You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now

Caleb sighed, listening again as the lawyer went over the same facts he had already figured out. Legally he had been dead, which now caused a lot of issues for the legality of his marriage. Till death do you part was a lot harder when one of you had technically died in the eyes of the law. “Yeah... yeah I know, but can you... please, just call me back when you know” he said into the phone, trying not to lose his temper. Wasn’t their fault it was complicated, he just wanted a straight response.

Hanging up he sighed, he wasn’t sure if he wanted a drink or to punch something. tHe latter would solve nothing though, not really. Still it was tempting. “Do me a favour, remind me that punching a wall will only feel good for like five seconds, and after that I’ll just be left with a sore hand. Because it is very tempting right now”.

Vasya let out a laugh as she sat down at her table next to the man who replied to her. “I was asking because people usually like to have ammunition to play at birthday parties or weddings… it’s that type of culture now,” she was smiling, not upset either way. She doubted she’d ever want to see the video never mind show anyone it. “What are you drinking?” she asked as she brought her own to her lips.

                   "OH, don’t. Wait til you see the entire bag of seashells she collected today,” Jackson replied, laughing. “Every single shiny shell she saw on the beach - straight into the bag. She’s like a magpie,” He added, shaking his head. “Well, you might have a point. But still, I think we’re gonna be in for a wild ride,” Jay finished, a light tease in his tone. 

                     If there was one thing that Jay was certain of, it was that he didn’t want Caleb to suffer through this alone. Recovering from trauma of any kind was a process; Jackson understood that. It was a process he’d gone through, too - a continuous cycle, one that seemed to have more setbacks than progress - but it was a road worth taking. However, he knew that therapy wasn’t for everyone; but he knew he had to start somewhere. He knew, that if Cal ever decided he was ready to talk about it, that it wasn’t going to be pleasant to listen to - what he knew so far was horrific, but Jay understood that was another part of the process. It was a long haul ride, but he wasn’t going anywhere.

                     "Hey, look at me.” Jay started, reaching out to brush his fingertips across Caleb’s cheek, a soft, reassuring smile settling on his lips, “We can’t change what happened to you,” He murmured, “But we can work through it. You can work through it.” There were times when Jay had to admit that he felt a little hypocritical; he’d never spoken to anyone other than his therapist about his own mother, about the things that had happened in his family - but he supposed that still needed time. Another progress step in his own recovery. However, he shook that from his thoughts: he wasn’t the important factor in this situation.

                    “You’re safe here, Caleb.” Jay reassured, this time reaching for Caleb’s hands, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll say that as many times as you need to hear it.” He knew it was going to take a long, long while before Caleb felt that he was on any road to healing. “There’s no quick way around it,” He continued, brushing his thumb across the back of Cal’s hand. “Whether it’s five or fifteen years, I’m here. I love you; I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll continue to do so for – well, I’m dropping the whole marriage cliche back in here, but for as long as we both live. Nothing’s going to change that: not the five years in between, not what happened to you, not whatever the future might throw at us. You’re more than what happened out there, Caleb. I promise you that.”

“Wonder if we can do something with that. Stick them onto the bottom of her bed or something. on board we can remove I mean” or some other form of furniture, but if she enjoyed them then they should try and do something with them rather then leave them in a jar. “Come on, with us as parents, did we expect anything else” even if they both knew he hadn’t been there. 

Work through it... and there was the issue wasn’t it? Working through it meant thinking about it, and the moment he started doing that, he was reliving it. He couldn’t do that, he refused to do that. He had barely survived it the first time, only be going to a very dark place mentally had he done it. He had barely pulled himself out of it the first time, he had no idea how he was meant to do it again, and with the people he loved nearby... what if he did hurt them?

“I love you too” that would never change, he knew that. No matter what had happened. Sometimes out there he couldn’t bare to think about his kids, not wanting their image connected with such a dark place. But every night when he went to sleep, he had pictured his husband’s face, without fail. “I’m too selfish to let you go Jack, always have been. But... you deserve so much more than this” he had believed that since he had got home. He hadn’t really expected to have a life here anymore, the fact he did was something he was thankful for everyday. But the cracks were there, the reminder that something horrible had happened.

                  “OH, we found them. Had to spent a good forty five minutes convincing Grace that a starfish is not the greatest pet she could ever have,” Jay replied, shaking his head with a light laugh. “She may also have attempted to chase Cole down the beach with a crab so – you can imagine the eventful afternoon we’ve had,” He continued, unable to stop another laugh from spilling out. “I’m also getting the feeling that our daughter is going to be a terror as a teenager, let me tell you that.”

                   He continued to brush his fingers through Caleb’s hair, that feeling of luckiness at having him back still hadn’t quite worn off; even at six months later. Jackson supposed it would be something he’d hold onto forever - not that he’d ever taken his husband for granted, but the sentiment was more than reinforced these days. At Cal’s words, Jay couldn’t help but feel his heart sink. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead before he got to his feet, moving to get another shirt for him. 

                     Jay paused briefly as he made his way back to the bed, “I know you don’t want to talk about it. I’m not gonna make you,” He had more respect for him than that; as much as Jay knew that talking about things could help solve them, he knew he still had his own secrets, his own scars that he’d never confessed the origin of, “But you don’t have to hide them from me. You don’t ever have to hide anything from me,” He murmured, sitting back down as he held the shirt out, “I’m still going to be here when you are ready to talk about it - no matter how long that takes.”

“Don’t know about that. Could get one of those tropical aquariums, Finding Nemo style” although that was going to be a lot of work and research. Then again, he wasn’t really doing anything else at the moment. Though he was sure in a week Grace was going to have moved onto the next thing. Hopefully something that didn’t cost a lot of money. “As a teenager? Darling I think we’ve got a terror now” and he loved her for it, but it was also exhausting at the same time. Maybe he just wasn’t used to it.

There was the issue, how could he talk about it? How could he tell him about what had happened, what the scars covering his body had come from and how. He had said the basics, where he had been and why he hadn’t come home before. But exactly what they had done? It was nightmarish. How could he ask Jay to know about it, he didn’t want him to suffer with that knowledge.

Christian: JayJay talks and looks like a toddler. You really would pick it just because of your husband? Is it faithfulness, or hubris?

Christian: Elijah Wood is great. He's in the movie for maybe 5 seconds and dies. It's the worst. And I am absolutely showing them this movie next time you ask me to check on them.

Caleb: Honestly I don't know what it is, I'll google it. But it's love, he is the love of my life plain and simple

Caleb: Holy shit, I take it all back. That plane is something nightmares are made of

                      MACKENZIE sighed gently, dipping her head slightly. She knew where he was coming from, but she was sure that she was running out of options. She couldn’t prove anything from a few text messages, and Jake seemed more than reluctant to talk about any of it. Which, she also understood. She just didn’t know what to do. Kenzie couldn’t help but wonder if this was something else that she couldn’t remember; but on top of those memory blanks, she was beginning to drown under the weight of keeping things to herself. “Cal– He hasn’t told anyone. All I saw were text messages, all I have are suspicions, I just– I’m stuck.” She murmured, shaking her head softly, willing herself not to get emotional right now. “I mean, I’m kind of honestly at a stage where I’m ready to go bang the door down myself, but that just seems stupid.”

Christian: Well, Thomas is ONE of them. Fine, okay, but you have to answer it. FMK: Thomas the Tank Engine, Lightning McQueen, JayJay the Jet Plane.

Christian: Spy Kids 3D. They came out with this terrible 3D movie for Spy Kids where they would tell you to put your 3D glasses on & off. Elijah Wood is in it. And it's so ugly looking.

Caleb: You think I wasn't going to? Well my husband's name is Jay, so marry JayJay. Fuck Lightning McQueen because he looks like he knows how. And kill Thomas because he is a little shit anyway

“I wasn’t aware that stretched past the whole never ask a woman their age.” He said with a slight laugh. but his answer left nick simply nodding besides he was only 18 when he was given the potential of being a father and he had jumped at the chance ready to be the most important person in someone’s life. It made him wonder for a moment once again what his life would look like if that decision was different back then. “You have to be a pretty dark person not to fall head over heels for your own child no matter how they came into the world planned or not.” at least that was his standing he knew there were people who didn’t feel that way but to him they fit into that dark catagory. He smiled at the mans mention of not carry about others opinions it was certainly one of Nicholas’s issue and always had been he did worry a good bit about how he could be precieved by others but it was something he was slowly working on.

He smiled as the man spoke about his child it seemed like he had landed himself quite an amazing little brood. “Sounds like the perfect kind of family, even with the age gap the love is there and it gives the little ones someone to look up to too.” he nodded along to the mans words “I couldn’t agree more, when i eventually have kids however it happens if it happens i know any decision will be in their favour not mine you have such a bi change in life when they come into the world because you can’t be selfish anymore it’s not just your life anymore and you have to sort the best for them.”

“Always assumed it was for everyone, much less likely to offended anyone that way” least that was how he saw it. Better to try and avoid doing that if it was possible, was hardly fair to upset someone. That was the rules he lived by anyway, and whilst he knew that sometimes mistakes were made, he did his best to rectify them. Life was shitty enough, he had no intentions of making it worse for anyone else. Of course that also meant he wasn’t telling anyone his own problems because he didn’t want to upset them, but that was a detail. “That’s what I think, but then I guess there are scenarios where it just isn’t possible” he had been lucky, it had only taken him one glance to fall in love. Everytime, without fail.

“They were thinking of doing it, but what do you think it would have looked like if they disowned all three of us? They have to be parents of the year.” She loathed that her family cared more for looks than the people that they should truly cherish. Still Em was glad that she and her brothers didn’t need to worry about their parents. Whatever happened they would put up with. “I would make you sit through the movies or read the comics, but I don’t want your drool on them or me when you fall asleep in the middle.” She smiled softly, growing serious for a moment. “Not dying meant the world to all of us. We needed you back here.” 

“I got the speech-recognition thingy!” As if that feature would somehow magically be able to put her thoughts into words for the phone to use. It would only be slightly more readable than if she were to attempt to text while drunk. “We should. It’s a great movie. Or Robin Hood: Men in Tights. I wanted to bang Robin Hood so badly. I think that was my sexual awakening. For men at least.” She grinned, winking at her brother without realizing just how much she was sharing. “Fancy digs. I’ll be okay. Just gotta threaten the super.” 

Reaching over to grab a beer, he cracked one open and took a long sip. He could relate to that. There were plenty of days that he spent wishing Dallas would just fall the fuck asleep when it was just he and her. That was one thing he didn’t miss about parenthood: the energy required at all times. “You can relax now.”

Michael laughed at the mention of craziness. “Oh, you know. The usual. My ex wife shouted at me in my brand new bakery. First time I’d seen her since I left town. Other than that, just usual crazy.”

“That’s true” he replied, though really he wasn’t sure how he could ever really relax at the moment. His mind were just full of memories of things he didn’t want to remember. Nightmare fuel really, ones he just had to keep trying to forget.

It wasn’t exactly a conversation that Caleb wanted to be having, more one he felt completely stuck in and now couldn’t get away from. He had stopped listening a while ago, and was only now realising that might not have been his best option. So when he saw someone else, he took what option he had to try and get out of the conversation. “Sorry, you can honestly slap me in a moment for this, but I just said I was meeting a friend, and your timing sucked because you walked past. But I now no longer know if she’s talking about her son, grandson, or her dog, and really need an excuse to leave the conversation”.

Christian: Listen, weird FMKs are how I pass the time. And see what peoples' senses of humor are. I did one with various Thomas the Tank Engine characters the other day.

Christian: Spy Kids is good, just don't watch the weird 3D one.

Caleb: I'm sorry, you cannot leave that sentence there. What Thomas the Tank Engine one?

                MACKENZIE paused, biting back a gentle sigh as she stepped back from the car, wiping her hands down on her jeans. She wasn’t entirely sure how to approach the issue, but she knew she had to do something. It was literally eating her alive, and with every day that passed, she fell deeper and deeper within herself - something that she’d been trying so hard to break out of ever since the car accident. “It’s Jacob. Well, his father. I can’t just go and report something I don’t have much proof of but – can you ask Jay to see if he can do any digging?”