Shade: then they kicked me out because i’m a “liability” and “reckless” and “shade”. the last one is just my name but you should hear their tone.
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@caloresthrone
Shade: then they kicked me out because i’m a “liability” and “reckless” and “shade”. the last one is just my name but you should hear their tone.

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“Maven No”
— a book by Mare Barrow, co-authored by Diana Farley and Kilorn Warren, introduction by Evangeline Samos with excerpts from “Maven Please” by Tiberias ‘Cal’ Calore VII and Iris Cygnet, followed by a sequel titled “Maven Yes” by Maven Calore.
Cal: I just want to hear those 3 words.
Mare: I love you.
Cal: that’s sweet, but try again.
Mare:
Mare: I will behave.
Cal: there we go
Shade: farley talks in her sleep sometimes. it’s adorable.
Farley, sleeping: fight me. . . you motherfucker. . . square up. . . i’ll kill you
Cal: first impressions are very important.
Mare: but you married me??

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Maven: I can’t believe I have to deal with this.
Iris: Deal with what?
Maven: The consequences of my own actions.
Farley: we just ate why are you making pancakes?
Shade: for the dogs.
Farley: why are you making pancakes for the dogs??
Shade: they don’t know how.
Mare: farley will never agree to this.
Shade: sure she will.
Mare: she already refused three times.
Shade: okay. watch a master at work.
Shade, turning to farley with puppy dog eyes: can we-
Farley: yes.
Cal: I have good news and bad news.
Mare: What’s the bad news?
Cal: The dog ate all of our toilet paper.
Mare:
Mare: We don’t have a dog.
Cal: Well onto the good news!
New palace guard: Can you tell me where I can find King Maven?
Iris: Yes of course. Down that hall, turn at the second left, and keep going until you find a broken down stressed young man who looks like he’s functioning on two hours of sleep.
Palace Guard: And he’ll lead me to the king?
Iris: That is the king.

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it’s official, we’re getting an adaptation!!!
Clara, about to do an impulsive thing: lmao watch thi-
Farley, out of nowhere, using her mom voice: Clara Barrow!
Clara: -s prime example of making the right choice and walking away! Wow I sure love being a responsible kid [nervous sweating]
Kilorn, surviving another crazy mission: okay guys. have you considered that maybe i’m not lucky i’m just incredibly smart??
Everyone, collectively: no.
Cal: eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting into your eyes but whenever i have something in my eye it’s always an eyelash.
Mare:
Cal: isn’t it eyeronic
Mare:
Mare: its 2 am cal.
Red Queen Characters as Screenshots I Have Saved on my Phone
Mare:
Maven:
Cal:
Kilorn:
Evangeline:
Farley:
Shade:

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[corners you in a dark alley] yo i heard you were talking shit about red queen
Cameron: So what do you have planned for the future?
Kilorn: Lunch.
Cameron: No, like long term.
Kilorn: Oh...um, dinner?