CamWoeZen

Im a slacker. Such a slacker. I need to do more stretching and shit. I am waiting for tomorrow like girl, do it today. I want to eat healthier too. Wellness. Wellness. Wellness. I need to implant that in my mind. Ugh help. I am trying, well i guess I am not. Lol liar. I will start though. No phone to sleep tonight. Just do it girl. I am nike. Okay this is turning dumb. I am just writing my thoughts, all of them. So so sorry. I went shopping today though. It was fun as freak. For my lovely mother. Im really lucky. I need to act like it through taking care of myself. I wonder if I should sleep with my window open tonight. Hell yeah I will. I got a linen spray and oh em gee i love it. Linen is the best. I want Dior hypnotic poision. I smelled it today. It is so good. So freaking good. I want a perfume that smells like dark fairy yoga princess vampire goth sparkle eyeliner goddess. Any suggestions???? I love neutrogena rainbath I also need a perfume that smells EXACTLY like it. I cant find any. I cant spell. Haha. Hehe. I love this blogging thing. I think I am doing it wrong, but this is journaling but easier. I love my boyfriend. I am mentally ill. Im trying to work on it. Its like im happy but have never ending impending doom still sitting in the rugae of my brain. It seeps in. Daily. Honestly it is just there. Causing my lack of motivation to live. Like I don't want to do anything ever. I hate being bored though. Wtv, im good. If anyone I know ever finds this ill be so embarrassed but honestly this is the real me. I should shut the freak up.

So I'm keeping busy Work twice as hard as you Want you to believe me That I can pick and choose Said you'd let me drive your car As long as I'm with you Then you'd wait 'til we get far And tell me that you'll be gone soon"

I'm incredibly sad. I wish I was loved for who I am with my condition. Not who I could be with out it.

Trying to find peace really isn't so difficult. It's just about relaxing and boredom. If you can be bored you can have peace. One day it wont be boring, sitting there and thinking, it will be enjoyable. I just need to remind myself that. I have decided to quit nicotine as well. I feel that will make me feel better. Take care of me and breathe. It's simple. So so simple. Stretching and taking it slow. I don't need all of the extra shit. I just need to be me, alone. Loneliness is okay, I don't need friends. Just peace. Peace is found easily. Easily I will achieve peace. It is meant for me. I am meant for this. I am going to achieve this. I will. Bye.

Trying to regulate my nervous system feels like hell. Where can I find genuine help and studies?