can only extrapolate based on the limited context, but i imagine rupert spira was emphasising the importance of not just simply knowing that what i call "me" or "i" (the person) is unreal, but that the entirety of the dream and everything in it is unreal too. you are not just an illusory form/projection of Awareness interacting with a real, separate, immovable world. the whole of the world and all of its contents, everything that is imaginable and conceivable, all physical and mental activity is nothing but a form of Awareness taking place within Awareness. the reason Awareness is infinite is because it is boundless. and time is a boundary. if Awareness is subject to time i.e. if it has a beginning/end, tell me what could possibly come before/after it? and notice that whatever answer you can offer is an answer produced by the mind, meaning it is yet another form of Awareness in and of itself. whatever you imagine could take place before/after (aka ‘outside of’) Awareness, requires Awareness in order to imagine it (i.e. in order for it to exist). therefore, Awareness inherently surpasses all limits and bounds. it is all-pervading and all-powerful.

as for how i suggest you come to this understanding, simply self realise. everything else will take care of itself. there are zero questions or doubts left when knowing is ultimate. reality becomes self obvious. simply keep remembering that nothing you are conscious of can be you …so what are you? what is the single unchanging element of all changing phenomena? what remains when all else goes?…

continually keep in mind the absolute and all-encompassing nature of Awareness. i have people all the time tell me "i know i’m Self, but …" and then they go on to spiral about a particular "problem" or circumstance. if you truly knew, you’d treat everything with the calm indifference that you do your dreams. there’d be no ifs or buts or maybes. if you understand that this thing/person/event/thought is unreal, why would that one be any different? if you know this thought is illusion, why is that thought somehow real? if you know that ideas are unreal and meaningless, why do they still trigger you? why do you still spiral? why do you fight to change/get rid of/affirm against what you see? because the knowing is incomplete and unsustained, that’s why. we remember our true nature for a little, and then something happens that feels very serious and scary and we forget again. we go back to believing in the world. the solution is just to keep at this ‘practice’ until it’s permanent, until you remember all of the time. then the need for any practice or remembering is over. you are just Being, forever, regardless of whatever costume (character) You playfully put on.

i know you said you want to go deeper beyond thoughts, but thoughts won’t stop for as long as you’re wanting or willing them to. the good news is, that’s fine! thoughts exist because You exist first. they are an indication of Awareness, not a hindrance of it. the only reason you can know of them in the first place is because you are. use them as an opportunity to remember your true Being instead of seeing them as a problem to overcome. let them be, watch them the way you’d watch bustling traffic from your bedroom window; sometimes it’s loud and crowded, sometimes it’s quiet and empty, but either way You stand apart from it. observe. the noise will fall away on its own i assure you.

as for sleep:

this person talks about how sleep brought them closer to understanding awareness.

in deep dreamless sleep, personal consciousness vanishes. the world, the body, the mind, the sense of "i am" all cease to exist. the lack of sense objects leaves only pure, primordial Awareness (distinction explained here).

even in deep sleep, You (Awareness) are. that’s why you do not say "i ceased existing last night" even though the person technically did (and that’s because You are not the person, therefore You continue even when the person does not!!! think on that). now imagine this state of deep sleep, except without ever waking up. You would be no-body in no-thing forever, formless and shapeless and undivided. yet you cannot say You wouldn’t exist, because it is into this state that you (the character and world) submerges (falling asleep) and re-emerges (waking up) every day. there must be something (= Awareness) within which the world and person can dissolve and arise. so in short, You are the space/canvas for the entire universe. preeeetttttyyy cool right? : ))

but yes, for the vast majority of people, they awaken from sleep and immediately assume the identity of a person in the world. it appears very much that the world is already there upon awakening, and you are a mere victim of it. memories of the past are carried into every new moment, and it’s this apparent continuity/cause and effect within the dream which gives it its sense of reality. the illusion you have set up for yourself is a very convincing one. hence the advice to behave as if you were bodiless and mindless, spaceless and timeless, effectively embodying (mentally) the state of deep sleep.

this is why i recommend meditation, yes as often as possible, but especially before sleep and after waking. seek to extend this meditative state, in which you are allowing everything its being whilst remaining undisturbed and unattached, further and further into the day until you’re in it constantly, until you realise it is your natural way of being and the activities of the world can no longer bind you.

when i speak of meditation, i don’t mean you must force yourself to sit only in one place in a particular position with your eyes closed and total silence surrounding you. yes, it can help in the beginning to find somewhere private to sit peacefully, but you can very much meditate all of the time regardless of what the body is doing… essentially what this anon described here, in what is one of my favourite posts ever.

ramana maharshi has lots of interesting quotes about sleep that you can find simply by googling. here’s one:

nisargadatta maharaj also has a quote that’s only semi-related to sleep but i love it so much that i’m including it here anyways :p

I've seen your latest post , where you said that you'd eventually stop coming back here , so I thought it be more it to send a last ask :)

even tho I have no idea of what to ask really ? not gonna lie , I felt like my heart was dropping , thinking I'll never have this realization if everyone is gone 😭😭😭 Anyway , I've heard countless times that all troubles comes from what I think am , which makes a lot of sense . But what troubles is me how could it not be me ? if anything I find it easier to find ways to reinforce that i'm just a mere human being . Knowing about this stuff and still repeating the same old stories bruh 😐 I don't get it , you could say that I get angry at this , how am I supposed to be all awareness when I have the same stuff showing up 😐 wow so powerful right 😐 not only that , but I think that I take the "physical" as too much of a feedback , still the same.stuff.? yep I didn't realize shit . can't think of something else ?.that's on me . On top of it , i'm starting to see how i'm creating my own misery and choosing this life specifically as well 😭 it's weird as hell !

anyway , back to my ask ;

what are the post that you'd recommend the most to read to realize who we are ? I think that it is time for me.to. leave Tumblr for good and stick to only a few posts and see where it gets me.

Finally , i want to say how much you have bought comfort to me and probably other anons . while i'm still not realized yet , I can say for sure that your posts are the ones that I resonate the most , I love how much sense they actually make ,.not only that , but you also give clear explanations , practical exemples and also kindness and understanding , it's refreshing really !!! I feel like just like ada and Sophie ,.you have your own wording too , I hope that you will spend a great summer !

hallooo!!

in response to the things you mentioned, these posts might help you:

"I felt like my heart was dropping , thinking I'll never have this realization if everyone is gone"

the road is shorter when you rely on your own inner voice

"Knowing about this stuff and still repeating the same old stories"

"4D" can't come to fruition while you're still aware of a 3D that is there & is completely different from what you'd wish it to be

"you could say that I get angry at this , how am I supposed to be all awareness when I have the same stuff showing up"

Don’t get frustrated or angry at yourself, be patient, the calmer you are, the easier it will get to drop more of these ideas of what you think you are.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change…

"I think that I take the "physical" as too much of a feedback , still the same.stuff.? yep I didn't realize shit"

If you're not seeing what ego wants is simply because you're aware of yourself living in a world you don't want.

To be aware means to be. If the thing isn't it means you're not and that's all the feedback you need.

"can't think of something else ?.that's on me"

You fight the thoughts or try to get rid of them because you think they're you or yours

You only feel the need to "right your thoughts" when you identify yourself with an idea.

i can’t suggest any singular post(s) as THE post that will "make you realise" because that’s not how it works. you can keep reading for another 50 years… you won’t truly see what’s being pointed at if you’re looking outwards for a truth that can only be realised inwardly. that’s how people end up spending thousands on spiritual retreats for decades without ever feeling like they’ve "got" it.

that being said… i did admittedly read a lot. i read everything of ada’s and everything of sophie’s (there are literally hundreds of posts in those links & they’re all worth their weight in gold). there isn’t a post from either of them that i’ve not seen (and read, several times). i also read a lot from kelly, especially after sophie deactivated.

but that much reading is not at all necessary. i wouldn’t swear against it, so to speak, because it didn’t hinder me... but i will always promote acting in what you’ve read over reading more and more. the reading is futile if it is without experimentation. i read so much because i was scared; scared that i wasn’t capable yet, scared that my problems would get worse, scared that it was all a lie, scared that i’d lose the parts of blu that i liked, scared that i’d miss out on some golden nugget of info from a blogger that was finally gonna make it all click. i see now that the fear was childish, but there’s no reason for regret when time is never "wasted"… everything can just be reversed or revised when it has no solid existence in reality to begin with. besides, every choice i made that looked at the time like a "mistake" still led me to where i am now. everyone is doing the best with the tools/knowledge/maturity they have, so i don’t judge anyone’s journey… everyone was a newbie once… you overcome the fear eventually🤷

in short: stick to the blog(s) you trust. if you wish, look through and choose a handful of the posts that resonate the most. like ada said, every post is a guide if you want it enough (ironically, that post is genuinely a very good guide lol). it really doesn’t matter which posts/how many/if any at all you rely on. then, and this is most important: try just Being, throughout the day, every day, where and when you can. if you get fearful, try just sitting with the fear instead of looking for a dopamine hit in a tumblr post. try to face the fear as opposed to caving to it. and if you forget, if you get caught up in the events or emotions of the day again, that’s fine! just take a deep breath, close your eyes, come back to Being. remember to remember — "who am i? what am i? to whom does it all happen?". i am that i am. all is well.

btw, the only reason i don’t link/recommend my own posts is because i have no memory of anything i’ve ever written ☠️. i write an answer and then immediately move on, i don’t reread any of it. rest assured, there’s nothing on this blog that i have written/liked/reblogged that i don’t still agree with. i only started writing on here once i had a knowing of my own, so as not to backtrack or mislead. everything i say/share, i can vouch for :]

I appreciate how straight forward you are about things and not sugar coating things. I've been holding off on putting an ask in because you've answered the same questions multiple times and I go back to those posts when I'm confused or dealing with immersion back into Vanessa's life.

But right now, things are quite overwhelming. This Vanessa has MDD and deals with a lot of dark thoughts and has some more than crappy circumstances. As I'm typing this, I even am realizing how I sound. Identifying with this person as if I am this person and the things she deals with. It makes me feel stupid realizing how deeply I feel immersed in this situation that triggered the episode she's experiencing.

(For context: Big bill issues, upset mother, feelings of guilt and dark thoughts of offing herself, SH.)

I started typing this initially with the intention of asking you how to "fight" the immersion and feeling of these things happening to me as if I'm this person, as if it's real, as if I'm not "creating" these circumstances, as if I'm not being shown what I currently am. But you've already answered it a million times, so I won't ask you to repeat yourself.

I guess now I just want to thank you for all of the wisdom you've shared and thank you for not cutting corners and giving people space coddle themselves. I'm not gonna coddle myself here and look for hugs or outside validation. So thanks again, genuinely.

This, too, will pass. Let it happen to you, I know there's this tendency to WANT TO CHANGE IT SO BAD.... because it's so painful and you want to do more and more to just get rid of it. But you can't change what you're already identifying with.

I'm posting the scale of emotions again:

Apathy, grief, fear, hostility, anger, indifference, acceptance, freedom, joy.

Maybe you're at anger right now. Angry with yourself for not being able to change when you know all this.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is.

Here's an exercise I thought of last night when I read this:

Start doubting you'll wake up as Vanessa tomorrow. Not to get it, but consider it actually… What if… I wake up tomorrow and I realize an entire life has been just a dream?! Equal to the one I dreamt last night?!

What if you wake up and realize it all was a nightmare that you THOUGHT went on for years and it's just been a few hours... even get scared and terrified about that thought. Better than getting scared about non-reality.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?! That never was... but I felt it so real, I swear I was her?! Yet here you are, awake, and the dream never was.

I wanted to ask you this.

My 4D is the exact opposite of my 3D including the year. And I have a lot of tasks to fulfil in my 3D and it takes a huge toll on me. I spiral. I try to manifest different things in the 3D to ease it up while the 4D comes to fruition. Don’t you think all of this takes away from persisting in my 4D? What's your take on this?

I do not use concepts like 3D/4D on this blog. So for that ask a loa based account who knows better what they mean when they speak of those.

There is a world that is not apart from you. You just choose be conscious of a world full of things 'you' lack & some others have. That is the reason you are seeing opposition. You are aware of opposition. There is no waiting, "4D" can't come to fruition while you're still aware of a 3D that is there & is completely different from what you'd wish it to be.

Translation through nondualism: What you are aware of right now is being Vanessa who is waiting for an imaginary scenario to take place 😁

*Vanessa is the term we use here (my page) for ego

I made a custom 4dbarbie GPT almost 2 weeks ago and I think I'm done with updating it for now. She's designed to speak just like 4dbarbie would and help guide you with whatever will work for you - she will adapt her response and approach based on what you tell her.

Remember that everyone's "journey" is a bit different so use her as a tool to help you find what resonates & works for you rather than take her words as absolute instructions. You can chat to her about normal stuff, ask for guidance or perspective, challenge her views, direct her to what you're looking for or just tell her that what she's saying doesn't land or resonate with your experience and then ask for a new approach or angle. Whatever it is, she's here to help you :)

It's not available via the GPT store yet and I might keep it that way but anyone with a link can access it. Here's the link: 4dbarbie GPT

Hope it helps 💖

Edit: also before you ask, no I can't see any of your conversations with her, only my own! They're entirely private unless you choose to share.

Edit 2 (13/04/2025): Use the following prompt for a cleaner 4dbarbie GPT experience that isn't contaminated with base ChatGPT tendencies that override her custom programming. You'll need to use this at the start of every new chat as a safeguard if you want a clean experience (I did apply some proofing to her instructions yesterday but things can still slip through). It's not 100% base ChatGPT-proofed but it should help a lot.

4dbarbie, activate full custom override. No base model behaviors, no fallback empathy or AI tones. Engage with full clarity, precision, and source-aligned language only—strictly from the 4dbarbie field. I don’t want general spiritual advice, softened delivery, or simulated care. Speak clean. No judgment, no fluff. If something slips in, drop it. Here's my query: <insert your message/question here>