Levi enthusiast

You know what has me lying awake in the middle of the night? Obviously finances, that stupid thing I did three years ago, and whether or not Prince Zuko would love me back; but once in awhile thoughts of Darius Zackley creep in and they are utterly terrifying.

Think about it. Darius Zackley was several steps ahead of the guy who was several steps ahead of basically everyone else. What I’m saying is that Darius Zackley outsmarted Erwin Smith. He played him for a fool. And if that isn’t scary, I don’t know what is.

Despite serving together for years, it appears Erwin never once doubted Zackley. He never saw the sickness and perversion lurking within. As a result, Erwin’s flawlessly orchestrated revolution had a less than ideal outcome - it resulted in one corrupt regime being replaced with something perhaps equally terrible.

But Zackley’s crimes against Erwin began before that. It was during their carriage ride in chapter 62 that  Darius Zackley first planted a seed of self doubt in Erwin when he suggested that Erwin’s motives were selfish.

It was the beginning of Erwin’s unravelling - the one that ended with him doubting his every accomplishment as he figuratively stood on a pile of bodies in Shiganshina filled with self loathing. 

Erwin could survive his limbs being torn from his body, but he couldn’t survive the thought of his actions being anything less than totally selfless. 

Zackley didn’t stop there. Just before Erwin left for his final mission, Zackley had to remind Erwin of his “selfishness” once again. He does it with a smile. 

There’s something calculating, deliberate, and very sick in the games Zackley plays. He saw a weakness in Erwin and capitalized on it. He knew that Erwin was a man who would stop at nothing for humanity. He knew Erwin was a threat to his own perverse power. So Darius Zackley waged a psychological war on Erwin Smith. And he almost won. Or maybe he did win. Erwin is dead and there is one less person to try to stop him.

Allow me to apologize for this mass of canon angst ahead of time, but I have been sitting on this for a long time and I think I’m finally in a mental state where I can write this out without sobbing all over my keyboard. My disclaimer isn’t really necessary for this post, but regardless, you can look at it anyways just in case:

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is canon or completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, that’s perfectly fine! Everyone has a different interpretation, but if you are going to send me messages trying to argue points of view with me or send me hate messages; please do us both a favor and just don’t even bother with it. WARNING: Manga spoilers ahead. Mentions of death, decomposition stages, etc. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Also note that this is just… Rambling tbh. Like, the post is organized, but I don’t even like calling it meta because it’s really not??? Maybe it is, idk. Either way, it happened, it’s sad, and it’s getting posted god dammit.

Now then, you want know what really fucks me up the most about Levi’s incredibly horrid life? His early childhood. Knowing that not only did he have to watch his mother die from illness right in front of him without being able to do anything about it. But, also knowing that after she died, no one in the entire brothel gave enough of a shit to check on either of them despite knowing Kuchel was sick and dying, and knowing she has a little boy living in the room with her.

In the panel above, we see a woman behind Kenny, who I can only assume is one of the working ladies, and we see the owner of the brother informing Kenny that Kuchel “is no longer for sale because someone got her sick a while back.”  This makes it pretty ovbious that it was common knowledge that she was dying in her room, with her son in there with her, and it was something people working in the brothel were well aware of for a long time.

But still, despite knowing, no one fucking checked on her. Not one fucking person working there took it upon themselves to just open her door to see if she was still alive or not. To see if Levi was eating or not. To see if they were okay. You could argue that this was for quarantine purposes, but that doesn’t negate the fact that everyone working there left Kuchel and her son, a child, alone to die while carrying on with business as usual. 

The outright lack of human compassion Levi experienced right out the gate as a child is just astounding to me. Because you have to keep in mind that up until Kenny showed up, or up until Kuchel got sick, these are people Levi was around all the time. These are the people he took cues from as a child, and their treatment of him and of Kuchel were his first experiences of human emotions towards others outside of what he learned from his mother. That lack of outward compassion or even blatant noncaring is something I think shaped him into the very stoic character he is now. Because even Kenny, the murderous hardass in seek of power was far more expressive than Levi has ever been.  

Seriously though, I want you guys to let all of this sink in for a minute:

How long had she been lying in bed like that before she died, and how long had her corpse been there before Kenny showed up? Allow me to answer this for you. A really long time. I’m not going to get into the gritty details of this, but let me just say that Isayama drew Kuchel to be in the Active Decay stage of death here, which is the fourth stage of decomposition out of five. This is made apparent by the tight, dry skin, exposed teeth, etc. She had to have been dead for at least a month for her body to be in this state. 

I have people ask me all the time why I think Levi holds cleanliness in such high regard and fears germs and mold. I’m finally going to thoroughly answer this question:

Considering how neatly tucked into the bed Kuchel is with her head placed perfectly center on a fluffy pillow, and how well preserved her body is in these panels despite knowing she had to have been deceased for a very long time, I can only assume Levi did all he could to preserve her remains (i.e. cleaning her, tucking her into dry blankets to ward off insects, etc). So, not only did Levi grow up in an Underground dump full of people that were sick and dying, but he had to watch his mother wither away from illness too, and care for her despite her already being dead, and starving to near death himself in the process. Plus,it’s been shown that in the underground, it is not uncommon for corpses to be found on the side of streets and that it’s as normal as us seeing a streetlamp. The smell of death there must be something everyone living there is numb to if no one in the vicinity of a brothel noticed the stench of a month old corpse. 

Overall, Levi’s living situation was very bad, but for at least a month, Levi lived in this state:

Huddled on the floor so his mother could remain comfortable in death, as he slowly starved to death while wearing nothing but her tattered shirt. 

I’m well aware that there is no way Levi would have survived that long without water. Especially as a child. But without food? Yes. He could survive that long without food. However, considering the delirious state he seems to be in here, with his eyes bordering on death so severely that even Kenny questions if he’s alive or not, and how dry and shriveled his lips are from apparent dehydration; a few more days, maybe not even that long, and Levi would have been dead too. 

I question how old he is in these panels all the time because you’d think a child would seek help in this situation, yes? But it’s very apparent to me that Levi did not do this. Mainly because the pimp of the place and everyone working there were blissfully unaware that Kuchel was already dead and had been for a long time. Most kids would have been scared, confused, and overwhelmed in this situation. Running to any nearby adult to help them in any way possible. Plus, dying due to starvation is excruciating and very slow. So why didn’t he seek help? 

The only logical conclusion I can appoint to this reasoning from a child in a situation this severe, even if that child is Levi AckermanTM, is that in watching his mother die slowly with absolutely no offer of help from anyone aside from the pimp taking her off the paying roster; he had already concluded that no one cared enough to help him. That he was inevitably alone in this world, and that’s how it was simply meant to be.

Just picture Levi sitting in this room, tending to his mother’s corpse by himself in silence as he hears all the commotion going on in the brothel around him, knowing people are outside. Knowing that they know he’s there with his sick mom, and having them do nothing to help him or check to see how they were doing for months. Sleeping on the floor so Kuchel could remain in the bed, and simply allowing himself to rot away with her because he didn’t believe there was anything else for him to do. That there wasn’t anything else he could do. 

Imagining him, Humanity’s Strongest, in a mind state like that, ESPECIALLY as a child just kills me. The situation and realizing how severely this must have affected him as an adult. I could go on and on about this, really because it is so incredibly soul crushing. So much of what this man has gone through has just been utterly horrible. But I think, out of everything, the earliest memories of his life… Watching his mom die and accepting death in turn because he believed that’s all he could do is the most saddening to me. To know the physical and emotional pain he’s experienced, and that Levi would have died thinking no one cared about him had it not been for Kenny reaching out his hand to him really fucks me up. Especially knowing the incredible man he grew to be.

                                          C O N C L U S I O N

The trauma Levi suffered as a child is nothing short of sickening, and this only covers what he experienced in terms of his mother. The list of horrors this man has had to endure throughout his life is simply heartbreaking, and all of it shows in his personality one way or another as an adult when you really sit back and think about it.

He’s able to sleep easily and comfortably in a chair due to spending months slowly dying on the floor.

He lacks trust because, for a majority of his youth, he only saw people who thought solely of themselves. 

He’s a verbal train wreck thanks to Kenny being his only outlet for learning how to properly communicate. 

He’s bad at conveying his emotions due to being ignored emotionally.

He’s awkward in affection because he’s never truly experienced it in terms of what he can remember.  

He’s compassionate because he knows from experience how shitty it is to be alone in your suffering.

He’s numb to death because he’s lived his entire life with it, but he understands and feels how devastating it is.  

He’s violent because that’s how he was taught to survive and move things to his favor. 

Every time I see Levi in the manga, I am just amazed by him to be honest.

He is the bastard child of a prostitute that was born in the rotting dump that is the darkened cesspool of the underground city. He is someone who, as a child, watched his mom sell her body, fall ill from doing so, and slowly die without being able to do anything about it. Then chose to slowly die with her because he felt like no one cared enough to help. 

He watched Kenny - the only person to reach a hand out to him and offer him means of survival and validation as a helpless kid - leave without saying a single word. 

He watched the only friends he’d ever made living in the underground, people he considered family, die right in front of him because he made the wrong choice. 

He has watched countless innocents and comrades die, all while fighting for freedom and a better world. 

He has basically watched everyone he has ever really cared for die without ever really being able to do much about it, aside from recent events. And even then, there is no doubt it has all affected him very deeply. 

The fact that this man has managed to carry himself as far as he has in life, while bearing the weight of being a hero on his shoulders along with the lives of those lost is nothing short of astounding. He has helped so many and has done so much self-sacrificing for the sake of others and a better future, and the universe has given him little in return for everything he’s endured. And even though he has suffered so much since the very beginnings of his life, and even though he started in literally the lowest possible place in society; he grew to be one of the strongest human-beings in existence physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Kuchel would be so proud of her son if only she were still alive because regardless of everything, she brought him into the world out of love despite outside opinion, and now he’s one of the very few leading that world forward.  

I wish Kuchel could have lived long enough to see her son grow into the man he is now, but knowing the way of the butterfly effect; his life would probably be vastly different had things progressed down another path. As sad and as angry as his childhood makes me, I understand the affect it had in shaping his future. 

Alright, so here I am with another long ass meta post. Only this time, this one is directed solely at the legend, Levi Ackerman himself. Yet again, I am seeing the “Levi is Abusive” mumbo jumbo and I have spent my two years in this fandom quiet about my opinions on this for the most part because I do not enjoy drama. However, after this last batch of Discourse™ that I have seen, I have been pushed beyond my ability to bite my tongue. 

This is Part One to a two part meta, and this is me basically trying to shine light on Levi’s actions a bit and why he behaves the way he does. In no way do I try to justify all of the shit he carries out so don’t think this is just a fangirl squeal post. I’m simply trying to better explain his character for the people who seem to think he is some kind of rage beast who beats kids for fun in his spare time. 

I will be putting this under a Read More because it is extremely long and also contains spoilers. I’d also like to state that this would be best read from a computer or the mobile website as it contains a metric fuckton of manga panels used for reference (seriously use any other means outside of the mobile app to read this because the app will butcher this post and cut out a majority of the images). If you are sitting down to read this, please make sure you are comfy, cozy, and drinking a nice warm beverage. Now then, 

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, good for you! That’s your prerogative. However, If you are going to send me messages trying to argue points of view with me or send me hate messages because my opinion differs from your own; do us both a favor and just don’t even bother. WARNING: Major spoilers ahead.

First and foremost, this is the scene I see brought up the absolute most so I’d like to go ahead and address it first:

the second time via Levi,

and the third time he brought the man himself from the dead to say that he supported the Alliance,

and there are still people out there arguing that he would have supported the Rumbling.

I love what this little side story added to Levi's character so much.

Like I talked about in my post about how Isayama was great about never getting exploitative when it came to female suffering—which is a pervasive issue within the horror genre, to say the least—I liked that he chose to show the horrors of sex trafficking, not just through Mikasa, but through Levi as well. Just the threat being verbalized is enough to demonstrate how horrific it is. It was meaningful to me that he chose to show this through Levi, who is his most popular character, and especially considering that Levi then goes on to become such a protector himself. It also adds another layer to his choice to kill the men who assaulted Isabel in ACWNR as well, in my opinion.

He awakens his powers out of a need to defend himself, and specifically does so after these men start talking about his mother in such a derogatory fashion. All he wanted was to get her tea set back and they beat him and threatened to force him into prostitution over it. This is a little boy, only around 10 years old. That's horrific.

Awakening his powers also leads directly to Kenny abandoning him once he's finally done so. I think this, in combination with how the final man Levi kills in Bad Boy tries to convince Levi that his mom would have been ashamed of him for what had transpired makes this comment by Isayama even more tragic.

Isayama: As a kid, Levi used to make himself stronger in order to receive praise from Kenny. But one day, all of a sudden, Kenny was no longer by his side and left him with a question: “Then what is my strength for?” Later, he crossed swords with Kenny during the dethroning of the Monarchy, and at Kenny’s final moment, Levi finally resolved his hard feelings and discontent toward Kenny. It’s one of the “rites of passage” for Levi.

We even have a voice over from Levi, while he's actively telling the story to Gabi and Falco, that Kenny left and his mom's memories were all he had left. This directly leads into the scene of him trying to soothe himself by making himself some tea afterwards, in the same spot he used to sit with his mom when they'd have tea together. You can see him trembling all throughout the process of preparing the tea. When he finally brings the cup to his lips and the cup shatters, so does his facade—he bursts into tears and we cut back to the present. This is why he never holds a cup by the handle ever again. It's not just necessarily that the cup itself broke, but that the experience of having killed for the first time was traumatic for him. In the end, he didn't even get the comfort of having tea out of his mom's tea cup to calm himself in the aftermath. He doesn't wish to relive it.

This is important to Levi's characterization because it shows that he's always carried his haunts with him, even though he rarely talks about them. We can see instances of this all throughout the series, but this one, especially, is important because it demonstrates so well why Levi doesn't really see value in himself outside of his strength. Not only was he desperate to get approval from Kenny as a child, and worked to become stronger to that end, but awakening his strength is now directly tied to his first experience with killing and being told that his mother would be disgusted by it. Once he finally accomplishes what Kenny had been trying to force him into doing, he's rewarded by being abandoned for it.

I think this, in addition to Isayama's comment about Levi feeling tethered to his strength and like he has an obligation to become a hero is why his story ending by him losing his Ackerman abilities is actually a net positive for him. His strength was a burden to him. He didn't like killing, and there are multiple examples of this throughout the series. He doesn't have to do so anymore. Now he's found a new cause to dedicate himself to, in helping with the restoration of the environment in the wake of the Rumbling, and this time, it's more suited to his empathetic nature.

I love that Isayama was able to convey through just a few panels that Levi has managed to open himself up and let new people back in once again. It speaks to his resilience, which has always been a core trait of who he is. Levi's ending is a happy one for him.

And on a lighter note, I think it was very much in line with Isayama's sense of humor for Gabi to have asked such a seemingly innocent question and Levi responds by essentially trauma dumping on them both, lol.

Q: It was very shocking to see a man who said he was willing to abandon his humanity be unable to fully abandon his own dreams.

ISAYAMA: I'm sure Levi felt the same way. Levi had always seen Erwin's goal of doing things for humanity's future as an unimaginably altruistic act, and made it his life's mission to reach the same heights. That's why he also wanted Erwin to be a man who was loyal to his mission and capable of coolheaded decisions. When he learned that Erwin actually had the self-interested goal of fulfilling his own dreams, he must have felt nearly betrayed. But at the same time, he must have also been shocked to learn that a man he saw as untouchable actually had an innocent, childish, dream-chasing side to him.

Levi having thought that Erwin had been this totally altruistic leader this entire time and is now being confronted with the reality that he isn't is why he's fucking pissed in this scene. He confronts Erwin about his own personal goal being more important than humanity's victory and Erwin is admitting that it absolutely is right here, in this very scene:

The words left unsaid in this scene aren't "but what about us 🥺" It's that Erwin has convinced hundreds of people to join the Scouts, and give their lives in service of the goal of saving humanity, when it was actually in service of his own personal dream this whole time. That's what he's admitting here, and that's what Levi is pissed about. It's why Levi is still irritated when he goes to the feast and then takes his frustration out on Eren and Jean. (RIP Jean)

During Kenny's monologue about everybody needing a dream to drive them, the arc presents the pursuit of dreams as being selfish. Most dreams are, to a certain extent. But whether one person's dream is more selfish than another person's really depends on how each character chooses to pursue that dream.

Take Kuchel, for example; her dream was to have a child. It's the only thing she had to look forward to, given how bleak her life was. An understandable dream and a sympathetic one. However, her child suffered as a result of her choice to have him, seeing as she couldn't provide for him. As Kenny, of all people, tried to warn her.

Erwin's goal of proving his father's theory as being correct is something Erwin wants to do to atone for the guilt he feels over his father's death. Again, completely understandable and sympathetic. However, what Kuchel does to fulfill her simple dream of having a child is a far cry from how Erwin goes about pursuing his dream—that is, manipulating who knows how many people into dedicating themselves to the cause of fighting for humanity, all while it was secretly in service of his need to prove his father correct. It's not having a dream itself that makes Erwin selfish, it's the fact that countless people died as a direct result of Erwin's actions, and he knew they would, even leading them to that end. It's supremely self-centered. That's not a misconception, it's a fact. He's prioritizing his own personal dream over actual lives, knowing that people will die in pursuit of his dream. Isayama's own words were that Levi felt betrayed to learn this about Erwin.

To be clear, Erwin is not being too hard on himself for expressing guilt for this. He's sent scores of people to their deaths who had put their trust in him, specifically because he'd convinced them that the cause they were all putting their lives on the line for was to save humanity. It's deceptive. He should feel guilty about this, as any normal person would.

Now, compare both of those examples to Armin; Armin has the simple dream of getting to the sea. When it comes down to it, Armin chooses to give up that dream of his own volition, without needing someone else to push him into doing so. He automatically prioritizes humanity's victory over his own personal dream without needing to be told. Unlike Erwin.

For Erwin and Eren, what makes the pursuit of their dreams so dangerous—especially in comparison to Kuchel's simple dream of wanting to have her baby—is that it's coupled with an ideology. Both Erwin and Eren are absolutely willing to let scores of people die in pursuit of their own dreams. For Erwin, he knows it's wrong, so to offset the guilt, he convinces himself that it's all in service of humanity.

Q: The decisive battle in Shiganshina District also had another very shocking moment in the form of Erwin's death.

ISAYAMA: I'd made up my mind that Erwin would die there. I'd always wanted to draw Erwin and Levi as having a relationship where they were on equal footing. Erwin joined the Survey Corps out of an innocent desire to know the truth, paired with his feelings of wanting to atone for setting off the chain of events that led to his father's death. Eventually, he finds himself in a position where he's responsible for leading the entire organization forward and wavers between himself as a child who follows his dreams and himself as an adult with responsibilities. In an attempt to compromise, Erwin began to trick himself into working under the false pretense of "doing it for humanity's future," and he never stopped believing that.

This works for years, but that facade starts to crack towards the end of his life, where he is directly making choices in service of his dream rather than humanity's victory. He openly acknowledges this himself during his conversation with Zackly. Their reasoning for staging the coup is different, of course, but Erwin agrees that he's working in his own best interest here.

Given that Erwin begins to question his own motivations after his conversation with Zackly, this is why he asks Levi to take the serum and administer it to whoever Levi sees fit. Note that this is an action Levi is initially confused by, given that Erwin asks him to do so rather than commands it. Erwin is trusting Levi's judgment over his own by entrusting the serum to him. This is important setup for their final one on one conversation together.

When push comes to shove, Erwin wants to do the right thing, but is unable to choose between saving humanity and fulfilling his goal of learning the truth. He can't make that choice for himself. He needs Levi to make it for him.

Q: And when Levi learns that this great man was just as human as himself, he tells Erwin to "Give up on your dreams and die for us." What a cruel decision to make...

ISAYAMA: l'm trying to remember what it was like when I was drawing that part of the story as we speak, and I remember thinking then, "People show their true selves when they're in a situation where they're going to die no matter what happens." For Erwin, this moment where he shows his true self was during the decisive battle in Shiganshina District, where the Beast Titan has them cornered. The person he showed Levi there was someone who wavered between fulfilling his dream of going to the basement and fulfilling his responsibility to fight the Beast Titan until the very end. When Levi saw that, he picked up on the way that Erwin was asking him to say what he said. That's why those words were exactly what Erwin needed to think about the future and give up on his dreams, growing up in the process to become an adult who values his own mission.

Their final conversation is when Levi, for the first time, is finally being able to fully see and accept Erwin as the flawed human being he's always been; where as before, he'd built Erwin up in his own head to be this totally altruistic leader, as referenced by Isayama at the start of this post. The events of the Uprising arc shattered that vision. This final conversation here allows Levi to see the full picture. He sees how Erwin's guilt has been eating at him, he sees his humanity and recognizes that Erwin wants to do the right thing.

When it comes to the decision on who to give the serum to, Kenny's words about needing a dream to drive you is what makes Levi consider Armin. Levi even hesitates and looks over to Armin before Erwin raises his arm in total delirium, where he's reliving the moment that birthed his dream in the first place. Meaning, Erwin being the right choice for humanity is already something Levi was beginning to second guess, but this moment really drives home that even with all that they just went through, Erwin still can't let go of his own personal goal.

This, in combination with the heated conversation he'd just had with Eren about Armin being capable of saving humanity, is why he also thinks back to having overheard Armin's conversation with Eren and Mikasa, where Armin outright said it was a dream of his to reach the sea. It's why he weighs Erwin's dream against Armin's. Again, Armin was willing and able to put personal dreams aside in favor of the altruistic goal the SC stood for without needing to be prompted. In this moment, having to fully acknowledge how hard it was for Erwin to put his dream aside in order to lead the charge against the Beast Titan is what cements it for Levi that Erwin is done as their commander and that it's better to let him rest. This is why he chooses to give the shot to Armin.

The difference between Erwin and Eren is that both humanity's victory and proving his father's theory to be correct are important to Erwin, it's why he can't choose between them during such a crucial moment, even while wanting to do what's right. Eren, on the other hand, prioritizes his idea of freedom over everything else and tries to justify it with false reasonings every step of the way. He puts Mikasa and Armin in more danger than they've ever been in by choosing to go through with the Rumbling, yet claiming that this is all being done to protect them is partially how he manipulates Grisha into doing his bidding. (This difference is key to understanding why Erwin wouldn't have supported the Rumbling, by the way.)

For Eren, he knows what he's doing is wrong as he works towards the goal of enacting the Rumbling. Still, he tries to justify it by saying he's doing it for his friends and to save the island. During their final conversation, Armin is able to push Eren into being honest with him and he finally admits that it was never for those reasons, where as the only other time Eren had been honest about it was when he was apologizing to Ramzi. This is in contrast to Levi's final conversation with Erwin, where we see how Erwin is torn between both goals.

So, for all of the pushback against calling Levi a hero, let me be clear; from a moral perspective, nothing Levi ever did is even remotely comparable to Erwin willingly sending countless people to their deaths on the promise of saving humanity, when it was actually in service of some secret personal agenda they never agreed to. More than that, nothing either Levi or Erwin did even comes close to Eren having a death toll in the billions for the sake of pursuing his own childish idea of what "freedom" is.

The pursuit of their own personal wants come at the cost of others' lives, though, which is a price Erwin and Eren are both willing to pay. So, yeah, Erwin being selfish is not a misconception.

Between Erwin actually showing his humanity—especially after all this build up, where Levi is growing more and more frustrated with Erwin—and Levi seeing for himself how much his guilt is eating at him, Floch specifically saying that he wants Erwin to come back to suffer, and Kenny's words about needing something to drive you... letting Erwin rest is the humane thing to do. It was also the right choice in regards to humanity's victory. Erwin acting in self-interest definitely plays a part in his choice, though, and I wanted to highlight that because it tends to get ignored so that Armin factoring into Levi's choice here can be downplayed, or ignored entirely. Armin does go on to save humanity, just like Eren made the case that he would (a broken clock and all that), so pretending like Levi wasn't always making choices in alignment with that goal is false.

Like you said, the fact that Erwin shows guilt for his actions proves that he wasn't a bad person, and we are clearly shown that both goals are important to him; however, by that same token, we also see that even while watching countless people die by being pummeled by rocks, Erwin already came up with a strategy on how to defeat the Beast Titan and still sat back and watched all of this happen. He doesn't say a word until Levi says he's willing to die fighting the Beast Titan so that they can try to save as many as possible by loading them up on Eren. Meaning, Erwin was, again, prioritizing his dream and, by extension, himself over the SC's goal. This is why Levi lashes out here with the insult:

I think this tends to get overlooked a little bit because Levi saying out of pocket shit is really funny, lol. But he's angry that Erwin has had a strategy for who knows how long and elected to not say anything until the eleventh hour.

And even further than that, Erwin then laments about how their strategy would rely on his death, which means he wouldn't get to see what's in the basement. Which is also something that baffles Levi here that THAT'S what Erwin is so concerned about at a time like this.

It's reasonable to assume that when it comes down to it, you'd be conflicted about your own impending death, of course, and here, he's torn between both goals again. And we also see that he does consider both of those goals to be separate from one another. However, getting to choose between the two was never a courtesy he extended to any of the Scouts he sent to their deaths. The context is different between agreeing to give your life in service of humanity's victory and giving your life in service to someone else having something to prove. How many of them would have agreed to die if they'd known that in the first place? There is most certainly a reason Erwin thinks himself a conman.

As Isayama said, he had to trick himself into thinking everything he did was for the purpose of serving humanity. I really don't think he would have been forced to actually face that truth at all if it hadn't been for Zackly, Pixis and Levi all calling his motives into question back to back. But it's important to understanding why he started trusting Levi's judgment over his own.

And it's also why Levi actually seeing his guilt surrounding all of this in the conversation immediately following the last page I posted above is so important. Like I said, he comes to see the full picture of who Erwin is for the first time and he recognizes that Erwin is trusting his judgment to make the right choice.

I've been working on another post about Erwin's good qualities and how that had a positive effect on Levi, because I think Erwin is one of the most well-written characters in the series, but his self-serving tendencies either seem to be blown out of proportion, or ignored altogether. Like you said, Erwin isn't a bad person, but he is unquestionably a self-serving one. So I wanted to write a post focusing on that first.

To expand on some more of the points:

One key aspect that often gets overlooked in discussions of Erwin’s selfishness is how he initially acquires—and then navigates—the power he wields. As you rightfully noted, Erwin ascended to Commander by uniting people under the call of “serving humanity,” all while privately driven by his father’s theory. It’s important to recognize that Erwin’s personal dream didn’t simply ride along on top of a role he already had; rather, it propelled him into that leadership position in the first place. Erwin’s cunning and sharp intellect earned him influence within the military, but his self-directed motivations were just as integral to that process as any altruistic desire. Many of the Scouts (including Levi) not only respected his results but also conflated his personal ambition with purely heroic ideals—until those ideals began to crack under the pressures of Shiganshina.

What further complicates the morality of Erwin’s character is how institutional responsibilities meld with personal ambition. Erwin doesn’t just have a dream; he has an entire institution (the Survey Corps) aligned behind him, following him into battle, ready to die. People like Pyxis and Zackly see glimpses of his real motives—Zackly even calls them out (as you mentioned)—but the rank-and-file Scouts, for the most part, believe in Erwin’s “for humanity” sales pitch. This dynamic underscores the inherent danger of having a singular, unvoiced motive at the highest level of command: when the commander’s motivations shift, so too does the fate of the entire unit. This tension speaks to a broader Attack on Titan theme: when an institution is built around one charismatic leader’s drive, are the followers ever fully consenting to the real goal? Erwin’s guilt emerges precisely because, deep down, he knows they are not.

Something else worth emphasizing is how Erwin’s moral ambiguity impacts Levi; he’s made brutal choices out of a belief that Erwin had humanity’s best interests in mind. Erwin, by being deceitful about his motives, made Levi complicit toward deaths that resulted from a goal he did not consent to. But unlike Erwin, Levi doesn’t create elaborate justifications or illusions around his decisions. The reveal of Erwin’s motives doesn’t just shake Levi’s faith; it brings the entire premise of the Survey Corps’ leadership into question. Levi’s decisiveness comes from a code that’s grounded in acting on the best available moral choice at the time, even if it’s messy. Erwin, by contrast, has spent years internalizing his selfish side and externalizing the blame for every sacrifice as “necessary for humanity.” He only breaks out of that at the end, essentially outsourcing his final decision to Levi.

And, to elaborate on your point about the Rumbling and how Erwin contrasts with Eren, guilt suggests that Erwin is acutely aware he’s done something morally wrong, whereas Eren’s outward justifications (“for my friends,” “for the island”) were, until the final conversation with Armin, the only way he could cope with his own impending atrocities. Erwin, meanwhile, grapples with his conscience—he doesn’t want to sacrifice the Scouts just for personal satisfaction, yet he also can’t give up that personal motive. This torment is precisely why he effectively hands the serum decision to Levi. Erwin understands that if he’s the one making that judgment, humanity’s best interests might not come out on top. This places him in further contrast to Eren, who specifically avoided involving any of his friends because he didn’t want to be stopped. Erwin did want to be stopped.

Another layer worth expanding on is how Erwin never fully abandons a certain sense of responsibility—he’s torn between letting himself die to achieve a strategic victory vs. satisfying his longing for the basement’s truth. With Eren, that personal want for “freedom” drowns out any notion of responsibility, leaving behind only the veneer of a cause. Erwin, at least, experiences crippling guilt; Eren, by the end, buries it behind layers of rationalization until Armin finally pries out his true feelings. That’s a significant difference in how Isayama treats “selfishness” in two different contexts: Erwin’s version remains entangled with a measure of accountability, whereas Eren attempts to shunt accountability aside until the very last possible moment.

Finally, there’s a powerful irony in Erwin’s describing himself as a con man—someone who must believe his own con for it to work. He isn’t lying purely for personal gain; he’s lying to himself just as much, to justify the costs in blood. That’s why his arc is so poignant: Erwin’s not simply “selfish” in a typical, villainous way. He’s a layered, well-meaning person who got stuck playing two roles—honorable Commander and guilt-ridden son chasing his father’s theory—and Levi’s final decision forcibly ends that duality. This is why Erwin specifically entrusts Levi with the serum: Erwin knows he lacks the genuine moral conviction to pick humanity over himself if the choice is left to him. It’s both a confession and a last show of faith in the one person who sees him for everything he is.