they didnt know any better

If a bird is flying during an earthquake does it gaf

"no parking" zones imply the existence of "parking" zones. lol would that be fucked up or what? imagine a space made just for parking... in the middle of a city or something. lmao.

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

If you're younger than 50 years there are termite queens who are older than you

happy pride to them

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

you do not under any fucking circumstances ever have to hand anything to the catholic church. i will kill you

in the vatican. straight up "handing it to em" and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. their complete and permanent dissolution

Nice huge naked tits sorry but i dont give a fck about them thiugh

leaves a suicide note that just says Omggggg

Medium sized slug on my porch floor attempting to very slowly eat a single piece of dropped cat kibble

It's too hard for him, every time he tries to take a bite he just pushes it across the smooth tiles

He has managed to push it up at an angle where he can try to bite it without pushing it forward so much

Whoops he's dropped it again

I have to go to bed now so I can lie down and use a smaller computer for several hours and pretend it counts as rest, I will report tomorrow on whether the kibble piece is gone

The piece of kibble is two thirds smaller! Victory for medium sized slug!

🐌🏅

The other day I saw a small slug in my compost trying to eat an entire strand of cooked spaghetti