Cyanide and Whoredem

shane hollander is mad gossip and a bitch otherwise he wouldn’t have bagged diva rozanov

i just imagine when they hop in their car after like a group outing as soon as they’re in the car and the doors are locked shane starts the car and goes “so what the fuck was chad doing there? i heard that he cheated on tiffany with her cousin! can you believe that, babe? and then he comes to brunch as jessica’s plus one as if he didn’t know tiffany would fucking be there! i gotta text rose and sveta and tell them they’re gonna love this.” and ilya is like “yes yes chad is big man whore i heard he gave tiffany’s cousin chlamydia that’s how they found out he was cheating because her cousin and her realised they both had chlamydia at the same time!” and shane is like “nooooooo! shut the fuck up! Ilya! you’re lying!” and ilya is like “no shane! I swear on anya’s life!” and shane is frantically texting rose and sveta all this gossip in their parked car

very amused to think of ilya rozanov thoughtfully selecting vanity license plates for all of his cars. paying a motherfucking fortune at the massachusetts DMV every year. taking his time going down the line of vehicles to carefully put the little stickers on each plate.

I JUST WANT A MOTHERFUCKING KISS

Ilya sometimes pulls up the nanny cam in Anya's bedroom while they're at practice and makes the other Centaurs say hi to her through the microphone. I say 'make' but to be clear they push each other to be the first to say hello to her because they're trying to see whose voice she likes best as judged by how fast her tail wags. After Ilya it's Harris, then Bood, then Chouinard, THEN Shane.

not to be a dirty commie or anything but i don't think any one person should have enough money to solve world hunger and then get to decide not to

ilya biting down gently on shane’s shoulder scar as he slowly sheathes himself in. i mean who said that

you know who said it baby, own it

Ilya reminiscing about the time he snorted cocaine off of a naked mime and now he’s 35 and stood in the kitchen making his own trail mix for a hike where Shane wants to go birdwatching

when the vulnerability of missionary sex becomes too much and you go to cover your face with your hands only for him to gently grab your wrists with a single hand as he says, “don’t. please. i need to see you.”

sometimes i see posts that make me go hmm shane hollander would agree