Bregedeg>>

So, this is final farewell, I guess? I wish I still have just one last chance to say that I really miss you, in the most chaotic way, in the most deniable way, in the scariest way, for you might not say it back anymore.

/////

Before you hold another one’s hand, before you kissed another one’s lips. Before you fall in another one’s land, before you’re saying goodnight to another one before you fall asleep, let me tell you something.

You worth a thousand fights. I will, if I could. After all these time, after all of those lies and these horrible chest pain you gave, it’s amazing I still have guts to say this bullcrap. But trust me, you worth a thousand fights. You are one of the most dedicated and loving man I’ve ever known. I should’ve told you this. But I am busy hating you, sweetheart. Sorry for that. One thing though, you worth a fucking of thousand fight. And I will fight for you to death, if I could. 

If this another one is somehow hurting you, remember that once in your life, there are two women promise to make you happy. One is your mother, two WAS myself. I still am hoping that you are always happy though. But I can’t make you happy anymore, sweetheart. As in I am no longer capable to make you happy, as in I am no longer your happiness, as in universe won’t let me. But trust me, I’ve made promises, one of them is making you happy. 

And if you wish me happiness too, oh screw you. You have no idea. Since you didn’t seem like you wanted to make me happy, at all.

I wish we can be friends too. But you gave me too much pain all I could see is lie everytime I see your face. This makes me sad the most. I never saw this one as a turn out. I never saw this one as an ending. I never, I never wanted this. But, I couldn’t make friends with someone who tells lies in purpose. I couldn’t make friends with someone who destroyed me in purpose. Nobody could. Could you?

Please, BE HAPPY. This is the last thing I wish, for you. Be happy. Be always happy. And go away. Go away. Go. Away. Be happy and go away. Forget me. Forget us. I don’t want you to remember me. Throw all of those promises you made, I don’t buy them anymore. You were the first one who decided to go. So go, for good. I never been fine ever since, just so you know. I am no longer expecting anything from you. If you don’t want to stay, please make sure you’re going far. Make sure you’re going so far we couldn’t ever meet. You WERE a good man then you lied, then you went away. Go ahead, I’ll take care of myself. You’re with someone else now, while I am healing myself, alone. Congratulation to you.

/////

You know, after all of those hatred, I wish I could make you stay. I wish I could make a better form of us. I wish this was not happening. I wish I could love you forever. I wish I wasn’t writing these. I wish I could forgive you. I wish I could hug you for the very last time and done hating you. I wish you didn’t lie to me. I wish we could be okay. I wish I could make myself happy again.

Sweetheart,

Suatu hari nanti di detik paling akhir di malam kamu, kamu akan sadar satu hal. Kita memang tidak pernah diciptakan untuk menjadi satu cerita bahagia paling hangat, sehangat Indomie kari ayam saat hujan yang sering kita nikmati air sarinya, berdua.

Tapi ketahuilah sayangku, satu daun kuning di ujung ranting pada pohon tua selalu memohon kepada angin di penghujung musim gugur,

i once loved someone too much i just can't handle it.

yet i failed.

i went too far from everything.

i broke the heart of mine, deliberately.

the time that when i remembered, i only got pain.

i lost my faith.

on everything.

on everyone.

i don't want another losing, somehow.

until finally i met you.

i hold myself.

i don't want another scratches.

i don't want another bleeding

i just want a life.

since i don't have any back then.

i still hold myself.

yet you pull me tight i cannot move an inch.

i was rewinding all of those times, upon you.

i'm scared.

i'm trembled.

my stomach was sick.

you're real.

too real.

instead of taking it, i'm pulling myself back on track.

i don't want to lose you, so i just don't make you mine.

yet you're that secure.

you keep me.

with your embraces.

too strong.

that's the moment i know i want to have you.

i don't wanna lose you.

even just an inch of you.

then finally i realized i got my life back.

i thank you.

i love you.

Seperti rindu kepada rupa angin.

Seperti rindu yang lama terbalut dingin.

Seperti rindu kering yang tidak bertuan.

Seperti rindu yang disusuri perih, perlahan.

Seperti rindu yang dirasa bintang untuk terang surya.

Seperti rindu yang dirasa bulan pada terang angkasa.

Seperti rindu yang terucap bisu kepada tuli.

Seperti rindu yang lama ada, terbaring sendiri.

Seperti rindu kepada basah di kerontang kerikil padang.

Seperti rindu yang kalah pada sedih yang meradang.

Seperti rindu yang mengalir, deras dari laut untuk langit.

Seperti rindu yang bernafas kecil terengah-engah di ruang sempit.

Seperti rindu tua yang putus asa mengusir lara berkerak.

Seperti rindu yang suntuk bergerak, sedih merangkak.

Dalam diam, rindu marah.

Dalam diam, rindu berontak karena rasa dirinya yang kekal.

Di setiap desah nafas rindu, ia menangis.

Air matanya meluap-luap bersemangat merusak.

Seperti ingin keluar dan cepat menghilang.

Siapa yang sanggup?

Ada.

Ketika seorang mampu menjinakan rindu dengan temu, itulah sembuh.

Ketika seorang mampu membirukan kelabu rindu, itulah pulih.

Ketika seorang mampu menenangkan amarah rindu, itulah baik.

Dan ketika seorang mampu melangkahi rindu, bersyukurlah.

Namun ketika rindu sudah terlalu kekal dan tangismu sudah lelah, diam.

Karena apapun yang dilakukan, kosong nilainya.

Meleleh sendu disela duka.

Tidak indah.

Disiksa gundah.

Rindu yang ada untuk yang tidak ada.

Semu, tidak bersambut.

Selamanya ada, selamanya abu.

Tidak selesai.

Sampai akhir.

Jujur.

me: watching a video of del Piero

me: awwww, il capitano

me: don't cry...

me: awwww

me: I miss him playing for Juve so much :(

me: do not cry

me: whyyyy, Ale, come back :(((

me: do not fucking cry -.-

me: I want you to come back, capitano :(