" i don't think ( ... ) that's what she said , i think .. " they're letting out , wondering if they should even continue that thought - would it be like betraying sydney if they were to tell her business to the rest of them ? excluding carmy , of course . " nevermind , forget i said anything . " billie's words come out as something quick , shaking their head - nose scrunching as their arms are crossed against their chest , watching the shitshow right in front of them .
they're somewhat contented , although , leaning against the wall as they're watching everything unfold , it really makes billie feel bad for carmy - mostly because they knew how much she really meant to him , even if he didn't say it . which was something that they were observant of , but they weren't commenting on their alleged relationship solely for the sake of professionalism in the workplace , something they really knew all too well , in fact . ( thanks to their advanced years of working in an office , they have no idea why they'd leave that for the food industry , but there they are . )
billie does feel bad to see carmy like this , they really do . it's not his fault that this is happening , however , they feel like instead of acting this way - he could celebrate a new beginning , however , they know that it's not going to end up that way & nonetheless , billie would have to keep silent on their own opinions following the concern riddled on their face . the more he goes on , the more they notice that his voice is audibly cracking - that's where they feel even worse , to know that he's hurting & they can't really do anything about it because of their semi close friendship to sydney , which , they've already celebrated that new beginning with her beforehand . a sigh left their lips , head swung along the wall , wondering how long this tirade would happen , not that they were tired of it , but they just wanted to have some sort of civil conversation with him & hopefully calm him down , if they could .
with every tenor of his voice becoming more & more , it makes them flinch - even more so than they did when they stepped inside of the kitchen , taking note of the mess . the impact of sydney's departure really fucked him up , they can see that now - & that's why they aren't saying anything else on the matter because they know that it would make him unravel even more , that's not something they want from him , at all . who cares if he's an asshole ? billie still has a big enough heart to care about their boss , they wouldn't want anyone to go through what he's going through .
the question looming around in the air , it really makes billie think . she didn't bail , she didn't do anything that convinced her of much , or so they thought . words bringing billie back to the reality of things , swallowing that dry lump that's forming in their throat , contemplating on what to say , really . if they were to object , would it hurt his feelings anymore than the whole thing did ? if they were to just sit back & watch this all crumble down , would they feel better about themselves ? probably not .
billie feels like they can't even say words to him , much less even interrupt his train of thought to say something in common retort because they don't want to get into an argument with him , not when he's like this - it's like he's some newfound monster that's just been awakened for the first time , searching for that first bit of food to merely survive .
thing is , billie does feel some sort of compassion for carmy , not because of this whole thing that they're watching & would gladly call it a temper tantrum , but it's because carmy's lost a part of himself that he didn't know that he had until sydney came along & changed his world completely , it seemed . that gleam in his eyes , the short lived smile on his face , the way that he was calmer in her presence because she made things calmer for him - because she understood him in ways that no one else could .
a short lean over , billie's clearing their throat , attempting to meet the gaze of richie in their presence - contemplating on if they should even bring it up or even ask the question that's currently on their mind & if it would make some difference - but they know that it wouldn't .
" should i try & help clean up ? " they're asking the taller man , conflicted by the feeling they're having internally , although , wanting to distract themselves of it by doing something else instead of watching carmy emotionally torture himself - that's not something that they'd want to see , however , they can't entirely comment on it because they know the position that she was in , the one that prompted her to leave the bear completely .
watching carmy like this feels like torture .
they know it , but they can't stop watching it , it's like some godawful telenovela that they can't change or get their eyes off . billie knows how much sydney meant to the bear , how much she meant to carmy himself , though , was it worth throwing everything away that they've all built ?
the more they watch this , the more it feels like their own heart is breaking , like it's their own breakup happening , but it isn't . it's his & all they want to do is make him feel better - nonetheless , they know that they can't because the only person that he trusts completely is gone .
