soulbound

what kind of question was that? for all things seemed like they had finally fallen into place, xie lian felt as though he was still grasping for something missing. “my...coronation parade?” the memory was a little clearer than the others, but they didn’t set the bar very high to begin with. xie lian searched hua cheng’s gaze inquisitively, forgetting where they were and how close they were for the moment. “i...dropped my mask.” he remembered several things dropping, but that was the most important one. “we had to stop. mother and father weren’t very happy.” that was the only reason the memory stood out -- disappointing his parents had been his only regret. otherwise, the whole affair had been grandiose to the point of embarrassing. xie lian bit his lip. “why?”

“biased,” xie lian huffed, but he could not deny the warmth that hua cheng’s tone seeped his heart in. he reached up and caught hua cheng’s hand before the other could lower it, his thumb rubbing warmth into hua cheng’s palm. it was a dazed motion, like xie lian expected to blink away from a dream at any time, but hua cheng remained in front of him, real, solid. “you’ve lived nearly as long as i have. tell me there aren’t some things that slip your recollection too,” he murmured.

he felt warm, like all the cold he’d carried through the rubble of his kingdom and all those starving streets and that awful, awful lake was being slipped off of him. he couldn’t name it, but something seemed to finally slot into place. xie lian exhaled shakily, his lower back bumping into the edge of something -- the table, likely -- and prompting him to break the kiss to catch his breath. his unfocused gaze chose to anchor on hua cheng’s collarbone. “hua cheng,” he said, words meek but decided. “i’m not very smart, am i?”

he leaned in first this time, and none of his ascensions could hold a candle to when he granted hua cheng’s request a second time. it was an exceedingly gentle kiss, almost shy. he could feel his hands shaking, and he gripped one of them in the loose fabric of hua cheng’s outer robe.

there was no opportunity to respond before hua cheng’s lips were on his, and xie lian's noise of surprise was muffled by the kiss. hua cheng’s lips were soft, cold but with the promise of warmth, but xie lian jerked back almost as quickly as hua cheng had leaned in. “what-- why would you--” he felt miserable for how much he wanted to flee and how much he wanted to simply forget what meanings meant, for hua cheng to simply do it again. “don’t mock my feelings, san lang, please.”

at that response, xie lian’s lips twitched into a deeper frown. “san lang, no more games. i asked you to be truthful with me.”

xie lian blinked. he stared at hua cheng, and then he blinked again, like it might disrupt the veil of the dream that this surely had to be. “because you wanted to,” he echoed slowly. "that-- that’s it?” had the kiss simply been a whim for hua cheng, when it had been xie lian’s first? hurt pricked at him, and he was sure his tone was loudly proclaiming it.

“because--” xie lian cut himself off tightly, feeling as though he was getting nowhere. conversing with hua cheng often felt like that night in the gambler’s den, only able to see the vaguest shape of the other through the crimson red veneer, but never the finer details. “is it only the undead whose affection you don’t need, then? why have you been travelling with me? why have you been helping me? why did you kiss me in that lake?” and there, it was out. xie lian was beyond flustering -- he simply wanted to know.

was that meant to make it better? xie lian’s flush was growing worse, but he couldn’t find it in him to put any distance between them either. there’d been a pull about hua cheng since xie lian first encountered him on that road -- as if they hadn’t met, but rather met again. as if xie lian had known him for lifetimes and lifetimes past already. “and i assure you, i’ve done nothing to deserve such a promise,” he said quietly, looking up at hua cheng. “really, san lang. all i’ve done is caused chaos in your realm and... destroyed your armory.” he winced, remembering all of the precious weapons that had been lost just like that, mere moments after san lang gifted them to him.

xie lian did stumble forward, but hua cheng’s turn of phrase stoppered the retort that had been on the tip of his tongue. “when you say it like that--” he mumbled, his grip easing on the other man’s sleeve. he couldn’t look at hua cheng suddenly, struck by the same feelings that had stung him when hua cheng kissed him in that lake. when hua cheng joked about marriage. when hua cheng laughed it off so easily. “you’ve just done so much for me already, is all. it’s...to the point where i don’t know if i can ever repay you.”

xie lian sputtered, spinning around and grabbing the other man’s hand without really thinking. “san lang, please--” when he realized just what he’d done, he almost threw off hua cheng’s arm in panic-- only to remember his manners just in time. he cleared his throat, resolutely ignoring the flush that had bloomed in his cheeks. “please give me the broom.”

xie lian had turned his attention to start a pot of boiling water, trusting hua cheng to be able to find a seat alone, but clearly he’d placed too much faith in the famed ghost king. at the sound of bristles sweeping along the floor, he turned and was immediately dismayed by the sight of hua cheng, his guest, cleaning. “san lang!” the pot was promptly abandoned. “give that to me, what did i just say.” he planted himself in front of hua cheng, thrusting out a hand for the broom.

“absolutely not,” xie lian chided as he brought over a basket of vegetables. he made sure to place it on the side of the sink away from hua cheng, recalling all the times hua cheng had found ways to weasel past him. “you’re my guest, san lang. please just sit.” he gestured to the table before tugging his sleeves back as well. he extended his hand, and ruoye unraveled from his wrist and loftily made his way to join e-ming. xie lian resolved to keep a side eye on those two.  “mung bean soup, how does that sound?” he asked, smiling cheerfully at hua cheng.

hua cheng’s answer gave him pause, and xie lian hesitated before he finally slipped his hat off with a chuckle. “i... yes, i suppose i did. you are welcome, please don’t be mistaken!” but i was expecting you to seek me in emergencies... surely hua cheng had urgent business running his realm than visiting his dianxia who did not really feel he fit the title anymore. “i, ah-- i just really wasn’t expecting to have anyone over, so please excuse the mess.” xie lian hurried next to the small kitchen, trying to recall the last time he’d gone out for supplies. it wasn’t as recent as he’d like, but he could make something, he was sure. “when did you arrive? would you like something to eat?”

he allowed his bamboo hat to slip back as he ducked into puqi shrine, a small sigh fluttering past his lips at the shade. only then, he was quite dumbfounded to see an surprising but not unwelcome figure of red. “san lang,” xie lian called, his steps quickening. the shrine was in its typical state of disarray, and he was mortified to see san lang lounging on a mat when clutter laid so close to him. “has something happened in the ghost city? are you all right?”

keep steady. it can only be cultivation that brings him here. wei wuxian’s thumb strokes circles over a-yuan’s rumpled clothes. surely lan wangji must go on his way soon, and so must they -- yet wei wuxian cannot bring his feet to take the first step away.