now here in the year 2021. lumipas ang isang taon na hindi ako nakabalik sa pagsusulat dito. kasi ambagal ng nakaraang taon ngunit napakabilis din, maraming nangyari at patuloy lang akong nagpaagos sa daloy ng oras. 

nandito ako para isipin yung gagawin ko para sa una ko’ ng solo show. thought about this a lot over the years, it was always on my goals, but i didnt think i have anything to say yet, and i didnt really have a style or ewan. basta madaming anxiety and self-doubt. but not that deep na dark shit naman. i just thought i wasnt ready pa.

now i got a slot ang im so nervous! and happy! and excited! i hope i get to do well. i dont want to put a lot of pressure on myself regarding this, but i do hope na maganda at maayos ang output ko since ito ang magiging una <3 im just happy im in a place where i think ill be able to organize my thoughts and translate them into a tangible material. im so excited actually!

disclaimer: di pa tapos itong entry. edit ko pa to. hahahaaha

holi shiet di ko akalain na yung pinakahintay-hintay ko na mangyayari sa date na 5th of november ay ito pa.

sa matimpiin, sa kalye ng dati naming bahay. yung dati ko/naming dollhouse biglang nagkatotoo...

isa, dalawa, tatlong kwartong magkakatabi na punong-puno ng mga damit. itong lahat yung laman ng sewing kit namin na ginawa kong lalagyan ng damit ng barbie noon. lahat ng kulay, uri ng tela, pakiramdam kapag hinawakan. yung mga fur jackets, shawl, patterned floral dress. blankets and sea of tela. kaya ako nasimula sa pagtatahi dahil gusto ko magkaron ng ibang style ng damit si barbie, kasi mahal bumili ng mga dress kapag sa toy kingdom. pero masaya naging epekto nun, natuto akong gumawa ng paraan at magkaroon ng ideya ng design. sobrang galing na nakita ko yun. sobrang in awe lang talaga ako sa experience. ang lambot, ang lambot ng lahat. ngayon ko lang nagets yung super soft. super soft talaga. na-hug ko yung isang stuffed animal sa bed ni mithi. isa syang unicorn. first time ko naisip na may magic pala talaga ang unicorns..

kahit yung mga babasagin, ganito lahat yung gamit ng barbie ko noon. sobrang galing na naexperience ko sya ngayon. 

hindi ko akalain na lahat ng pagrerehearse namin noon ng “party all the time” house keme keme ng mga barbies, magkakaroon talaga ng live version. ito na yun, ito yung moment na pinaghahandaan namin.

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key points:

A strange satisfying discovery has now appeared itself. I’ve recently found myself back into film photography, and I could not be more excited to start shooting again. It’s been 5 years since I stopped practicing. I wanted to play with it and find new ways to explore the medium. And so the next thing I know is that I’m at the street outside clutching 2 film cameras and an umbrella. Now, I got to shoot in the morning! It’s a whole new experience. My heart is racing as I’m writing this.

I am not a morning person as much as I truly want to be. I always wake up late, so day by day, I keep on extending the hours just so I can have more time to kill. Mainly doing things to feel productive. So today, as I walked outside I realized things that I’m constantly missing: the smell of breakfast, the quiet yet busy feeling, children in uniforms and the abundance of yellow vehicles, closed storefronts in daylight. I find all of these interesting. More so because it was actually drizzling, and I found everything seeming as if they have just been baptized by the cloudy skies. The many kind of plants I passed by are all dotted with small bits of water. The flowers’ colours look brighter and more saturated. My feet are wet because of the wet pavement but I didn’t care. Everything is misty.

Seeing all of this has brought something very exhilarating in my caffeinated self. Walking alone in a random pace and just observing things along the way felt like something that I constantly need to experience! I felt so calm and happy and peaceful and contented in the present. Something that I feel like I need to do as frequent as possible.