CandiMc.Art

This isn’t adoption related but here it is anyway! Today in OK it looks like Fall. It kind of feels like Fall. Close enough! It all started when I was 4 years old. I was laying under a majestic maple tree and… just kidding. This ain’t that kind of blog. Here’s the recipe! Let me know what you think! Cinnamon Apple Casserole! Ingredients:ApplesCanned cinnamon rollsCinnamonBrown…

(Strong Language Warning)

So we ran into Del Taco for a quick and cheap dinner tonight and it was just meh.

But, I had some realizations tonight that were unrelated. There was another family a few tables over. A very nice looking bunch. Two white adults, a white toddler, and a child of color. She was absolutely beautiful! Every. Single. Other. Person there was quietly talking about them. I read…

How #MomLife is this…? Like most mothers seem to do, especially towards the beginning, I have been feeling a little lost. Who am I besides Kassie’s Mama? Don’t get me wrong, “Kassie’s Mama” has been the greatest “who am I” of all time! It’s the GOAT (I just learned what that means last week.) But, even so, where did I go? Besides Kassie’s Mama who am I? What brings me back to just me? These are…

Here it is: WAIT! Let me back up!

  WE FINALIZED OUR ADOPTION!!!!!!

I was sitting in a movie theater beside my cousin, David watching A Quiet Place when I got the email. I am generally not one of those jerks who checks their phone during a movie but, I knew that on this day a judge would be deciding our fate with Kassie’s biological father. I should have been enjoying the two hour mommy break and cringing at the monsters that hunt noise but instead, I was spaced out focused on my thigh where my phone was sitting silently. When I felt the buzz I grabbed my phone and with the screen light turned all the way down read the words ” Biological Father has had rights revoked today. We can finalize!” Of all the movies I chose to loudly sob in, why did it have to be one that’s main theme is silence? I remember my cousin leaning over to ask if I was okay and I just whispered “She’s ours” and for the rest of the movie I just keep saying to myself “She’s ours” in disbelief.

                   Finally Forever Family May 18th, 2018!

If you don’t know me personally you may not understand that I am a crier. I’m a sentimental and angry crier. I don’t cry over sadness like I do over happiness (and at times, madness.) Well, this was the happiest day of my life. The judge said “Are you ready? Raise your right hands.” and I lost it. Shortly after, Mike did too. I love him so much for not being afraid to cry in public.

We found the perfect little shelter at the perfect little park but it only came with a 40 person limit. I cried about that. Narrowing it down from the few hundred people who joined us on our journey was not fun for us at all. But, we did our best and hopefully no one was hurt along the way.

The turnout was wonderful as well as the cake and cupcakes by Aunt Brandy. Bampaw and Bammaw surprised us with a big star cut out of a sheet for all of our friends and family to encircle for a photo shot on my Dad’s new drone. It was a wonderful way to celebrate such a long awaited end to our journey and allow for our brand new journey to begin.

  Okay, here it is! Drumroll please…

$8,280.22!!!!

What? How is that even possible? Every website. Every agency. Every person. They all said $25,000-$55,000 in our state so how did we get away with $8,280.22 for our entire adoption? Well, there are several reasons that led to this for us and they are NOT as uncommon as you (I’m talking to you waiting adoptive parents) are told.

1: The stars aligned. (They can for you too, waiting parents!)

2: Bio Mom refused counseling. She was very confident and happy with her decision.

3: Bio Mom refused an attorney.

4: Bio Mom had her own insurance.

5: Bio Mom did not request any financial assistance other than $50 in gas to drive from her home to our city for TPR (Termination of Parental Rights).

6: Our Attorney was AMAZING! He is a well known Adoption Attorney in OK and he is well recognized nationally as well. He and his wife run their adoption agency which began after they adopted their daughters in the 80’s. They are hugely responsible with changing laws and adoption practices in Oklahoma. He will absolutely not take a dime from his clients until shortly before baby is due, or in our case the day baby is born. We handed him $3500. He and his wife Linda met us at the hospital with all of the paperwork ready to be signed. They seriously made this process so easy which would have been a hundred times easier had I not tried to control everything. The day they came to the hospital our attorney had to get right in my view and say “You are Mommy now. That is the number one job for you. We will be the attorneys. You just go home and be a regular Mommy now. Trust us.” I didn’t feel like I was being a control freak but if nothing else he probably saw my nerves rattled to the bone. He knew just what to say, I took his advice and I found my peace in that moment. I find it very important that every choice you make when on this journey feels like “home”. You will know that feeling when it hits you. If you make a decision and it doesn’t have that comfortable, “I’m home” feeling, change it! This is how we chose our adoption attorney and our home study worker. With that being said and out of the way, if you are looking for an adoption attorney start here: Swain Law, Adoption Attorney!

7: This may make me unpopular (not that I care) and this is coming from my personal experience combined with the experience of other adoptive parents I have gotten to know… Agencies, some…most…all (?) may have the best intentions but they don’t make money off of expectant mothers who choose to parent their child. Adoption Agencies are businesses and just like every other business they need to have income to survive. They also rule the marketing world for adoption. Google “How do I adopt?” and you you will be swarmed with agencies and guidelines that all tell you going through a private adoption like ours will end in heartbreak more often than not. Well, let me tell you. I was in the biggest adoption group on Facebook and guess what I learned… “Adoption Disruptions” are not any more common with private/attorney adoption versus agency adoption. I have seen couples shell out $3,000 and up (way up) to get he ball rolling on adoptions via agencies and the expectant mother decides to parent. I have seen babies go to adoptive homes and the biological mother decide to parent. Guess what happens? Adoptive parents are forced to return what has already been their baby and they, in most cases are out the money spent. I have seen adoptive parents lose their entire savings and end up childless and broke leaving them with only one choice: find away to be satisfied never being parents. I saw it more times than I ever thought I would. We are so lucky that we chose to have all avenues open for us. We chose to start the process with finding an expectant mother while fundraising and saving for an agency (before I know what I know now about agencies). Some couples refuse to even go the route we did for fear of disruption and STILL end up with the heartbreak of a disrupted adoption.

I made sure to listen and absorb every story I could, not only from adoptive couples and waiting couples but from adoptees and biological parents. When we began our journey I had no clue what the Adoption Pyramid was nor did I care. I just wanted to be a Mommy… NOW. My heart was getting bitter and nothing mattered more to me than being someone’s Mommy. I am so glad that I learned all about the pyramid through hours and hours of reading posts, listening to podcasts, reading blogs, watching videos, etc. Having that knowledge BEFORE Kassie was born has very much changed the path of our adoption. We didn’t just gain a daughter, we gained another family. Her biological family is our family now too. I hope they always choose to be in our lives. Okay, I trailed off as I do. I am fortunate to have used the resources available to me to learn all about the importance of the pyramid. I listened to so many adoptees and biological mothers tell their stories. So often, the biological mothers have gone through the agencies instead of privately finding a couple like Kassie’s bio family did. They go through the agencies because they feel safer, they feel like the couples are screened better, and there is less chance of anything going wrong. Unfortunately they (their words, not mine) are manipulated into placing their child when they are vulnerable and unprepared to make that huge decision. You know what…this may just be a blog for another time. I am sure I will be attacked for saying these things that I learned in the dark and speaking them into the light. So let me stop with full intention to bring this to light another time when I am better able to articulate what I mean. 

  So here is a final recap:

Adoption Method: Private Infant Domestic Adoption

Timeline:

June 6th, 2017: Began spreading our story and calling for Star Hunters to help get the word out.

July 27th, 2017: Contacted through our blog by Bio Grandmother.

October 2017 (week of Oct 25th) Paid $3500 to Swain Law.

October 25th, 2017: Kassie is born!

October 31st, 2017: Bio Mom signs TPR.

May 18th, 2018: Adoption is Finalized!

Total Amount Raised: Just under $4,000 if I recall(I can’t get into my office right now to grab the fundraiser papers so I will edit in the exact number when I can!

Total Amount Saved: just over $5,000!!!

Total Cost: $8,280.22!

So, there it is. THANK YOU ALL AGAIN for joining us on our journey in whatever way you did!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

-Mommy, Daddy, & Kassie Too

I know I know another long post from Candi? Ugh. I want to say this more than anyone needs to hear it probably. Here goes.

  When I was a kid, based on pics and my memory I was average size. Maybe even a little on the thin size. Then around 4th grade I ballooned up and grew abnormally large breasts for my age. Huge red flag but that wasn’t common knowledge then I guess. I have pics to prove it.…

Dear Moms at Heart (Childless Mothers)

Mamas at Heart, (Childless Mothers)

I know Mother’s Day is coming. I know today, maybe tomorrow you will deactivate your Facebook to hide. I so know. I’m expected to feel certain ways about my first Mother’s Day but I’m having a lot of unexpected stuff on my head and heart. One of the biggest things I’m trying to process is about you ladies. I wish so bad that I could make you believe that every…

Oh, hello. Guess what?…

WE FOUND OUR STAR!!!! Yep, we sure did! On July 27th, 2017 I received an email that someone found our blog online. Her adult daughter was pregnant and had chosen to place the baby with a waiting couple. She explained that the decision was made earlier on but they hadn’t found the couple they were searching desperately for. She made it very clear that we were exactly what they wanted in parents…

We wanted to share the nursery with you. It’s not 100% ready yet but it’s so close now!