Lotsa gay n furry awakenings- But ethically, can you fuck them?

So... we realize the implications of Sonic sort of returning Rouge's serve here, so to speak, right? The fact he CAN say this shit?

Well. I suppose with this, Sonic is promoted from "Most Likely Fuckable" to "Definitely Fuckable". AKA, accounting for direct rivals/counterparts and romantic interests;

You can definitely fuck Sonic The Hedgehog. You can definitely fuck Shadow The Hedgehog You can definitely fuck Amy Rose You can definitely fuck Surge The Tenrec You can definitely fuck Mighty The Armadillo You can definitely fuck Jet The Hawk You can definitely fuck Metal Sonic You can definitely fuck Mecha Sonic You can definitely fuck Princess Elise

Oooh, a fan of Team Chaotix, huh? Well, let's get you fixed up, why don't we? One of them is gonna hog most of the spotlight and it may be exactly the one you think.

Can you fuck Team Chaotix?

... Okay, the first one is incredibly easy. Vector. I would go through his age history, but it's kind of pointless. His original Knuckles' Chaotix bio listed him as 16, and the Heroes manual still unfortunately exists, but that's all completely irrelevant, for one single reason.

If you're not fucking Vector, the local MILF absolutely is. So, he's fuckable, whether you're the one doing it or not.

Well, that one's very easily out of the way. Next, another easy one.

This is a child. Indisputably a child. Most likely younger than Tails. This is an itty bitty. He's playing with crayons. He acts, looks and sounds like a child. Though, I do feel the need to shout out Archie for the batshit insane move of explaining his behavior with actual fucking brain damage because their version was an adult before Heroes came out. This is both incredibly insensitive and poorly handled and incredibly funny for the sheer amount of tonal whiplash.

You may have noticed I didn't go in the order one would normally expect, that from largest to smallest. Vector, then Espio, then Charmy.

And that's because Espio is the most complicated and ambiguous of the three.

Yeah, those two were honestly just a prelude for Espio. He's... Gonna take a bit. From the top.

The manual for Knuckles' Chaotix lists him as 17 years old. Makes enough sense, he's a relatively stoic ninja character so seeing him up there is perfectly reasonable. Strangely, older than Vector...? He's listed as 16 in this manual, which would later be contradicted by another manual. The one we absolutely loathe.

Espio gets bumped down to 16, somehow, and Vector gets bumped up to 20. So, now Espio is the younger of the two, even though the Japanese manual for their debut game had it the other way around...? That's stupid. This manual is stupid. None of it holds any weight. It's bad, mistranslated and made every single age listing up on the spot without any bearing for anything that had come before.

He definitely acts quite mature, about on par with Vector, and the manual that holds the most weight for him lists him as 17 in Classic, which would put him well over the range by present day.

The thing is... Espio could, sincerely, go either way. Because of one little ship.

Espilver is not only entertained by the writers behind the currently-canon IDW comics, but it's safe to assume their moments together were at least partially inspired by the ship. And, funny enough, the artist who illustrated their one-on-one in said comics ships Espilver and has drawn them together before! It's far from canon, of course, and it holds less weight than something like Sonamy or Sonadow due to how much time those two get to breathe in canon and the degree to which they may be teased (specially the former of the two, on that regard), but it's definitely a factor.

We have determined that Silver's fuckability status is... Dubious, at best. There's a slim chance he might have broken 18 by now, but it's highly unlikely. So, that leaves Espio in a weird spot. There's essentially 3 options here, depending on if you mind the ship getting sabotaged or not. A) Silver is an adult, and so is Espio. Espilver compatible. Requires Silver being an adult, which is unlikely. B) Neither Silver nor Espio are adults. Espilver compatible. Requires Espio not being an adult, which is unlikely but vague enough to be feasible. C) Silver is not an adult, but Espio is. Espilver incompatible. Most likely option.

Honestly, if the ship wasn't so genuinely and unapologetically considered by the people working on IDW, I'd give Espio a surefire absolutely fuckable status, but... As it stands, the ship definitely sort of gets in the way, and makes the whole situation a bit hazy. So, for Espio, I'd say it's up to what you yourself believe. If you're willing to risk Silver potentially being confirmed a minor in the future (which is very likely and he's the likeliest to be a minor out of every non-child covered so far), you can both have Espilver and have them fuck. If you want to fuck Espio and have no regard for Espilver, then he's a decently safe pick. If you don't want to risk it with Silver but still want Espilver, then Espio is probably off-limits for you.

... Does this make sense? It probably doesn't. Whatever. Let's give him a half-fuck for now.

So, that about settles it. The answer to the question of if you can fuck Team Chaotix is:

TEAM CHAOTIX, AS A WHOLE, HAVE ABOUT 1.5/3 FUCKABILITY POINTS. You can fuck Vector the Crocodile, you might be able to fuck Espio the Chameleon, and you absolutely cannot fuck Charmy Bee.

Well, luckily for you, this one is easy, so I'm not even going to ask the question here.

You can, in fact, fuck every member of Team Hooligan.

This one's short and sweet. Fang has no listed age for one, while Bark is listed as 17 and Bean as 15 in an old Fighters Megamix Official Guide. These listings might hold some weight, but the guide is primarily gameplay-centric with no proper bios, so it's to be taken with a grain of salt. On top of that, Sonic The Fighters is a classic series game, so if these age listings are true, both of them would absolutely be adults by modern day.

To that, add the fact that they're hired criminals. Fang is wanted in many, many places and by many, many different names, and I imagine his associates probably aren't that much better, even if Bark is a decently kind soul all things considered.

I need to know (actually for the satiating of my own knowledge but I know nobody will believe me anyways).

Amy Rose, is most certainly, definitely, off the table, correct?

...

...

...

Aaahahahaha...

HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHA

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

FOOLS, I HAVE RISEN, FROM THE GRAV-

... Oh, it's the middle of November. Shit. Missed October by a pretty big margin.

Uh. Well, I guess it's as good of a time as any to honor the blog profile picture either way, isn't it?

CAN YOU FUCK AMY ROSE?

Well, as always, we should go to the earliest possible source of information. Not the most popular, the first. This is equal parts trying to figure out whether or not you can fuck a Sonic character and going through their strange and rocky age history.

For once in this god forsaken divine punishment that is doing research on matters related to the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise, the starting point is quite simple. The Japanese manual for Sonic CD!

Here, her age is listed as 8. This manual actually holds a good amount of weight, as Amy's penchant for belief in the divine starts here, with mentions of tarot cards and believing that her meeting with Sonic was fate. Though, something I find worth noting is that at this point, the way their relationship was portrayed was far from mutual, more akin to a young girl idolizing someone way out of her age range, who also just isn't interested in romance in the slightest.

Though, it's a bit odd that Sonic wouldn't be a bit more icked out by an 8 year old girl hitting on him if he's 15/16 in the classic series. But, let's remember that this age for him hadn't been confirmed until Sonic Jam, only really ever mentioned in SATAM, which holds no bearing on discussions of canon.

... But, of course, we've already hit a snag.

Tails is also listed as 8, in the Japanese manual for Sonic 2.

This, of course, makes complete sense for him, moreso than Amy. Tails is absolutely a child. A child prodigy, but a child nonetheless. An orphan too, presumably! So he has a good reason to latch on to Sonic, other than just admiration.

... But, uh. They can't both be 8.

Excuse the tiny image, but this provides a good height comparison between the 3. Amy's sprite is taken from Sonic Origins Plus. As you can clearly see, she's definitely shorter than sonic, but also absolutely taller than Tails. So, what gives?

I wish I could tell you. It seems like the two teams at the U.S and Japan had similar ideas that they took in entirely different directions, and so the team that made Sonic CD probably didn't have any frame of reference for what an 8 year old would look and act like in the Sonic series, whereas the team at USA ended up creating the character that would become the gold standard for children in the series.

Oh, and yes, I made sure to check, Amy in Sonic CD and in Sonic Origins are the exact same height. Different sprites, but same height.

So, while the concept of Amy being at least a bit younger than Sonic and thus having an inherently imbalanced relationship with him is definitely present here, I don't know if the exact number of 8 holds too much weight, specially considering the presumable lack of communication between the two teams.

Not getting into the comics. Specially because they kept yanking readers' dicks with Sonamy vs Sonally for cheap drama way more often than they ever should have.

So, what's the next source we can l-

... No. NO.

Sigh. Fine. I always have to at least give this horrible thing a passing mention.

Let's just get it over with and look at what it says for Amy.

For once... I'd actually be willing to give this one the benefit of the doubt. She's older than her age listed in the Sonic CD manual!

But, of course, like everything else in this manual, it's total bogus. As I've said many times, none of this is in the Japanese manual, for one; secondly, I could somewhat buy this for Adventure 1, but between that game happening, SA2 happening, and Heroes? Nah, there's no way. Specially considering how much more obsessed she is with Sonic in this game. Mostly due to bad writing, but still.

And, thirdly, our good ol buddy Tails again.

He's still 8. The age he had listed in the Classic era. So, somehow, he's impervious to the inevitable forward movement of time? Sure dude. Whatever.

Oh, and the age from this manual was the one Sonic Channel listed for years and which people took as fact and used to maul anyone who shipped Sonamy due to what to an observant without enough context would seem like a really really bad age gap.

So, both of her listings have some pretty considerable contradictions, mostly because of Tails, and lack of communication between people working on the series in Japan and the U.S. Meaning that... Neither of them are reliable.

So, what does that leave us with? Well...

I'll make this very very clear; I do not personally subscribe to Sonamy. I don't find it very interesting and I feel like doing it where canon stands right now is kind of antithetical to the direction of Amy's arc and what they've established for both of them. I'm not saying it can't work, I just think you need to put in some fanfic legwork to make it feel earned and genuine. And really, I don't think you could find something that convinces me, specially since I'm only rly a Sonadow believer because of how the whole commitment and romance thing isn't an issue there since they flow together so well.

But, I'll be the first to admit that, whether you like it or not, it's still teased every so often, specially nowadays.

Which... Would be weird if she was still like. Young. You know? It really only feels like it makes sense if she's the same age as Sonic, maybe only a smidge younger. Specially because it's not like she's trying to get over it and discard her feelings entirely, no, she's made moves on him as recently as Tailstube, and there's even been statements from writers about the fact that they've casually dated before but never really got anywhere, which the post will be edited to include once I have access to a computer.

So, what does this mean for Amy?

Well, she has to be in a similar age range to Sonic, otherwise this would all be REALLY weird in a way both the writers and Amy herself wouldn't be able to ignore. Which means we have to ask if Sonic is fuckable. Which, we indeed absolutely have. And so, what works for the blue, works for the pink as well. Which means...

You can, most likely, fuck Amy Rose.

...

APRIL FOOLS, ASSHOLES. THAT'S A CHILD.

NO COURTESY FOR THIS ONE. NO FLOWERY SPEECH. NO PROPER MANNERS. WE ARE GOING FOR THE FUCKING THROAT ON THIS ONE. THE LARGER FURRY COMMUNITY HAS INCURRED YEARS' WORTH OF BUILT UP WRATH UPON THE BLOG'S OWNER AND IT MUST BE RELEASED. JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU FOR FIVE SECONDS STOP DRAWING PORN OF THIS CHARACTER I CAN'T GO 5 TURNS WITHOUT SEEING HIM THERE HE'S EVERYWHERE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON THE CROSS

THAT'S A CHILD. THAT'S A FUCKING CHILD. OH THE AGES AREN'T CANON ANYMORE RIGHT HE'S BEEN THERE SINCE THE START OF THE SERIES RIGHT? HEY DICKHEAD HE WAS LITERALLY ALWAYS PORTRAYED AS A CHILD, HIS AGE IN THE SONIC 2 MANUAL WAS LISTED AS 8, THE CARTOONS CONSISTENTLY PORTRAYED HIM AS A KID AND AOSTH EVEN MADE SURE TO LET THE VIEWER KNOW SONIC ALWAYS SAW HIM AS HIS YOUNGER BROTHER. WANT MORE PROOF? YOU WANT MORE PROOF? FROM A MORE MODERN SOURCE, WITHOUT NUMBERS EVEN BEING STATED? HERE! HERE YOU GO! HERE YOU FUCKING GO!

There is undeniably, long-running, canon proof that Tails is, and has always been meant to be a child. "Oh, just age him up" Yeah yeah, real nice of you sit there imagining what a child would look like as an adult so you can fuck that character. Fun stuff, really. That was sarcasm, by the way. OH, AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF RESORTING TO ARCHIE FOR THIS ONE.

First of all, this is a Penders-ism. The whole Light Mobius plotline seems to have been thought up by him, same for coupling Tails with Mina. All the romance stuff in Archie involving Tails is really weird as is, anyways. And if you're really over here looking to a super niche strange part of pre-SGW Archie just have an excuse to be able to fuck the character who's been known for being the child prodigy of the series, you really, really need to reconsider trajectory here. Please, for the love of god. It's fine if you want to imagine Tails as an adult for writing opportunities, or to examine what that would look like from a design perspective, maybe play with the whole Kitsune angle and mess around with the tail count, but if you're doing all that for the sake of being able to fuck him, in no universe could I ever endorse that, and I really think no one should. It's fucking weird. Fuck off.

If you want to fuck Tails, in any way shape or form, you are banished from setting eyes on this blog. There will not be mercy. There will not be opportunity for negotiation. You will be cast off to realms known not to mankind. You shall never be seen again.

YOU CANNOT, WILL NOT, AND NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO FUCK MILES "TAILS" PROWER. AND THAT. IS. FINAL.

Oh. Oh boy, we've begun to go there, haven't we. Well, it was gonna happen eventually.

CAN YOU FUCK EBONY THE CAT?

... Ok, despite my initially overblown reaction, this one is actually incredibly easy. On top of her always having her furry legs out in full display, with a loincloth implying there IS actually something being covered up (although with not much effort to accomplish it), she actually just gives us a rough age estimate. Specifically, about how long she's been practicing magic.

She's been practicing magic for 15 years! So unless she began practicing at the ripe age of 3 years old, she's an adult. Further evidenced by the fact that later on, she's shown to own a coffee bar, even giving Super Sonic a job there! Oh yeah, she also has insurance, apparently.

This is actually the last we see of Super Sonic! If you're wondering why Super Sonic is being treated as his own separate person... It's because he is. Physically and mentally speaking. But that's a tale for another day. That aside;

You can, in fact, fuck Ebony The Cat. Obviously.

I have a feeling this is gonna get complicated real fast…

I've had this one in mind for a while, so this shouldn't be all that hard to write.

CAN YOU FUCK: SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG?

...

YOU FELL FOR IT! YOU ALL FELL FOR IT!

To any reasonable person, Shadow should have been included in the Sonic post, alongside Surge, Mighty, etc. But you want to know why I didn't? Because if I did, it wouldn't give me the proper opportunity to rant about something.

SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG IS NOT 50 YEARS OLD. HE NEVER WAS, HE NEVER HAS BEEN, AND HE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE.

This is a misconception that has permeated through the fanbase for Chaos knows how long, being repeated over and over and over again, ad nauseam.

Why do people even say this? Well, Project Shadow started 50 years before the event of Sonic Adventure 2. Which means Shadow's creation happened 50 years ago.

So, people take this as "Oh, Shadow was created 50 years ago, this must mean he's 50 years old!"

DO YOU PEOPLE NOT KNOW WHAT THE WORD "STASIS" MEANS.

During Sonic Adventure 2, Eggman breaks into a military base to unleash a "top secret military weapon" for his plans. This weapon, is, of course, shadow. The screenshot above is from the scene where Shadow is released.

What does this look like those particles are? What do they look like to you? Usually, thick white air particles like these are a result of the use of cold to pause biological processes. On top of that, the shot right before it displays the object atop the machinery pretty well, although with some distance.

This is a pod. Like, this is very obviously a pod. Shadow is even standing on top of it once he's revealed.

And what does he say when he's revealed?

Note how he says "Awakening". This is taken from a re-translation of the Japanese script, since the official translation makes him refer to being released as opposed to being awakened. Remember, translations for these games in this era were... Less than stellar.

(seriously, don't go there yet? to the guy telling you he shouldn't have ever been born? like maybe you're right maybe you shouldn't have been born but we don't know enough to say that for sure. ok, buddy)

So, yeah, Shadow isn't 50. I've been saving this for a standalone post, because it is baffling to me how people still keep spouting that "Fact" over and over, even though it makes no sense. He was frozen. He didn't develop mentally or physically. I'm not a Marvel fan by any means, but this is like if you added 66 years to Captain America's age because that's how long he was frozen. For these characters, if you just knocked them unconscious and then sent them to the future, it literally would not make even a bit of a difference.

He's not 50. Moving on.

Oh yeah, uh. That whole immortality thing.

(Source: Japanese dub, translated.)

Here and there, official material will mention Shadow as being "Immortal" or "Ageless". While never stated in the 2005 game, it makes complete sense, as Shadow was made with Black Doom's own genetic material. Black Doom is immortal, Black Doom's genes are in Shadow, thus, Shadow cannot die of old age.

There is, however, no implication that he does not mentally mature. In fact, it would make sense for him to start out quite young to then become more mature as time goes on, since part of the reason he was made was to accompany Maria, in a sibling-like relationship. Although it's unlikely that the Sonic Channel artwork is canon, most of it at least, it does convey a situation akin to this, which would be horribly out of character otherwise.

Look at em! They're doing their homework together! And then a few years later, after Maria's death...

Look at him! Using a minigun for the first time!

His maturity in SA2 also seems just about on par with Sonic's, so it's safe to assume that when that game happened, they were about even in terms of mental development. In general, Shadow is a Sonic counterpart. A very, very close counterpart.

... Very... Very... Ah screw it, let's just bite the bullet.

This happened! An entire Bumblekast episode dedicated to Sonic, Shadow, and mostly Sonadow. It's pretty recent, too! From 8 months ago! In fact, it was made for Pride Month 2023; after Frontiers released. So, Ian Flynn by then became not just a comic writer, but a writer for the games.

I'm not saying Sonadow is canon, obviously, but if the current writer of the games is willing to entertain it for an entire episode and even go as far as saying it's actually really easy to make happen and you don't need to do too much work for it to happen, then it's probably safe to assume the characters are on even ground in terms of maturity.

So, if Shadow can hypothetically, in a fully canon-compatible way, make out with Sonic, and Sonic is fuckable, then Shadow is, by extension, fuckable.

Honestly this is entirely longer than necessary. I could have brought this one up earlier and saved myself the work. Where's the fun in that, though?

Either way, verdict is;

You can, in fact, fuck Shadow The Hedgehog.

CAN YOU FUCK MIMIC THE OCTOPUS?

Ok, reading this ask, My brain originally went to "That's literally a fucking merc, see: Infinite's post" But then I looked around, and... He... Allegedly has a canon age?

Although... I do have my doubts. For one, these are from the same series of trading cards that state Sonic's age is 15, so they're on shaky ground, and there's a good chance that they were made by the comics' publisher, rather than the writers themselves.

My main doubt comes from this one.

How is Whisper, a trained soldier, who was in a mercenary group (anti-Eggman mercenary group, but still), only 16?? What, did the whole thing with Mimic betraying the Diamond Cutters happen 2 months before her reveal? The way it's built up makes it look like it's something that happened in her past, a long time ago, with ties being cut as a result, and her eyes being just about permanently closed after the fact for... Some reason or another. Trauma response of some sort? No idea. Either way, I don't think these cards hold that much legitimacy, because if this were true then Whisper would be about 14-15 when she joined a mercenary group, which sounds... Wrong. Really wrong. You're not becoming a trained soldier and being a mercenary at that age, you're playing browser games on your school computer. Also, her boobs are probably third biggest in the series which isn't a lot but it's better than nothing, right?

So, yeah, these cards are probably unreliable. Not that it matters that much, because again, he's a mercenary. He kills people. So what works for the Jackal works for the Octopus.

You can, in fact, fuck Mimic The Octopus, you tentacle freaks.

Alright, this is gonna be a long one. Not only am I covering the canon, mainline game Sonic, but his offshoots as well. Specifically, I will be covering Sonic in the mainline games, the Paramount movie version, Sonic Prime, and a tiiiiiiny tiny little itty bit of Archie. IDW is, from what has been implied as of the past about year and a half, canon; and it will be treated as such (with some caution, of course.), so it's not going to be handled separately.

Let's do this.

↑image source↑

Can you fuck Infinite The Jackal?

This is... A new one. Quite literally! He's only existed since Forces, so there's not much content for him. An age was never listed, and his only appearances outside of Forces have been in non-canon games. On top of that, he gets very little spotlight in IDW, as it takes place after the events of Sonic Forces. Matter of fact, they're not allowed to use the jackal at all or his squad! His backstory was all they were allowed to make. Which, speaking of...

He's a mercenary. In fact, he's been one long enough to gain the title of "The ultimate mercenary", something which while not outright impossible for a non-adult to acquire, would be a bit strange would typically be reserved for characters on the older side. He also has a scar on his face, something not typically found on younger characters. He's also probably killed people. Because he's a mercenary. Also, I don't think people would be keen on hiring a mercenary that's not even old enough to drive.

So yeah, Infinite being a mercenary combined with nothing pointing to him being particularly young means there's about a 99.9% chance you can fuck him.

STATUS: FUCKABLE.

... This one was easy. Am I the only one who feels like this was too easy? This isn't right. What's the point of these if not to be challenged and informed on your Sonic (series, not the guy) related knowledge? Other than validating people's horniness, but that's an aside. This isn't enough, methinks. I-

SQUEAK

... What was that.

Oh.

Oh no.

... Y'know, the Sonic character. Not the abstract concept. You can't fuck concepts, last I checked. Might be wrong, though.

WARNING: SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS. Yes, the game's been out for a bit, but some people haven't played it yet, so be warned- it'll be cited often in this post, as it had some enormous lore drops related to Chaos, the Chao, and the Chaos Emeralds.

Strap in, this is a long one. At least, a bit longer than the usual post.

I would start with age, but that's kind of stupid. We know how long Chaos has been around, we know it's immortal, and we know it's pretty much a deity. Hell, Sonic Channel didn't even try listing an age, it was just listed as ''Unknown" while it was listed. Chronologically speaking, it's been around for over 3000 years. It's also not really been dormant dormant by any means, sure it's spent most of its life sealed inside the Master Emerald, but still seems to be able to come out of the emerald when needed or desired- such as during the events of Sonic Battle, where it came out of the emerald seemingly with the sole purpose of meeting Emerl and requesting a battle with him (At least, it can be interpreted as such, since you get the option to battle or not battle Chaos when you encounter it ingame).

On top of that, it's been implied that it protects the Chao from within the emerald one way or another, so it's about as old as the chronology would imply- although it likely can't physically age, considering the way the Chao life cycle works. If it did age, it would either be a really, really slow aging process, or it would have reincarnated by now, as Chao do once they're old enough. It isn't stated whether it was an adult or a child when it "mutated", but it's never been implied that it was a child, and considering the role of protector it assumes over the Chao of Angel Island, it's likely not a child.

You might say, though- it's still a mutated Chao! Chao are either weird sorta perma-babies, animals, or both, and they probably shouldn't be fucked. And I would maybe agree with you, before Sonic Frontiers came out, buuuut...

Yeah, these guys.

The Chao, as implied by Eggman in Egg Memo 11, are the remnants of the Ancients, after some kind of radiation corroded their DNA for countless years to the point where they turned into what we now know them as. Chaos' mutation seems to be less so a Chao becoming bigger and more powerful, and moreso the remaining DNA of the Ancients being brought back to the forefront and slightly regaining its form, seemingly more in the image of the anthropomorphic animals that now inhabit the world. Even the visible brain was there from the start- although it's hard to see on the adults, likely due to the amount of blur and sepia tone used for the flashbacks of the Ancients. The children have them pretty visible, though! Likely due to background color, amount of blur, etc.

This may seem like a red flag when it comes to Chaos, since the brain is always plainly easily visible, but it's clearly not an intended key feature or anything of the sort, and most likely just a result of the game's artstyle, as the concept art doesn't have the brain visible on any of the different Ancient types.

Interestingly, Chaos doesn't really seem to match any of these one to one- the visual similarity is obvious, and they're confirmed to be related genetically speaking, but Chaos has no pointed shapes on its hips to differentiate gender, and additionally has 2 small tendrils on the sides of its head that resemble the ones on the elders, but are far shorter than what is shown ingame and in the image; and on top of that, it has a short tail, for whatever reason.

Gender-related side tangent aside (it probably has no gender anyways, and it's all the better for it), clearly Chaos shows all the physical maturity needed, but...

Can it consent? Should you fuck Chaos? Is it ethical?

We're not exactly able to resort to our usual methods here, so let's pull out an ancient internet artifact- one that has been referenced and cited plenty of times, and is generally considered to be a good guide as to whether or not you should fuck a fictional being.

Ladies, gentlemen, those in between, and all those not entirely convinced of the societal construct that is the gender binary, I present to you;

The Harkness Test.

Now, aside from the fact that this image is visibly and verifiably old enough that smelling it would probably direct about 500 grams of dust straight into your lungs, it's generally a good guideline without any real holes in it. So, let's go by the boxes one by one- in reverse order, that is. Because it works better for the format.

Is it of sexual maturity for its species?

Although it likely can't reproduce- yes. I mean, this should be obvious by now; there is absolutely no implication that it was a child at the time of its mutation, and it very clearly resembles adult Ancients, as opposed to the children, which lack the long tendrils on both the adult Ancients and Chaos's heads. So, by all accounts, despite its ageless status, it's clearly of sexual maturity for both of the species that could be referenced for it.

Check.

Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language?

Chaos can't talk. Obviously. The Ancients somehow could, despite not having a mouth or lungs or vocal chords or anything of the sort, much like Chaos itself. BUUUUUUT-

This moment from Knuckles' story in Sonic Adventure implies that Tikal is able to communicate directly with Chaos, meaning that on some level, it can communicate and understand language- further reinforced by a later cutscene in the final story, where Tikal talks to Chaos to calm its anger, explaining that the fighting that angered Chaos in the first place is long over, and that the Chao it protected are alive and well, living in peace alongside people.

So, clearly, it can understand words, and it can communicate with some people, so best case scenario you can find a way to directly communicate with Chaos verbally, and worst case scenario you can get Tikal (or uh. her ghost?) to translate for you, although that might be a bit awkward considering it's unlikely that Tikal was an adult when she died, but it's really your only option. She probably knows what sex is anyways, she can be a mediator, doesn't need to get involved past that. Yes this is a very silly hypothetical scenario, but hey, it's there and it could help you out if you wanna fuck this thing.

Check.

Does it have human intelligence (or greater)?

This one is... Complicated. Again, Chaos can't speak directly, and the aforementioned line is all we have to go off of- and it's unclear whether what Tikal said is Chaos's exact wording, or what she gleamed from communicating with it somehow. On top of that, Chaos is strung along quite easily by Eggman; though Eggman loses control of Chaos entirely once it acquires the 7 chaos emeralds, so this could be interpreted as Chaos going along with the plan with full intent to stab Eggman in the back once it has all the power it needs to let out the anger that it's been building for so many years.

So, SA1 doesn't give us too much on this end. In Sonic Battle, though, it's shown fighting with a decent degree of technique, using its stretching properties for some tricky maneuvers, as well as poking its limbs out of the ground. It's definitely a capable fighter, and while it's not a martial artist by any means, there is a degree of technique to what it does, which would make sense considering the Ancients had dedicated warriors which likely had fighting prowess outside of just using mechs.

That's really all we have on that end as far as games go, since the Chaos in Sonic Forces isn't exactly real, and brain size isn't that good of a frame of reference either since the brains of the adult ancients are quite hard to see and blurry- although the size does mostly seem to match up, adjusting for how small the Ancients' heads look compared to Chaos's.

Our only guide from this point on is Sonic Channel artwork, which is non-canon but should still provide a decent enough guideline.

One of these is obviously much more serious than the other- although they both look really nice. The way Chaos is shown kneeling on the left image implies a capability for body language similar to that of people, although the purpose of the pose is quite ambiguous- it could either be accompanying Tikal in whatever ritual is being performed, or be trying to mimic her position, similar to that of a prayer, in a sort of "Monkey see, monkey do" manner.

The right one is obviously completely impossible (I don't think the ancient echidnas knew how to make pizza, let alone make entire diners- although their food probably slapped. Probably.) and is mostly just there to look cute, but it still does show Chaos doing something that requires a large amount of technique. It's cooking! And it seems very good at it, judging by the pizza Tikal is holding. I'd try one, it looks really good! ... Shit, now I'm hungry. Anyways.

These images, although non-canon, do depict Chaos with a level of intelligence similar to that of humans, one more than the other- although it has full freedom to, considering it's the sillier and clearly more for-fun of the two, no matter how hard it's rocking that little chef's outfit. It seems more or less in line with its behavior in the flashbacks and Sonic Battle, with a few creative liberties.

So while it can't talk, it seems to be about even with humans. Think something like Gardevoir and Gallade from Pokemon.

Check.

So, to recap; Is it of sexual maturity for its species? ✅ Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language? ✅ (Though you may need some assistance, ideally from Tikal.) Does it have human intelligence (or greater)? ✅

Chaos passes the Harkness Test.

So, with all this taken into account, we can come to a verdict. I would normally write a conclusion, but this post is long enough as is. And so, the verdict is...

You can, with some effort and maybe a bit of help, fuck Chaos.

Mecha Sonic.

Our favorite boy!! I think this is a good way to start talking about the heavy hitters for this blog, and gets us on our way to talking about the blue blur himself.

Unfortunately, I'm probably gonna be breaking a lot of hearts on this one, probably. Let's get to it, why don't we?

Can you fuck Silver The Hedgehog?

Alright, let's get started. As always, we're gonna look for an official source- and Sonic Channel is the only official source on this matter. I've got to clarify, again- these ages are no longer listed. They were removed around the time of Frontiers' release; around October of 2022, specifically. So, these are taken from the Wayback Machine.

Alright's let's see here...

This is... Our youngest yet! Or, well, allegedly youngest, anyways. Again, these ages no longer hold any weight (if they ever did, anyways, which they likely didn't.) since they're unlisted. Unlike the other ones, this one doesn't seem to be sourced from anywhere. I could check every single manual for every game Silver has been in, but that's way above my paygrade. I checked 06, and ages are listed absolutely nowhere. However...

I can tell you for sure that this age is actually not baseless. Let's quote Shun Nakamura, game designer for Sonic Team. Before the release of Sonic 06, The Sonic Stadium conducted an interview with Nakamura. One of the questions was this;

"Silver is young and a little immature, but that's also what attracts me."

Silver was, from the start, written and designed as a young and inexperienced character. It really does show, too- in just about all his depictions, he's much less mature than both Sonic and Shadow, the characters he resembles the most. He's just about always depicted as a rookie, still learning; which is admittedly not inherently a trait of a young person, as even adults are still learning every day and can be inexperienced in whatever field they're thrown into, but it's very clear Silver's youth is meant to be linked to his inexperience.

Additionally, this isn't an outdated statement at all- after all, IDW can help us out here!

This is repeated again in Issue 64, the one right after the one this is sourced from, Issue 63.

Note the different background color... Despite everything else being the same.

These profiles are used on the start of Issue recaps. Although you might question me using IDW as proof, there's good reason to believe it's either canon or pretty damn accurate to the source material. In the form of...

Confirmation from Ian Flynn himself! Reminder, he's the main writer for these games now! He wrote Frontiers, and likely will keep writing Sonic Games going forward. He also writes most of the stuff for IDW, so that's worth taking into account. So either IDW is canon, or it reflects the canon of the games.

To top it all off, a personal point that I'm bringing up purely for my own nerdy reasons- Silver's inspiration.

Here's a quote from the leaked script of Sonic 06;

"He possesses some special powers which can draw upon the Emeralds. It is unknown how he got these powers, though. Essentially, think Trunks from Dragon Ball Z."

The character being talked about here is Future Trunks, a time traveler from the future who goes back in time to warn the cast about the Androids that destroyed his future, so they can train in preparation for the invasion, as well as giving Goku medicine for a heart virus he succumbed to in the timeline Trunks comes from.

Trunks, much like Silver, is young and inexperienced- being 17 years old at the time of his arrival in the present. He does later go into the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, a space where one year inside the chamber equals to one day outside of it, so by the end of the arc he's older, but still- he's young, most certainly underage, inexperienced, rash, and has a very strong sense of justice. Trunks is the direct inspiration for Silver, it's has been stated as such. So, with all this, it makes sense that Silver would be younger than everyone else around him, as was the case for Trunks.

So, with all this, Silver is undeniably younger than everyone around him, and it can't really be by a slight amount, otherwise it wouldn't be considered an important part of his character. This still holds true to this day, if IDW is anything to go by. Although he does have one slight saving grace- the passage of time. Time absolutely does pass between Sonic games, with at minimum a year and a half having passed since the modern series began (1 year due to Sonic's birthday in Generations, 6 months from the Forces timeskip) as well as, less verifiably but still worth taking into account, the PSN description for Sonic Heroes saying the game takes place 5 months after Adventure 2. There's some leeway for him to be of age in modern day, and it will get more likely as the series goes on, but it's a small margin.

Conclusion:

Silver is, most likely, underage. He's seemingly the youngest non-child character, he's consistently portrayed as inexperienced and naive, and overall, it's very very unlikely he's an adult. The chance isn't 0%, admittedly; again, the passage of time in the series gives him some leeway, and that leeway will only get larger as the series continues, so there's some small chance that he's an adult, aka able to consent, but it's small. You would be playing a risky game, and I could not possibly bring myself to endorse it.

So, the verdict is;

You, most likely, cannot fuck Silver The Hedgehog. There's a small chance that you can, but it's very small, and I would not recommend risking it.