Moondoggy

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

"if mushrooms are the superior lifeform that really calls the shots on this earth, why haven't they destroyed us yet?" listen to yourself. have we as humans gotten rid of every mountain on the planet just because we are smarter than big rocks? no!! because they don't pose a threat to us. sure some people die rock climbing or skiing and that's tragic but mountains aren't dangerous to us as a global society. do you see where i am going with this. it's your misplaced hubris that makes you think that humankind is worth destroying to a mushroom. we are a part of the mundane landscape on the surface. we pose no threat to the mycelian era. humble yourself

The “Thunk” will always kill me.

14/10 doing his best

heard someone say "who even owns a rolling pin anymore" and my brain froze trying to process it. what does that mean. are u implying rolling pins are outdated technology? did we come up with a shiny new 21st century method of flattening dough of which i remain uninformed? is there now an app on the app store people are using instead??? im losing my mind "who even owns a rolling pin" people who BAKE

not the first person to point this out I'm sure, but I love that aside from the joke of half the "kids" thinking the count is a vampire, the count actually IS a vampire. in all ways but physical. from everybody else's perspective, at least: a young man was taken away and died. one day a strange and mysterious man shows up with pale skin, dressed in all black and terrifying in every way. he seems to be foreign, doesn't understand french customs and has strange habits, seemingly doesn't eat. he's accompanied by a beautiful woman he claims is his slave but he treats like a queen, behaves all in all unusual. he seduces young men around him and tempts people with his unimaginable riches. he's capable of superhuman feats, superhuman speeds, strength, precision. he speaks every language under the sun, has every skill known to man. he's omniscient, omnipotent. but most terrifying of all- he is that same man who died many years ago. he's different now. but he's the same man. and he still looks as young as he did, only... different. his mere presence forebodes death now, people he comes into contact with die or go mad shortly after, their lives are destroyed one way or another. his life was taken from him and now he takes the lives of others, perpetuating this cycle of death. he just doesn't do it by way of sucking anybody's blood. but otherwise, in all ways but physical, the count is a vampire. and that fucking rules.

This is DEFINITELY someone I call an expert.

I’m desperate to know who Gary is. So I can also avoid him.