Paris|| Chaotic Academia

i’m so behind on my thesis right now but fuck it we ball

I wanted to hate Bunny. He was insufferable, his racist comments, his inability to take responsibility, his casual homophobia. I did, at first, too. But then I related to him. The friends that were only your friends when they needed something from you. The way they talked down to him, as he was not the smartest, or the wealthiest, or even the most attractive. How the Greek class killed a farmer, how he blackmailed them until it got too much and they killed him. How they couldn’t live with the guilt, how everyone was at fault, even Camilla, even Francis, how the moment all of them chose to stay silent is the moment everything spiraled. How they were barely adults. How they killed him and left him to rot in the snow. How they killed him, and then went for tea. How they killed him, and lied to his parents. How they killed him, and attempted to live as if they hadn’t.

when i die, i hope i wake up in a tiny cottage by the edge of the woods, where the rain pours down and the tea is always hot. oh, and i hope there is books.

what about humans doomed by the narrative? let’s talk about mental illness. let’s talk about spirals that we can’t get out of. let’s talk about hoping, willing, pleading for something to change. i was not raised religious but i have literally prayed to God to figure out what’s wrong with me. i don’t like to say that anyone is beyond saving, but sometimes i feel like i am.