Writing to Change the World

Grey’s Anatomy celebrated its 300th episode last night and I’m still in my feelings about it. I haven’t watched it, and I don’t know if I will, but for the first time in a long time, I am tempted.

I watched 196 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy before quitting. My first live episode was episode five of the first season. I was 14 and in 8th grade. I watched it with my mom on a recommendation from a friend. I did not realize that 13 years later (OMG!), I would still have very strong feelings about a freaking television show, and would be opining about them on my blog.

My last episode was the season 9 finale. I made it through ferry boats, houses made from candles, the Meredith and Derek tap dance, a shooting at the hospital, Addison showing up, Addison leaving, Callie taking Meredith’s panties off a bulletin board to protect her, a vet played by the same dude who played Robin in that heinous Batman movie, Rose (I MADE IT THROUGH ROSE), a writer’s strike, a sink hole, George getting hit by a bus, Callie making stupid decisions with Mark, a musical episode, a Jessica Capshaw pregnancy that led to Arizona going to Africa, Callie making more stupid decisions with Mark, Callie almost dying, Mark actually dying, Lexi dying, did Izzie also die?, and a motherfucking plane crash.

I fell in love with this show because of the culture it created. One of the reasons we have so much more diversity on television today, is because of what Grey’s Anatomy did 13 years ago. The moment when Izzie brings Cristina down to talk to a Chinese woman who doesn’t speak English because Cristina is also Asian and Cristina just looks at Izzie and says, “I’m Korean” is pure amazing. Miranda Bailey being the best freaking resident as a black woman laid the foundation for a character like Olivia Pope to melt the internet.

But what I really loved Grey’s for was Callie Torres and Arizona Robbins. I will never forget Arizona marching into the bathroom in episode 14 of season 5 and cheering up Callie. She tells her all kinds of things that I can’t remember and then kisses her right on the lips. For a queer kid who had loved this show for years, come out, and was dating another fanfic writer, this was magic. I had never seen queer female characters outside of The L Word (I missed the Buffy train).

I saw so much of myself in both of these characters and it was the first time that I had ever seen positive representation of queer women. It wasn’t perfect, but it was monumental. That is why when Arizona cheated on Callie at the end of season 9, 196 episodes into this series, I turned my back on Grey’s and never went back.

Grey’s has never really done right by its characters. It’s the type of show that we all roll our eyes at because it’s fucking bonkers. There are amazing moments, but no one who should have ended up together did so, including Meredith and Derek. Some of that was due to off screen drama (looking your way, Patrick Dempsey, Isaiah Washington, and Katherine Heigl), and some of it was just because. That totally fucked with the show. For example, the fact that the reunion with Mark and Lexi was like while they were both dying was ridiculous. Cristina and Burke should have been together. Derek probably should still have been alive. Oh, and Arizona never would have cheated on Callie, what the fuck happened to “good man in a storm?!” She literally broke her vows in the middle of a god damn storm!

I’m sorry. I’m still really mad about this.

My point is that even five years later, I’m still mad about this. And part of that is because there still aren’t enough characters like Callie and Arizona on television. Even now, almost a decade since the two of them got together, the representation for queer women in relationships on network television is scant. And like, they die way too often, so the fact that Callie is not dead should make me feel better I suppose. Though I’m still mad that viewers never got the calzone resolution we deserved because the writers dicked around for too long and Sara Ramirez left after season 12. I can’t remember if I cried about Calzona being probably done forever, but my soul did.

Idk. The fact that this show is still alive (and well) after 13 seasons is nuts. 300 episodes when shows rarely get to 100 these days is amazing. And it gave us Shonda (and Krista Vernoff), and proves that diversity can drive fan bases and that women are amazing content creators. So like, I guess I can’t be that mad. I don’t know what I’m trying to say with this long ass ramble about a show I don’t watch anymore.

Is it too cliché to say that I love it so much it hurts?

Trans folks always been out here. So proud to part of Lex’s Story.