kickin' it

what does it say about us as a culture that most of our microwaves have a dedicated popcorn button

i dont know but whatever it says, its magnified by literally every bag of popcorn saying "don't use the popcorn button"

One of my dissertation mentors turned down a tenure track job because at the interview she was introduced by first name and the men of equal rank were addressed as “Dr.”

i noticed this too even in 2016, when it was always “trump vs hillary™”

f/m shippings are great, heterosexuals just have the most awful taste in heterosexual relationships. why can’t you all be normal and instead of shipping edgy manchild x soon to be house wife, why don’t you ship that has whatever Adam and Morticia from the Adams family has.

me waiting for my mother in the checkout aisle

I am DYING to know what their parents are like that their kids all turned out like this

All you’ve ever wanted was to be feared and rule the world but every villainous act you commit backfires. Steal candy from a baby? Poisoned candy, baby saved. Steal the baby? Abusive parents. Threw a woman off a building? Push she needed to unlock her powers of flight, she’s now your sidekick.

Newly acquired toddler: Mr. Evil man you sure are helping a lot of people. Villain: Finish eating your lunch, Timmy. Daddy’s plotting to overthrow the Big Bank. Sidekick: Oh that’s great, John! They’re so corrupt. I’ll cancel my plans with Linda tonight. She’s gonna love this. Villain: *crumples up evil plans and throws them across the room* DAMMIT!

*the plans land in the recycling bin*

These news programs think they’re slick all the time writing the number out long form rather than like 22.2 billion to make it seem like this impossible inconceivable number at first glance but then you realize we spend 22 billion every couple weeks on things that kill people.

A mood

This is the lonely lesbian version of that emperor that cuts off a piece of his robes to not wake his husband