Ligeia Grew Ill

Like Vhagar from last week would be saying: I’m finally free of that one eyed mummy’s boy, I’m gonna light up the Riverlands while on a bender celebrating 🥳 I miss my girls Visenya and Laena.

Caraxes is back at the dragon pit gossiping with Syrax: like yeah Daemon didn’t even know Rhaena was still in the Vale til I brought him to her in this cave, then he let her fly off with this mangey stray called Sheepstealer. Like bro wtf?!

Syrax: oh shit, my Rhaenyra is gonna be pissed when she finds out. Wasn’t Sheepstealer the bitch that got Vermax and Jace killed? Think they’ll break up again and we won’t see each for a while?

Dreamfyre chimes in: at least you get to leave this fucking cave, I’ve been stuck here since Princess Rhaena died. Helaena never takes me anywhere.

Sunfyre from the distance: everyone keeps saying I’m dead and letting strangers touch and climb all over me but I’m just napping after that huge fight. I swear I’m gonna eat all these fuckers when I get up.

Like I said, the museum was a pretty snotty institution. It’s got a LOT of objects it’s way famous for possessing, but nobody knew about the absolutely massive collection of Moche erotic pottery it had because the curators were totally embarrassed by this stuff.

Some examples:

Pretty hot shit, right? They never, ever put any of this stuff on public view or published it in any catalogues but - we legit had like several hundred pieces of Moche ceramics in the “dirty pots” category. Anyway, I was left alone to just do my job with regard to the database for several years, ok? And I figured, well, these’re accessioned objects in the museum’s collection - better get down to bidness. 

I catalogued every goddamn bestiality, necrophiliac, cocksucking, buttfucking, detached penis, and giant vulva drinking cup in that collection. I’d be like, 

A drinking vessel in form of a standing man wearing a tunic and cap. He holds an oversized erection in his hands and stares into the distance (note I did not say “like he’s hella-constipated”). The vessel has a hole at both the tip of the penis as well as around the rim of the figure’s head, thus forcing the drinker to drink only from the penis or risk spilling wine all over themselves from the top of the vessel. Red and orange slip covers the surface of the piece.

Pretty straightforward, right? Apparently the deep seated fear of these objects that the curators exhibited was meant to spread to me as well, but - no one ever gave me that memo, because I guess Midwesterners reproduce asexually. When the curators understood that I had catalogued all of these objects in addition to the other, non-sexy pieces in the collection, they were apparently livid, but knew they had no legs to stand on in terms of getting pissed at me for it. 

I visited the museum’s online public access database a few years back and - every single description I wrote of these pieces has been totally neutered to say something like Male figural vase. 

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

One of them said something like, "it doesn't bother me that [Friend] was in residential mental health treatment, I just wish they wouldn't talk about it ALL the time".

The other replied, "Well, that was all of last year for them. So when they say 'when I was in treatment,' it's like when you say 'last year'."

Every time I hear the internet has a new vampire they're horny for I get my hopes up thinking about this kinda shit and it just. Never is. Not even fucking close

Me an intellectual looking at his eligible bachelor son: