Trying to lose weight

I am literally so fucking sick of myself and my disgusting body. My body is covered in stretch marks, fat and scars. I fucking hate it but i just can't stop binging and gaining weight. My bf eats 1-2 meals a day and I'm so jealous of him. And I'm scared that he'll leave me cuz of how fat and ugly i am. I just can't stick to a diet or control myself anymore. Wherever i go i am the fattest. Why am i so fucking useless and lazy and fat? I hate myself so much.

I feel like i have a failed ed. Like I know that something is wrong with me and that not everyone thinks like me. I eat normal most of the time and have this huge guilt every time I eat but don't do anything abt it. Only some days I restrict and don't feel like it's enough. I don't feel valid or that my ed is valid at all. I honestly don't know what to do. I hate myself so much.

Hi hi

I made another diet that fits me but feel free to use it and stay safe :)

I made a diet that should start on Monday cuz the highlighted days are weekends.

My goal is to lose 3 kg (6 lbs) before February and before June 17th i wanna lose 16 kg (35 lbs). I'll start getting serious when school starts cuz I'm fucking done with being fat and disgusting.