Girls Own The Void

I was thinking about all the stories of exploited workers explaining that they can’t leave work even if they’re sick, prompted by coronavirus concerns & I was thinking about when I was a *part time* librarian at a community college and was made responsible for making ALL college IDs for students and staff and how once I called in sick for 2 days (unpaid because no benefits but I took the pay cut to stay home) and when I got back I had panicked emails from my boss who had gotten panicked emails from their boss who had gotten a swarm of panicked calls from people who hadn’t received IDs cause no one took any photos or processed or printed them for a week (cause I was only scheduled like 3 days a week to begin with) & therefore people couldn’t register for classes or in some cases even get in the building, and an emergency meeting was called where I had to explain how I got so far behind. Because they had no one else who knew how to perform this vital function to the college except a part time, unbenefitted person working in the campus library, and just relied on the assumption that I would never call in.

I don’t usually comment on posts like this but for over an entire year I suffered majorly from panic disorder experiencing DOZENS of panic attacks a day, to the point where it was a problem for me to leave the house or even my bed! Until one night i was freaking the Fuck Out, i was like! Screw it! I’ll make a run for it! I left the house at like 2am and just walked. Run a little occasionally and get REALLY angry while doing it and the panic would disappear! Instead of giving my head room to panic i’d give myself a goal: just walk around the block twice and THEN see how you feel. And reeaaally focus on that goal. Sometimes it’d take 3 hours to pass and sometimes only 10 minutes, but not once, to this day, has just getting out there and give into the fight or flight response not helped. By taking action you’re tricking your brain into regaining control when you feel out of control during panic/anxiety!