Hero of the Cosmos

Important tags:

#artofthecosmos (my general art tag)

#oc tag (original characters)

#commission (paid work)

#art advice (art tutorials, tips, studies, and advice)

#reblog (usually for when I receive fanart or commissions)

#shlubb’s journal (text posts and/or asks)

#ask shlubby (for ask posts)

#squid scribbles (doodles/lore dumps related to my Splatoon OCs)

My most frequent fandom tags:

#splatoon  ← (most used)

#pokemon

#legend of zelda

#smash bros

If you are after art of a specific character their names are also tagged. (This includes my OCs.)

Without getting too much into the meat of my diagnosis, so to speak, it's difficult to put into exact words what it was like to discover my intersexuality. It was scary, confronting, a relief, VERY weird. But above all else, it was a very pivotal moment for me in my journey of self-acceptance.

I've been diagnosed with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) since I was a pre-schooler, yet I never fully grasped what that meant until my preteens during my counselling visits. I didn't come to accept the fact that I was sapphic until I was in my late teens, after years and years of being scared and confused and indecisive about it. I'm now in my mid 20's and have come to learn that my body— my sex— works a little bit differently than everyone else.

Ok, technically my intersex variant is relatively common and affects about 1/3000 people born with a uterus and the other bells and whistles. But I digress.

I guess the point I am making is that my life has had this weird cycle of introducing me to something new about myself during fundamental moments of my development as a person. In hindsight I should have taken the hint that something like this would come up.

Except this time I am an adult. Such a big discovery feels more complex than before. I now have the ability to recontextualise feelings and experiences I couldn't really comprehend as a teenager.

For one, all of the medical emergencies and hospital visits regarding my sex/puberty now make total sense. All of the times I was told to 'calm down, it's normal' and 'it's what all girls go through' would irk me in a way. It was dismissive, even if it was true. But especially when the reactions to my own experiences would often result in pale faces and gagging noises. The catharsis I felt after learning I was right the whole time, for rejecting the idea that my suffering was this— frankly— bullshit rite of passage into 'womanhood', was nothing short of euphoric.

Slight tangent, but if this doesn't radicalise you into being angry about how uterine health is taught to young girls (and everyone else for that matter), it really should. Because Oh My God what are we doing.

Being intersex has also allowed me to be introspective about how I view myself. Both in a physical and metaphysical sense. Those confronting experiences in my formative years, including ones I will not mention, have had an effect on how I feel about my body, and in turn, how I have felt about my worth as a person.

Perhaps it is a bit uncouth of me, an online artist who draws silly pictures of fictional characters for a living, to go into detail about my crippling self-esteem issues. But the truth is that my struggles are fundamental to why I share my art to the internet in the first place. Yes, it is my way of showing an earnest passion of mine without fear of judgment, but for a long time it was also a coping mechanism. It was my way of proving to myself that I had value if I could create something that someone else could love unconditionally.

To be clear, that isn't something I have believed in for a while. I now draw because I enjoy expressing myself and my interests. That's all there is to it. But I would be doing my younger self a disservice by not acknowledging where we both came from: a place of loneliness, and a feeling like we didn't belong in the bigger world around us.

I would be lying if I said that a fragment of that dark, isolating place doesn't still exist. In my worst moments it absolutely does. But I have come to appreciate where it has led me. I have made so many friends and connections from what I do here. Not to mention that my art on a technical level has improved in ways I am proud of. Some of my old stuff from as far back as 2015 is still on this blog if you'd like to go find it for yourself.

And now that I can look back on this with the knowledge I have now, I have been able to begin a sort of healing process for myself. Yes, I am hurt, and awkward, and have always been a bit weird. But those aren't faults that make me a failure of a person, even if it feels like it sometimes. Yes, my physical body has some quirks and complications that can impede my health in a lot of ways. But I will get through it. I've been through hell since I was young and survived.

Oh, and since I am here spilling out my thoughts and feelings, I might as well expel any sort of speculation I have received regarding my gender identity:

I'm still a cis woman. Kind of. I don't feel super strongly about it, and the older I get the more I reject the superficial aspects of womanhood. I think I have made that clear with how I feel about the way I was raised.

I enjoy being non-commital about being cisgender. I have even dabbled in the idea of being some flavour of non-binary. But the non-commitment goes both ways. I hope that makes sense.

Whether or not I will express these aspects of my life directly in my future work is... debatable. Unlikely, even. You'll probably just continue to see me draw fanart for the rest of time. But hopefully me spewing my guts out (metaphorically) onto this post will give you new insight in what it means to be me.

What it means to be Shlubby.

Tide and...

Callie:

They didn't get to know each other until they met through a business collab. Tide looks up to the Squid Sisters and Callie in particular a lot, as they were the main inspiration to become an idol himself. They become besties almost immediately once they do eventually meet.

They both come to value the other's friendship a lot, both for their shared unbridled and sometimes naive enthusiam, as well as comforting each other over their personal hardships.

There may or may not also be a one-sided crush involved. (¬‿¬)

Marie:

Tide views Marie as like a wise mentor figure, but he also finds her a bit intimidating. He does his best not to let his nerves get the better of him when she's around. After all, the last thing he wants to do is upset one of the Squid Sisters.

He sometimes catches her side-eyeing him when he's hanging out with Callie.

Pearl:

Tide dotes on Pearl a lot. He thinks she is adorable, but isn't very receptive to how his cooing might annoy her. He'll sometimes overstep her personal boundries without realising it.

Even if she finds him overbearing, Pearl would be one of the first to stick up for Tide should he ever find himself in trouble. To her, he's like the Inkling equivilent of a lost puppy.

Marina:

Tide and Marina are very comfortable around each other. Unlike Pearl, Marina is able to reciprocate Tide's overt friendliness. Though sometimes his quirks can still catch her off guard a little bit. She may also get a bit defensive with how affectionate he is with Pearl.

Regardless, she know he means well. She is more than happy to share a hug or twenty with him.

Shiver:

Tide is enamoured by Shiver's style and elegance, but doesn't realise how much of it is a facade to hide how hot-headed and clumsy she actually is. Similarly, Shiver underestimates Tide, thinking his kindness and naivete make him a pushover.

They think they have the other figured out, when in reality they are both in for a rude awakening.

Frye:

Frye reminds Tide of his older sister, that is, if his sister was more feisty and a bit of a troublemaker. Frye is not afraid to give him sass, but she still respects him a lot for his can-do attitude and willingness to stick up for others.

Overall, she has a much better read on him than Shiver does. She still finds him a bit annoying though.

Big Man:

Tide enjoys Big Man's company a lot. His gentle giant nature is quite the refresher to Shiver snarkiness and Frye's in-your-face attitude. Big Man in turn finds Tide's peppiness and kind soul very endearing. He may even get a little flustered by Tide's cuteness on occasion.

Crash and...

Callie:

They have a very neutral but friendly relationship once they meet. Callie finds herself oogling Crash's bass when he has it out. She may even try to play with it, but Crash is quite precious of who touches it.

Crash will tease Callie like he does with anyone else, but he is especially cheeky when talking about her friendship with Tide.

Marie:

Marie is a bit standoffish with Crash at first. Though after a while she begins warming up to him once she realises how much they have in common, namely falling into the role of the 'mature sibling' to their respected counterparts.

They share a sort of playful rivalry that never truely goes away, but they view the other as someone they can trust all the same. They'll even jam out together on occasion. (I have a headcanon that Marie plays the shamisen.)

Pearl:

Pearl and Crash go way back. They know each other from when they were both in the underground music scene. Pearl was very protective of Crash due to his age and circumstances, and even in the present day that protectiveness still lingers.

But now that Crash is an adult and can look after himself, they are solid buddies. Their way of expressing their friendship is by dissing each other, which both Tide and Marina find very confusing.

Marina:

Marina quickly befriended Crash after she found out he used to work as a backstage technician. Crash is not nearly on the same level of expertise as she is, but he somehow manages to keep up with her anyway. (He's probably used to it from having Tide around.)

Marina and Crash will also trade cards and share updates one their favourite anime and manga while no one is looking. Both of them are repressed otaku.

Shiver:

Although she would never admit it, Shiver finds Crash quite intimidating. His sheer aura of self-confidence makes her hesitate to challenge him, as he could easily see right through her if she tried.

Crash already knows he has this advantage over her, but he would rather remain friendly with Deep Cut than make enemies, so he keeps to himself most of the time.

Frye:

Frye finds Crash's smugness irritating. Crash gets a kick out of messing with her like he does with Marie. But unlike Marie, Frye gets a lot more fired up, which makes it all the more entertaining for Crash.

But like with Shiver, he wants to make friends, not enemies, so he won't push it too much.

Big Man:

Crash and Big Man are chiller than chill. Big Man being a big softy meshes well with Crash's laid-back disposition. Crash will still tease Big Man, but his teasing is a lot more flirty than with the other idols.