she might never shake off the guilt completely. it always seems to grip her even tighter when she steps foot in beacon hills. when it's an isolated incident, it's easier to chalk it up to something that will never happen again. something she can eventually forgive herself for & move on from. but what happened with her best friend, what she thought was the first & last time she'd try to hurt someone she loves, turned out to only be the first of many incidents. she doesn't care to reminisce about almost hurting her dad, or scott, or herself because her mind had slipped away from her. but she's grateful lydia doesn't hold a grudge. " you're just saying that because you get to play the you almost killed me card with me forever. " she grins, though something softer stays in her gaze. " i just need you to be safe. " & maybe neither of them have the guarantee she will be – but this is a good place to start taking some control into their hands. " yeah, for starters. but you're going to throw several at a tree, actually. we'll need to work on your strength, speed & accuracy. " she goes on, pulling out four more daggers from the bag & moving to stand at her side. chin nudges towards lydia's soon to be target. " give it a go, no pointers. let's see what we're working with. "

because my friends muses need therapy. will they get it? absolutely not. 

AVOIDING THE TERRIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN:  

“  yeah i’m pissed off but i’d rather not talk about it.  that’s why you’re the one i came to.  ”

“  i’m not looking for a friend.  i’m looking for someone just as angry as i am.  ”

“  i’m not good at caring about people’s shit on purpose.  ”

“  i’m not gonna ask if ‘you’re okay’ cause that’s fuckin’ annoying.  you wanna get the hell out of here and do something?  ”  

 “  i don’t wanna talk about it. you got a beer?  ”  

“  upset?  why would i be upset?  ”

“  so you wanna go find something to break?  ”  

“  hey you want me to kill that guy for you?  ”

“  i just need to get this shit done.  and i trust you to help me do that.  ”  

“  you’re hot.  and i’m bored.  ”  

“  can we just have some meaningless sex we can both pretend didn’t happen tomorrow morning?  ”

“  i can think of at least a dozen people that need killing.  or a light beating.  will that cheer you up?  ”

“  i’ve a got job and i think you’d be the perfect fit.  so you in?  ”

“  yeah i don’t do the whole crying thing.  give me something to stab and i’ll be good in a day or two.  ”

“  i banged it out and now i feel great.  next question.  ”

“  if i think about it,  i get angry.  and i don’t know where that anger stops.  so i’d rather not start at all.  ”

VARIOUS SENTENCES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO DEPTH U COWARDS: 

“  if you’re gonna stay here you can’t be sober so either take the fruity beer or the shitty wine or let me be vibe in peace.  ”

“  how much insect essence do you think are in every square inch of chocolate? like just how many cockroach guts have i consumed with my hershey’s? ” 

“  you should’ve seen the look on their face.  it’s been so long since i’ve made someone that fuckin’ angry it was great.  ” 

“  i have this neighbor who keeps playing driver’s license at 10 a.m. every morning and i’m starting to question if it’s a sixteen year old getting over a breakup or a 36 year old trying to reclaim their childhood. at this point the mystery is the only thing keeping me going.  ”

“  do i trust you?  absolutely not.  next question.  ”

“  if i don’t get a nap in the next hour i’ll probably murder someone.  ”

“  you’re getting that look in your eyes like you’re about to ask me what’s wrong so i’m gonna save us both the awkwardness of finding an excuse to leave and just go now.  ”

“  i’m here to raid your fridge cause my date went really bad and all i’ve had is lukewarm water and breadsticks.  ”

“  i’m making a fake tinder profile to see how gullible guys are, wanna help?  ”   

“  hey i got something for you look!  ”   *holds up middle finger* 

U MIGHT GET PUNCHED: 

“  why are you really here?  ”

“  i’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on.  ”

“  you can’t solve every problem with your fists.  ”  

“  i’m not here to talk about me.  what the hell is going on with you?  ”

“  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ”   

“  i can see beneath your smile.  ”

“  why won’t you just tell me the truth?  ”

“  what are you hiding? and don’t you dare try to lie to me. ”

“  what the hell did you do?  ”

dialogue prompts from you made a fool of death with your beauty by akwaeke emezi.

i didn't mean to trade war stories. i'm sorry.

i'm sorry for the hurt that lives in your heart.

i wish i could tell you it gets easier.

did you ever love again?

there's no such thing as an inappropriate question.

you don't mind being watched?

you always seem so alone.

i've never hidden who i am from you.

i'd like to think that we're becoming friends.

there are so many different types of love. different types of ways to stay committed.

this is the most bisexual conversation i've had in a long time.

you're being secretive, even for you.

we're friends first, right?

i didn't realize you were sappy like that.

of course you're on time when food's involved.

you look like a troublemaker.

it would be ridiculous to be jealous of a ghost.

there are moments that break timelines.

i have to lock up. for real, this time.

you look like you're about to assassinate someone.

something inside me just never stopped screaming.

when did hell freeze over? did i miss the memo?

you think i'd let someone else cook a dinner in my house?

i want to be someone i can recognize.

grief can feel like a lifetime of venom, spikes piercing through us.

what i really want to do is curl up in bed and cry.

no, i'm not awake. i'm sleep-talking.

i don't think i've ever seen you actually drunk.

you're lucky to have me, voice of reason and perspective.

if i keep moving, i won't have time to think.

there are some things that need to stay and die in last night.

you can put me down now.

when you held me, i thought i was going to break.

can't we just skip the talking part?

was it just a kiss for you?

i only ask one thing: don't lie to me.

i will hold anything you tell me with care. just please let it be the truth.

i don't know how to say what i want. it's like i've got all these voices yelling at me about how mad and fucked up it all is.

i'm terrified i'll say something and you'll look at me like i'm out of my mind.

i like being alone next to you. like our alones might walk side by side.

you are so generous with your heart.

you were like light. i couldn't help but turn my face to you, if i wanted to keep living.

i've spent a significant amount of time trying to change my feelings into something else, but i can't.

i am so tired of denying myself.

it's ridiculous how much i love watching you smile.

i can feel you staring, you know.

you okay? where did you go?

tell me what you're feeling. i'll take whatever it is, over you pushing me away.

i don't want to go back there. it feels like a place that could eat me alive if i did, even just by talking about it.

you have me for as long as you want, however much or as little as you want. i'm not going anywhere.

i have a hard time processing platonic affection.

you're messing with me. you've gotta be messing with me.

you know you can always just come home, right?

i guess 'messy and alive' is a good way to put it.

would you like to go on a walk? i have something to show you.

i've never done anything to hurt you, have i?

don't even say my name. keep it out of your mouth.

i want you to be okay, more than anything. tell me what you need.

i'm here. why are you trying to make me go away?

what will you do when you get tired of me?

i can still feel the shape of the hole left in my heart.

you're always so angry when you're in pain.

i'm here to take whatever spikes you throw at me, always. forever.

i appreciate your concern, but let me take care of myself. okay?

do what you gotta do to be happy.

this shit you want to know, it doesn't belong to you. it's not your business.

i love how you lean into grief and somehow use it to become even more alive.

i'm happy just to be with you, however you'll have me.

¹⁾ a rural gas station in the middle of the night

²⁾ the last room at a drive-in motel in the small hours of the morning

³⁾ a cold, draughty church on a thursday night

⁴⁾ a stranger’s bedroom at noon

⁵⁾ a window seat on a red-eye flight during a storm

⁶⁾ a hospital waiting room with only one other person in it

⁷⁾ a sleeper train eight hours from its destination

⁸⁾ the first night in a new house, alone

⁹⁾ the steps of a wedding chapel in the rain

¹⁰⁾ a dingy truck stop after ten hours on the road

¹¹⁾ a divorce attorney’s office on valentine’s day

¹²⁾ the beach at ten on a monday morning

¹³⁾ a police station in a foreign country

¹⁴⁾ a coffee shop at two in the morning

¹⁵⁾ a concert venue, hours after the band’s set has finished

¹⁶⁾ a boat miles from land in any direction

¹⁷⁾ the third highest floor in a skyscraper

¹⁸⁾ the end of the line at a b-list movie star’s meet-and-greet

¹⁹⁾ a bar an hour after last call

²⁰⁾ an overgrown garden in a heatwave

²¹⁾ a car park lit only by streetlamps

²²⁾ a film set two days from the end of production

²³⁾ a graveyard in spring

²⁴⁾ the lap of someone who’s been gone for too long