self-acceptance

I have always known that I was queer and in college I kind of came to the conclusion that I am bi-sexual. I genuinely find both men and women intoxicating. I just have more practice confessing my attraction for men and not women. I mean I've had some experiences but nothing beyond flirting and talking about exploring a connection. At 31, I think I am ready embrace my whole self and stop living in my head. I heard someone say just yesterday, in summary, that in order for one to truly know themselves they have to live out their lives, truly. I typically live in my head and fantasize about men and women. I have acted out just about every fantasy I've had of encounters with men but never women. I acknowledge the inherent privilege that I have but I also have a right to know who I am without inhibition. Words that had never really occurred to apply to me like "heteronormative" all of sudden are revealing how much of myself is beneath the surface still. I am an ocean of life, emotion, and breathe. This awakening not only has revolutionized my love life but my academic and political life. My natural affinity for Black women and our plight has more bite to it. I mean that I have been reading Audre Lorde with a more open heart and mind. I've "discovered" the Combahee River Collective. I'm currently reading, Inside the Black Whole: A Queer Black Feminist Retrospective by Shoniqua Roach. I've been thinking about the woman that I currently have a crush on all week - whom I've been semi-scretly building the nerve to ask out on a coffee date. (lol). I've never asked anyone out before by the way. She literally is beautiful. Ethereal.