mariposa

you are courageous to be here

the troubles that make you feel less

be still, you take all you can bare

the kind to give me peace

the kind to make me smile

the kind to understand the mess

how i long for this feeling again

after everything that i've been through

i only have one wish

i hope to remove the burden inside my heart

the negativity i’ve been feeling

for the grudge i’m holding for the betrayal i never expected

you keep letting me hope.

hoping that you'll be mine.

then i get hit with the reality.

the soul crashing reality.

that i will never be the one.

so why can't you let me go?

why did you have to come to my life?

I’ve always liked my alone time. I’ve always enjoyed being alone. Then, I found people I could be comfortable with—people I could lean on, people who understood me, people I could simply be with. I enjoyed being with them.

Lately, I found myself wanting to be around my comfort people. It was nice. You enjoy your time and feel fulfilled. But it got to the point where I felt myself depending on them—where I no longer wanted to be alone, where I sometimes felt lonely without them. It wasn’t intentional; I just really liked having company.

It became difficult, sometimes, being alone. I liked being alone, so why did it feel like I was lonely? Wasn’t I used to my own time?

I can’t help it, I’m only human. Craving to be noticed, craving to be understood, craving for connection.

So maybe the art is in learning to balance. To love solitude, but also honor my need for others. To find peace in silence, and also joy in being heard. To understand that wanting to be seen isn’t weakness.

It’s just part of being human.

Growing up, I wasn’t afraid of the dark. Now, I realize that I don’t like it—it just became lonely.

coping through the pain

always distracting herself

maybe it just happened that you’re there

from the very beginning i already knew it

that you’re just an infatuation

but still, i let myself get drowned by this crazy fantasy

i knew it all along this wouldn’t last because it wasn’t right

but still i let it happen for so long

am i a bad person?

is it too much solitude?

have i become desperate?

i dont tell you this but i know you know

u feel it too but we don’t speak about it

even tho sometimes i wish we did

every time i push u away, u pull me back along

why cant i let it go

we were stable

i felt safe

but you were unable

so i couldn’t take

sometimes i miss you

maybe the feeling

maybe the comfort

no wonder i’m blue

why is it hard

falling apart

should keep my guard

always hated losing someone

so why am i fine now

am i even there?

do u also think about me the way i do?

i know actions speak louder than words

are you the type of person to leave

when your mind is confused

who was i to believe

that we have something fused

you’re in my head tattooed

i don’t really know what to do

was i made to be delude

it’s bleeding everyday and i get tired of it