— “every time i touch you, there’s a moment where you look like you think it will hurt.” from elinor rhodes @ sunsetsoft.
a sharp intake of breath. subtle.
he hadn’t meant to make it so obvious, but he never could lie to her. she saw right through him with hopeful eyes, and it took everything in him not to succumb to her every time.
it left a rotten taste in his mouth, but he wouldn’t pull her into this misery with him. she didn’t deserve the weight of his troubles. instead, he smiled. it wasn’t a nice smile, and he was sure she could tell, but he couldn’t bring himself to brighten it. a quick glance up: nobody around, he could touch her freely. his arm caught her waist, bringing her to him, close enough that he could press his forehead to hers and feel her breath against his cheek. the silence had gone on too long, and he knew he would have to answer her soon, knew that his hesitation was causing the cogs in elinor’s head to tighten and squeak.
couldn’t he just look at her a little longer? there was nobody to stop him. the jedi order was dying. things were falling apart faster than he could hold them together and his brother was losing his way. his sister was losing her home. but when guilt twisted in his chest and fear clouded his gaze, by his side, ellie remained. he wasn’t naive enough to believe he could protect her from all of it, but this he could bear alone. would bear alone. she deserved that. she deserved so much. to want was such a strange thing, but it came so naturally with her. he wanted to give her everything. he hoped she would find someone who could.
“my darling,” a hand raised, gentle fingers moving to caress the curve of her cheek. her skin was so soft, despite the rough air and artificial light, and she was looking at him like she always did. warm, with a twinge of concern. time to put her worries to rest. his own left to fester. “you could never hurt me.”
