I was scrolling through tiktok and found the translation of Ado's note to her parents in a random comment section.
"Papa, Mama. You may have been shocked when you read the novel. It must have hurt you."
"Even though you told me 'I love you' many times, and I know you raised me with care in your own way, I still hate myself. I continue to hate myself. I'm sorry."
"Sometimes, from behind the door of the room where I lived alone, I could hear the sounds of your lives."
"Mama's heavy footsteps. The sound of a glass on the table. Variety shows playing on TV, your laughter, and sometimes your loud arguments."
"I was always on edge, afraid one of you might suddenly open the door in a bad mood."
"There are many things I remember."
"Mama watching me struggle because I couldn't even tie a ribbon properly."
"Papa shouting, 'If you keep reading things like that you'll turn out bad!' when I was reading a manga biography."
"The kitchen with a metallic smell."
"The meat sauce pasta thrown into a trash bag."
"Papa apologizing to me with a lonely expression while Mama stayed in her room."
"And the words: 'Ao-chan can't do anything."
"The useless me. The incapable me."
"The Ao-chan who can't do anything."
"Why am I me? Why was I even born?"
"When I faced myself, I felt pathetic, sad, bitter, frustrated, and hurt."
"So I escaped into the closet and sang."
"I created a boundary called 'Ado' and hid myself inside that room."
"The memories of the three of us as a family are treasures."
"There are many warm and joyful memories, and remembering them hurts because we can't go back."
"I'm sorry I didn't start walking until I was two."
"I'm sorry I lost my shoes so many times."
"I'm sorry I kept riding in a stroller even when I was already big."
"You bought me so many things. Toys, clothes, DVDs, beautiful dresses. The house was always full of my things."
"Mama grilled mochi for me even when the house was messy, but I took one bite and ran off to play. I'm sorry."
"I tried to cook and served you raw carrots that didn't taste good."
"I even gave the cookies meant for guests to neighborhood kids."
"At Toshimaen I got lost many times. Everything felt so big, and I was scared when I couldn't find you."
"You bought me Tom and Jerry DVDs. Papa liked Droopy."
"You drove me everywhere in the yellow car with Disney music playing."
"You even took my friends along on trips."
"At night you made the ceiling look like a planetarium."
"I loved the yellow futon. Thank you for singing me original lullabies."
"When I didn't want to go to kindergarten... when I was afraid to enter my middle school classroom... when I screamed 'I don't want to go, thank you for never giving up on me."
"Even after I became an adult, thank you for taking me to the zoo."
"I can't forget the orange sunset on the way home."
"That's why growing up feels sad."
"It's scary to keep getting bigger."
"Where am I supposed to go home to at the end of each year?"
"When I see Mama again after a long time, what should we talk about?"
"Papa sends me birthday presents every year, but I don't know how I should receive them."
"I don't know how to face these memories."
"But someday, I want to accept the self you cherished as 'myself.'"
"No matter how big the name Ado becomes, I hope you will continue to see me as your daughter."
"I was the one who ran away from Ao-chan."
"You never abandoned the incapable Ao-chan, but I did."
"Even so, someday I want to like myself."
"Just as you loved me, I want to learn to cherish myself too."
"Until that day comes, I will keep living in my own way."
I literally cried when I saw this.