nothing to see here, just mental illness

howl’s moving castle

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Common Grackle, 7/10

La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.

Tennessee Warbler, 2/10

You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.

Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10

You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.

Gray Catbird, 5/10

Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.

Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10

You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.

Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10

A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.

Blue Jay, 12/10

If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.

Honorable mention:

Turkey Vulture, 5/10

그 밤 함께걸었던 우리 발을 맞추고 긴긴 얘길 나누던 우리 그 밤 둘이라는건 점점 떨림이 되고 긴긴 아쉬움을 남기던 우리

그 밤 길을 잃은 우리 잘 안보이던 너의 마음을 더듬거리던 나

그 밤 까만 어둠에 가려져 깨끗이 보지 못했던 흐릿하던 니 얼굴이 난 궁금하지가 않아 어떠한 표정도 너와 잘 어울리지 않아 그냥 알고싶지 않아

그 밤 까만 어둠에 뒤섞여 또렷이 듣지 못했던 웅성거리던 니 말이 난 궁금하지가 않아 어떠한 말들도 너와 잘 어울리지 않아 그냥 알고싶지 않아

그 밤 처럼 나란히 걷던 우리를 생각하곤 해 그 때 처럼 여전히 나는 너의 마음이 궁금하지 않아

________

That night we walked together we fell into pace and had a long conversation that night we were two, little by little I was quivering, we felt something was missing

That night we got lost I couldn’t see your heart well, I fumbled for it

That night we were covered by a black darkness we couldn’t see clearly I wasn’t curious about your blurry face no expression suits you I just don’t want to know

That night we were mixed up in a black darkness we couldn’t hear clearly I wasn’t curious about your noisy words no words suit you I just don’t want to know