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Oh my god... I don't even have the words for this new Caleb card. Love which deftly counters Transhumanist thought.
These are my rushed thoughts after playing, spoilers below for Vinesurge Instinct:
The connection between vines and wires?! What a beautiful metaphor that drives into the heart and soul of CalebMCâI'll be honest, I was really scared this card would be lacking because I've been in a creative slump for Caleb but I think this revitalized me.
Baring his mechanical arm to MC, the parts which he had thought would bring her discomfort and telling her the contents of himself and how he feels as she interacts with each one... it was so beautifully intimate.
Is it possible for a robot to feel?
Probably. They might even be capable of dreaming.
Caleb has been stripped of his humanity by EVER, the coldness that pervades him causes him to avoid sharing his affections with MC.
He's about to smooth my windblown hair with his right hand. But when his fingers touch me, he switches to his left hand.
He believes there is a divide between human nature and the industrial. They may coexist under the constraint of EVER, he exists after all, but when it comes down to his sister he refuses to let them intertwine. She is something greater than mankind, something unbound by fateâor that's what he hopes.
They ascended past the rules everyone thought were absolute.
These overgrown vines wrapped around the steelânature prevails! Love transcends everything, it is the essence of humanity and it pervades through all things alive and that seek to live.
And love, love to Caleb is MC, who exists in the contents of his right arm. Love which he has voluntarily built into himself. The wires which turn into vines in warmth, coldness replaced by each other's blood and flesh.
Caleb responds like it's nothing important. But when he looks at the part again, there's an unmistakable tenderness.
It's the same one he always has when he looks at me.
There is nothing that can escape love, and Caleb doesn't fear it. He runs into it knowing now that she may even love the parts of himself that are missing.
Throughout the card being cold is synonymous with being scared, Caleb interprets her shivering as wishing to pull back. But she quickly clears things up with him by diving into the deep end of what he previously refused to acknowledge: his lacking. Which she fills, either by his hand (the backup in his arm) or with her own agency (as she explores his prosthetic).
Steel is also cold without blood or life, yet it feels.
It wasn't a glitch. Those "malfunctions" were your feelings for the plant.
This is Caleb confessing that even after all that was taken from him he still harbored intense emotions. The heart is something no one can remove from youâit is your core, your dreams, your feelings.
My left hand feels your warmth and softness. And my right... picks up all your vital signs.
Life that remains! Life that grows! Life that invades cold bodies to bring it warmth! This is not Caleb being ignorant of death, it is him clawing out of it. The backup in his armâlife that prevails.
If there's one instinct driving everything on this island... Its name must be love.
Life and love coexist even in the face of industry and technology. Because love gives life the strength to continue.
Don't overthink. Your plant's tougher than you give it credit for. It can stay with you.
You are stronger than you think, the fact you are alive and growing is evidence enough. That alone gives you the privilege to love.
Based off of this card, Caleb will definitely have a more positive ending than I originally thought. I am excited for his main story update. Love conquers all! Omina vincit amor! Reborn again in each other's heart! In the hot springs of new life.
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Caleb and MC are warping space and time to be together... time dilation?
This secret was a seed buried in his heart. And over the years, it grew into winding vines that formed an invisible net. It bound him and made him want to bind her just as tightly.
Always knowing what will happen next, what his next move should be. Gravity, time, distance; the future he shapes is dedicated to her safety. He's always shaping her world as though he is some omnipresent being. It's why it's important for her to pull him in, he's always drifting further and further away.
THE EYEBROW PIERCING??? IT'S NEVER BEEN MORE SERIOUS...
That's big brother over there.. he tells you not to hang out with boys with piercings or tattoos, but comes home looking like this. The rules don't apply to him because he's your brother! Not just any man!
OH!!!! OH WOW OH WOW?! HER FINGER IN HIS NET TOWEL THING?!?!?! HIS R1 HAS HER LOVE BITES ALL OVER HIM?!?!?! RIGHT NEXT TO THE NIPPLE?!?!! ON HIS STOMACH!'?!!
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Very rushed thoughts but Caleb reading Sense and Sensibility makes so much sense to me, in fact, him reading Jane Austen in general is so wonderful to see. It suits him so well! This is an author who writes in great detail about love in societies and their traditions, which Caleb takes great care to know.
Yet, his two other books indulge in his dream to "rise above the clouds". While he technically shows interest in society his main goal is to be above it, to either gain power to be with his sister or to isolate himself from people to live in fantasy. I feel a lot of incestuous relationships in fiction rely heavily on the warping of reality, to morph it into something less taxing on the relationship so they can convince themselves what they're doing is in the name of love rather than codependency.
It reminds me a lot about the famous scene with Daniel Plainview and his supposed brother in There Will Be Blood, "I want to make enough money that I can get away from everyone..." He is relieved in this moment, hopeful that he found someone of his blood to share his afflictions with (how wrong he is!). But it reminds me a lot of Calebmc. Their inability to care about the people around them, this sense they are somehow born above the world which surrounds them.
It is not necessarily that they want to escape, but that they deserve a paradise which belongs only to them: entities wholly separate from mankind. Wayward angels or devils depending on your perspective of them.
Hi! I just saw your vent post and I just wanted to say- I love your fics, especially your longer fics! And your prose is my favorite thing about them! I just read Copper Canyons and I was so enamored with it that I didn't stop to eat (and missed dinner lol) I don't actually comment much because I'm really bad at properly showing my appreciation and putting my thoughts into words- but I have to say this! The way you write is so admirable to me because I'm really IN your stories. I can vividly see and feel what you want to convey, and that's actually something that's usually hard for me to manage! Reading Copper Canyons made me want to watch a western, and I'm so looking forward to the next chapter!
It really makes me sad to see that you think your prose is 'insufferable', because it's the farthest thing from that! Not even in the same ballpark! It's vibrant and it's unique, I can start reading your fics without seeing the author and immediately know that they were written by you, and that's a good thing! I read your other Caleb fics too, and I'll have to read them again to comment on them- but I can say that I really love the way you write Caleb and portray his relationship with MC. It's so true to him! It's clear that you put a lot of thought into your writing, and that you actually spend time in his head to get him right. He's really complex, so I know that's difficult to do!
So this is kind of a mess, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm a loyal and eager reader! I just read your fics on ao3 because I want to bookmark them, so I don't typically comment here!
But all of that is to say- thanks for writing and working so hard on your fics, I truly appreciate it! đ
Oh, you can't imagine how much this has lifted my spirits, thank you so much for this!! I'm overjoyed that my fics are able to immerse you, I hope you got to eat dinner haha. I'm so grateful to have you as a reader, I'm always so worried that I'm kind of just working to throw things into the endless void. And while I want to say I write for myself, I feel like that'd be a little dishonest. It's nice to hear from people from time to time!
Admittedly, the first chapter of Copper Canyons took me 4 months to write and edit which, in retrospect, is not a long time in comparison to other fics that may span for years. I feel like my writing has certainly improved and the best of myself is within Copper Canyons and actually in a little bit of A Still Life With Oranges.
I write what I want to read, but I do feel a bit guilty sometimes. Weirdly, I feel like if nobody enjoys what I'm putting outâI'm somehow inconveniencing readers? Logically this makes zero sense, but I can't shake the feeling and it takes me about an hour to convince myself to post...
All this to say, you've really reassured me. I'm aware that maybe there are people who do enjoy my stuff but just prefer to lurk, and I'm totally ok with that! I, myself, prefer to do that majority of the time. I guess I've just convinced myself that no one wants to read my fics given that ao3 doesn't have an algorithm and my works tend to preform pretty poorly.
But what I want is for my stuff to find its audience, and it seems it has! So, with newfound courage, I will tackle chapter 2 with all my peculiarities that make my writing unique. I hope to continue improving and I hope that I don't disappoint. I'm aware that this is all fanfiction so it's all for fun, but I really love writing as a craft and have a great respect for it. I want to do it justice and I want to do the characters justice, and so I've just put a lot of effort into giving them life. I don't know if I've succeeded according to my standards, but I'll continue to try my best!
Again, I just really appreciate this. More than you can ever know.
As thanks I'll tell you some of the works that have inspired me to write Copper Canyons! Butcher's Crossing by John Edward Williams, There Will Be Blood directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, and I'm currently reading All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy as well as "Brokeback Mountain" by Annie Proulx (I also plan on watching the movie at some point...)
You'll notice that maybe some of these aren't your traditional WesternâI tend to gravitate towards things that might be more posthumanist in nature. If you can describe it as that. Although, Butcher's Crossing is really a transcendentalist novel with heavy reference to Ralph Waldo Emerson's "transparent eyeball".
I hope you find a wonderful Western film! Happy reading and happy watching, I will forever be thankful for you and your comment here :)
I can't really look at my own writing objectively, I wonder if my fics have low readership because my prose is insufferable or because I write about things no one is interested in.
It's slightly discouraging that my longer fics get the least amount of traction when I get the most enjoyment writing them as opposed to my shorter ones... Also, I don't feel like writing straight up smut ever. I have to get invested in the feeling of it? It's almost like I have to convince myself as to why they're being intimate. Which... you don't really need in fanfiction given that they already have a well-established dynamic in the source material...
I don't know... I'm just... really particular, I guess?
I've been looking at Caleb and Gideon's relationship more for Chapter 2 of Copper Canyons, and I'm so intrigued by them. My personal obsession over Gideon is not because I think he has the potential to become a great man or some kind of superhuman being like Caleb, I think he's incredibly average. Maybe that sounds like an insult but I think it's a great quality to have in contrast to someone like Caleb.
The fact they coexisted for so long is almost bewildering:
I never thought the three of us would split up. Looking back now, the fact that he walked this far with us is the real surprise.
In Crease, Gideon reflects on his (and the DAA group by extension) relationship to Caleb. He spoke at length with Caleb about their future, their likely success in becoming flight instructors at the DAA and how their days may look like still being a tight-knit group. Obviously, that didn't happen.
After saying goodbye to that girl, he and Caleb fell into an unspoken silence while sitting on the Coelum Express back to Skyhaven. It's as if their previous friendliness and laughter in front of her had been an act of reassurance. Caleb still looked the same, yet he somehow felt like a stranger to Gideon.
I think this passage here explains everything about their relationship. It's almost as if their entire coexistence was solely hinged on the idea that Caleb could live a normal life. We know that the possibility of that is next to nothing and when Caleb officially returns from his year long absence being essentially tortured in a lab again and becoming Colonel of the fleet, he comes to accept that normalcy was never something he could achieve.
There is no reason to stay connected with people, to pretend to see the value in friendships, or to maintain the persona of the "golden boy". These originally helped Caleb seize the ability to be normal, to protect his family but now, as the Colonel, he has garnered far more power than he could as a top student of the DAA. He knows far more than he did before, he is fighting things that are far more dangerous than the decay of his family's image or their financial ruin.
Yet, despite his coldness to Gideon behind closed doors, he still acts like he cares in front of his sister. It's "reassurance" according to Gideon's personal interpretation. But reassurance for who? For MC? Replaying Painful Signal, it seems MC cares a great deal for Caleb and his death. Having grieved him, she understands the perspective of those at the DAA who continue to grieve for him. It's important to her that they carry out the natural proceedings of grief, meanwhile Caleb requests his locker be cleared out as to not upset anyone.
It is maybe because of the way MC wishes to protect the rituals of mourning that Caleb believes she has a great care for peopleânot just him. I wonder then, if he is so amiable with Gideon to seem "human"? He has, at this point, lost his agency and humanity and to pretend that his connections to humanity (Gideon) have never been cut gives him a power that only ever belonged to the him of the past: to be perceived as "normal".
That if he was like Gideon, someone who was never fated to be anything, he could choose to be everything in service to his sister. Caleb loves mentioning fate and his distaste for it. He wishes to change it, maybe even destroy it. Gideon is what Caleb could be if he just wasn't Caleb.
They used to joke about the future. And they imagined that if they both ended up as instructors at the Deepspace Aviation Administration, heading toward the same destination, they'd compete to see whose students could fly better and faster.
Caleb is to MC what Gideon is to Caleb. Something of the past, the hope of a future that has been completely destroyed.
Yeah, I've made peace with it.
Gideon says this to Patrick after finding out Caleb is, in fact, still alive. "...peace with it", he says like he has accepted Caleb's death despite just discovering he is not. The future with the Caleb he knew has died. Now, Caleb is truly alone. Unable to rely on the help of Gideon or his friends, his old life has completely dissolved and they have made their peace and moved on in their own way.
Caleb wishes to erase his existence from their lives as to not hinder them, what he fails to realize is they continue to visit his grave and keep his belongings in his locker because this is all they have of him. This is how they remember he is dead. It does not stop them from moving on, it is the reason why they can.
There are two lives: one Caleb occupies, and one where he does not. His absence gave way to a new life, and Gideon intends to live in that one.
We see Gideon again in Indulgent Scheme. He has to move his camera away from Caleb when Patrick calls and MC is visibly uncomfortable realizing his old life is creeping in. These worlds, these lives, are not meant to merge. Caleb knows that, it's why he was so adamant about disappearing. He knows that returning to his sister's life is incredibly risky, but he gives in after she sought him out.
Why then does Gideon invite Caleb and MC to gatherings? Why is he the exception to everybody else? How does Gideon feel about Caleb? Does he treat his old college friend as some kind of moving corpse?
Gideon refers to Caleb as a ghost the first time he sees him again in Painful Signal. I wonder how bizarre it feels to accept your friend has officially passed and has become something unrecognizable, and yet, continue to extend your hand out to them.
They pass each other and go their separate ways.
What do they mean to each other? Gideon, a tool to Caleb to seem human to his sister. Caleb, a ripple of the past that Gideon can't seem to fully get rid of. There's something profoundly romantic about it; their inability to shake off each other's presence, to still want each other while knowing their incredible distance.
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Chapter 1 of my Western AU!
Gideon x readerâCaleb x readerâCaleb x Gideon x reader
CW: pseudo-incest, sibling incest, explicit sexual content (more tags on AO3)
Word count - 18.4k
Your brother leaves you behind to become a cowboy, and as Gideon tries to piece you back together, you decide to go out into the great desert to hunt down the man who betrayed you. But first, you must remain in college with Gideon to prepare for the wild to come.
For @chocoramii!! Happy birthday :)
⸝
Your brother, bless his heart, left you to become a cowboy. Now, you're a good woman and you don't exactly know what being a cowboy truly entails, but neither does your brother. You both live a decent life, raised in church together, orphans from a house fire. You asked your brother once what exactly had happened to cause the fire, but all he had for an answer was a shaken look and lips that could not bring themselves to move. You decided then to never ask him of anything that he may not want to tell, this unfortunately meant you had no idea he would run off to become a rootin'-tootin' cowboy. A life of crime! Oh, and what would Mother say?
"That boy was always troubled," she said as she shook her head.
You follow in her steed and shake your head in the same ashamed manner. Lifting the cup of hot bitter coffee to your mouth, wincing a bit since it was from a freshly brewed pot. The grains scratch your tongue as you force yourself to swallow. "Yes, I believe so." You downplay your own disappointment and pretend to agree. The two of you had been admitted to a nice school, Mother agreed to pay for a room that you would both share, and he had thrown it all away. He had forced you to study for years for this chance, locked himself shut in the closet to read by candlelight memorizing the shape of machines.
I want to be an inventor. He made you aware of his dream. One night you find him, your arms spread wide pushing the wooden closet doors open after borrowing some garden shears to cut the chains he tied onto the handles.
You imprison yourself for such a simple dream? And you knew instantly by the twitch of his right eye and deepening frown, you had said the wrong thing.
You would apologize if it were not for the fact you were right, as you always are. Yet, crude sister you are, for not believing in your brother's dreams. It's not that you doubt him, no, quite the opposite. Rather, you are the spoiled one, simply wanting time with him all for yourself. You wanted to pester him in the dim light and ask him questions until you found one he could not answerânon-personal questions. For when it came to matters of the soul and the geometry of his heart, he always made himself obscure. A maze to journey through and you, as the little sister, are thoroughly impatient. Fire in your bosom, burning with this heat to run.
But you are a woman before you are a sister, not to him, but to the world. So, you won't run wildânot like him. You follow in the footsteps of Mother, playing the perfect widow, dabbing your eyes with a handkerchief as she is. Pretending you couldn't fathom why one would run away from a perfectly set life. Discovery is a matter for men unlike your brother who is sensitive and kind; he who would dab your eyes, just like you're doing now, and harness this melodic voice that'd move you to stay still and silent.
No need to cry, I'm here, I'm here. Like a mother caressing her child, loving words stitched together, naturally coming to her in motherhood. How funny it is that this mother you imagine is, in fact, your dear brother who had just abandoned you! Wicked bastard! These tears are not false, but they are not somber things, they are filled with a palpable rage. You too wanted to run, but instead of inviting you with him, he had went off on his own. Stolen white stallion, "Lookfar!" they called out for the horse. Alas, he was gone with your brother who showed no signs of flying off on his own until now. Always, he and youâattached at the hipâyour voices intertwined and there was never a time where your laughter would not follow his.